


Two Too Cool Assholes Share A Body

by TheInevitableSense



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst?, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Bodysharing, Canon-Typical Violence, Dehumanization, F/F, Gen, Headcanon, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Multiple Eldritch Horrors, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Seriously there's like three, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, This isn't even really a shipfic, Vomiting, fluff?, humor?, why wasn't that one of the first tags?, wow I'm dumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 58
Words: 144,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5378387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInevitableSense/pseuds/TheInevitableSense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which mistakes are made that can't be taken back. Mistakes that land Sans and Mettaton in another reality. One where they are share the same body. Whoops. </p><p>Surrounded by friends that don't remember they even existed as separate entities, can our heroes find a way back to normal? </p><p>More importantly, can they survive each other until then?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [sans] or If The Bone Zone Is Closed, It's Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> At what point do I stop and take stock of myself and ask what I'm doing with my life?

    The first thing Sans noticed when he got home was the silence. The entire house was still. Not even his pet rock made a sound. Sans’ thoughts turned to his brother Papyrus. There was no way the house was stone silent if he was home, and he normally was this time of day. Shrugging it off, Sans took off his slippers and tucked them by the door.

    The second thing Sans noticed was the television. It was facedown, shattered on the floor, and a single, solitary bone sticking out the back of the casing. The large flatscreen was a mess of glass and plastic, glittering LED bulbs dotting the carpet. Sans re-slippered his feet. Despite the fact he had no skin, he didn’t really want translucent glass shards stuck in his bones. [Pulling them out would clearly hurt].

    [*Ba dum tish*]

    Making a mental note to use that one on his brother when he got home, Sans made for the kitchen. It wasn’t his best work, but that just made it more likely that he’d get a big reaction.

    Sans lived for Pap’s big reactions.

    Sliding into the kitchen, Sans made for the fridge, pulled out a bottle of ketchup, and started draining it dry. Turning around, he saw it. Spaghetti. Just sitting there. Cold. On the counter. Surrounded by scraps of [colorful, expensive] paper. No Papyrus to hype up it’s inevitably gag-inducing taste.

    Sans lived for Pap’s spaghetti.

    Pap lived for Pap’s spaghetti.

    Something was wrong.

    Leaving the kitchen, Sans saw it. Papyrus’ door was cracked open. The light was spilling into the upstairs hallway. Sans put the ketchup on the counter and carefully made his way up the stairs. He peeked into Papyrus’ room. His brother was curled up on his bed, back to the door. Sans had completely missed him. Which was shocking. Sans hadn’t expected to have to look for Papyrus, Sans never had before. Papyrus was a walking foghorn, shouting his current location to all of the Underground. Sans stuck his hands in his pockets, and sauntered over to the bed as casually as he could.

    “hey pap, sup?” Sans said, keeping the worry out of his voice. Immediately, Papyrus spun his head around. Upon seeing his brother, Papyrus sat up and forward as fast as his battle body would let him [Sans thought he saw Papyrus swipe at his eyes during the transition].

    “‘SUP BROTHER! WELCOME HOME! I WAS JUST NAPPING!” Pap didn’t really yell at Sans, but talked really, really loud. Papyrus smiled, the kind of smile that was really, really, wide but not quite wide enough to reach his eye sockets. Sans was very familiar with that type of smile, but it was normally on his own face. Not Pap’s.

   

    Never Pap’s.

    “oh. sorry if i woke you. my bed.” Sans himself winced at that one. But he was desperate.

    “IT’S NO PROBLEM SANS!!!!!!!!! I WANTED TO WAKE UP ANYWAYS!” Despite Papyrus’ smile, Sans felt his heart sink a bit further.

    “well, that’s good. so, uh, do you have any idea what happened to the tv?” Sans asked his brother, not even bothering to glance back at the wreckage. Papyrus looked around Sans.

    “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TV?” Papyrus muttered to himself [much too loudly to actually be a mutter]. When Papyrus looked back up at Sans, Sans could see the lie painted on his brother’s face. “I DO NOT KNOW BROTHER! I WAS ASLEEP ALL DAY! AS SUCH, I CANNOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TV!!!!!! NYEH HEH Heh…” Pap trailed off.

    “well, can’t argue with that logic.” Sans plopped himself down on the bed next to Papyrus. Watching his brother out of the corner of his eye, Sans tried to look as disinterested as possible. “there’s spaghetti in the kitchen.”

    “THERE IS ALWAYS SPAGHETTI IN THE KITCHEN OF MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS!”

    “‘course. it’s gone cold, though. did you want to add it to the food museum?”

    Papyrus hesitated for a second. “NO. I DO NOT THINK SO.”

    “do you want me to heat it up for dinner?”

   

    “NO.”

    [a one word answer? not good.] “well, whatdya want to do with it?” Sans saw Papyrus’ gears spinning in his head.

    “WELL. I WAS THINKING....I COULD USE IT AS A TRAP! FOR HUMANS! PUT IT OUTSIDE TO ENTICE THEM! NO ONE CAN RESIST PAPYRUS’ SPAGHETTI! NYEH HEH HEH!!!”

    “good idea pap. but, uh, won’t the spaghetti be cold outside?” [What in the good name of ASGORE is wrong].

    “WELL, THE HUMAN CAN… USE OUR MICROWAVE TO HEAT IT UP!”

    “won’t that mean they have to get to our house to eat the spaghetti?”   

    “WE CAN PUT THE MICROWAVE OUTSIDE BY THE SPAGHETTI!”

    “genius pap.”

    “AREN’T I?”

    Sans looked at his brother, racking his mind for something that could ruin even spaghetti for Papyrus. Had Undyne kicked him out of training? Had a human came through and Pap had missed them? Had their pet rock died? The TV, broken on the floor stuck out in his mind as somehow important. Cold spaghetti. A silent Papyrus. Broken TV, cold spaghetti, silent Papyrus. Broken TV, cold spaghetti, silent Papyrus. Broken TV, cold spaghetti-

    Cold spaghetti with [wrapping] paper around it. The Tv had been [magically] destroyed, not just broken. Papyrus was sitting alone, silent [crying], in his house. What day was it? Sans glanced at his phone. August 12th. It finally clicked in Sans’ mind.

    [the anniversary…]

    [that goddamn robot.]

    [what did that piece of shit do?]

    “did he forget?” Sans asked aloud. and Papyrus jumped.

    “DID WHO FORGET WHAT?”

    “mettaton. did he forget about today?”

    “NO! HE WOULD NEVER FORGET ABOUT OUR DAY!” Papyrus said, and Sans thought it was the truth. “HE-” Papyrus hesitated

    “he what, papyrus?”

    “HE- HE-” Papyrus finally broke. Tears started welling up in his eyes as he spoke. “HE TOLD ME THAT I WAS UPSTAGING HIM.”

    “what?”

    “HE SAID THAT I WAS GETTING TOO POPULAR AND PEOPLE LIKED ME MORE THAN HIM AND HE COULDN’T HAVE THAT BECAUSE HE WAS THE STAR AND I WAS JUST THE PLUCKY ROMANTIC INTEREST AND-”

    Sans wasn’t really listening anymore. The sight of his brother rambling through tears over such a selfish, shallow asshole was sending him over the edge. He felt anger building up inside him, the kind of anger he hadn’t felt since Mettaton had lied to him about that dinner date or when Mettaton stood Pap up that one time or when Mettaton first asked Pap out or-

    Papyrus was balling now, words dissolving into sobs. Sans snapped out of his self-righteous anger. Reaching over, he enveloped Pap in a hug, or as much as he could with his short arms. Papyrus threw his arms around Sans and cried into Sans’ shoulder. The two of them stayed like that for who knows how long, Sans listening to his brother crying from where he was pressed against Papyrus’ ribcage.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The last time Mettaton had pissed him off this anywhere near this bad, Sans had waited until Papyrus fell asleep, then took a shortcut to Mettaton’s front door. Sans had gathered all 1 dmg he could do and Gaster Blasted in the door. It had exploded inward with such force it knocked over the golden Mettaton statue that had stood in the foyer and left a mark on the front of the mansion.

   

    Sans had found the sack of shit hiding behind a couch, trying to call the Royal Guard and the closest camera crew simultaneously. Looking back, this was probably before Alphys had installed all those weapons. This was probably the incident that incited the decision to add that equipment. Despite lacking any self-defense, Mettaton had taken one look at his intruder and immediately relaxed.

   

    “Oh. It’s just you.” Turning back to his phone [that was built inside his head, so he didn’t even have to look away from Sans, but whatever], Mettaton had said “Nevermind. I don’t need anything. It won’t even be interesting.”

    Sans had immediately lifted the robot off his ass and flung him against the nearest wall, right eye blazing blue and yellow. Mettaton slammed, back first, into a painting of himself.

    “Hey, watch the titanium Darling~.” Mettaton had said. “You so much as scratch me, you’ll have a legion of angry monsters on you.”

    “well, you’ve got the equivalent on you right now.” Sans had then spent the better part of two hours wrecking Mettaton’s house with Mettaton himself as a sledgehammer. Once Sans’ felt his magic start to run empty, he lowered the battered metal shell to the floor, quite forcefully, leaned over and put his perpetual grin right in Mettaton’s face.

    “I swear to ASGORE HIMSELF, if you so much as think about breaking a promise to Papyrus again, I will stop holding back.”

    Mettaton had never stood Papyrus up again. He had never even been late once. Papyrus had even told him once that Mettaton had canceled an event to make it to a dinner date one time.

    This time though, Papyrus had tired himself long before nighttime. So, when Sans left the house, it was still afternoon. That meant Mettaton was likely still filming or doing something live. Thanks to a very convenient shortcut, Sans took one step outside then the next step in a live-studio airing of As the World Turns Around Mettaton. The lead [and at this point, only actor on the show] was played out by Mettaton. Currently, Mettaton was confronting Mettatonette about the triplet goat babies [all named Mettatonitos, all three were also played by him] she had had with Mettatony. Or some shit. Sans didn’t care.

    Instead, he reached into his pocket, opened the tupperware container he held, reached in, wound up, and threw the cold spaghetti as hard as he could at Mettaton.

    It flew in a glorious arch across the stage, sailing through the air like perfectly made spaghetti is bound to do. A few cameramen and members of the stage audience saw it coming from offstage right, but it was traveling much too fast for anyone to do anything about it. Mettaton, however, did not notice the flying pasta coming at him with the speed of Snowdrake flying away from Jerry. In a wonderful moment of fate, Mettaton turned his head at just the last second, and caught the most fleeting glimpse of his tomato destiny before being blinded by seven different herbs and spices.

    It landed, bullseye into Mettaton’s face. The spaghetti made the most satisfying squish when it made contact, cutting off Mettaton’s monologue mid-sentence, causing static noises as marinara sauce found its way into Mettaton’s voice processor. He sputtered and coughed as he tried to clear out the speaker in his throat. He pulled the spaghetti off his face and looked in the direction it had come from.

    Sans simply stood there, grin plastered on his face like always, and stared at the flabbergasted robot. Sans watched in glee as Mettaton’s face turned from one of confusion to one of fear. Sans just winked at him, feeling his pupils shrink into his skull.

    Despite his newfound terror, Mettaton managed to turn to the camera and announce [in the narrator’s voice, which he also did for the show] that the mystery of the spaghetti attack would be answered in next week’s episode. The outro song began to play [thanks to some poor tech worker in some booth somewhere], and the crew began rushing the stage. A Woshua stumbled up to Mettaton and offered to clean off the spaghetti for him, but Mettaton was already shaking his head and heading for the backdoor.

    Sans waited until he left the building before taking a shortcut to the door. He let Mettaton hear him open the door and follow outside. Mettaton glanced behind him and apparently immediately regretted that decision, if the look on his face was any clue. The robot began picking up the pace and Sans let him get some distance away before shortcutting right up behind him again. Mettaton heard the crunch of snow behind him and began running as fast as his legs would allow. Sans’ shortcuts always brought him right behind the fleeing coward.

    “HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SO FAST?” Mettaton yelled back at him. Sans didn’t reply. Mettaton lead Sans around Hotland, desperately trying to lose the vengeful skeleton. Sans was always right there, no matter what Mettaton tried. The steam vent puzzle didn’t even slow him down. Mettaton called Alphys and yelled until she brought up the all the security lasers around the place. Sans took another shortcut. Sans even heard him call Undyne, begging for help.

    Sans heard Undyne laugh so loud in is face that he heard it despite the phone being buried in Mettaton. Sans had called her before leaving his house in Snowdin. It hadn't been hard to convince her to let him beat the snot out of the scumbag. It had been difficult to convince her to stay at home and let Sans deal with it.

    Out of allies that could even theoretically help him, Mettaton ran in a circle around his own resort, trying to think of something to do. Sans just kept appearing behind him. Then, Mettaton got an idea, judging by the way he swerved out of his fourth circle and made the hardest right turn Sans had ever seen anyone make. When Sans got to where Mettaton had turned off his circular path, he saw where the robot intended to go.

    The Core.

    Sans watched Mettaton sprint into across the bridge and into the entryway of The Core. Blue light reflecting off the walls onto his face, Mettaton turned his head and stuck out his tongue. He probably figured he was safe. Everyone knew The Core was a veritable labyrinth.

    To bad for Mettaton. Guess he didn’t know Sans had helped design the thing in younger days.

    Sans smiled [swallowing the latent fear about the place in his gut] as he followed the robot, counting the steps until the bastard’s demise.


	2. {Mettaton} or In Hindsight, The Core was Probably Not the Best Place for a Death Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton leads Sans into The Core for the aforementioned Death Match.

    Mettaton had made a mistake. From the moment he had seen that grin, that fucking eternal grin, Mettaton knew that it was possibly the worst mistake he had made in his entire life.

 

    The mistake hadn't been breaking it off with Papyrus, no, Mettaton was almost sure that had been the right thing to do {he'd spent most of the day walking around with a pit in his stomach he had adamantly refused to label as “regret” or “guilt”}. His mistake had been not telling Sans what he was going to do beforehand.

 

     Or at least, what he had intended to do. Last night, he had an eloquent speech prepared, one much closer to the truth than the garbage that had spilled out of his mouth this morning. It had been something about the excited expression and present in Papyrus’ hands that had sent his mind reeling for the words he had so carefully written. Somewhere between the “My darlings” and coos {hiding the pain Mettaton swore wasn't there} Mettaton had been much harsher than he had planned. Once he had set himself down that path, he couldn't retract the words that had wiped the {beautiful} eternal smile off Papyrus’ face. Then something horrible happened.

 

    Papyrus had forgiven him.

 

    The smile {the memory of it had stuck in Mettaton’s mind all day} came back, words of understanding {that Mettaton didn't deserve} came pouring out of it and Papyrus {his Babybones} had left with a little jig, clutching the package with one had.

 

    Now, desperately running in circles around his own resort hotel {he was too scared to stop moving for even a second}, Mettaton cursed himself. To think Papyrus was really okay had been foolish. To think Sans would just let it go? ASGORE, why had he been so stupid.

 

    The blue light of The Core caught Mettaton’s eye on his third pass. There. Mettaton had spent more than enough time in that thing practicing monologues and filming fight sequences that he could easily lose the demon skeleton chasing him. He just hoped The Core would be in a configuration Mettaton knew well.

 

    The fourth go around, Mettaton made a sharp right turn and sprinted across the bridge that lead to The Core. He reached the entrance and turned around. Sans was staring at him from across the way. Mettaton, uncomfortable upon seeing the smile on Sans’ face, began searching his memory banks for any reason Sans might gain the upper hand in The Core.

 

    Mettaton search results came up empty, but...Alphys had once mentioned that neither her or Sans liked The Core much. She wouldn’t say why but tried to demand, demand!, that Mettaton stay away from the place. It hadn't done much to stop him in the end, but now! Now he had sanctuary from Sans.

 

    Feeling confident for the first time since Papyrus had shown up this morning, Mettaton acted on impulse and habit by sticking out his tongue at Sans.

 

    Sans started walking up the bridge.

 

    {Maybe he didn’t have santuary}

 

    Mettaton turned on a dime and started moving through The Core. Within a few turns, however, Mettaton realised this layout of The Core didn’t match any of his mental maps he had stored. He began to slow down, trying to be careful where he stepped.He didn’t feel like plummeting into the glowing abyss that surrounded the walkways today.

 

                    *a cameraman with rabbit ears, setting up by the corner of a particularly thin rail.

 

                    *a stray rocket used in the stunt

 

                    *rabbit ears disappearing off the edge

 

    Mettaton realized he had stopped moving, and was simply staring down into the abyss. The static images in his head dissipating as he tried to hold onto them. Was something in here messing with his memory banks? He was sure that he had never seen the crew member before {he could barely remember what they had looked like now}, yet…

 

    The images were gone a soon as they had come and Mettaton’s ever-logical thought processor turned back to the problem at hand. There was a nagging sensation as part of him wanted to stay, see if there were more images {memories?} that would rise from The Core. He dispelled it. He had to keep moving, he would have time later {hopefully}.

 

    Mettaton turned around to re-orient himself, and immediately made eye-contact with Sans. The skeleton stood with his hands in his pockets, not even a pinprick of light in his eyes.

 

    “get distracted by glowy things, do we?” Sans asked, mockery in his voice. Mettaton glanced to the right, a pathway opened to him. If he just moved fast enough…

 

     Sans must have seen the shift in gaze {Sans sees everything}, because he brought his hand out of his pocket and held it out in Mettaton’s direction. Mettaton immediately felt gravity get heavier on his SOUL. But he still stood. Despite the heels, Mettaton had strong leg bracing {he had begged Alphys to install them after the incident} and managed to stay upright.

 

    Then, he was lifted off his feet and slammed into the left wall with more force than he thought Sans capable of. Immediately after, he was put face-first into the ground. Mettaton began to fight against the magic gravity on him, pushing himself up with his arm. He caught a glimpse of the glow-

 

                   *screams

 

                   *arms- his?- reaching over to help someone he couldn’t see anymore

 

    -and felt himself hit the ceiling and get pushed back down to the floor.

 

    “you really do like the glow, don’tcha?” Mettaton was still reeling from the images in his head when he hit the back wall. There was enormous pressure in his chest from where Sans’ magic was pinning him to the wall. The bottom of his peripheral vision told him he was pinned above nothing but glow. Sans, still holding out his arm towards him, approached Mettaton, still {FUCKING} smiling. Mettaton brought his weaponry online for the first time. Despite the strength of the magic on his SOUL, he managed to lift his arms and hold his palms out towards Sans. The miniature bomb launchers inside them were primed and ready.

 

    “Don’t make me do this, Sans. You’ve only got one HP. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

    “funny. ‘cuz i really want to hurt you.”

 

    Mettaton felt the grip of the magic start to loosen. Shutting his eyes, he prayed that somehow, Papyrus might be able to forgive him for this too.

 

    Mettaton released his attack.

 

    He opened his eyes at the last moment, just to see the attack land. He needed to time this right, to jump off the wall to safety when Sans became dust {because of his own fault, not yours Mettaton}.

 

    But instead of watching Sans disappear in a burst of light and energy, he watched as Sans simply sidestepped.

 

    “You’re not supposed to- You cheated!”

 

    “i’m supposed to just let you kill me? no. pap needs me. because of you.”

 

    Sans’ magic released for good this time, and Mettaton felt panic flood through him as he started sliding down the wall. It was only because his arms were already outstretched and was expecting it that he managed to grab onto the handrail in front of him. He slammed into the railing and hung there, struggling to pull himself up. The abyss beneath him seemed to pull on him as he dangled. Sans’ face appeared over the railing, peering down at him. Without saying anything, he simply put his hands on Mettaton’s left hand and peeled the robotic fingers from the railing.

 

    Once Sans had Mettaton’s hand off, he flung it down and away from the railing. Reaching over to the right hand, Sans began to, e v e r  s o  s l o w l y, lift each individual finger from the railing. Mettaton strained to pull his other hand back up, but the abyss pulled on him stronger than ever.

 

    Just as Sans started working on the last two fingers, Mettaton managed to raise his left arm. Seeing Mettaton’s resurgence, Sans lifted the right hand off in one quick move. Not fast enough as Mettaton managed to grab onto Sans’ wrist at the last moment.

 

    The thing about Sans that Mettaton hadn’t been expecting was his weight. Sans was a skeleton. Nothing but bone and clothing. Sans wasn’t a very big skeleton either. Short, stocky yes, but a small skeleton nonetheless. Sans hadn’t expected the sudden weight on his body, and was unprepared to brace himself against natural gravity and physics. Sans didn’t weigh enough to not have to brace.

 

    San popped right off his feet and toppled over the railing.

 

    The two of them fell through the air, Mettaton latched onto Sans’ wrist as Sans reached up for the rail in vain. The catwalk rose away from them at dizzying speed. The world around them began to get lighter and lighter until both were blinded by The Core around them. Mettaton thought he heard one of them scream.

 

    In the moment before The Core consumed them, both thought of [Papyrus] {Papyrus}.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a very juvenile joke that makes me giggle that can be made by changing a letter in "Sans popped off his feet..."
> 
> Just thought I'd point that out
> 
> ALSO! Updates will normally be much slower than everyday. I just wanted to get this up. K? k.


	3. {Wake up] or, Maybe Waking Up On Someone Else's Kitchen Table Isn't Always A Bad Thing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our hero(s) are born(wake up).

BOOT SYSTEM “MTTSNS”

MEMORY BANKS TEST. . . . ONLINE

               NERVE FUNCTION CONNECTION TEST. . . . ONLINE

SENSORY SIMULATION TEST. . . . ONLINE

               RIGHT ARM ONLINE

               LEFT ARM ONLINE

               RIGHT LEG ONLINE

               LEFT LEG ONLINE

VOCAL PROCESSOR ONLINE

SEARCHING FOR SOUL. . . . . .

               SOUL LOCATED

               WAKE UP Y/N?

{y}

               WAKE UP. GOOD MORNING “MTTSNS”

               The familiar blue screen of systems check disappeared as Mettaton came back to his senses. Opening his eyes, the familiar whirr of his visual processor sounded from inside his head. At first, Mettaton was confused as to why his bedroom ceiling looked so dilapidated. And why his bed was so hard. And why he heard shuffling from beside him.

               [huh? where am I?]

               Sans’ voice, groggy and weak, sounded in Mettaton’s skull. It seemed his audio processors weren’t completely up yet.

               “Uh, um. Did-did it work?” The nasally voice of Alphys came from beside Mettaton’s head. He tried to turn his head to look at her, but somehow couldn’t get his body to respond. Instead, the yellow dinosaur’s face popped into Mettaton’s view. Alphys peered down at him from behind her thick glasses.

               [alphys?]

               “Uh, the program on my-my laptop says you should be up and wo-working. Did I p-program something wrong?” Alphys reached one claw up to touch Mettaton’s face. The gentle clink of claw on metal resonated through Mettaton’s body.

               [what happened?]

               {I don’t know}

               [mettaton?]

               Mettaton searched his memory….

               {The Core.}

               [what? what about-oh. The Core.]

               [oh god we fell in]

               “Are-are you there?” Alphys asked, worry causing a sweat to break out on her face.

               [yes alphys i'm here what did you do?]

               “I-i’ll go check the-the-” Alphys disappeared and Mettaton heard her scuffle off, muttering and stuttering to herself.

               [alphys what happened? did you catch us somehow?]

               Sans yelled after her but she didn’t reply. Mettaton finally got his head to work and he turned to the side.

               {What are we doing back here?}

               [what do you mean? where are we?]

               This wasn’t Mettaton’s place. Nor was it Alphys’. This wasn’t the lab, not the one in Hotland. This was the old lab. The lab Alphys had built out of her living room and kitchen in the worn-down condo in the city. The lab Alphys had first built his body in. The place his new life had started.

               [you were built here?]

               Mettaton hadn’t realized he had spoken aloud. He was about to answer Sans’ question when the skeleton started rambling.

               [we fell in the core and ended up in a new home condo? what did that mean? did we time travel? did we jump timelines? maybe alphys managed to rescue us. oh god let that be the case. please, i don’t want to have fallen in.]

               The skeleton continued in an unbroken stream of words. Mettaton couldn’t understand what he was talking about. Mostly, he was surprised Sans was even talking this much. He just kept going and going on about...whatever it was. Mettaton went to ask what Sans was talking about when Alphys re-entered.

               “I-I think i fixed it, but- oh! You-you moved!” Alphys rushed over to Mettaton as fast as her legs could carry her.

               [alphys please tell me what happened]

               Alphys ignored San’s plea, just poking and prodding at various parts of Mettaton’s body trying to get a physical response.

               [oh god she can’t hear me. does she even know i’m here? did i disappear? oh god no please god no no no no no no i can’t be like gaster no]

               {What are you talking about? Who’s Gaster?}

               Sans stopped instantly stopped talking.

               {Sans?}

               [you heard that?]

               {Yeah, you’re just rambling nonsense out loud}

               [...out loud? i wasn’t talking out loud]

               “S-still no reaction. W-what’s still wrong?” Alphys said. Mettaton tried to lift his head, managed to get an inch of lift, then let his head fall against whatever he was resting on. The metal sound told him it was the observation table that had been made out of Alphys’ dining room table.

               “Oh! That-that was something! Maybe the first boot up just takes, takes a bit of time…” Alphys trailed off.

               [can you get up? you need to get to a mirror.]

               {Maybe. My body’s acting weird. Why do I need a mirror? Well, besides the obvious reason of admiring myself…}

               [shut up and stand up]

               Mettaton began to try and sit up. At first, it felt as if Sans himself was sitting on his chest. Then, after a moment, the weight disappeared {shifted?} and Mettaton sprang into an upright position. Alphys, who had been going to climb up the table for more poke tests, stumbled backwards in shock and fell off the chair she had been on with a small ‘yeep!’.

               Mettaton slid his legs off the table {had they always been that thick?} and pushed himself up to a standing position. Knowing that Alphys had a mirror just to the left, by the front door, Mettaton took a step in that direction. When he tried to take the second step, his leg wouldn’t move. The phantom weight was back, centered around his foot.

               “U-um. Maybe you shouldn’t be- be up and moving… uh…” Alphys said, righting herself and peering at him over the table.

               The weight moved again and settled around his left arm. Well, at least his foot was free. He tried to move it again and discovered his balance was all off. He wobbled on two feet, feeling much more top-heavy than he normally was. The weight on his arm wasn’t helping matters.

               [sorry]

               The weight shifted more center and Mettaton found his feet again.

               “S-see! You’re not… not properly calibrated…” Alphys trailed off as she watched him stumble, step by step, to the mirror in her hallway. Mettaton had to look down at his feet {why am I wearing sneakers and knee high socks?}  to position himself properly before the mirror and lean slightly on the wall to stay balanced. When he did look up-

               {holy shit}

               [fuck]

               Mettaton was not Mettaton anymore. He was slightly shorter than he had been, for one. He was also much stockier. He had less of an hourglass figure and more of a wineglass figure, minus the stem. His face was circular, framed by very short, wavy white hair. Despite his shock, a smile {Sans’ smile} seemed permanently affixed to his face and he was missing his left eye. He was already outfitted in a white crewneck, blue hoodie, and a pair of skin/metal tight shorts with a white stripe down the side.

               {Is that- is that me??}

               Mettaton felt like screaming.

               [i think it’s us, buddy]

               {US?}

               “Um-do you like it?” Alphys was behind him. “I-i tried to stay true to the sketches we made.”

               [yeah, us.]

               {WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN, “US?”}

               [i think, i think we’re in the same body.]

               “Mettasans? Are-are you okay?” Alphys asked. “If-if you’re worried about the eye, I, um, was going to add the cosmetic glass but, but you got here early. I can still do that, uh, add the eye for you. It should work, even without the, uh, the glass.”

               [oh, shit. i got that]

               The missing left eye flared up with blue and yellow flame to Mettaton’s surprise.

               “Oh! That was...sure some convenient timing.

               {Did… did you do that Sans?}

               [yeah. like i said. same body]

               “So, uh, do you want the eye glass or not?” 

               Mettaton tried to work his voice, but nothing came but a slight twitch of the smile in the mirror.

               “I-is your voice not working? I can, uh, check the code if you let me.”

               [whoops. my bad. i think i’m sitting on your voice processor.]

               The weight {Sans?} shifted from Mettaton’s throat and into his chest. Immediately, the words he had been trying to say jumped to the front of his mouth.

               “no, actually I love it! Thank you for offering, but no thanks darling~.” Not Mettaton’s voice said. It was much too deep to be his voice. The smile twitched as the voice came out.

               {Those weren’t the words I was trying to say}

               [did i say ‘sitting on?’ i meant ‘using’]

               {You said that?}

               [i added ‘darling’ for you]

               {You used my body to talk?}

               [not your body. ours.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. I got a sick day and managed to finish this up.
> 
> tbh I kind of like this chapter.
> 
> Also, I kind of like the idea of a Monday/Thursday upload thing? Let's see how that works out.
> 
> I still don't understand how this site's text input works.
> 
> edit: WHY ARE CHAPTER ONE'S NOTES HERE FOR ME? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!


	4. {Mettasans] or Sans Becomes The Ultimate Troll And Mettaton Becomes The Ultimate Victim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Mettaton get used to sharing a body. Physically at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two POV's in the same chapter? What is this madness?

 

Alphys had insisted on extra tests just to make sure everything was up and running correctly. Mettaton could have told her that everything was fine, if Sans would move from the voice processor.

[i don’t really feel like moving.]

{Sans…} Mettaton was getting frustrated with the skeleton that was somehow able to control his bodily functions.

[maybe i’ll take a nap here]

{Sans!}

[or maybe…]

Mettaton felt Sans leave his voice processor, but before Mettaton got a chance to use it, his legs shot out from under him.

[heh. get dunked on]

Mettaton glared up at the ceiling as Alphys rushed over to see what had happened.

“it’s no problem. Just lost my balance. i’ll be fine!”

Sans was back on the voice processor. Mettaton stood back up, laboriously fighting to keep his balance. This body was all wrong. Much too… top heavy.

[calling me fat bro?]

[‘cuz that’s not real big of you]

{How are you cracking jokes at a time like this?}

[i dunno. i’m having pun over here.]

[oh, wait. i have an idea]

Mettaton felt Sans lift up his right arm, but couldn’t do anything from stopping Sans from slapping him in the face.

{SANS!}

[what? i want to know if you feel pain.]

{Well, you have your answer.}

[actually, i didn’t feel that.]

 [hold on. let me at the face]

{What?}

[let me at the face.]

{How am I supposed to just ‘let you at the face?’}

[relinquish control of the face. give me the face]

Mettaton wasn’t exactly sure how to do what Sans wanted. So, when Sans started forcing his consciousness into the facial area, Mettaton hesitantly got out of his way. He...disconnected. He felt himelf float away from his own face. It was an odd feeling, to be in your body but not in control of it. Mettaton could still see out his eyes, but the vision was muted, the colors faded. He only barely felt the second slap. He didn’t even notice when Sans hit himself a third time.

[huh. guess you do. okay. you can have the face back]

Mettaton had just settled back into his face when Sans lifted the arm and hit him again.

[just testing to see if i was disconnected]

{Yeah, sure.} Mettaton brought his other arm up to nurse the cheek that stung, badly.

Alphys was staring at him with wide eyes. It looked like she wanted to ask him why he had slapped himself in the face four times in a row, but decided there were some things about her creation she didn’t need to know about.

“Oh, okay then. Uh. You’ve been up for a while. How’s- how’s your battery?”

“a little low, thanks for asking Alphys Darling~”

{Don’t call Alphys ‘Darling’.}

[What?]

{Don’t do it.}

“is there a way to fix this little inconvenience, Alphys Darling~?”

“Oh, yeah. I suppose it would be good if, if I told you how not to die.” She turned and started to rummage through her desk.

{...}

[what?]

When Alphys turned back around, she held a long black cable in her claws. Mettaton recognized it immediately.

“This is, uh, a charging cable. You just plug it into a wall and yourself and, uh, you’ll, recharge.” Alphys handed Mettaton the cord, then watched as he fumbled with it, trying to get his fingers to move and hold the damn thing. “It, uh, goes in the back of your neck, at the base of your, your head.” She held up a hand on her own neck where it would be. “If you need to charge now, we can, um, f-finish calibration later.”

“No, it’s okay. i’ve got most of my battery left.”

“That’s-that’s good. I tried to fit in the largest battery I could, but, um, they were all too expensive. Maybe if Asgore likes you, I could convince him to get you a bigger one?”

“Asgore?”

“Yeah! Now that you’re awake and functioning I’ll try and set up a meeting with him! I didn’t really want to set a time before I knew it was going to work. I mean, imagine showing up to the king of monsters having promised a robot with a SOUL and not having...it…” Alphys was getting worked up and sweaty just considering the situation.

[mettaton?]

{Yes?}

[...do you have a SOUL, or is she talking about me?]

{...Yes, I have a SOUL.}

[really?]

{Yes, really.}

Mettaton was a little shocked Sans hadn’t known that about him, Sans normally knew everything.

[you overestimate me. i’m just a skeleton.]

Alphys was interrupted in her ramblings by a knock at the door. She jumped at the sound and said “Oh, no. Uh, Mettasans, um, hide somewhere, maybe? I don’t want you to be seen yet.”

[do as she says]

{Where does one hide a body as big as this?}

[quick. behind that conveniently shaped prototype body.]

Mettaton ducked behind the empty shell of one of Alphys’ previous attempts to build a functioning body. Peering around the arm, Mettaton watched a Alphys opened the door and began talking to the young alligator and cat that stood there.

[while she’s busy, listen up.]

[okay, i'm not exactly sure how we ended up back in time and fused together, but i’ve got an educated guess]

[it was falling into The Core that did it, i’m convinced of that part]

{The Core? How would that-}

[i said listen.]

[Look, The Core is an extremely unstable, nearly infinite power source.]

[it can probably do some shit we can’t even imagine.]

[it’s done things like this before, too.]

[the guy who invented the thing was a guy by the name of W. D. Gaster.]

{You mentioned that name earlier}

[shut up.]

[he fell into The Core, like we did.]

[but he fell alone.]

[and, as far as i’m aware, he disappeared.]

[and i don’t mean, the ‘no one ever saw him again’ type of disappeared.]

[i mean the ‘no one even remembers that he existed’ type of disappeared.]

[so, Gaster disappeared, but we got transported in time and fused together.]

[i don’t know what’s happened in this timeline and i know you have got no idea what i’m talking about.]

[which is why i haven’t let you speak yet.]

[too risky until we get more information.]

[you get it?]

{...No.}

{But I think we’ll have quite a lot of time for you to explain it to me.}

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alphys blew off her friends and every other call she got over the next two weeks. She spent the time with Mettasans instead. She was glued to her laptop as she ran diagnostic after diagnostic trying to find anything that could fuck up in front of the king. She spent time working with the chunky robot trying to get his balance right.

She watched his SOUL, looking for any sign it was coming off the robotic body. She ran test after test on it making sure is behaved like it had before she had uploaded it into the body. Every time Mettasans’ body jerked and shuddered like he wasn’t in control she had flashes of fear that his SOUL was coming unglued.

She worried about his memory banks. Ever since he woke up, he had been slipping questions in conversations that concerned her. Questions he should know the answers to. But she answered them truthfully, voicing concerns about the lack of memories that made the transfer into the robot body. During a conversation about meeting Agore he asked:

“so, when I meet the king, will the queen be there?”

“Uh, no. The queen’s been gone for decades.” Then, later:

“We have...how many human SOULs?”

“F-five. Is your memory working right?” The next day brought:

“alphys? Do you know who W.D. Gaster is?”

“No, do you? A-am I supposed to?

“No, don’t worry Darling~” Two days passed before:

“do you know anyone from Snowdin?”

“um, no. I don’t think I’ve ever been there.”

“ah~” Again:

“Oh wow! look them! royal Guardsmen, right? Hey, who’s the head of the royal guard?”

“Undyne, the fish lady. With the spears?”

“OH! right. she’s so cool. Have you ever met Undyne? Just curious.”

“uh, no. I’d like to, but I’ve told you this before. Are you sure you don’t want me to take a look at your memory?”

“My memory’s alright Alphys Darling~ don’t worry so much.”

Eventually Mettasans got his fingers under control and started searching the internet, asking questions he had probably intended for her until she got too worked up about his apparent lack of memory. She knew this because he had forgotten to delete his search history off her laptop. Question after question all monsters should know the answers too.

Then one night, she had come looking for her laptop, only to discover Mettasans curled over it. She managed to look over his shoulder without him noticing she was there. He had been on UNDERNET, scrolling through someone’s profile page, looking at posts done years ago. He noticed she was there before she saw who it was, and he closed the browser and gave it back to her. Not that it mattered. It was still in the history.

‘Coolskeleton95.’ Looked like the guy was a sentry in Snowdin. Kinda weird, but funny in a naive way. Called himself the “Master Spaghettatore.” Guy was a friend of Undyne’s, surprisingly. She glanced at the name. Papyrus. Huh. Figured it was a joke, as all his posts were somehow written in that horrible font.

Every time Mettasans would use the laptop, Papyrus’ page was always in the history afterward.

Mostly she spent time trying to figure out what he was thinking about. Mettasans did more thinking than anything else. It wasn’t that he sat down and had long, intellectual thinks with himself. Instead, he was always thinking, like he was forever holding a conversion in thought with himself. She saw the spikes on the harddrive scans that she ran when he let her.

Alphys wished he would open up to her, like he had before the body.

She missed her best friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just skip through two weeks like NBD
> 
> Upload schedules go out the window when you get sick and make a backlog of like, five chapters. So. Here's another. Why not?


	5. [growing pains} or, WOW, I Had No Idea You Could Be That Much Of An Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Mettaton get ready for a big day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch me fail to write a believable Sans. Just turn him into Mr Exposition and Foreshadowing.

Sans was starting to get good at spreading himself out so as to not hinder Mettaton’s movement. Not that he didn’t purposely hinder Mettaton’s movement from time to time. Once, when he was sprawled on the floor, Mettaton had asked him:

{IF YOU WANT CONTROL OF THE BODY SO GODDAMN MUCH, WHY DON’T YOU JUST TAKE IT YOU ASSHOLE?}

[mmm, nah. i’m good thanks]

And Sans had meant it. He didn’t mind just floating in the background, providing commentary and working the voice processor. God knew that when he had his own body, he had spent a considerable amount of time wishing he didn’t. Now, just being able to sit here in comfortable almost-nonexistence, Sans was having fun.

Tripping Mettaton and spilling various foods and liquids on him didn’t hurt either.

{You are soooo lucky this is washable titanium darling~.}

[yeah, cuz you can do so much to me right now.]

{Shut up and help me clean this out of our joints}

[k.]

{Slapping the water on the floor isn’t helping}

[you can take a bath now.]

{I don’t want to take a bath, I want this ketchup out of my- our arm!}

[k.]

{We look like an idiot rolling around on the floor in a puddle of water.}

Sans chuckled to himself, made Mettaton flip around one more time and let him get up. Watching through the eyes, Sans saw Alphys, plate in hand, just staring at them in concerned, confused silence. She did that a lot, but you couldn’t blame her. Sans was practically sure that he and Mettaton looked fairly insane from the outside. Sans lifted the arm he controlled and saluted her. Ketchup dripped from it in gentle, delicious plops.

Alphys walked around them, and put her plate in the sink. When she turned around, they hadn't moved.

{GODDAMN IT SANS.}

[what’s wrong mettaton? cat got your tongue?]

{YES! And every other part of my body!}

[what a real _cat_ tastrophy]

{Sans, stop staring at Alphys. It’s weird.}

[she’s the one staring.]

{Please just blink or something. She’s getting uncomfortable.}

Sans winked his left eye slowly. Alphys grew more visibly unnerved.

“W-well, um. I’m just, gonna… go to bed. Dinner was...good Mettasans.” She walked backward out of the kitchen. When she was gone, Sans released his grip on the body. Mettaton rushed back into place. Though he turned back and started cleaning the arm out again, Mettaton didn’t say a word. He cleaned in silence. Which was impressive. Mettaton never shut up, only ever spoke in unending complaints.

[so, uh, wanna…]

[ _ketchup_ to her before she goes to bed?]

[i wanna ask her something about tomorrow.]

{}

Mettaton scrubbed a little harder.

[okay.]

[you do remember what tomorrow is, right?]

[cuz it would be…]

[real _gor_ yous if we impressed the king.]

{}

[mettaton?]

{}

[fine.]

{}

Mettaton put the rag down in the sink and left the kitchen. He walked through the improvised lab and down the basement steps to where Alphys slept. He stood before her bedroom door, and raised a hand as if to knock. A moment passed in silence.

[what are you waiting for?]

Mettaton lowered his arm and walked back up the stairs

[what was that? lose your nerve?]

{}

[it’s just alphys.]

{...}

{She’s not just Alphys.}

[oh ho ho! get a little jealous of undyne before, did we?]

{No}

{I-}

{Nevermind.}

[oh, come on. you can’t keep secrets from people who you share an existence with.]

{}

[are you-are you mad at me?]

{}

[oh, that’s rich. real funny]

{}

[]

Sans was seething, and could tell Mettaton was pissed off too. God knew why. Mettaton had no right to be mad. Not when everything was his fault.

Mettaton plugged himself into a wall and laid down on the couch Alphys had dug out of storage for them. Sans winced as electricity flowed into his body. No matter how often it happened (and it happened once or twice a day), Sans hadn’t gotten used to it at all. It tingled and hurt but felt good at the same time. Felt good in the same way Butterscotch Pie felt good.

Lost in memories of pie and doors and voices, Sans didn’t notice Mettaton had unlatched himself from the body and was starting some program somewhere. Only when the blue display filled his vision, did he notice anything was different.

                SHUTTING DOWN. . 3. . .2. . .1

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               WAKEUP.EXE RUNNING. . . . . . .COMPLETE

               GOOD MORNING “MTTSNS”

               BATTERY FULLY CHARGED

The blue display disappeared, and the first thing Sans noticed was that it was daytime now.

[what the hell was that?]

{Sleeping.}

[you sleep?]

{Yes.}

[a little warning next time?]

{}

[still mad i see.]

[whatever]

Mettaton unplugged himself and stood up from the couch. He rubbed at his eyes and blinked as the visual processor stabilized the image. Alphys was already up, sitting at the table, playing with her cereal. Mettaton walked over to her, and put his arm on her shoulder. She jumped.

“Oh! Mettasans! I didn’t hear you get up.” San could hear what Mettaton wanted to say to her, but willfully chose to ignore it. After considering asking for her laptop, Sans settled for saying nothing. He just left Mettaton to hold awkward eye contact with Alphys. Mettaton eventually gave up waiting for Sans to say anything and walked away from her.

“Uh...Mettasans?” Mettaton turned to look at her. Sans watched her fidget with her sweater. “Can I- do you mind if I, uh, ran one more scan?”

Mettaton shook his head before Sans could protest.

“Good! Great! I’ll just...go grab the cords and my laptop.” Alphys stood and ran from the kitchen. Sans heard her scamper down the stairs and open her bedroom door. Mettaton grabbed her breakfast bowl and deposited it in the sink. Noticing she hadn’t cleaned her dinner plate, Mettaton ran the water and gently cleaned it along with the bowl. Soon, Alphys had returned. Mettaton stopped what he was doing and walked over to her.

“Alright, uh, normal routine.” Alphys gestured to the floor. Sans, however, held Mettaton’s legs stable and kept him standing.

{Come on. Just let her.}

[no.]

{Sans.}

[no.]

“Is everything okay?” Alphys asked.

{Please.}

[you know i hate this.]

“Oh. I guess you’re, uh, doing the thinking thing again. I’ll just-um, get dressed? I’ll be back.” Alphys muttered to herself, set the electronics down, and disappeared down to her room again.

{You’ve been tormenting her for days. Just let-}

[you just want her to find me.]

[you figure if she looks enough she’ll see me.]

[that she knows what to do.]

{...}

{She might.}

[bullshit.]

[i know more about this stuff than she does]

{You don’t know-}

[yes i do. she could never help me find gaster she can’t help now]

{...You told me no one else remembered Gaster}

[no one else does. i just told her about it.]

[i told her about it over and over again and she was never useful]

[get over it.]

[she’s smart, but not about this shit]

{I don’t see you offering any solutions}

[b e c a u s e i d o n t k n o w]

[i don't know what to do]

[i don’t even know if this can be fixed at all]

[so shut up. there’s no point in trying]

{You’re just giving up?}

[i gave up the moment i fell in The Core]

{...You don’t know Alphys like I do.}

[buddy, i know more about everyone than you could ever learn]

Alphys returned, wearing the best thing she owned: a suit jacket she found in the garbage dump once. She looked pretty good in it, now that it had been repaired. Mettaton knew a surprising amount about tailoring and alterations.

“Al-alright! Can we do the scan now? We have to leave soon…” Alphys looked up at them through her glasses. Seeing her actually concerned and worried, Sans buckled. He lowered the body to the floor, lying down on his back.

{Thank you. I knew you’d come around, Darling~.}

[this is for her, not you.]

Alphys sat down next to his head and started attaching small cords to parts of his head and chest. Every plug felt like a friendliness pellet to Sans, tearing into his bones. He disengaged himself from the body until he felt nothing. It wasn’t until Mettaton began to speak did he realize he had left the voice processor open. Immediately, he dived for it but Mettaton fended him off. He went for the legs and Mettaton was there too. Everywhere Sans went to cut off the words he was routed by the robot.

“Alphys?”

“Huh? Yes Mettasans?” She was nervously chewing on a claw as she watched the screen. From where he lay, Mettaton could look up at her.

“Are- are you worried? about today?”

“Worried? Uh, no! Okay, maybe a bit. But not too bad, I promise.” Alphys lied.

“...I just wanted you to know that i...i’m not going to screw this up for you. I’m there for you. Okay?”

Alphys looked down at them in surprise. “...I...oh gosh. Uh. Thanks Mettasans.”

“We’re going to knock the socks off asgore.”

Alphys laughed. “Please don’t. I’d rather not see our mighty King sans-socks.”

Sans laughed. Mettaton giggled at the sensation of someone laughing inside of him.

“What’s so funny?” Alphys asked.

{I don’t know. Why are you laughing?}

[she made a pun.]

[Metta _sans_ , _sans_ -socks]

Mettaton repeated this explanation to Alphys who laughed at it too. Her hiccupping laughter made Mettaton laugh harder. Soon, all three of them were in hysterics. It took several minutes to calm down. When Alphys finally wiped the tears from her eyes, she glanced at her laptop clock.

“Oh! We- we need to go! Don’t want to keep Asgore waiting.” Alphys practically ripped the cords out of them, which caused Sans to wince. She balled them up and closed her laptop. Mettaton stood up, still getting rid of the final giggles. Alphys straightened her jacket and clutched the laptop to her chest. “Are-are you ready?”

“Of course, Alphys. I’m always ready.”

Alphys turned and opened her front door. Hesitantly, she stepped outside into the street of New Home. Mettaton walked outside behind her, and left Alphys’ house for the first time since he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All puns in this chapter were indeed written by me. I know, it's difficult to believe someone could be _this much_ of a comedic genius. I'll take my awards now.
> 
> For those not fluent in French, 'sans' translates to 'without.' Roughly.
> 
> This also means Sans' full name can be read as Without Comic.


	6. [the meeting}, or I Suppose It's Appropriate To Bare Your SOUL To The King The First Time You Meet Him, If You're Into That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Mettaton meet a few new people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Headcannon Land, Population me.

The thing about living in the Underground is not much happens. Ever. So when an unknown lizard makes an appointment to see the king to present an invention, people get interested. As the two left the one story condo, Sans was highly aware of the gazes of the neighbors upon them. A red, ogre-like monster shut its blinds when Mettaton looked at him as they passed. No one else was on the street, so their footsteps echoed against the homes that lined the street.

As Alphys and Mettaton entered the city proper, monsters walking the street pressed themselves away from the robot, watching the two pass with wide eyes [those that had eyes, at least].A large mole creature pulled it’s children behind itself, but the small one peered around their parent to watch Mettaton pass. Alphys squirmed under the city’s gaze, and Mettaton put a hand on her shoulder.

Somehow, they made it through the city and found their way to the winding path leading up to the palace.  In front of the gate, however, stood Undyne, the captain of the royal guard. She was dressed in her armour, helmet in her hand. She peered down at the two of them through her eyes as they approached. Alphys began to shrink from the glare, but Mettaton put one hand on her back to steady her. When they were a few steps away, Undyne held out her hand.

“Stop.” Alphys willingly came to a dead stop, and Mettaton stopped with her. “Alphys Maglama?”

“Y-yes ma’am.” Alphys answered.

“This your creation?” Undyne asked.

“Y-yes.” Alphys’ voice got small as Undyne approached.

“Anything to declare?” Sans had never seen her this way before. He knew Undyne always took her duty seriously, but he’d never heard of her screening people who wanted to see the king. Maybe it was just because Alphys was bringing in some technology Undyne had never seen before. Mettasans was pretty huge.

“Um, no? All i’ve got is my, uh, laptop and some cords and well, uh, a robot…”

Undyne took the laptop from Alphys, held it up to her ear and shook it. Happy with the lack of sound, she handed it back and turned her attention to Mettasans. She looked him up and down, then began circling the large robot. Mettaton turned his head 360 degrees to watch her. Sans had no idea what Undyne was looking for, but she was looking hard for it. When she had Mettasans between her and Alphys, Undyne screwed up her nose. She leaned in close and sniffed real hard. She stood up and looked at Alphys.

“It smells like spaghetti.”

“Excuse me?” Mettaton asked.

“Your robot smells like spaghetti, Maglama.”

“Oh, uh, I, don't…”

“does it matter?”

Undyne thought for a moment. “I suppose not.” she growled. “Come on then.” Undyne motioned for Alphys to follow. Alphys did, walking in a shuffle step behind the Guardsmen.

[why do we smell like spaghetti?]

{I think...maybe...I might still have had spaghetti on me when we fell into The Core}

[...are you suggesting we are part spaghetti?]

{I think we are.}

Sans couldn’t help from laughing. Mettaton was struggling to keep it down, but Alphys looked up at him anyway. He shook his head at her as Sans calmed down.

[oh god pap would love this]

[we are literally pasta the point of reality]

Undyne glanced at them as Mettaton let free a little snicker.

{You need to stop}

They passed through the house portion of the castle, Undyne hopping over the chain blocking the way to the staircase. Alphys ducked under it and Mettaton simply stepped over it. Sans always wondered what that was intended for, really. Most monsters could easily bypass the single chain.

The group traversed the stairs and walked past the outlook over the city. Sans looked out over it. The city was lit up like the roof of Waterfall, citizens milling back and forth on their daily business. For the first time, Sans missed his old body. He wanted to walk through the city, talk to those he had known, but never appreciated. But as quickly as the wish came, he threw it to the back of his mind. There was no point wishing for things that could never happen.

The Judgement Hall came and went in memories. All the times Sans had stood in this hall, and judged those who came to stand before him. Standing here, waiting to meet six children that never made it to him. 01. 02. Greater and Lesser Dog. Doggo. Dogamy and his wife. Undyne.

{Really?}

[yeah. the royal guard is no joke.]

{Papyrus wanted to join.}

[i dreaded the day papyrus would walk up to me]

[guess i don’t have to worry about that anymore]

From the golden glow of the hall, it was a short walk to the palace throne room. Undyne held up her arm and Mettasans and Alphys stopped. Undyne walked into the doorway, put her helmet on the ground and called out:

“Sir Asgore! Permission to enter?”

“Of course Undyne.” The kindly rumble of the king’s voice traveled out into the hallway.

“Then, I present your guest, Alphys Maglama.” Undyne motioned for the two of them to enter the hall. Alphys hesitated, swallowing. Mettaton put a hand on her back and gently pushed her forward. Shuffling, Alphys walked into the throne room, followed by Mettaton and Undyne in the back.

Asgore sat in his throne, purple cape spilling onto the flowers around him.The sight of the large Boss Monster caused Alphys to shrink back, but Mettaton was there again, supporting her with his hand. She took a shaky breath, then a step forward, and bowed.

“Uh, sire.” She stuttered across her words, “It is an honor to be here.”

“You need not bow, Mz. Maglama.”

“A-alphys, please, sire.” She said, straightening and pushing her glasses back in place.

“Then you may call me Asgore.” The king replied, smiling gently at her. “Would you like some tea, Alphys?”

“Uh, no-no thank you.” Alphys was starting to break a sweat. There was a moment of silence as Alphys tried to think of what to say.

“You brought something to show me?” Asgore prompted.

“Oh, oh yes! Uh, I have, um…” Alphys turned to look at Mettasans, who took a step to be even with her. “This, this is, um, Mettasans.”

“Mettasans.” Asgore said, trying out the name. He turned to look at the robot. “And what does it do?”

“Uh, he. He’s a he.” Alphys corrected.

“He. Apologies.” Asgore smiled again. Alphys blushed.

“Uh, that’s okay. No harm no-no foul. As to your question, um, he really isn’t built for a, uh, specific purpose, that is.”

“No?”

“No, see, um. He is f-fully equipped with sensory simulations and a f-full range of motion. He has complete autonomy and nearly uh, 4300 KB petabytes of memory and p-processing power unmatched by any existing computer in the underground. Except maybe, The Core, of course.” She laughed nervously. Asgore looked lost in her technical jargon.

“I see.” Asgore lied. “And what might his use be?”

“Well, that’s, uh, up to him. Like I said, he’s got full a-autonomy.”

“Really? A self-thinking computer.” Asgore muttered. “That’s impressive. I’m not sure why you thought I needed to see this, but I’m always glad to hear about new developments. I’m sure the scientific community would be glad to have such sophisticated Artificial Intelligence. I can-”

“It’s not AI!” Alphys interrupted. “Oh, I’m sorry sir. I-i didn’t mean to be so rude.” She looked down at her feet and swallowed.

“It is no problem. Do not worry. Explain what you mean?”

“Um, okay. Uh, Mettasans is not AI, he um, has a SOUL.” Alphys’ voice got smaller and smaller as she spoke, like she was wincing. Asgore was taken aback.

“A SOUL?”

“Uh, yes, sir. Um, can you, uh, show him?” Alphys asked Mettasans. Mettaton nodded, and lifted his hands to his chest. By applying the correct programing, a small square lit up in the center of his chest. Opening a small panel, Mettaton could reach in and produce a small, grey heart that had a twinge of blue at the center. He held out the SOUL to Asgore, who looked at it with wide eyes. Undyne came forward and looked at it in shock.

“I’ll be damned…” she muttered, earning a look from Asgore. “Sorry.” The king turned back to the SOUL.

“Don’t knock it out of my hand, if you please. I’d rather not die, thank you.” Mettaton said. Asgore backed up from Mettaton’s hand, looking shocked that the robot had even spoken. Asgore looked at Alphys, and back at the SOUL in disbelief.

“Why is it two colors?” Asgore asked. Mettaton responded before Alphys got a chance to speak

“The blue is me, the grey is...it's like a protective shell around it that helps it stay in this body.” Mettaton lied. In all honesty, the gray was Mettaton and the blue was Sans. Right now, Sans had no connection to the body, and it was reflected in the fact Mettaton’s SOUL completely enveloped his. They had spent one night experimenting with this, and could make some pretty cool patterns form based on the way they arranged themselves. Mettaton put their SOULs back in his chest. It was okay to have them out as long as they never lost contact with the body. Probably. Neither Mettaton or Sans had wanted to test it out.

Undyne turned her attention back to Alphys. “How...how did you get a SOUL for this?” Immediately, Alphys’ eyes grew wide and she held up her free hand in panic.

“No, no, I didn’t, didn’t hurt anyone, I-i swear.”

“I volunteered.” Mettaton said, looking Undyne in the eye.

“Volunteered?” She asked, eyes narrowing.

“Of course, Darling! I used to live down in Waterfall in near poverty. Then I met Alphys, hear her theories and volunteered my SOUL.”

Undyne paused. “Are you...the snail farmer that went missing a couple weeks ago?”

“Oh, yes, probably. Unless something happened to Bl-Napstablook?”

“No, he’s...fine.”

“Oh good! I was worried about him! If you see him, give him my regards, would you?” Undyne curled her lip as she nodded jerkily.

[she thinks you’re an asshole. she only makes that face at assholes]

{She always has.}

“Alphys…” Asgore began. “Which scientific firm do you work for? I believe this calls for some meetings.”

“No, I, don’t uh, work for anyone.” Alphys muttered, then repeated herself slightly louder when Asgore asked.

“No one?” He asked in disbelief. “Do you have a team?”

“No, sir. I prefer, uh, working alone. Not that I can’t work with people! I just, uh, would rather, well, not.” She ended rather bluntly.

“Well, then. Did you get access to a lab? This must have taken a serious amount of sophisticated equipment.” Alphys was blushing from the unintentional compliment.

“No, sir. Aphys built me out of her home. She converted her living room into a working lab.” Mettaton said, saving Alphys from having to speak through a worse stutter than usual.

“Really? What are you built out of then?”

“T-titanium for the arms, legs and outmost shell. Most of the rest is, uh, scrap metal. From the dump.” Alphys answered. “But! This is only the second- no, third prototype. I was hoping, maybe, i-in the future, I could upgrade to full titanium? And get a bigger battery. uh, right now he can only hold seven, maybe eight hours of charge. But! Like I s-said. Only the third body.”

Asgore rubbed his chin with a paw, peering at the robot. Eventually he asked, “Can you do magic?” Sans, seeing his chance, jumped at the voice processor. Mettaton had let down his guard, and Sans scrabbled for control of it

“Oh, uh, n-”

“yes, sir. Fully capable.” Sans interrupted, drawing a surprised look from Alphys.

“Oh, really? What can you do?”

“i could explain, sir, but I find it’s better with a demonstration. If i could get a volunteer?”

[now look at undyne]

Mettaton did as was asked of him

{What are you doing? I don’t have magic.}

[i do]

“If you’re about to preform cheap illusions, do not waste time, robot.” Undyne said a Asgore waved her forward.

“no illusions, just magic Darling~.”

[okay mettaton. give me the body. i need it.]

{Thought you said you didn’t want it.}

[not now. just give it to me.]

Mettaton pulled away and down into their SOULs. Sans filled the gap left behind. As he got used to the feeling of being corporeal again, he heard the little whooshing in his ear that signaled the start of the FIGHT.

“You go first, hunk of metal. Don’t hold back.” Undyne said, sliding into her stance.

“Of course not, Darling~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever can tell me what's important about Alphys' last name first gets a cookie.
> 
> An imaginary internet cookie.


	7. [FIGHT}, or You Know What They Say About Assuming, It Makes An Ass Out Of You And A Corpse Out Of Undyne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans makes a mistake and Mettaton flips his shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH SHIT FIGHT TIME

The four orange buttons appeared in Sans’ vision. FIGHT, ACT, ITEM, and MERCY glowed beneath his hands. Looking up, Undyne was ready to go. Just before Sans put his hand down on FIGHT, Mettaton interrupted him

{What are those?}

[what do you mean, ‘what are those?’]

{The orange words that appeared out of nowhere!}

[you mean the ‘command buttons’?]

[have you never been in a FIGHT before?]

{Yeah, but I’ve never seen these before!}

“Come on robot.” Undyne called.

[shut up for a moment, i need to concentrate]

Sans pushed the fight button, and he conjured a blue bone attack that he sent in a single, wide wave. Undyne, gritted herself, and stayed still as the bones sailed harmlessly past her.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Undyne asked, taking up her turn with the taunt. If Sans could force his painted on smile any wider, he would have. Glancing at Asgore, Sans held out his right hand, and flicked his hand towards the ground. Undyne’s legs collapsed beneath her. Her armour clattered as she hit the ground. Asgore started as Sans in surprise and confusion. Undyne snapped her head up, despite the magic on her SOUL

“Don’t worry, sir, I’m fine. One of my trainees fights like this.” She smiled at Mettasans, already fighting to stand back up.

{That’s what that attack looks like…}

Undyne regained her feet and formed a spear in her right hand. She sent it flying through the air towards Mettasans, but the pull on her spear arm caused the attack to fly short and scatter on the ground. Sans pulled his next attack together and hit the FIGHT button. Flicking his hand down, Undyne hit the floor again Sans then slid her across the floor until she hit the right most wall, brought her halfway up the wall, then threw her diagonally down on the floor again. This time though, the floor glowed as the bones Sans had placed there prepared to shoot upwards. Undyne noticed the glow but couldn’t do anything as Sans’ attack skewered her.

{HOLY SHIT SANS!}

[what]

{This was supposed to be a demonstration!}

[i only do 1 dmg, she’ll be fin-]

In Sans’ personal UI, Undyne’s heath bar popped up in his view as the bones disappeared. Instead of the four to five dmg Sans was expecting, a tenth of her health vanished. Sans immediately audibly gasped, feeling his eyes widen as he took a step back.

[shit]

{You were saying?}

Undyne stood, hand over the hole in her armour. Even though there was little visible damage, Sans really didn’t want to look all that hard. He looked off to the side and caught Alphys’ look of pure shock. She looked away from him, and Mettaton immediately pushed to regain control of the body. He urged Sans to run over to her and apologise. Sans resisted him, but was so distracted that he didn’t notice Undyne was taking her turn. In the last moment, Sans saw the barrage of spears raining down on him. Realising one of them was going to land directly on the place where their SOULs resided, Sans moved ever so slightly to the left. Knowing he couldn’t dodge completely nor survive the attack with only one HP, Sans braced himself for the impact of death.

The spears passed through his body, causing holes to rip through the metal. Pain shot through Sans as he hit the ground. As they dissipated into the air, Sans’ health bar appeared before his eyes.

[sorry]

Once again, Sans’ expectations didn’t match reality. Instead of watching the entire green bar fall away, only about a tenth depleted. And the number that flashed above the bar was much higher than he thought it even could be. It vanished, and Sans was left staring, dumbfounded, at where it had been.

“Come on! Get up! It’s your turn!” Undyne taunted, still holding onto her stomach. Sans lifted his head and looked at her. Pushing himself up onto his elbows, Sans hit the ACT button and threw his hand out toward her, causing her to fly backwards into the far wall. Instead of attacking, Sans put his energy into locking her in position for her turn. Trapped up against the wall, Undyne did what she could. The floor around Sans glowed and spears erupted from the ground. Once again searing pain shot through Sans’ body as he felt one of the spears just miss their SOULs. The health bar appeared, depleted another tenth, and disappeared.

Sans considered his options. This had not gone the way he had wanted. All he had desired was for Asgore to see his magic. Now,one-fifth of the way dead, Mettaton screaming in his head to stop, Sans just wanted to use MERCY. It glowed in the bottom right of his vision. But Undyne would never accept a *spare or let him *flee. It would be a waste of a turn. No words would talk her down, and simply keeping her up against the wall didn’t stop her from attacking. He had no ITEMS. FIGHTing seemed like his only option. He planted his hand on the button, pushing through Mettaton’s attempts to take back control of it, and threw Undyne against the ceiling and brought more bones out from the ceiling. As his turn ended, Undyne fell back to the ground, losing another tenth of her health.

{SANS. YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS.}

[i want to. no other option.]

{I THINK THAT ONE BUTTON SAYS ‘MERCY’ ON IT. PRESS IT!}

[no point. undyne never gives up]

Undyne stood up and readied another attack. The blue-green spear glowed in her hand as she aimed. Sans watched her as she pulled back her arm-

“Do not release that attack.” Asgore commanded, voice ringing through the throne room. He had recovered from his shock of Sans’ first attack and stepped between the two battling parties. Undyne snarled in disappointment, but dispelled her magic and Sans lifted the gravity magic on her SOUL. The command buttons flickered and vanished from sight as Undyne used *mercy and Sans accepted it.

The danger gone, Alphys rushed over to Mettasans. There were large holes in the outer shell, and Sans saw a couple of wires hanging out. Sparks flew from a couple as he sat up, oil and cooling fluid leaking out of a few gashes. Alphys dropped to her knees beside him and started looking in the few holes around where the SOULs were.

“A-are you okay?!? Is everything working right?!? P-please don’t tell me your SOUL’s come l-loose.”

{...I checked the drives. Everything’s still working, somehow.}

“yes Alphys. I’m fine. just...cosmetic damage.” Coolant flew out of the cracks in his mouth as Sans spoke.

“Robot.” Asgore, from where he was standing over Undyne, was glaring at him. Alphys shrank from the king as he approached. Sweating, she started to stammer.

“Sir, p-please d-d-don’t be mad at him. He, um, h-hadn’t gotten a ch-chance to practice. He p-probably didn’t expect to, to, uh, well, d-do a much d-damage a he did. I-I’m sure Mettasans didn’t m-mean it. If anything, it’s m-my fault. An error I m-made calcul-, uh, transferring the, the magic part of h-his SOUL. I-if you, y-you’re mad, be, uh, be mad at me. I-”

“I am not angry, Alphys.”

“I’ll take a-any pu- you’re not angry?”

“No, Alphys. I would just like a moment to speak with Mettasans. Privately.” Asgore added pointedly when Alphys did not move.

“Oh! Okay. sure. I’ll just be, out here.” Alphys shuffled out of the throne room with one last glance at Mettasans.

{Tell her it’s not her fault.}

[she knows]

{Do it.}

But Alphys was gone, turned around the corner from the doorway. Asgore turned back to Undyne, who was staring at Mettasans with pure, unbridled anger.

[wow. if looks could skewer.]

{That’s not even a pun.}

“You too, Undyne.” Asgore said, motioning towards the door. Undyne grunted, and started to limp after Alphys. Asgore waited for her to make it out the door before turning back the Mettasans.

They were now alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That was something.
> 
> Anywho, I feel like shit and that's more literal than you probably wanted to know. The point of that statement was to let you know that Thursday's chapter might either be really late in the day or on Friday. I'm going to probably loose one or two writing days, so it's probably not going to be on time/


	8. [Asgore}, or If This Wasn't So Important I'd Be Freaking Out That I Am Literally Leaking Oil And Various Important Liquids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans' plan comes to fruition and Mettaton gets a few answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans turns into exposition man again. Sorry.
> 
> Also I guess I didn't lose any writing days and actually updated much earlier than I normally do whoops.

In the silence of the throne room, Sans broke the eye contact by focusing on the wires spilling out of his leg. Gently, Sans mapped which broken wire went with which, and tried to trace what the snapped wiring was used for.

“Are you alright?” Asgore asked.

“yes, I think so. give me a moment, please.” Sans reconnected the wires with his fingers only to be rewarded with pain in his leg. He winced. “oh. Looks like those are used for the nerve stimulation in my leg. might be better to leave those be for the moment.”

“I don’t suppose healing magic would help?” Asgore held out his paw, sparking with magic.

“no, but thank you, sire.” Sans stood, testing out his leg. It seemed to function fine, minus being able to feel anything from it. San bowed, folding over at the middle, ever so slightly. He didn’t want to jossle more inside him than necessary. “what did you want to discuss?” Asgore looked at him, uncertainty in his eyes.

“Forgive me if I sound strange, but-” Asgore hesitated. Sans felt hope flare up inside him.

[yes, come on asgore. you used to remember gaster remember me now, please]

“Is that you, Sans?” Asgore asked. Sans released a sigh of relief, stood up and stuck his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“yes sir.” Asgore’s eyes widened, as he let out his out bent-up breath. “i apologize for not saying anything. I was afraid you might not remember me.”

“I don’t, but I do.” Asgore said. “You exist in half-memories and dreams. Aren’t you a short, little skeleton?”

“i was, yes. Not very much so anymore.”

“I can see that.” Asgore chuckled a little bit. “What happened to you?”

“a mistake or two happened. a judgement went a little wrong, and I fell into the core. Woke up like this.”

“You were The Judge then.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Have there been many resets since you fell?”

“No, sir. None.”

Asgore sat back on his throne, face in his paws. “Someone else was supposed to show up with Alphys today, correct?”

“well, yes and no. he’s here too.” Asgore looked up at Sans in shock. Sans explained what he knew of his and Mettaton’s situation as best he could to the king. Mettaton remained silent through it all. After he finished, there was a silence as Asgore took it all in.

Finally, he said: “I’ve been doing the judgements, waiting for you to show up.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Would you like the position back?”

“Yes, sir.”

Asgore nodded. “Does anyone else know?”

“No, likely not.”

“What about whoever’s responsible for the resets?”

“i don’t know. they’ve let it go for nearly two weeks. In all likelihood, they either believe this to be the first timeline or are curious as to what is different now that i’ve been..changed.”

Agore nodded again. “What do you plan to do now?”

“I don’t know sir. frankly, i don’t know if there is anything to be done.”

“What about Alphys? Might she be able to figure something out?”

“perhaps.”

Asgore thought for a moment. Standing, he walked to the door and called Alphys back in. She came back in, trailed by Undyne. Asgore took a moment to heal his Head Guardsman, then turned to the small lizard.

“I must say, I am very impressed with your work Alphys.”

“T-thank you sir.”

“After speaking with Mettasans, I do think that there is promise in your work.” Alphys glanced at Mettasans, and Sans tried to give her most reassuring look possible with his face frozen in smile. “And your knowledge of SOULs and their properties likely goes unmatched in the underground. As such, I would like you to continue your research.”

“G-gladly. I w-would require funds, but-”

“And you’ll get them. And an actual lab. Alphys, I would like to offer you a royal position.”

“S-sir?”

“I’d like you to work for me. I’d give you all the funds and resources you need. In return, you simply continue to improve your robotic works and study the nature of SOULs.”

Alphys was dumbstruck, mouth moving in unspoken words. Asgore waited patiently for her to calm down.

“O-of course sir! W-whatever you want me to do, I-i’d be more than glad to work for you!” Alphys managed to stutter out. She smiled at Mettasans, and Sans felt bad for her.

[she doesn’t know what she’s getting into]

“When do you want me to, uh, start?”

“Well, we’ve got an old lab in hotlands that’s been out of use for years. I’ll send someone to clean it up and get it ready for you. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” Asgore smiled at Alphys.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was hyperventilating all the way back the condo. It was Mettasans that took note of the phone numbers Undyne gave to them, and promised a call in the morning. Sans offered Mettaton the body back but he said nothing, so Sans walked with Alphys back home. When they managed to get home, Alphys shut the door and squealed. Grabbing Mettasans’ hands, she ran around in circles.

“OH MY GOD WE, WE DID IT! HE LIKED ME! HE LIKED YOU! I’VE GOT A JOB!” She exclaimed, spinning Mettasans around as she celebrated.

“Congratulations, darling~. you did it!” Alphys stopped the circling to look up at him.

Panting from the exertion and excitement, she said, “WE did it. You’re the reason I even got to see him!” Alphys threw her stubby arms around Mettasans’ waist. Though she couldn’t reach around him, she pressed the side of her face into his stomach and hugged as hard as she could.

{...Sans. Can I?}

[sure]

Sans relinquished control of the body, and Mettaton filled in. Mettaton hugged Alphys back, leaning his head on hers. Mettaton didn’t even have to ask, but Sans left the voice processor to him too.

“nonsense, Alphys. This is your victory.” Mettaton said.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alphys repaired the important bits of damaged before rushing off to tell Bratty and Catty the news. She left Mettasans alone in her condo to go celebrate with her only friends. Once she slammed the door behind her, Mettaton went to go plug himself in. The 5% alert was flashing in the corner of Sans’ vision. Mettaton sat down on the couch and waited for Sans to get used to the electricity flow.

[...so]

{I have so many questions.}

[okay. shoot]

{Okay. Number one, what were those buttons and bars and number that kept popping up during that fight?}

[...have you never been in a FIGHT before?]

{I already told you, yes!}

[sure, but not one of those tv fights, i mean an honest to goodness FIGHT?]

{At The Core. With you. Wasn’t that a fight?}

[yes. which is why it’s odd you don’t know the FIGHT universe]

[unless…]

[you don’t have any magic yourself, do you?]

{No. I did before I made the transition to my body, but I never fought before that.}

[okay. maybe that’s got something to do with it?]

[just know that the interface you saw pops up for any normal monster in a fight.]

[next question]

{Alright. Why the hell did you beat the shit out of Undyne?}

[i didn’t mean to. i suppose my magic got a dmg boost when we combined?]

{Why did Asgore remember you?}

[the exact reason is a long story. Asgore remembers parts of past timelines. My existence made the leap from pre-combined us universe to this universe.]

{And, what were you talking about, ‘resets?’}

[....the simple version is that time isn’t linear.]

[well, it is, but there are infinite lines that can be traversed]

[every once in a while, we’ll all be traveling down a timeline and poof]

[we’re back at the beginning of the line]

[that’s a reset]

{What?}

[sorry. that’s the easiest version to explain.]

{And someone causes these… resets?}

[yes.]

{Who?}

[if i knew i would have stopped them long ago.]

{...This is kind of hard to believe.}

[i don’t blame you. i wouldn’t believe it either if i didn’t remember each timeline]

{You do?}

[yeah. it’s not as great as you think.]

[asgore remembers parts of each reset too, but…]

[he remembers less of each timeline every time it resets.]

[he relies on me to remind him of the important bits.]

{I...I don’t…}

[it doesn’t matter whether or not you think i’m telling the truth.]

[you’ll experience one eventually.]

CHAPTER BREAK

 

 

 

(PT1 COMPLETE)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Happy Holidays! Have this.
> 
> Okay, so Part 1 is finished. What does this mean? Nothing really. Keeping 'parts' just helps me to keep the plot right in my brain as I write. Basically, the introductory/setup/explanation chapters are complete and we will actually start to have adventures with Mettasans. Adventures and Shenanigans. Mostly Shenanigans. Lots and lots of Shenanigans.
> 
> These Shenanigans will be posted to this fic, don't worry about finding a collection or anything.
> 
> EDIT: So the next chapter is shaping up to be...much longer than the others. So, I'm wondering: Do you want one very long chapter, one long and one short, or two average length chapters with a strange split point?


	9. {Broadcast], or How A Flamboyant Robot Became The Underground's Idol In Four Minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettasans preforms for the Undrgound for the very first time. (Kinda, Mettaton knows what he's doing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saw Star Wars and I'm super hype about everything. Have a long chapter.
> 
> The end notes will discuss...things.

“Oh WOW!” Alphys exclaimed, walking into her new lab. She cradled the single box that contained all her personal objects in her arms. Mouth gape, her head turned in all directions rapidly as she tried to see the entire thing at once. Her claws tapped against the tile as she entered the empty lab space.

Mettaton followed behind, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. It was a surprisingly comfortable posture. He leaned against one of the green walls as Alphys put her stuff on the floor and ran over to the escalator. Mettaton watched her disappear into the upper levels of the lab.

“IT’S SO BIG METTASANS!” Alphys called down. “TWO FLOORS, SO MUCH SPACE TO WORK!” She practically ran down the down escalator.

{Look at her, she’s so excited.}

[she doesn’t deserve this.]

{What?!}

[nvm.]

{...}

Alphys examined the large screen, looking for dials or buttons or anything to tell her what it was for. “M-maybe it’s hooked up to the computer?” She asked, jogging over to the single monitor on the desk next to the screen. She turned the console on and waited for it to boot up. “How old is this thing? When was it built, 199X?” She muttered to herself as the Doorways ‘9X Operating System logo appeared on screen.

{Do you know what it’s for?}

[she hooks cameras up to it eventually.]

{I know that, but what was it meant for?}

[...i don’t know.]

Looking put out over the loading time of the computer, Alphys turned her attention the door to her left. She walked over to it, and it slid into the wall. “Ooo! What’s in here?” She stuck her head into the darkness. “It’s an, an elevator! Looks like there’s a w-whole other floor to this place!” She turned around and looked at Mettasans. “Can you believe it? Three floors of lab space to myself?”

“You deserve it Alphys.” Mettaton said. Sans was starting to trust him with speech, just as long as it was only around Alphys. Alphys smiled and blushed. The computer dinged and she ran over to it. She lifted herself onto the desk chair and began clicking around. Mettaton walked over to her, as if curious, as if he didn’t already know what was on it. Sans could see Alphys rapidly move through ancient file after file and started to make mental notes of the ones he wanted to delete before she read them.

Alphys came to a list of external systems connected to the PC, and scrolled down, looking for the answer to the mystery of the large screen. Familiar names and program titles flashed across Sans’ vision, and he stifled the memories before Mettaton could see them. As Alphys got further and further down the list, one system caught Mettaton’s eye.

“Alphys! Look!” He said, extending one finger towards the screen. “A broadcast tower!” Alphys stopped her scrolling and looked to where Mettaton was pointing.

“Y-yeah! That must be the thing on the roof.” Alphys said, referring to the metal structure they had seen on the way in. Alphys started to go through the program files attached to the tower. “L-looks like it hasn’t been used in years.”

“Of course it hasn’t! There’s been nothing on TV or radio for forever!” Mettaton said, not exaggerating in the least. Not since the death of the prince and the resulting announcement of war had any programming of any kind graced the air of the Underground.

“I-i don’t know if this even broadcasts radio waves.”

“What else would it broadcast?” Mettaton was getting excited now, the memories of the first time he had been on TV fueling his acting. “Alphys, this is how I become a star!”

“A-a star?” Alphys turned away from the computer to look at Mettasans.

“Like I’ve always dreamed, like we talked about! Alphys! You have to let me use it!” Mettaton grabbed her by the shoulders and squeezed with his fingertip. Alphys tried to shrink back from him, only to hit the back of the chair. She pulled her hands close to her chest and started to fidget.

“Um, I-I don’t know if Asgore would a-aprove.”

“You can call him can’t you? You’re the royal scientist, Alphys!” Alphys looked down at the floor and Mettaton relaxed his grip. Mettaton got down on one knee. “Hey, hey now.” He said. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Alphys sighed and looked up at him, directly into his eyes. Sans could almost see her brain processing. “I-if it would make you happy...I-i suppose it couldn’t hurt to ask?”

Mettaton sprung up and let go of Alphys’ shoulders. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” He picked up the small dinosaur by the waist and spun her around. Alphys gave a small yeep as she left the chair. After two rotations, Mettaton put her back down on the floor. She smiled at him, then bit her lip as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. Taking a deep breath, she dialed Asgore’s number, each button press a loud beep in the still lab. Alphys put the phone up to her ear and shut her eyes.

“Oh! H-hi, sir. I-it’s me? A-alphys?...Oh, y-yes sir, I found the, the lab.” Alphys clenched her free hand, bunching up a part of her traveling coat in her fist. “No, sir, there’s, there’s no p-problem, I-”

[is this how it happened last time?]

{Of course. We agreed to try and replicate the last timeline as best we could. I’m sticking to the script, you can calm down, darling~.}

“H-he’d love to! I-i’ll tell him! T-thank you sir!” Alphys shut her cell phone and flashed Mettasans a smile. “H-he says yes.” Mettaton squealed and hugged her again. Eventually, he let Alphys go. As Mettaton stepped back, Sans could hear his thought process firing, trying to remember his starting setup.

“What do I need, what do I need?” Mettaton asked aloud. Sans could almost feel him trying to remember his original filming crew.

{Odessa? No, she came on around Cooking with A Killer Robot. Or All Our Mettatons. Oh god, those were years apart. Maybe she left around All Our Mettatons? Doesn’t matter. Keith? No he was Mettaton the Movie 3.}

[do you not remember?]

{No, I’m sure they’re somewhere in here. I never delete anything.} Mettaton’s consciousness dived further into his memory.

{Unless...oh. Shit.}

[sup?]

{...I do remember deleting them.}

[you deleted full people from your memory?]

{I needed the room for the blocking of Mettaton the Movie 2}

[didn’t you just lounge about on a chair while rose petals fell on you for three hours?]

{It’s hard! Some things just have to go. Priorities, Sans, priorities!}

[heh]

[papyrus liked that film because you filmed it with your original crew only.]

[he liked the fact you ‘remembered the little guys’]

{...No wonder they kept glaring at me when I spoke to them.}

Sans wanted to slap Mettaton.

{But! I do remember how to find them!}

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘ALRIGHT DARLINGS~!” Mettaton exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “WHO’S READY TO MAKE TV HISTORY?” Mettaton flashed the four-monster congregation before him a winning smile. Silence and blank looks met his question. The slime girl in the back gurgled.

“We’re getting paid, right?” The rock, resting to the far left, asked.

“Yes, yes. you’ll get your money when we’re done.” Mettaton waved his hand dismissively. Turning around on his heels, Mettaton opened the sliding door to Alphys’ lab and lead his first crew through it. “Now, which of you wonderful people wants to work the cameras?” Mettaton asked, and garnered no response. He spun his head around made eye-contact{?} with the contingent of spiders that had stacked themselves into one laborer. “delightful! you… all?” The spiders nodded their collective head in acknowledgement.

“HEY! Wait up!” said something that sounded like the embodiment of claws on a chalkboard. The small, potato-turned-hat shaped monster pushed himself to the front of the group with his noodle-like appendages. Mettaton looked down at him, only keeping his smile because it was built onto his face. The other monsters grumbled as he trotted on his tiny legs behind Mettaton.

“don’t worry jerry, we’re all a team! No one leaves anyone behind.” Sans snorted in Mettaton’s mind as Mettaton strained to sound sincere. Mettaton turned his head around before he lost his composure because of Jerry.

{Fuck Jerry}

[i dunno. he seems enthusiastic]

Jerry ran between Mettaton’s legs, causing the robot to lose his balance and almost faceplant onto the tile of the lab. “Is this your place? Kinda boring.” Jerry said. “If I’m honest. I’d never live here. No offense.”

[heh]

“Still, better than that stupid skeleton’s place back in Snowdin.”

[fuck jerry]

“Up here, darling~!” Mettaton said, putting as much emphasis on the word ‘darling’ as he could and pointing up the escalator. Jerry waddled up the down escalator, like it was funny somehow. The other three workers and Mettasans rode the correct escalator like normal, not-Jerry people. Not waiting for the tottering monster, Mettaton gestured to the loveseat he had placed in the upper floor. “This is our first filming space.”

“It’s just a brown loveseat.” The slime pointed out.

“this, this is the loveseat of history.” Mettaton said, patting the armrest.

[i'm this close to taking back the voice processor]

{Oh, what’s wrong, Sans Darling~?} Mettaton teased.

[nothing. just a bit seat-sick over your melodrama.}

Mettaton was starting to understand why Papyrus had always yelled at Sans for his puns. Swallowing his internal grimace, Mettaton looked back over his crew. The spiders were trying to rescue one of their own from the escalator, Jerry was almost finished with his ‘accent,’ the slime was eyeing the loveseat like she was considering stealing it and the rock was just...sitting there.

[this is what you get for posting on graic’s list]

Mettaton clapped his hands together. “alright. Spidermass was going to handle the camera, yes?” The ‘head’ of the spiders noded as the trapped spider disappeared in the mechanism with a little squelch. “Fantastic! Uh, your name again, Darling~?” Mettaton asked the slime.

“Jessica.”

“Jamie, got it. Would you mind working the mic?” Mettaton asked.

“It’s Jessica.” The slime said, and Mettaton vaguely wondered if she was one of Bratty and Catty’s friends. Her tone sure reminded him of Alphys’ friends.

“Cynthia, that’s what I said.”

The slime muttered something about being offended, then said “Don’t cameras normally have mics in them?”

“yes, but that mic is much better.” Mettaton pointed to the large boom mic in the corner of the room. It rested against the camera Alphys had brought from her condo. The slime let out the most exasperated gurgle Mettaton ever heard and slithered over to pick it up. Well, she sort of absorbed the handle into her body and held it aloft like that. The spiders sent a contingent of arachnids to collect the camera and bring it back to the mass. While {They? It?} pulled the camera up the mass, Mettaton turned his attention to the rock.

“You can just, uh…” Mettaton grabbed his cue cards and leaned them up against the rock. “There. That’ll be perfect.”

“You serious?” The rock muttered, and slid out from under the cards. The posterboard flopped to the ground.

“yes, i was most certainly serious. It’s important you hold these up!” Mettaton said, re-leaning the cards against the rock.

“The things you do for money…” The rock grumbled.

[you have those memorised]

{Yes, but I already promised him gold. Besides, it might help to have a reminder on hand.}

Jerry finally made it up the escalator and tripped over the suddenly stationary floor. He pushed himself up and tottered over to Mettasans.

“Reporting for duty boss!” Jerry saluted with one of his arms.

“well, I-” Mettaton glanced around for something even Jerry couldn’t mess up. “Why don’t you just stand right here and watch this screen.” Mettaton pointed to the small television that was hooked up to the camera. “make sure I’m in frame, okay?” Jerry saluted again and turned his complete attention to the screen. Mettaton looked over the ledge and down at Alphys, who was sat at her computer. “Alphys! be ready to go when I say!”

Alphys looked up and gave him a thumbs up. “Broadcast tower is up and ready to go!”

“Great!” Mettaton called back down. Going to mouth something to Alphys, he realized his mouth was frozen in smile, as it always had been since he’d woken up with Sans in his head. Instead, he brought up his MESSAGES screen and sent Alphys a request to make sure audio levels were okay.

>Okay, Mettasans. Whatever you need! *(^.^)*

<thank you, Alphys.

Turning back to his “crew” Mettaton had to stifle a sigh. The slime girl had gotten fed up with Jerry and absorbed him to get him to shut up. Mettaton brought his MESSAGES back up.

<actually, can you monitor the video feed too? Make sure it’s in focus and things?

>Np! ;)

“alright Darlings~. We’re just about ready to go! now, we’ve got no editing software, or the ability to save multiple takes at all. But that just means we do this thing LIVE!” Mettaton said, flipping his hands around in a half-shrug. “SO! everyone must be silent during the broadcast. okay darlings~?” Now that Jerry was muffled in slime, the rest of the crew was silent. The slime girl simply looked annoyed, the rock was content to stay quiet and Spidermass, well, they were a mass of spiders. Mettaton sat down on the loveseat and took a deep breath. Snapping his fingers, he got Spidermass’ attention and got the camera in what looked like a correct position, then he directed the slime girl into holding the mic correctly. Missing his {future?} directors and producers, Mettaton pulled his MESSAGES back up.

>Okay, um, the camera needs to come up a bit.

Mettaton directed Spidermass as Slime Girl as Alphys gave him directions. Eventually, she gave him the text version of a thumbs up. Mettaton got in position, seated with his head down.

[do you know what you’re doing?]

{Yes. I remember this vividly.}

“Okay, we’re set to go. ready?” No response from his “crew.” “Alright alphys. start broadcasting.”

The gentle beeping from the ceiling told them the tower was up and running.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TV sets and radios were, for the most part, dust-covered relics found in every home in the Underground. Despite having nothing to watch or listen to, the machines were considered normal home furnishings, and it was quite embarrassing to not own at least one radio. Most people had a TV, and everyone had a radio. Normally, they were left alone to sit in silence. Turning one on only meant static. No one paid much attention to their television set.

But today, every monster could be found huddled around their nearest TV or radio, desperate to hear what was to come. The King himself had said that there was supposed to be something playing at 4:00. It was 3:58 and the entire Underground waited with baited breath. Parents held their children around static TV sets. Those who did not get off work were waiting by a radio someone brought in. Schools had let out early, but teachers without families gathered in teacher lounges. Royal Guardsmen were listening from their sentry posts. In the ruins, Froggits, Moldsmalls and Whimsums sat with a goat woman around the largest TV they could find. A skeleton waited in his living room with a plate of spaghetti.

3:59

4:00

4:01

The static broke fuzzily, the gray specks fading away to reveal a blurry image of a brown loveseat, a green background, and what appeared to be a very large robot sitting in the center of it. Radio static silenced as the audio feed kicked in, and the image on TVs cleared. People across the underground gasped. It was actually happening.

The white-haired robot looked dead into the camera and began to speak.

“Good afternoon, monsterkind. thank you all for tuning in. This is a very special message to everyone in the Underground. i know it has been very long since anyone addressed you in this manner, and the last time it happened was under sad circumstances. today’s broadcast, however, is meant to have a very different tone.I don’t know about all of you out there, but i for one feel that something is missing in our lives. something besides the sunlight. i cannot offer that to you, but I believe I can fix the other thing we all lack.”

The robot paused, and the entire Underground was silent for a heartbeat.

“our lives have become monotonous. The same thing day in and day out. I have come to change that.” The robot sat up a little straighter. “i wish to deliver something to each and every one of you. a little bit of entertainment. I want to re-open the tv channels and radio stations, and use the radio waves we have to bring about a little bit of our own sunlight to the underground.”

Another pause, another Underground wide silence.

“who am I, might you ask?” The robot stood up, and the camera followed a moment later. “I am your humble performer, here to lay myself before you and your whims. my name is Mettasans, and I am here to work for you.” The robot held out his hand towards the camera, and each and every monster felt, somehow, he was speaking directly to them. “I am going to bring about a revolution in your lives. But,” Mettasans lowered his arm, “i cannot do this alone. Those of you out there that can work a camera or a microphone or know how to mix music or possess any some skill, i need your help.

“and i need you all to tell me what you want to see and hear. What could i do to bring you all joy? what is it you want to have me perform and broadcast for you all? I cannot bring this change without you, and I don’t want to try without everyone. However, I do believe that with a little work, this can happen. Together, we can all make our lives a little bit better. so, what do you think? will you help me to break the monotony of our lives?”

Mettasans stopped speaking for a moment, like he was expecting a response.

“i look forward to the future. One we all can enjoy while we wait for freedom.”

Mettasans took one last moment of silence. The Underground waited for his final words.

“If you wish to join this cause, find me on undernet. I hope to hear from you all soon. until then, stay glamorous, Underground.” Mettasans bowed to the camera, then looked up one last time to say: “Mettasans, signing off.”

And once again, the Underground’s TV and radios descended into static. Monsters stared at their screens, mouths agape. Something inside them had changed. Despite only having sat in one position for four minutes, every monster with a heartbeat felt it go crazy. People’s magic crackled around them as they felt something they had not felt in a long time.

Undyne would later tell Alphys that that the average monster gained almost four HP from Mettasans’ first broadcast. A bigger gain than the acquisition of a human SOUL had ever produced.

For the first time in a long while, the Underground was filled with hope for the immediate future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession time: On a list of Undertale Characters, ranked in order of how much I like them, Mettaton comes like second-to-last, and Jerry's an outlier anyway so Mettaton resides at the bottom of the list. Not to say I don't like him, I do, but compared to everyone else, he's just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's due to his lack of screen time (outside of acting in Alphys' production for you), but I never really got a sense of who he was. Sure, I got all the external traits he portrays, but I never got the same depth as everyone else.
> 
> But! I do think Mettaton is one of the most important people in Underground life by the time Frisk gets there. Imagine living in the Underground. Nothing ever changes there. You do the same thing day in and day out. You can't travel much, you're very limited. You see the same people every day, and sure, there are differences in how you interact with them, but really, nothing is ever different in your life.
> 
> Everything but TV. You might watch every program Mettaton has or just his cooking show, something is different. You have something to look forward to, even if it's just the next episode of that Soap Opera. You might have the promise of freedom one day, but that's just it. Freedom will come One Day. Maybe not in your lifetime. But Mettaton makes a different dish on his cooking show every week. You can get a new recipe.
> 
> For this very reason, I think Mettaton was a very good thing for the Underground. He brought change, entertainment and distraction to people who would otherwise have nothing. I don't doubt Mettaton saved more than a few monsters' sanity. Mettaton might have been a vapid, shallow, egotistical jerk, but to the underground as a whole, he was a good thing. I'd argue that Mettaton is just as important to the Underground as Undyne or Asgore is by the time Frisk falls.
> 
> To the people of the Underground Asgore was their king, Undyne was their hero, but Mettaton was their STAR.


	10. [waiting}, or You Realize You're Going To Have To Teach Me How Jaws Work Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans gets his first taste of life piggybacking on Mettaton's rise to stardom.

[huh.]

{Huh, what?}

Mettaton had thrown his hands up in delight and exhilaration when Alphys signaled that the broadcast was over, and was dancing a small jig. The “crew” was all staring at him, in what seemed to be pure disbelief.

[that wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be.]

{You enjoyed that?} Mettaton practically squealed in thought.

[no, it was horrible, but…]

{Yes?}

[frankly, i’d forgotten how uplifting your first appearance was.]

{Sans! Stop with the flattery, I’m going to blush.}

[yeah whatever. i’m just glad no one remembers me.]

[having people know i was part of that shameless display…]

[that would be less than humerus]

Mettaton was interrupted from celebrating by Alphys coming up the escalator.

“Mettasans,” She said, holding one hand over her phone, “i-it’s for you.”

“Hello? Mettasans speaking!” Sans took back the voice processor with little resistance from Mettaton.

“Howdy, this is Asgore.” The king’s voice came from the receiver. “Can you talk Sans?”

“Yes, of course I can, your majesty! what can i do for you?” Sans kept up the Mettaton tone of voice. There were too many people around. Breaking character and talking about timeline shenanigans could cause a bit of a stir.

“A-are you sure?”

“yes of course I’m sure! I’m not broadcasting anymore.” Moving the phone from his face, Sans said, “Alphys, pay the good people, would you?” He turned around and went back to the phone call. “sorry! I had to hire a few people to work cameras and such. you called about?”

“Oh! If you can’t talk Sans, that’s okey-dokey. You can call back.”

“No, sir! it’s fine, i swear.”

“Alrighty, if you’re sure...well, i called for two reasons. I wanted to tell you that you did excellent on TV.”

“oh, sir! No, no, no, don’t compliment me, there are others much more deserving of praise!”

“The other SOUL in you? He was the one performing?”

“yes, sir.”

“Well, tell him he did a good job.”

{I can hear him.}

“no, sir. You’re not breaking up, i can hear you just fine.”

“We’re not breaking up, what are you talking about?”

Sans stifled a sigh. Asgore was smart, just not very good at reading between the lines.

“Nothing, sir. what else did you want to discuss?”

“Oh, right. I nearly forgot. Undyne came by today and mentioned that she wanted to send a trainee for judgement and…well, it is highly likely I let it slip that I was no longer doing the judgements myself.”

“And what did she think of the show?”

“Oh, what? I don’t know if she even saw it.”

“No, sir. I want to know how she took the news.”

“Oh, oh! I get what you’re doing!” Asgore laughed, and Sans cringed from the sheer volume of it. “You’re doing that double-talk. Like I remember you used to do all the time.”

“Yes, sir. i’m glad you understand what i was going for. it’s so hard to write a decent script.”

“...script? Ah, I do not suppose that matters. What were we discussing?”

“Oh, yes, i remember Undyne.”

“Right! Anywho, Undyne...she’s not happy. She demanded I tell her who the new Judge was. Don’t worry, I didn’t say, but… I have a feeling she’s going to try something. And after the last time you saw each other…”

“understood sir. i’ll be careful.”

“Good! I assume I’ll have to call you soon, to tell you when she’s sending that trainee. Do you have a way for me to contact you that’s not done through Alphys?”

“Yes, sir. Alphys built a phone directly into my head! it’s very convenient, if i do say so myself. I can give you the number…” Sans scanned the room as he did so. Jerry was the only worker left, having used Alphys’ sink to clean the slime off himself. Sans watched him totter out of the lab, gold jingling as he played with it. Sans couldn’t say he was sad to see the little shit go.

“I’ve got it, thank you Sans. I’ll be in touch.” Asgore said.

“Call anytime!” Sans chirped, still doing his best Mettaton impression. Alphys was still in earshot after all.

“Farewell.” Asgore said, then hung up. Sans handed the phone back to Alphys as Mettaton took back the parts of their body Sans had taken from him for the call.

“Wh-what did we want?” Alphys asked.

“Oh, just wanted to compliment my performance.” Mettaton said. Sans sighed.

[goddamnit]

[undyne’s probably pissed]

[we should probably femur for our lives]

{Are puns just the way you deal with stress?}

Had Sans possessed blood, he would have felt it run cold. His stomach sinking, he put two and two together and did not like the number four right now.

[i dunno. is being a shallow asshole the way you deal with stress?]

{Holy fuck. That was uncalled for Sans.}

[shut up]

Sans knew he had overreacted, but he had just realized that at this point in time, Undyne had only one trainee.

Sans was probably going to have to Judge Papyrus.

[g o d d a m n i t]

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few days, so many monsters submitted various things to Mettasans’ Undernet account it buckled and crashed beneath the sheer amount of data. Not even Alphys’ technical skills could save it. Eventually, she just set up a new website that was built to handle everything the Underground could throw at it. And there were a lot of things it had to catch. File after file of resumeés from every kind of monster beneath Mt Ebott. Pages of show suggestions that ranged from excellent to… well, atleast they tried. Mettasans and Alphys had a good time going through everything but late at night, when she was asleep, Mettaton simply Ctrl-F’ed for what he knew he would eventually choose. At the end of a week, Mettaton had his list of future employees and programs.

Sans had not gotten the call from Asgore.

Sans and Mettaton went through Papyrus’ Undernet account, looking for anything that would suggest he was told about the initiation test. There was nothing, as far as either of them could tell. Then again, it was supposed to remain a secret.

Then again, again, it was Pap they were talking about.

Mettaton took screenshots of any post Papyrus had made about Mettasans and saved the images to his memory.

[you have no right to miss him]

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Halfway through the next week and Mettaton had contacted those he wished to hire and conducted ‘interviews.’ Watching the last one of them go, Mettaton had sighed.

[‘sup?]

{I don’t know. It’s just...life.}

[i don’t know if i should take that answer seriously.]

{I mean...life is so...boring now. I know how everything is going to happen. I know I get famous. I know everyone I’m going to meet before they ever meet me. I know...everything.}

[no you don’t. not even close.]

[but i get what you mean.]

[that’s what it used to be like for me.]

Sans, for his part, was having the most interesting timeline he’d seen since the first few.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of the second week, Mettasans had announced what show concepts he had chosen and the first day of programing. The Underground was going wild. People were demanding Asgore announce a Underground-wide day off for it. When Mettasans walked through New Home, looking for props/costumes/equipment, monster after monster asked for a picture or an autograph. Shopkeepers gave him huge discounts.

Mettasans was a star, and he hadn’t even filmed anything yet.

[was this what it was like the first time?]

{Yes. I couldn’t believe it at the time.}

Despite how disappointed in everything Mettaton sounded internally, Sans could feel the excitement and giddy the robot really felt. Every time someone stopped them on the street, Sans could feel the little bubble of joy that rose in Mettaton. It was almost infectious. If Sans hadn’t been hanging on every moment for that phone call from Asgore, he might have gotten caught up in it.

Might being the operative word.

Every interaction Mettaton had, every autograph signed or photograph taken, drained Sans. Mettaton thrived off the attention he got. Sans wanted to curl up in the lab and sleep after one conversation on the street. So it was with some relief that Sans gave Mettaton full control while on their little excursions. He even let Mettaton speak, if just because Sans couldn’t keep up all the little small talk and squealing girls. He kept an ear out for what was being said, of course, but didn’t put all that much effort into involving himself in Mettaton’s conversations.

Besides, if and when Sans got bored talking to people, he would could always force Mettaton to drop what he was carrying. It quickly became his favorite way to tell Mettaton that it was time to go back to the lab.

{You could always use your big-boy words darling~.}

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mettaton was staring in a mirror again, running his hands across his face, and scanning the whole body up and down. He pulled his fingers through the white hair and relaid it so it covered the left eye.

[like what you see?]

{Ugh.}

{Look, we’re hideous. I’m hideous.}

[welp. wish i could help you with that, but uh…]

[tibia honest, i don’t care.]

Mettaton was still staring in the mirror when he spoke. “Hey, Alphys?”

“Hm? Y-yes Mettasans?” Alphys called from another room.

“Is there any way you could, I don’t know…do something with my mouth?”

“D-do something? W-what do you mean?” Sans could practically hear the blush on Alphys’ face.

“Change it, just a bit. Make it move when I speak.”

[what]

“Oh, y-yeah. I could do that. No problem. J-just need a few things…” Sans could hear her rummaging through a tool box.

[no. don’t.]

{I thought you didn’t care?}

[my mouth is my mouth. it doesn’t move.]

[never has, never will.]

Alphys came down from the upper portion of the lab, cradling some titanium pieces and tools.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[fuck you.]

Mettaton was working his now fully-functioning jaw in the mirror.

{Come on, try it.}

{You might find it…}

{jawsome}

Sans was battling the snicker inside him when the phone in his head rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because tomorrow's New Years Eve, I'm not going to have time to update. Have a Wednesday update instead.
> 
> ALSO! I now have a tumblr. I realized I spend too much time on that site to not have an account. I don't know if any of you actually care that much, but it exists now. Same username, TheInevitableSense.


	11. [judgement, pt 1A}, or What Do You Mean "1A?" How Long Does This Take? I've Got A Show To Film.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which discoveries are made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at stats* 113 kudos? What.
> 
> Also: short chapter is short. Sorry.

“Sans, Undyne says her trainee is ready.”

Mettaton had to take the phone call after that, assuring Asgore that Sans would indeed be there. Sans had retreated to the farthest point away from the phone he could, pooling his consciousness in Mettasans’s left foot. He stayed there until he heard Mettaton disconnect the call.

{Sans?}

[don’t talk to me.]

{It's going to be fine.}

 [shut up. you don't know.]

{We've got half an hour.}

{We could go talk to Undyne.}

{Convince her this is a bad idea.}

[there's no way i ever could.]

[undyne… she's very good at what she does.]

[so good my job became most ceremonial once she took over the royal guard]

[if she thinks papyrus is ready…]

{Maybe he is.}

[do you really think that?]

{No.}

Mettaton glanced at his internal clock. They had ten minutes before Papyrus got to the Judgement Hall. “Alphys?” He called. “I’m going out!”

“O-Okay. See you.”

Mettaton walked out the front door of the lab and Sans waited for the doors to shut behind him before opening a shortcut. Sans felt Mettaton’s SOUL spasm as they passed through space. Mettaton took a step into the judgement hall and immediately fell over, hitting the floor of the hall with a crash of metal. He groaned.

{Oh go-od.}

[you okay?]

{Everything’s spinning}

{Everything hurts.}

{What did you do?}

[let us take a shortcut.]

Mettaton raised his eyes and scanned the golden light that surrounded them.

{What kind of shortcut is this?}

[a teleporting kind.]

Mettaton put his head back on the floor.

{I feel like shit.}

[yep.]

Sans could feel Mettaton’s SOUL tremble slightly, even after a few moments of following the laws physics. Sans’s method of travel wasn’t exactly kind to those who, well, weren’t him.

{Robot bodies can’t vomit but—}

{I really want to.}

[give me the body. recover while i...see pap.]

Mettaton gladly gave up the body and Sans felt him curl up in the stomach. Mettaton’s SOUL was still experiencing tremors, and he groaned again. Sans stood up, and walked behind the pillar he normally stood behind to wait. He gazed out the window and out over the city. With Mettaton concerned with his own pain, Sans felt he actually had freedom to think on his own for the first time in a while. He really did not want to do this. Unless this Sans-less Papyrus was different than the Papyrus that grew up under his older brother, Papyrus was not good for the Royal Guard. Sans knows what happens when Papyrus joins the Royal Guard. But he also knows what might happen if he rejects Papyrus right here, right now.

Sans figured he was going to have a bad time, no matter what happened here.

{Papyrus is strong.} Mettaton said, weakly.

[oh, you’re listening?]

{I can’t not listen.}

[...do you understand what happens if i reject pap and he wants an appeal?]

{No.}

[...i have to try and kill him.]

Mettaton went into shocked silence. Sans sighed, and explained:

[if i say someone isn’t fit for the guard, they can appeal me.]

[we enter a fight, and…]

[either i walk out or there is a new member of the guard.]

{Holy fuck.}

[yeah.]

{What are you going to do?}

[...]

Sans shut his eyes and considered the four outcomes to this situation he could see.

[can i ask you something?]

[if it means pap lives…]

[are you okay with—]

{Yes.}

The lack of hesitation startled Sans. His eyes widened, and he felt this simulated breath hitch for a moment.

[you didn’t let me finish.]

{If Papyrus lives, I’m okay with what you have to do.}

Sans felt the quiet sincerity in Mettaton’s voice. For the first time, a little rock of [guilt? regret? sympathy?] for Mettaton lodged itself in Sans. Mettaton was willing to die for Papyrus. This was...unexpected, especially after what Mettaton had done to Pap. But before Sans got a chance to say anything, he felt a SOUL enter the hall. It tugged at his consciousness as Sans unconsciously started his scan of its properties.

LV: 1,

ATT 7,

DEF 0

[what?]

[pap’s stronger than that…]

Sans gasped as more detailed information entered his mind. The trainee approaching wasn’t Papyrus. It wasn’t even a trainee.

Undyne’s metal boots clanked against the ground as she approached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P-p-p-plot twist!
> 
> Okay, a few things.
> 
> 1) I am soooo sorry for missing yesterday. Normally, I'm like "I might miss next update, better say something" but then I end up making it. The one time I'm like "naw, I'm fine" I wasn't fine. I went back to school yesterday and got slapped in the face by the extreme uptick in work I have now. Mettasans shouldn't be effected much, as I do have a sizable backlog, but if my uploads are off, you know why.
> 
> 2) I have a beta now! Yeah. No more "I think I caught everything whoops no I didn't." But it hasn't read this chapter, so no uptick in edited quality yet. It's going through the previous chapters right now though! Eventually, I will be updating all chapters with it's work. Nothing plot-wise is going to change, simply fixing grammar and phrasing issues. If you want to go back and read, I let you know when chapters change, but don't worry about it. Nothing is going to affect you if you don't. Your choice.
> 
> Finally, 3) I cannot believe the feedback I've gotten on this so far. You all are amazing.


	12. {Judgement, pt 1B} or, Undyne Throws Down The Gauntlet And Sans Picks It Right Back Up And Slaps Her With It.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No gauntlets were harmed in the making of this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter still hasn't been Beta'd yet, but it's plowing through the early stuff at an incredible speed. So hold on, we'll get there!

Sans waited until Undyne was partially down the hall before taking a shortcut behind her. Mettaton let out another groan of pain and curled himself into a tighter ball. If Mettaton had teeth, he would be clenching them has hard as possible. Whatever Sans was doing with these shortcuts, it hurt. It felt like a million bullets piercing into his very SOUL from every angle possible at once. Even after Sans came out the other side, Mettaton felt like garbage. After the intense pressure and pain on his SOUL, the sensation flipped and felt like his SOUL was trying split apart. Mettaton felt like he was shaking, despite having no physical body to shake.

Mettaton looked out Sans’s eyes, trying to distract himself from the racking pain in his very existence. Undyne marched slowly away from them, dressed entirely in shiny black armour. Even her hair was tucked beneath her helmet. Mettaton watched as she approached the pillar that Sans had just been behind. She stopped, and turned her head slowly, looking around.

{What’s she doing?}

[looking for the new judge, i’d guess.]

{What’s she doing here?}

[i dunno.]

Undyne slowly moved to the right pillar and glanced behind it. Finding nothing, she scanned the area down the hall towards Mettasans as she crossed to the other pillar. Sans took yet another shortcut to avoid being spotted as she looked down the left pillars.

{Can you stoooooooop thaaaat?} Mettaton pleaded.

Sans didn’t answer, watching Undyne carefully. She walked back to the center of the hall and turned in a slow circle. When she had her back to Mettasans, she stopped and rolled her shoulders, causing the armour to clank gently against itself. Sans and Mettaton watched as she did… absolutely nothing.

[she’s waiting for us.]

{No shit.} Mettaton said, still recovering from the last shortcut.

[i’m actually kind of impressed.]

[she’s breaking all kinds of rules just to see who the judge is.]

[probably badgered asgore about it nonstop.]

{What are you going to do?}

[wait for her to leave.]

Sans leaned against the pillar and watched Undyne out of the corner of his eye. Undyne glared straight ahead, clenching and unclenching her fists. Sans didn’t move. Mettaton watched the internal clock.

1 minute of silence.

5 minutes of silence.

7 minutes of silence.

Undyne looked up at the ceiling and drummed her fingers against her thigh.

11 minutes of silence.

{I don’t think she’s leaving.}

[no, neither do i.]

{Now what?}

[might as well give her what she wants.]

Sans took one yet another shortcut to lean against the same pillar on the opposite sides. Mettaton managed to not make a sound this time, but felt all the recovery he had done go flying out the window.

“i’m not going to stop you.” Sans said into the still air. Undyne spun on one heel, forming a spear in her hands and sliding into an attack posture.

“You’ve already been judged, Undyne.”

Undyne took a few steps forward, dissipating the spear in her hands. She took her helmet off and let it drop to the floor.

“ _You_?” Undyne asked, incredulously. “The fucking robot that prances around on tv?”

“I’ve only been on air once.” Sans said.

“You’re the _judge_?” Undyne yelled, ignoring Sans.

“yep.” Sans said.

Undyne’s face contorted into rage. “I can’t believe it. Asgore chose you? You!? He retires from judging and chooses a goddamn robot to replace him?”

“I guess.” Sans shrugged, as if the decision had not been in his control.

“Don’t just shrug me off! Do you know how important this job is? The future of the guard rests on the judge!”

“i know.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Undyne roared, spear re-forming in her hand.

“Doing my job.” Sans said. “what are you doing here? Judgement is for trainees, not you.”

“I came to see that Asgore chose a replacement responsibly. Obviously, he and I need to speak.” Undyne spun again and turned to walk to the throne room. Mettaton felt his SOUL heave as Sans took a shortcut to stand in her way. Undyne stumbled backwards when Mettasans appeared in front of her.

“Out of my way.” She commanded.

“no.”

“Out. Of. My. Way.”

“uh. no.”

Undyne snarled at him.

“do you know how many laws you’ve broken? Impersonating a royal guard trainee, interrupting a judgement… the list goes on.”

“Who gives a shit? You’re not qualified for this job.”

“i’m much more qualified than you think.”

Undyne let out a laugh. “Oh really? I don’t believe you.”

“you don’t have to. Asgore thinks so.”

“Asgore is wrong. There are thousands of monsters more qualified for this than you.”

“i don’t think so.”

“Oh yeah?” Undyne’s eyes glimmered. “Prove it.”

“i don’t need to.”

“Oh! You don’t _need_ to? Okay!” Undyne’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “I’ll just go on my merry way! Fuck you.”

Sans stared her down. Mettasans was just the slightest bit taller than her, but Mettaton shrank away from her glare.

“Fight me.” Undyne said, breaking the silence. “You win, I’ll leave you alone. I win, you resign.”

“what? No.”

“Fight me or forfeit.”

Sans stared at her, and when she didn’t back down, internally sighed.

“ok. your way.” Sans took the role of aggressor and felt himself slide into the FIGHT universe with Undyne. Technically, since he started the FIGHT, Undyne got to go first, but…

“I don’t want you to underestimate me. i am—” Sans interrupted himself by summoning a line of bones and firing them at the floor just in front of Undyne’s feet. “giving you a fair warning.” He finished as Undyne stared at him with one wide eye.

“You just...I’m supposed to go first!” Undyne said, looking down at the floor where the attack had landed. Sans waited for her to go in silence. Undyne swallowed, regained her composure and threw a barrage of spears in a straight line. Sans counted her spears as they flew in the air towards him.

[huh.]

{‘Huh’ what?}

[she’s calculated how many spears she needs to knock us down to one hp.]

{How?}

[we fought once before, remember? she knows our hp and how much dmg one of her attacks does.]

[she wants to end this quickly.]

Sans let the first spear get close enough to send fear coursing through Mettaton before taking a step to the side. Once again, Undyne was caught off guard by Sans’s cheating.

“What the hell?” Undyne asked, almost mumbling to herself.

“i told you. Don’t underestimate me.” Sans said, then took his own turn, bringing a line of Gaster Blasters into existence and firing at her. In the moment before the lasers hit her at full force, Mettaton saw what looked like fear flash across her face. The blue light that engulfed Undyne seared into Mettaton’s eyes, causing him to wince. Sans stared coolly at the slight grey smudge that was Undyne.

When the blasts dissipated, Undyne had dropped to her knees, and was surrounded by blackened tile. Her health bar appeared and dropped to 1 HP. Undyne looked up at Mettasans and Mettaton could see blackened burns on her face and neck.

“It’s finished.” Sans said.

Undyne shut her eyes and lowered her head onto her chest. For a moment, Mettaton actually thought the fight was over. Then she snapped her head up and sneered at Mettasans. The burns on her face were…

{Gone? She didn’t heal just then, did she?}

[...no?]

Undyne’s health bar re-appeared as she stood up, her HP slowly returning to normal.

“Do you really think I’m just going to let you win?” Undyne asked. The look in her eyes was one of sheer willpower. “Fuck that.” Undyne said, and launched a spear attack that fanned out in an arc away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've finally figured out the best way to write and manipulate AO3's text input. 12 chapters in.
> 
> *sighs*


	13. {Judgment, part 1C] or Undyne Snatches That Gauntlet From Sans And Throws Away That Outdated Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean, come on? Chivalry? What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's on the shorter side too. Sorry.

Sans was almost caught off guard and was forced to duck under the attack. Mettaton watched the spears sail just a hair over Sans’s head. They struck the opposite wall and dissipated in little blue-green shards. Sans snapped his head up and looked at Undyne. She was sneering at them.

“Think you’re the only one with a few tricks?” She asked. Sans stood up to normal height and planted his hand on his FIGHT button. This time, Gaster Blasters were accompanied with a few bones sent straight for the Royal Guard Captain. She took every hit with a smile, and Mettaton watched as an attack that was supposed to drop her HP to 1 barely made a dent. Undyne replied with spears she summoned from all angles. Sans was forced to teleport out of the impact zone. Undyne didn’t stop though. Her attack went on, following Sans as he flashed around the hall. By the time Undyne’s turn ended, six teleports had occurred and Mettaton was screaming in pain and begging Sans to just take a hit.

{It’s not like you have 1 HP anymore, please just take a hit! Oh god it hurts so bad. }

Mettaton could feel Sans try and block him out. Mettaton just screamed louder. Sans used a horizontal bone to trip Undyne, then skewered her with as many as he could summon from the floor. Undyne stood, holes in her body filling themselves in. She stared at him, hand hovering right above where her FIGHT button is. Sans sent another bone through the button itself, impaling Undyne’s hand. Once she removed it, Sans threw bones across the entirety of her interface, trying to delay her attack.

[hey, shut up for a minute. i need to think.]

Mettaton devolved from screaming to whimpers of pain.

{About what?}

[how undyne is managing this.]

Mettaton left Sans to think through the science mumbo-jumbo flashing through his mind to try and comfort himself. Sans wasn’t teleporting now, everything was fine—

Undyne found a break in Sans’s interface screw and hit her FIGHT button as fast as she could. She tried her last attack again, but with triple the spears at double speed. Sans’s teleporting expertise saved them from a horrible, stabby death, but Mettaton was back to screaming. Not dignified or excited screams but full on, uncontrolled pain screams.

Sans took his turn hitting Undyne with a few more Gaster Blasts but couldn’t seem to do any major damage. Undyne took her turn by having spears to erupt from the ground around her. Sans managed to find places to put his feet that didn’t cause him to take any damage. The two of them went back and forth like this, Sans dodging every attack sent his way and Undyne absorbing every attack Sans threw at her.

Mettaton could tell, even through his pain, that Sans was getting very frustrated. He couldn’t figure out what Undyne was doing and Mettaton wasn’t helping. This time, Sans took his magic and picked Undyne up. He slammed her into pillars back and forth, into the ground and the ceiling, at one point almost throwing her through a window. Glass shattered around her as she fell to the ground. Sans wasn’t done yet, throwing Undyne against one more pillar.

Her HP decreased by 13 points.

Sans screamed internally. Mettaton was watching Undyne get to her feet when he noticed something. It was a small, green/blue smudge on the pillar Undyne had hit last. It almost looked like a colored version of the sludge that sometimes formed in Snowdin when too many people were out and about. Looking closely, Mettaton thought he saw the glint of scales in the mess. It began dripping down the pillar. Mettaton turned his attention to Undyne, who was standing up at the base of the pillar. Mettaton could almost swear—

{Sans? Sans! Oh fuck.Oh fuck fuck fuck shit fuck}

[w h a t ?]

{Undyne! Look at her face!}

Undyne had a chunk of skin missing {the bit on the pillar} from the left side of her face, but the skin above it was coming down to cover the damage. Not just that skin though, part of her chin was starting to drip onto her armour. The area above her left eye was starting to malform.

[fuck. shit fuck. goddamn it. DETERMINATION. how? fuckfuckfuckfuck how?]

“Undyne? are you okay?” Sans asked, the question spilling out of him as Undyne slammed her FIGHT button.

“Never been better!” She cried, unleashing a barrage of spears. Sans dodged them all, and one spear sailed out the broken window. Sans looked at her as her left brow started to fall into her eye. “Your turn!”

Sans reached out to touch Undyne, hitting the ACT button in the process. He couldn’t bring himself to put his hand in the melting flesh, and recoiled the hand.

“undyne, we need to stop.” Sand said.

“FORFEIT?” Undyne asked.

“no! I, just, undyne you need—”

“Then it’s my turn!” Undyne grabbed Sans’s hand, pulled him in close and suplexed him, causing his head to just miss the pillar. She sprung up, leaving Sans on the floor. Part of her face had fallen on his during the attack. Sans sat up, and held out the pile of melted scaled to her.

“u n d y n e . you need to stop.”

“What is that?” She asked peering down at his hand.

“Part of your face. you’re falling apart.” Sans said. Undyne bunched her eyebrows (her right one and what was left of her left one) and reached up to her face. Her hand came away with more scale goop and her one good eye widened.

“What? What?” Undyne shrieked, holding her hand out in front of her face. Her left eye was starting to leak out from under her collapsed brow. “What did you do?”

“Nothing! just— just, here.” Sans hit his MERCY button and hit *spare. Undyne accepted it and the FIGHT universe faded around them. Sans stood up and went to Undyne.

{Holy fuck what do we do? what do we do what do we do—}

Sans reached out, and tried to take her hand. Undyne recoiled, causing little bits of what used to be her eye fly away from her face.

“Undyne, i’m trying to help. please, let me take you to Asgore.” Undyne took another step back, pressing her hands to her eye. That’s when Mettaton saw the holes in her stomach were also leaking flesh and {Oh god… Is that bone?}.

“Tell me what you did! What kind of magic is this?” Undyne demanded, the fear on her face evolving to anger. The yellow liquid of her eye began to leak out of the cracks between her fingers.

“I did not do this to you, Undyne. but I would like to help.” Sans said calmly, putting his hands out, palms towards Undyne. Taking a slow step forward, Sans gently took one of Undyne’s wrists and lowered her hands. Once again, Mettaton felt like he was going to be sick. What was left of Undyne’s cheek was tinged yellow with what was left of her eye. As the flesh dripped onto the hall floor, Mettaton could see more and more of her bone protrude from her face. Sans gently reached up and touched an exposed muscle from her chin, and Undyne flinched away from it.

Pulling his hand away, Sans said: “I'm taking you to Asgore.” Before Undyne could protest, Sans took one of her hands and took a shortcut to right outside the Throne Room. Undyne let out a small groan and fell against Sans, knees collapsing from the sudden pain of teleportation. Mettaton could sympathize. Sans swept her into his arms, and carried her into the Throne Room. Asgore had his back turned and was tending to the flowers.

“Asgore! Sir!” The king turned around and dropped his watering can. After a moment of shock, he was there. Purple cape billowing around him, Asgore put his hand on Undyne's forehead.

“What happened Sans?”

“She came for judgement, to see who took your place.” Sans said, hoisting Undyne into Asgore’s arms. “Challenged me to a FIGHT.”

“You didn't do this, did you?” Asgore asked, examining Undyne's face

“No. Sir, I'll answer questions later. She needs your attention.”

“I don't need help…” Undyne muttered.

“Hush. Don't speak.” Asgore whispered, walking out the Throne Room, caring Undyne towards the residential portion of the palace. Sans could see the gentle glow of healing magic emitting from his paw as Asgore turned the corner.

{We’re zero for two when it comes to not almost killing Undyne.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not Beta'd yet, but OH WELL. We'll get there.
> 
> (Did you notice I can't write fight scenes yet? 'Cuz I did.)


	14. {Aftermath] or, How Long Does It Take You To Learn Not To Do Something The Scary Teleporting Skeleton Tells You Not To Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans lies, Mettaton gets dunked on and a ship is built, in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter to make up for the shortness of the last one! WHOOOOOO!

Asgore returned sometime later. Sans stood against the wall of the throne room, and looked up when he entered.

“She’ll be fine,” Asgore said, “I managed to reconstruct most of what had been damaged.”

“Most?”

“Everything but her eye.” Asgore said with a sigh. “That’s gone.” Asgore crossed the room and picked up his watering can. Sans had righted it in the time Asgore had been gone. The King slowly began watering his flowers again. “Would you mind telling me what happened?”

Sans told Asgore what had happened, starting from the moment Undyne had entered the hall. Asgore listened patiently, not interrupting even when Sans described Undyne sudden recovery and just as sudden injuries. When Sans finished, Asgore was silent for a moment.

“Do you know what happened to Undyne? Why she began to…melt?”

“i have a theory sir.”

“I would like to hear it.”

“well, it’s complicated.”

“A lot of things involving you Sans are complicated.”

Sans chuckled. “i suppose so. my best guess as to what happened involves something called ‘DETERMINATION.’”

“Determination?” Asgore said.

“No, uh. DETERMINATION. imagine i’m speaking all caps. it’s a property found within human SOULS. It’s part of the reason humans have different abilities and rules while in a FIGHT, as well as other various abilities. it’s one of the major differences between humans and monsters. Most monsters don’t have it.”

“Yet Undyne did?”

“Somehow.”

“And this… DETERMINATION caused her to melt?”

“yeah. That’s what happens when a monster comes in contact with DETERMINATION.”

“How do you know all this?”

“alphys discovers it in a few months.” Sans said. “It’s a pretty major breakthrough.”

Asgore sighed again, and lowered the watering can to the ground.

“Monsters don’t normally have DETERMINATION, right?”

“yeah. which leaves us with a mystery as to how Undyne managed to get some. Alphys won’t know about it for a while yet. Maybe Undyne just….sir i don’t know.”

“There is no way to know, is there?” Asgore mused. “What should I tell her?”

“tell her it’s a… type of magic. One only to be used in extreme circumstances. it can kill her very quickly if she’s not careful.”

Asgore nodded. “Okie-dokie. Perhaps it’s better if you leave before she wakes up.” He suggested.

Sans nodded. “of course, sir.” And a second later Sans was back at Alphys’ lab. The sliding doors opened and Sans called out to the scientist, but the lights were off. Sans turned on the light on the first floor, then got on the escalator and rode it up to the second floor. Flipping the second light switch, it wasn’t long before Sans noticed the note Alphys had left. She had gone to the dump.

[alright mettaton. body’s yours.]

As Mettaton regained his control, he realized the pain from teleporting was ten times worse when he had physical sensation to amplify what he felt in his SOUL. Wincing from the pain, Mettaton turned his thoughts to the skeleton in his brain.

{You lied to Asgore.}

[what?]

{You know why Undyne had… What did you call it? DETERMINATION?}

[no. no i don’t.]

{I can feel you lying.}

[i’m not lying.]

{Oh really? I can go spelunking through your memories and I find out.}

[d o n ‘ t  y o u  d a r e .]

{Your ‘Mr. Scary Skeleton’ voice is getting less impressive you know.}

[i  s w e a r  t o  e v e r y  g o d  i n  e x i s t e n c e  i f  y o u  e v e n  t o u c h  m y  m e m o r i e s . . .]

{If you’re not lying you’ve got nothing to hide darling~} Mettaton began to dive into the part of Sans’s consciousness that housed his memories. He was halfway through Sans’s memories of his time stuck with Mettaton before he felt the tell-tale pulsation of his SOUL. He braced himself and went a little further [papyrus cackling to himself as he constructed a snowman] before the second pulse shocked him out of Sans’s mind. The third, fourth and fifth teleports came and went.

{Okay, okay! Message received!}

The eighth pulse left Mettaton in screams and whimpers. The twelfth left Mettaton unable to scream. Then Sans forced Mettaton back into the body and the pain multiplied. Mettaton felt his synthetic tears spill down his cheeks. His knees buckled and Mettaton curled himself into the smallest ball he could manage. The pressure of the floor against his side caused pain to flare across him. His jaw and eyes were clenched as tightly as possible.

[dont]

[fucking]

[do]

[that]

[ever]

[again]

Mettaton nodded, sending waves of pain through his skull and neck, and continued crying on the floor.

[good.]

And Sans went silent, leaving Mettaton to his sobs of pain. His body was racked with agony, and Mettaton could feel himself trembling. This was so much worse than just being a SOUL. Mettaton’s nerve system was interpreting his SOUL’s shuddering in the worst possible way, sending burning fire in quick little waves across his body. It was lasting so much longer than normal too, but maybe that was just his distorted perception of time.

Suddenly a hand was on Mettaton’s shoulder and his eyes snapped open. Alphys was there, eyes wide in fear and concern. Mettaton hadn’t even heard her come in. He pulled away from her touch, the little bit of physical sensation causing pain.

“Mettasans? Oh god. W-What’s wrong?” Mettaton tried to reply but found himself unable to work his voice through the pain. Alphys asked again but her voice caused Mettaton’s head to pound. Mettaton instinctively grabbed his ears. Alphys pulled back and opened her mouth to say something before thinking better of it. She scuttled off and Mettaton shut his eyes again, distinctly aware of her every footstep. They faded away, but soon returned. Mettaton felt her brush his hair away from the back of his neck, but Mettaton curled his head away from her, tucking it into his chest as far as possible. Alphys persisted though, putting her hand firmly on the back of his neck. Despite Mettaton’s whimper of pain, Aphys held him still long enough to plug some cord into his neck.

Mettaton screamed as it entered his body, sending searing pain down his spine. His back arched in reflex as he reached back to pull it out. Alphys swatted his hands away, and when he tried again, she held both his wrists in one hand.

“Please, M-Mettasans. I'm trying to help.” Once again her words sent flares of white-hot pain through Mettaton’s skull. He would be comforted by her, if he could think rationally though his pain. The pressure on his wrists was excruciating. He thrashed as he tried to remove Alphys’ grip, the erratic movement causing more pain, but less than the one he was trying to remove. Mettaton’s head collided with Alphys’s leg and the impact dazed him. He fell still as his vision swam and he struggled to regain his bearings.

“Shhh. Shhh. It'll be better s-soon.” Alphys said, and let go of his wrists. Mettaton simply cried harder.

Then a wave of relief washed over him. Sickly sweet nothingness came from his physical senses. Mettaton could see that he was still on the floor, but he could no longer feel the floor beneath him. His SOUL still hurt, but with the removal of his sense of touch, the pain was immeasurably reduced.

“M-Mettasans? A-Are you okay now?”

“It hurts Alphys. It hurts so bad.” Mettaton muttered through clenched teeth, swallowing down the pain of activating his voice. It popped and crackled with static, glitching in and out with every syllable.

“It shouldn’t hurt anymore, I deactivated your nervous system!” Alphys said. Mettaton heard her frantically clicking and typing and he assumed she had her laptop open. “You’re still trembling. I-Is something wrong with your physical sensors?” She asked. Mettaton couldn’t reply. It still hurt to hear, and speaking was much worse. “Mettasans? Can you answer me?

“Quiet, please. Noise hurts. Speaking hurts.” Mettaton said.

“T-Then don't!” Alphys said, going back to typing quickly. Suddenly, she gasped. “Oh god. What happened? Why is your SOUL…”

Alphys was interrupted by the lab doors opening. She gave a little squeak, and Mettaton cringed at the sheer strength of the footsteps on the tile floor.

“MAGLAMA! Your robot! Where is he?” Undyne yelled. Mettaton gasped and threw his hands back over his ears. Alphys put her computer on the floor and stood.

“C-Captain!” Alphys ran to the down escalator, and rode it down as she pleaded “P-Please don’t yell! Mettasans is h-here, but— oh my god w-what happened?”

“Good.” Undyne said. “Where?”

“U-Upstairs, but, uh,” Mettaton heard Undyne practically stomp over to the other escalator. Alphys followed. “I-I think he’s mal-malfunctioning.”

“Malfunctioning?” Undyne asked, the word dripping with bitter disbelief.

“Y-Yes. He’s in, uh, incredible pain and l-loud noises make it worse so if you could please uh, not shout?”

“I’ll shout if I want to!” Undyne roared and Mettaton whimpered to himself, drawing his body back into a curl. She ran up the escalator, taking steps two at a time. Alphys tried her best to keep up, but Undyne was up the stairs long before Alphys. Undyne grabbed Mettasans’ shoulders and lifted him up to face her. A large medical patch covered her left eye but the surrounding skin was fine, if a little shiney from the recent healing.

“Listen here you metal shit.” Undyne yelled, pulling Mettaton’s face into hers. The pain of her shout would have been bad, if she hadn’t managed to disconnect Mettaton from Alphys’s laptop. When the cord came out, Mettaton felt his nervous system prepare to come back online. Alphys must not have made the programing change permanent, but then why would she have? Mettaton braced himself as he waited for the resurgence of pain.

“You are going to tell me what happened in the hall. Asgore gave me some bullshit about magic, and you’re the only one who could have—”

“OH GOD AUGH—” Mettaton’s shout of pain cut off as his vocal processor failed him. His shoulders burned as he registered the pressure Undyne was putting on them. He flailed and Undyne dropped him in shock. The impact on the ground caused Mettaton to start crying uncontrollably again, pulling his body away from Undyne and holding his ears again. Alphys was finally there, running over and putting a hand on his head to stabilize it. Mettaton scrabbled at her arm, but she was strong enough to re-connect the cord and quickly shut off the network of nerves in the metal body. Once again, Mettaton felt the bittersweet relief of sensory deprivation. He felt his body relax as Alphys let out a breath.

\----------

“What’s wrong with him?” Undyne asked, eyes wide in horror. Alphys’ arm had deep scratches on it where Mettasans had clawed at her.

“I-I don’t know. I f-found him l-like this.” Alphys said as quietly as possible. “H-Had to shut off all physical sensation to get him to calm down.” Undyne was quiet for a minute, the shock of seeing Mettasans in such a state taking her words away. He had been so cold, so confident not four hours ago. Alphys sat back down at her computer and flipped through a couple of screens. “W-What did you want with him?”

“It… it can wait.” Undyne said. “Do you have any idea why he’s like… this?”

“W-Well, I’m not sure. But his… You know he has a S-SOUL right?” Undyne nodded. “It’s… It’s not…” Alphys swallowed nervously. “For some reason it’s, uh, not stable. It’s shaking. And I mean literally shaking.”

“Will he be okay?” Undyne asked, coming over to stand in front of her.

“Yes! I, I’m sure... I don’t know.” Alphys admitted. “This has never happened before.” In that moment, Undyne realized how scared Alphys was. Her creation was possibly dying in front of her and Undyne had done nothing but make it worse. She sat down on the floor.

“I’m sorry.” She admitted. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have been so loud or grabbed him.”

“I-It’s not your fault. Y-You didn’t know.” Alphys said, glancing up from her computer screen.

“Can you help him?” Undyne asked.

“I-I don’t think I can. Not— Not without risking lots of damage, at least.” Alphys explained, looking sadly at the monitor in front of her. “M-Maybe it’s best if I… try to see if it stops on it’s own?”

“Can you, maybe, shut him off until then? Take away the rest of his pain.”

“I c-could, but… I don’t know if he’ll ever…” Alphys trailed off, looking at Mettasans, watching his tears of pain drip onto the floor. His eyes shifted, and made eye-contact with her. Undyne couldn’t see his expression, but Alphys’ eyes widened. Mettasans muttered something, though Undyne couldn’t tell what through the static in his voice.

“A-Are you sure?” Alphys asked. Mettasans nodded and shut his eyes. Alphys caught Undyne’s questioning look and explained: “H-He says he’ll be fine with time, a-and to shut him off.” Alphys looked down at her computer and hesitated. She shut her eyes and pressed a single key. Undyne heard the whirring coming from Mettasans increase, then slow. His body relaxed completely, and a high-pitched whine sounded as the robot shut down. Alphys put the computer on the floor beside her, then leaned over and ran a hand through Mettasans’ white hair. Undyne hesitated, then leaned over and put her hand on Alphys’ shoulder. The scientist looked over at her, shocked eyes through thick glasses.

“If he says he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine.” Undyne said confidently. There was one thing she knew about Mettasans: he was possibly the toughest opponent she’d faced since Asgore himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....admittedly, I had too much fun writing this.
> 
> Am I a bad person for that?


	15. {Argument], or Sometimes You Just Gotta Call The Voice In Your Head Out For His Bullshit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shipping, Apologies, Arguments and Explanations.
> 
> (Sort of.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naming chapters is hard guys.   
> Literally one of the hardest bits of writing.  
> Creating good characters, plots and sticking to them?   
> Easy in comparison.   
> Don't let anyone tell you different.

Mettaton woke up on the floor where he had collapsed. His body slowly came to life as he looked around for Alphys.

[good morning] Sans said, and Mettaton bristled at just how _innocent_ he sounded.

{Don’t talk to me.}

Mettaton’s body was fully operational and pain free. He sat up and flexed his fingers. Looking around, he saw that Alphys was some twenty feet away, curled over her laptop. Undyne was still there, sitting next to her. The captain of the royal guard let out a sharp bark of laughter, and Alphys giggled beside her. Shifting colors of lights flashed on their faces as they watched some show on the computer. Mettaton smiled. They were always cute together.

“NO! Don’t you seeeeee! _He’s_ the traitor!” Undyne exclaimed, flinging a hand towards the screen, pointing at some, presumably, some character.

“But she’s in looooveee.” Alphys said.

“AUGH! Celeste is _much better_ for Naomi though!” Undyne countered. “She’s badass and has those _swords_.” Undyne said admiration for something awesome in her voice.

“The swords are pretty cool.” Alphys agreed.

“Better than Shoji’s axes. So freaking _lame_.” Undyne curled her knees into her chest, protecting herself from the lameness of Shoji’s axes. Mettaton snickered, and Alphys snapped her head around. Her eyes widened as she jumped to her feet.

“Mettasans! Oh god are you okay?” She ran over to him, worry in her eyes. Undyne paused the video and turned her head to watch.

“yes, Alphys. I’m okay.” Mettaton said and opened his arms. Alphys threw her arms around Mettasans’ neck and Mettaton returned the hug.

“A-Are you sure?”

“i’m sure.” Mettaton said, smiling.

“Y-You scared the _fuck_ out of me.” Alphys said, burying her face into his neck. “I-I thought you were going to overload and…”

“I’m sorry.” And Mettaton meant it. “I didn’t mean to.”

“What happened?” She asked. Undyne stood up and faced Mettasans, her good eye narrowing.

“just overexerted myself.” Mettasans said, looking up at Undyne. “Don’t worry. i know my limits. It won’t happen again.” Undyne unwaveringly held his eye contact, and Mettaton felt his smile slip.

“P-Promise?”

“huh?” Alphys pulled back from the hug. Mettaton broke his stare with Undyne to look down at her.

“Promise you won’t do that again. E-Ever.”

“Promise.” Mettaton smiled at her.

{Promise, asshole?}

[...]

[fine. promise.]

Undyne cleared her throat and Alphys turned to look at her. “Well. If everything’s good, I’m going to head out.” Mettaton blinked. He had been certain she was going to question him right then and there, but she picked up her jacket and headed for the down escalator. Alphys stood, but hesitated. Mettaton smiled to himself, put a hand on her back and gently pushed her forward towards Undyne. She stumbled forward and Undyne looked back at her. “You okay?”

“Uh, y-yeah. Just, uh, wanted to s-say, um, t-thank you for st-staying.”

“No problem. I never knew humans had such an interesting history.” Undyne smiled at her.

“Uh, y-yeah! H-History is, um, r-really interesting.” Alphys said, and Mettaton had to hide a snicker.

“Alphys has tons of _history_ books and documentaries.” Mettaton said.

“Oh really?” Undyne asked, arching her eyebrows.

“Y-Yeah. I g-guess.” Alphys said, slight blush creeping onto her cheeks. “I-I could lend you s-some.”

“Thanks, but I don’t have anything to watch ‘em on.” Undyne said, putting one hand on the escalator rail.

“W-Well if you’re i-interested in human, uh, history, you c-could always j-just watch them here? I-I wouldn’t mind.”

Undyne paused, and Alphys shrunk back.

“Sounds nice. I’ll take you up on your offer sometime.” Undyne reached into her pocket and pulled out a cell phone. “Can I get your number? Don’t wanna just show up unannounced all the time.”

“Oh! I-It’s okay. Um, uh.” Alphys grabbed some paper from her desk and scribbled her phone number on it. She walked over and handed it to Undyne, blushing hard. Undyne took the paper in one hand and stepped on the escalator.

“Thanks! Be seeing you around.” Undyne disappeared from Mettaton’s view, but Alphys stayed at the railing and watched her leave. The doors opened and shut, and Alphys turned back around.

“W-What are you smiling at?” She asked.

“you Alphys! You just gave your number to a _hot babe_.” Mettaton smiled as Alphys’ blush deepened.

“W-What? No! I-I— uh—she was probably just being polite. She won’t call or t-text—” As if on cue, Alphys’ text alert dinged and she froze. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and looked at her notification.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” Mettaton asked with a giddy smile.

“A-And if--- if it is?” Alphys tried to look indignant, but her blush and stutter gave her away. Mettaton giggled and Alphys scrunched her nose at him. Mettaton just laughed harder. Alphys looked at her phone and started tapping away, so Mettaton took the chance to stand up. When she finished, she put her phone away and looked back up at him. Immediately, her eyes widened.

“No! No, you— you should sit down or, or something.” Alphys stuck out her arms and walked toward him.

“Alphys dear, I’m fine.” Mettaton said, but she put her hands on his chest and tried to push him back down. After a moment of watching her struggle in vain, Mettaton obligingly sat back down.

“I want to run a few, uh, diagnostics and tests b-before you do anything. P-Please?”

“If it will make you feel better.” Mettaton said, not unkindly.

\----------

Alphys was unhooking wires from Mettasans when he finally asked her the question she knew he’d been holding back since he woke up.

“How bad was it?”

Alphys stopped, freezing where she was removing a sensor from Mettasans’ right shoulder. She bit her lip and considered lying to him. She looked up and found she couldn’t read the glass eye and dark pit looking back at her. He didn’t often light up his left eye when it was just the two of them, but she wished he would right now. Maybe it would give her a little clue as to what to say.

“Alphys?”

“It… It was pretty scary. You… You were just on the floor and not responding to me and flailing about and you wouldn’t. stop. screaming.”

“I don’t remember screaming…” Mettasans muttered.

“You did. M-Most of it was just static b-but I could tell what they were.” Alphys felt her hand shake as the memories of Mettasans’ breakdown came back. The shrieking static and the way his body had shaken and the how hot his body had been to the touch. “I-I thought you were going to overload your circuits or— or overheat and that you’d… that I’d lose you.” She quickly removed the sensor from his shoulder and reached for the last one on his other shoulder. She reached with her right arm and suddenly Mettasans’ hand was on her wrist. Mettasans examined the bandage wrappings on her arm.

“Did… did I do this?” Mettaton asked, his voice sounding forced and slightly hoarse.

“No! No. I-uh, cut myself at the d-dump…” Mettaton bit his lip and Alphys knew he didn’t believe her.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I wasn’t completely aware of what I was doing. I just wanted the pain to stop.”

“It’s, it’s okay Mettasans. I understand.” Alphys said.

\----------

Sans had patiently stayed quiet during Mettaton’s interactions with Alphys. It had been hours, but he was used to sitting in the background. When Alphys finally left Mettasans to charge and sleep, Sans stopped Mettaton before he activated his sleep mode.

[forget i was here?]

{I don’t want to talk to you.}

[whoop-dee-fucking-doo. i don’t want to talk to you either, but here we are.]

{Why are you even talking if you don’t want to? I just want to sleep.}

[mmmmmm no. you need to apologize.]

{...Apologize? Me apologize to you?}

{Are you serious right now?}

[yes.]

Mettaton laughed {Oh god that’s _hilarious_.}

{I knew you had a comedy routine but I didn’t know you were _that **funny**_.}

[i’m not joking. apologize.]

{For what?} Mettaton snapped. {Do you not remember what you just did to me? Did you not feel any of what I just went through?}

[you were the one trying to invade my mind.]

[i mean fuck.]

[i’ve tried to give you your goddamn privacy but you?]

[you waltz right into my brain the first time you want.]

[i didn’t think i could hate you more than i did after what you did to papyrus]

[but i was wrong.]

[digging through my memories? Going through _me_?]

[what kind of piece of shit does that?]

{ _Oh fuck you_.}

{I would have stopped at _four_ shortcuts. You took twelve. _Twelve_.}

[you were going to be fine. i only did twelve.]

{ _Only_ twelve? Is thirteen where you kill me?}

[fifteen. your SOUL wouldn’t survive fifteen.]

{Oh that’s just _dandy_.}

{The person I share an existence with can _kill_ me, whenever he wants, in under 15 seconds.}

{Good thing he doesn’t hate me.}

{Oh wait.}

[i’m not going to kill you.]

{Coulda fooled me! You’ve tried to once already}

[a n d  l o o k  w h e r e  t h a t  g o t  u s .]

[why didn’t you just die?]

{Why didn’t _you_ just die?}

The question caught Sans off guard, and flooded his mind with memories. Sans could feel Mettaton seethe with anger, waiting for Sans’ response. The minutes passed as Sans struggled to curtail his memories and emotions, stop Mettaton from seeing _those_. The very memories he had been trying to protect in the first place. Sans never got a chance to reply, as Mettaton eventually sighed.

{Can I go to sleep now?}

[yeah. do what you want.]

\----------

Early the next day Undyne left her house for her morning workout. Asgore had told her to take things easy for a while, but he had also told her to not leave the castle yesterday. Rolling her head on her neck, Undyne felt her hair brush the top of her back. She took a deep breath in and—

“morning.”

—spun on one heel towards her blind side, bringing her arms into a defensive position. Mettasans’ large, metal body slid into view from the left. He was leaning up against her home, hands in his pockets. The image of relaxation.

“you had a question to ask yesterday?” He asked, lazy smile plastered across his face. Undyne brought her hands down, clenching and unclenching her fists. She took a breath to calm the adrenaline pumping through her body.

“How are you?” Undyne asked.

“Just dandy. bursting with energy. _positively_ _electric_.” Mettasans said with a chuckle. “But that wasn’t what you came to ask yesterday.” Undyne clenched her jaw. _This robot_. Something about him got on her nerves.

“What happened in the hall yesterday? Why did half my face melt off?”

“what did Asgore tell you?”

“Doesn’t matter what Asgore told me, tell me yourself.” Undyne challenged. If it was the truth, Mettasans’s explanation should match Asgore’s. Mettasans leaned his head against the wall behind him and looked at her through his glass eye.

“You have access to a rare type of magic, one that allows you to ‘cheat death’ for a short while. when you use it, you get an HP, def and dmg boost but there are… side effects. Your body can’t handle the sheer amount of magic you channel when you do this, and you’ll start to melt. That’s what happened yesterday.”

Undyne let out the breath she didn’t know she had been holding. Asgore has told her the same thing when she had woken up. Undyne didn’t know all that much about the specifics of magic use, that was for nerds much smarter than her. But yesterday, after that first hit from Mettasans… She felt like should could have taken on the world. Faced Asgore himself and fell him in a single hit. That power had flown through her body. It had been exhilarating, a new kind of high she had never felt.

“I can… stop my own death?” Undyne asked, feeling her face break into a huge grin. What she could do with this at her disposal…the possibilities were almost endless

“Temporarily. if you use this magic for too long, one can only assume you’d melt away completely.” Undyne’s face fell.

“Then what’s the point of doing it if I’m just gonna die anyway?”

“If you activate it, and then end the FIGHT quick, you’d be okay. undyne,” Mettasans stood up and approached her, “do not take this lightly. Do you understand the implications of what you can do?” Mettasans was standing directly in front of her now, and Undyne could see the blue fire from his right eye poke through his hair. “you can break the rules of a FIGHT. this is not something to be trifled with. There will be consequences if you screw around too much.”

Undyne held his eye contact, refusing to back down to the hunk of scrap metal.

“You break the rules too. Dodging, moving about on your opponent's turn. Asgore said only humans can do that.”

“you’re right, but you saw what happens if i stretch it too much.”

“That’s what that was yesterday?” Undyne’s good eye widened.

“Yeah.” Mettasans walked past Undyne, brushing her gently on the shoulder. Undyne turned and watched him walk away from her. “we both can do some pretty awesome things, huh? Just pay dearly for ‘em. I only do my thing in judgements, and I suggest you only do yours under extreme circumstances too, okay?” He didn’t turn when he spoke, simply continuing forward.

“Wait! Why can we-”

“Sorry dear, got a show to produce! Ta ta~” And like that he was gone, leaving Undyne baffled and surprised at his sudden change in tone.

 

Part 2 Complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 is done! *throws party*
> 
> Just like last time, there will be a minor time skip, followed by a new 'arc.'  
> ANYWAY:  
> Say goodbye to Asgore for a while. He's ducking out of the story for a bit.  
> ...But someone else is coming back very soon.  
> *cackles*
> 
> Oh! And to all of you freaking out about Sans' actions last chapter:
> 
> Sometimes you just gotta hit rock bottom in a relationship before things get better.  
> ....Or you never recover and shit just gets worse somehow.  
> *cackles more*


	16. {Lunch], or Bonding Over Sushi Funerals Is The Best And Longest Lasting Type Of Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sushi funerals.
> 
> What more do you people need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeyyyy look at this early update!

Mettasans’s first broadcast had gone off without a hitch. His second one...not so much. Now that there was actual production involved, the shoot had gotten much more complicated. It didn’t help that no one besides the robot star knew what they were doing. The fourteenth time the director had to stop a take for a technical mistake, Mettaton had to bite his lip to stop from blowing up at the poor cameraman who really _was_ trying his best with one day of experience under his belt. Mettaton gripped the mixing bowl in his hands and considered the amount of damage he could do with the flour-egg-water mixture he had in it.

The cooking show had been a popular request, and Mettaton had always had fun with them in the past. Episode one was supposed to be a simple, yet delicious cake to celebrate the first day of television programing. The crew had gone through fifteen bowls of mixture to get to this point, and they hadn’t even gotten past the basic ingredients. Mettaton drew a synthesised breath and counted to ten.

“Alright Metta, ready when you are.” The director, Juni, called. Mettasans nodded and she called action.

“Okay! Now for the fun bit! if you want van-” _CRASH_. Mettaton whipped his head around to see a boom mic stuck through the window of the backdrop. Bits of glass glittered on the set floor, and the covering on the mic was ripped.

“Sorry!” A crew man called out from behind the set, “My bad.” Mettaton smiled, covering his grimace. He wasn’t a big enough celebrity to yell at a crew member and get away with it yet.

“perhaps we should all take a twenty minute break? Darlings?” Mettaton asked, turning his head back around and looking at Juni. The lizard nodded, and called over a set-designer. A buzzer sounded, and Mettaton put the bowl on the counter. He quietly left the set and walked out the warehouse door. A business owner had donated his empty building to the project, and Mettaton had jumped at the set space. Mettaton walked out into the Hotland heat, and walked to the side of the building with no windows. He sat down against the wall and stared out over the chasm at the Core. The warehouse would be his wonderful resort one day, but for now it was an ugly little building Mettaton used out of necessity.

Mettaton pulled up his messages and texted Alphys, looking for distraction.

<Alphys i’m losing my goddamn mind.

When Alphys didn’t respond, Mettaton sighed and shut his eyes, savoring the silence. It was quiet in his head, and had been since Sans and he had that fight the day Mettaton had nearly broken down. They hadn’t spoken, and Sans had kept his thoughts away from Mettaton’s consciousness. Mettaton could almost pretend Sans wasn’t there. Then he’d catch his reflection or watch a take and Mettaton would see his appearance, the ultimate reminder that he _wasn’t_ alone in his own head. He’d remember that he was trapped in this nightmare that could otherwise be written off as déjà vu.

Mettaton was starting to hate mirrors.

Mettaton’s UI dinged, and he turned his attention to Alphys’s reply.

>Oh no! (x.x) What’s wrong?

<really hard day at the shoot.

>It’s only day one!

<*groans* Don’t remind me.

<can I have lunch at the lab?

>Uh… normally yeah but Asgore’s coming with the human SOUL today. \\(o.o)/

<That’s today?

>mhm. He just called and confirmed.

<well, good luck Alphy. <3

>uhhh, I think Undyne’s free though. You could eat lunch with her!

>I’ll check! (^.^)

Mettaton was halfway through typing “maybe that’s not the best idea.” when he stopped to consider it. Undyne had started spending a considerable amount of time at the lab in the last two weeks, perched on a pull-out couch with Alphys, yelling at anime all the while. Whenever Mettasans had shown up though, her demeanor had changed, one eye glued to him when he was in sight. He knew Undyne didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him, but spending more time with those idiots in the warehouse…

Mettaton decided he’d rather eat with the fish lady that treated him with nothing but suspicion and contempt. It was better than the half-concealed annoyance he had gotten when he had just been Mettaton.

>She says ok!

<alright. sounds like a plan.

>Do you need directions to her place?

<No thank you, i'm fine Alphy. See you when i get home.

>L(*.*)L

Mettaton giggled and shut his message window. He glanced at his internal clock. It wasn’t even 9:00 yet.

\----------

Mettaton considered it a miracle they finished the cooking show before lunch. When he _finally_ finished his last line and Juni called ‘cut’ the crew cheered. Mettaton let out his own sigh of relief.

“Alright everyone, that’s it for _Cooking_. Take an hour for lunch, then I need set crew back to set up _Under the Cave Crystals._ Everyone else I’ll call in when I need you.” Juni said, and more cheers echoed through the warehouse. Mettaton watched as monsters poured out of the warehouse, letting his crew go before him. Juni waved to him and held the door open. He shook his head and she left.

Mettaton ran his hand over the counter. _Cooking with a Killer Robot_ was normally so much fun to do, but today… maybe it was just the frustration of working with amateurs. Playing a sociopathic robot while baking? Gold! This was the show that got everyone to believe he had been designed to kill humans, not just because Alphys wanted a way out of her lifestyle. His signature chainsaw was _built_ for this show. As the lights flickered off around him, Mettaton tried to feel that same _magic_ that this set normally had.

...nothing.

Sighing, Mettaton left the warehouse and started his trek to Undyne’s house. He was okay with the walk. He really didn’t want to teleport anywhere ever again.

\---------

>R U at Undyne’s yet??

<just coming up to her house now.

>I’ll let her know! <\\(^.^)/>

As Mettaton approached the mouth of the fish-house, the muffled sound of music that he heard stopped, and the door opened with a _swick_.

“‘Sup Alphys! You can just-oh.” Undyne’s excited grin fell instantly. “When Alphys asked if I wanted company for lunch I assumed she meant herself.” She crossed her arms across her chest.

“You know what they say about assuming…” Mettaton wagged a finger at her with a grin. She rolled her eyes.

“Do you even eat?” Undyne asked, and Mettaton let his jaw drop in fake shock.

“Undyne! i. am. offended! Of _course_ I don’t eat.” Mettaton said, “really now. I’d thought Alphy’s friend would know more about me.”

“Why are you even worried about lunch then?” Undyne raised her eyebrows. Her missing eye was still covered in a medical patch, but her eyebrow had grown back finally.

“I don’t want to just sit in an empty set alone for an hour.” Mettaton flicked his hand in the air. “now, are you gonna let me in or what?”

Undyne snarled, then turning around and walking away from the door so Mettaton could enter. Undyne’s house was the same as ever, a piano, kitchen and single table. Undyne stalked over to her fridge.

“I’d ask you want you want, but…” She dug through the fridge, ultimately pulling out a box of tea and a container of sushi.

“Sushi?” Mettaton asked.

“Yeah? Got a problem?” Undyne said, popping a small roll into her mouth. Mettaton eyed the fish lady in disbelief.

“...you do know what’s _in_ sushi, right?” Undyne looked down at the plate in her hand.

“Looks like rice, seaweed and some sort of meat.” Mettaton bit his lip as she ate another one.

{Someone really ought to tell her.}

[she might think the truth's a little _fishy_ ]

{Oh, you come out for a pun?}

Sans didn’t respond and Mettaton was perfectly okay with that. Undyne continued to eat her sushi, and Mettaton figeted. Finally, deciding that six rolls were more than enough, he spoke up.

“Do you know what that meat is?” Mettaton was hoping, but for what he didn’t know. He couldn’t decide if Undyne knowing or not knowing was worse.

“Uhhh, no? I assume it’s pork or somethin.’” Undyne said through a mouthful. Mettaton grimaced.

“Not exactly…” Mettaton bit his lip again and for the first time Undyne noticed he was really uncomfortable with the situation. She smirked and put another in her mouth.

“What is it then?”

“...uncooked fish.”

By the time Undyne had calmed down, she had broken both her window and table, tried to force herself to vomit into the sink, and held a small burial for the remaining sushi. Mettaton awkwardly patted her on the back as they walked away from the grave site behind her house. Despite how destructive her outburst had been, Mettaton found he couldn't really blame Undyne for her reaction. She was still slightly shaking, and Mettaton looked for appropriate words. What does one say to someone who just committed accidental cannibalism?

“you know, you _could_ get a really cool eye patch.”

You change the subject of course!

Undyne had to turn her head to glare at him.

“I’m serious. with the right one, you’d look _awesome_.” Mettaton tilted his head in thought. “Maybe...something black.” Undyne snorted.

“Obviously. What self-respecting eyepatch wearer would _not_ wear black. It’s badassery 101!” She laughed.

“right. I’m thinking simple, with a strap. adhesive is too hard to work with, trust me. I know.” Mettaton said, grimacing at the memory of the Great Wig Fiasco of 201X. Filing that away in the storage of ‘don’t do this thing in this timeline,’ Mettaton turned his attention to Undyne, who was grinning.

“Hell yeah! Go full pirate on this eye.” She pumped a fist in the air and Mettaton laughed. “What you laughing at, punk?” She said, using her fist to gently punch Mettasans in the arm.

“Imagining you as a pirate.” Mettaton could see it, Undyne dressed in full pirate garb, complete with a parrot and hook hand. Undyne opened her door and walked back into her house. She opened her fridge, and Mettaton leaned on her piano, holding his chin in his hands.

“I’d be _awesome_ as a pirate.”

“i’m sure you would be.” Already Mettaton was constructing her persona: Undyne the Brave! No, not cool enough. Undyne the _Merciless_. No, still not right. He’d think of the name later. But imagining Undyne calling her crew of hardened brigadiers to board a mighty merchant ship, that was a rush. The battle cry she let out as her brigands crossed the boarding plank sounded in his ears and glint of the sun off her hook hand shone… Mettaton could see the TV show now.

“My mother was a pirate.” Undyne said, pulling Mettaton back to reality. She shut the fridge forcefully, and turned back around. She hadn’t selected anything else to eat, but went about starting her tea.

“Oh, really?” Mettaton’ interest was piqued. Undyne filled her teapot with water as she said:

“Yeah, back when she was young and monsters were on the surface. Had to give it up after the war. But the stories she told!” Undyne’s eye gleamed. “Once, she told me that she had her crew board this beautiful trading vessel. She told me that this ship had been the prettiest she’d ever seen! Blue all along the railings and mastheads made of dark wood.” The pot whistled, and Undyne finished preparing her tea as she told her mother’s story. “The figure on the front of this ship was this _mermaid_ , but not just any mermaid. She said that this figure was gorgeous, with long red hair that trailed down both sides of the ship and the prettiest yellow eyes. Mother said it felt like it stared through her SOUL as her ugly pirate ship approached. She said she almost felt like she couldn’t attack _this_ ship.” Undyne took a sip of her tea, and continued:

“But she did because she knew, just _knew_ she had to have this ship.  It was just too perfect to let go by. So she boarded the ship and her crew made easy work of the defenders. Normally, she would have her first mate sail a captured ship back to wherever they were going, but my mother wanted to sail this one herself. She’d fallen in love with this boat. So she did, and eventually docked this special boat at her hide-out and went below deck before anyone else to see what other beauties this ship had to offer.She was _sure_ that there had to be works of art or something in that deck. And do you know what she found?” Undyne grinned.

“Pounds and pounds of apples. Nothing but apples.” Mettaton let out a laugh. “Yeah. I couldn’t believe it either.” Undyne shook her head. “But, and this is my favorite part, my mother was so _sure_ there was something more than apples in that ship, she started digging through the bags and crates and barrels right then and there. And you know what? She did find something else. Hidden behind two crates and a tarp was a young fish woman.” Mettaton raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, really. But this thing is, this wasn’t just _any_ young woman, this was the daughter of the man who owned the ship. My mother could see she was scared, but this young woman had a knife and was pointing it at my mother like she was willing to go down fighting. But my mom just stared at her, trying to think why she looked so familiar. Then, it hit her.” Undyne drained the rest of the tea.

“The mermaid from the front of the ship had been modeled after _this girl_. That beautiful mermaid was real and threatening my mother with a knife and my mother fell in love right then and there.” Undyne smiled down into her empty cup. “She convinced the poor girl that she wasn’t going to hurt her and walked her out onto shore. A day later my mother delivered her back to her father, but my mom was somethin’, ‘cuz despite having really pissed off the dad, she kept on coming back. See, the merchant girl lived in this house on the shore and my mom could sail right on up to her bedroom window. For _years_ my mom came back to see this girl whenever she could. At first, she wanted nothing to do with my mother, but mom wore her down.

“One day, the girl’s father discovered the relationship and threatened to call the navy on my mother. So my mom sailed the father’s prize ship up to his daughter's window and proposed. She said yes, jumped from her window and into my mom’s arms. They sailed away, got married and ended up ruling the seas together. After the war, they hung up their cutlasses, came down underground and built a home in waterfall. Eventually I came along, and the rest is history.” Undyne finished, putting her mug on the countertop.

“That’s such a wonderful story.” Mettaton sighed. “Absolutely beautiful.”

“They loved telling that story.” Undyne said. She left her mug on the counter and came over to the piano. She felt the keys absentmindedly, lost in memories. “My mom-the merchant girl-taught me to play.” Gently, she pressed down an a chord, and Mettaton felt the piano vibrate gently. Undyne lifted her right hand and started up an alternating series of notes.

As Undyne began to play, Mettaton shut his eyes, feeling the music as much as he heard it. The gentle canon filled the house and Mettaton let it take him. He rode the ups and downs of the song like waves. It crescendoed and Mettaton felt like he was riding the crest of the water. She song ended on the shore, quiet waves lapping at his feet. Then Undyne started her second piece. Mettaton listened diligently, and Undyne made her way through a third and fourth, each song a new adventure. Then Undyne started her fifth, and not thirty seconds into it Mettaton’s eyes flew open.

“Oh. my. God.” Mettaton said, and Undyne jumped, hitting a dissonant chord in shock..

“I forgot you were there.” She grumbled.

“no! Keep playing that! it was...just keep going!” Mettaton begged, and Undyne grudgingly put her hands back on the keys. The song she played was unlike anything she had played before, upbeat and exciting. . The left-hand base line kept the beat as her right hand splayed across an octave in intricate patterns, matching the left hand and adding melody. Then it morphed, melody running up and down patterns and Mettaton fell more in love. It was over far too soon.

“what. was. That?” Mettaton demand. Undyne’s face turned red.

“Nothing. Just something I wrote.” She muttered, looking at the keys.

“it’s absolutely _amazing_!” Mettaton exclaimed. “You have to let me use it.”

“What?” Undyne’s head snapped up in shock.

“i just _have_ to use that for something! It’s...just...me!” Mettaton finished, unable to find the words to describe _why_ he loved it that much.

“I don't have it written down anywhere…”

“That’s okay. i can just record it!” Mettaton pulled up his audio recorder in his head, and gave Undyne a nod. After a moment of hesitation, she put her hands back up to the piano and Mettaton pressed record. The second time hearing this song was just as wonderful as the first. When she finished, Mettaton ended the recording and asked “Do you have a name for it?” Undyne shrugged, so Mettaton saved it to his harddrive as “Glamourous.”

“Do you know what time it is?” Undyne asked.

“uhh..almost 2.” Undyne’s eye flew open.

“Oh shit!” Undyne stood up from the piano bench and ran to her fridge. Mettaton watched as he gave it a quick once-over, then opened her pantry. She let out an audible breath. “Oh, good. I’ve got everything I need.”

“For what?” Mettaton asked.

“Oh, I’m expecting people at two.”

“do you need me to go?”

“Probably best. They’re coming for-” Undyne was cut off by a forceful knock at the door. Then a voice called out from outside, and Mettaton felt his servers almost lock up.

“UNDYNE! WE ARE HERE FOR OUR TRAINING! NYEH HEH!” Papyrus laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild Papyrus appears!


	17. [Papyrus} or, In Which The Author Blatantly Ignores Canon Because 'Fuku' Is An Ugly Name And No One Can Convince Me Otherwise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus arrives, and brings a few things with him.

Undyne ran over to her window and stuck her head out through the hole. “‘Sup, punks?”

“UNDYNE! YOU BROKE YOUR WINDOW! AGAIN!!”

“Where’s girly?” She asked, leaning farther through the shattered glass.

“BEING SLOW. UNDYNE PLEASE STOP LEANING OUT, YOU’LL CUT YOURSELF.” Papyrus said, his voice carrying through Undyne’s living room.

“I’ll lean my head out as far as I want!” Undyne stuck as much of her torso out the window as she dared. “Go get the dummies set up, double time!”

“YES MA’AM!” Undyne stood up straight again and turned to her guest with an amused smile. Mettasans had not moved from where he leaned against the piano. If, in that moment, she could have heard his thoughts, she would have heard a full-on war.

[mettaton, give me the body.]

{No!}

[yes!]

{I’ve been in control for two weeks! Back off.}

[i’ve done nothing for two weeks. give it here.]

{Don’t you like doing nothing?}

[shut up and get out of the legs.]

{No. I’m going to see Papyrus.}

[he’s _my_ brother.]

{He’s my _boyfriend_!}

[no he’s not, you made sure of that.]

{ _Ugh!_ }

Undyne walked up to her guest and gently tapped him on the shoulder. When he didn’t react, she called his name and pushed him gently. He didn’t move from his spot. Undye reached up and waved a hand in front of his face.

“Hello? Earth to Mettasans?” Mettasans blinked twice, smiled, and turned his face to her.

“Sorry! Spaced out there for a moment!” Sans said, fighting down Mettaton’s attempts to regain control of the head.

“Yeah, no kidding. You want me to call Alphys?” Undyne offered. Sans put his hands up quickly.

“Nope! I’m all good, darling~!” Sans went to put a hand behind his head, as if to scratch it, but when Undyne turned around he hit the base of his neck with enough force to make a nice ‘clang’. Undyne spun around, concern written on her face. Sans shot her another smile.

{OW!}

[get out of the spine, i can’t walk with you there.]

{That’s the point.}

Undyne shook her head and opened the door. “Alright then. See you around.” She motioned to the cavern outside and Sans took a stumbling step as he finally ripped all shreds of control from Mettaton. Righting himself, Sans stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled outside, calculating each step to seem as casual as possible. Mettaton was not so easily subdued, however. He actively fought against Sans’s every movement, causing him to stumble slightly and stutter his steps.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to call Alphys?” Undyne asked warily.

“i’m fine, don’t worry about it.” The moment Sans looked around outside, however, he suddenly became the absolute opposite of ‘fine.’

There he was.

_Papyrus._

He was persuading a possessed dummy to stand on one side of Undyne’s yard, with moderate success. Something was off about him, though, and it took Sans a moment to realize what it was. Papyrus wasn’t wearing his battle body. Instead, he was wearing a plain white t-shirt, some blue shorts, and a red scarf. They hadn’t spent the week before Halloween making the costume in this timeline.Sans had never shared spaghetti with Papyrus in this timeline. Sans had never built snowmen or had snowball fights or fought over socks with Papyrus in this timeline.

Mettaton took the opportunity provided by Sans’s momentary distraction to lunge for control again, and managed to grab control of the left hand before the skeleton noticed.

[stop that!]

{Make me.}

[did you forget about that part where i can kill you?]

{You promised you wouldn’t.}

[and? no one would ever know i did it.]

{Alphys would. Juni would. You can’t act for shit.}

[oh really?]

{You have no idea how to perform! The technique required for sustained—}

{Hey! Stop distracting me! I want to talk to Papyrus.}

Mettaton was trying to claw control of the rest of the arm from Sans, pushing against Sans’s consciousness with everything he had. Sans grabbed his left hand and squeezed. _Hard_. Sans heard the metal crack slightly under his pressure.

{What the hell are you doing? That’s _our hand_!} Mettaton sounded strained, and Sans realised that since Mettaton’s consciousness was in the hand, he was likely experiencing pain. _Shame_.

[if you won’t give it back, i’ll just incapacitate it.]

“I’m going to call Alphys.” Undyne said, watching him warily with her good eye. Sans did not lighten his grip, but smiled his best he could.

“you really don’t need to do that. I’m just releasing some pent-up hydraulic pressure. Like cracking my knuckles.” Sans lied as the metal in his hand split with a _snap_. He shoved it in his pocket before Undyne could see the self-inflicted damage. The sound of it breaking echoed across Undyne’s yard, and drew Papyrus’ attention.

He felt a knot form in his stomach as Papyrus jumped from the sound, then turned his head to look up at him. Sans watched as Papyrus’ eye sockets widened and jaw dropped. The dummy protested when Papyrus’ attention was taken away from it, but nothing could draw Papyrus away from Mettasans.

“OH. MY. GOD. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, _OH MY GOD!!!_ ” Papyrus stood up and rushed over to Mettasans, sneakers crunching against the rocky ground. Sans’s heart leapt. Papyrus was so excited to see him. Of course he would be. Who wouldn’t love to see their brother?

“I AM A _HUGE_ FAN!!”

Right. Sans wasn’t Papyrus’s brother anymore, he was a television star.

Papyrus skidded to a halt in front of the robot, and clapped his hands together in excitement. He looked up at Mettasans with wide eyes, smile stretched across his face. For once, Sans found himself looking down at his brother. It unnerved him. It was _wrong._ It was _Sans_ that was supposed to strain his neck to make eye contact.

Sans found it inside him to smile and say: “are you now? Your name, precious?”

[ _/the great papyrus, 23 main st. snowdin, 23 years old, the best little brother i could ever ask for/_ ]

“I? I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, FUTURE ROYAL GUARD MEMBER.” Papyrus saluted, sticking his chest out in pride.

“well then, ‘The Great Papyrus,’ it’s always great to meet a fan!” Papyrus blushed at the use of his self-appointed title. Sans wanted to break down right then and there and tell the truth. It was on the tip of his tongue. “you come here to train with Undyne?”

“OF COURSE! ONLY THE BEST TEACHER WILL DO FOR ME! NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus looked around him to where Undyne was leaning on her doorframe. Sans glanced at her and was reminded that Undyne had been about to send Papyrus for judgement. “WHICH REMINDS ME! WHY ARE _YOU_ AT UNDYNE’S?”

“Oh, uh… just having lunch together.”

“LUNCH? ARE THE TWO OF YOU _FRIENDS?_ ” Papyrus stressed the last word, looking between the two of them in disbelief. If it were anyone else, Sans might suspect a second meaning to the question.

“yes. yes we are.” Sans gave Undyne a surreptitious look, and she nodded.

“WOWIE! I HAD NO IDEA YOU KNEW METTASANS, UNDYNE!” Papyrus walked around Mettasans, stood and put his hands on his hips. “YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!”

“Must have slipped my mind while coming up with your _new training regimen!_ ” Undyne said, breaking out into a wide grin.

“WHAT!?” Papyrus exclaimed. “THIS IS THE BEST. DAY. EVER!!” Papyrus threw his arms around Undyne.

“Oh, c’mere!” Undyne took Papyrus’s hug and transferred it into a noogie, her scales rubbing furiously against Papyrus’s bare skull. Papyrus struggled to remove himself, but only caused Undyne to grip harder and cackle. He protested, but smiled through it. Seeing Papyrus clearly enjoying himself… it hurt pretty bad, actually. The sinking feeling that maybe Papyrus _didn’t_ need him filled Sans with despair.

[it’s better than seeing him a wreck, right?]

{...Yeah.}

Mettaton didn’t sound entirely sure. Unable to take it any longer, Sans said: “Well, I’d better be off. have a good training session, Papyrus. It was great to meet you!” Before Sans had a chance to turn around, however, Papyrus squirmed free and ran back up to him.

“WAIT! COULD YOU STICK AROUND A LITTLE BIT LONGER?” Papyrus asked, hopeful.

“Sure. what do you need?” Sans found himself being sincere.

“WELL… IT’S JUST THAT MY SISTER WOULD _LOVE_ TO MEET YOU!”

[sister?]

{Sister? You have a sister?}

[no?]

“and I’d love to meet _her_!” Sans said.

“STAY RIGHT HERE! I’LL GO GET HER! SHE SHOULD BE NEARBY!” Papyrus was already gone, running through the Waterfall caves and out of sight.

“And that’s Papyrus. Ain’t he something?” Undyne’s voice carried adoration and care, like how one would speak about their favorite nephew.

“He’s something.” Sans agreed. “Seems… really _great_.”

“Are you making fun of him?” Undyne snapped, and Sans whipped his head around.

“No, no. certainly not.” He tried to smile at her, but found it much more difficult to do so now that his smile wasn’t permanently affixed to his face. He turned his head back around before she could read his expression. As he stared at where Papyrus had run off, theories about this ‘sister’ began floating around. Adoptive, maybe? Unless his parents were still around. Sans realized he had never checked if his parents were still alive in this timeline. He had just assumed that everything would have been the same. Maybe his parents had a daughter when they didn’t have him? If they had a daughter… maybe they were still alive?

[/ _His mother, smiling at him. She always had a bright smile, despite how thin her face was/_

_/She tripped, leaving behind a red scarf/_

_/His father, nothing but a skeletal hand on his shoulder./_

_/His last letter, found on a kitchen table/_ ]

{...Sans.}

[what.]

{Papyrus never told me about your parents.}

[ancient history that might not have happened this time. forget it.]

Sans could feel Mettaton’s rush of pity for him and it disgusted him. Sans didn’t need pity, especially not from _Mettaton_ of all people. He had done alright raising Papyrus last time, hadn’t he? Fed him, nurtured him, _protected_ him? He had been good brother.

[/ _Waterfall rain against umbrellas. He hadn’t gotten one. He didn’t need one. Undyne handed him a box about the size of his palm/_

_/“It’s all we could sift from the snow.”/_

_/Staring at the wooden box, his knees gave way/_

_/Two familiar arms catching him, holding him up, embracing him_ — _/_ ]

Sans shoved that memory as far away from Mettaton as he could, but he feared it was too late. Sans berated himself. He was losing control of his emotions. At this rate, Mettaton would see _everything._ Sans took a deep breath and steadied himself.

Sans began to hear his brother’s voice faintly, getting louder with each passing second.

“I PROMISE, THIS WILL BE _AMAZING_.”

“Papyrus, please slow down! My legs aren’t as long as yours!” A voice, much gentler than Pap’s, came from the same direction.

“NO! THERE’S A SURPRISE AT UNDYNE’S!! AND WE’RE LATE FOR TRAINING, ANYWAY.”

Papyrus turned the corner, dragging a young fire monster by the wrist. He jogged in long strides and she struggled to keep up at a full run. She was a whole head shorter than Papyrus and gave off bright green light. Green flame flared out from a sweater, jeans, and boots. Papyrus came to stop and she stumbled into him, not expecting the sudden change in momentum. Papyrus caught her before she fell, and with a sweep of his arm said: “EMBER! I PRESENT! _METTASANS_!”

[ember? grillby’s kid?]

Ember’s jaw dropped, revealing a previously hidden mouth. “I KNOW, EMBER! THAT IS WHAT I DID AS WELL!” Sans smiled at her and she put her face in her flame hands. “EMBER, DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. HE IS VERY KIND.” Ember buried her head into Papyrus’s shoulder, placing the skeleton between her and Mettasans. She muttered something, and Papyrus twisted around. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he said “NO! I WILL NOT ‘SHUT UP!’ GO TALK TO HIM.”

Eventually Papyrus managed to coax his ‘sister’ out of her hands. She pulled her sweater sleeve down over her hand, and grabbed Papyrus’s through the fabric. Ember, with gentle support from Papyrus, crossed the remaining distance to Mettasans and hesitantly looked up at his face. Sans smiled again, and she blushed white flame.

“Umm... Hi,” she said quietly.

“Hello there darling~, how are you today?”

“Good. And you?”

“just grand, thank you.”

“EMBER ALSO TRAINS WITH UNDYNE! WE WISH TO BE THE FIRST BROTHER-SISTER GUARDSMEN!” Papyrus jumped in, smiling widely.

“Oh really? sounds wonderful!” Sans said, and Ember’s white-hot blush grew deeper. “I wish the two of you luck, but i really should be off. I’ve got things to film, people to see.” In all actuality, seeing Papyrus with _another_ sibling, someone who wasn’t Sans, was like a knife in his gut. It turned up all the insecurities Sans had ever felt about being a big brother and confirmed them. Sans walked past Papyrus and Ember, doing his normal ‘smile like you mean it’ routine.

“WAIT! COULD WE GET A PICTURE?” Papyrus grabbed Sans’s arm, and Sans stared at Papyrus’s hand. Papyrus was _right there_ , actually touching the brother he never had. Sans felt the smile slip, so he gently pulled out of Papyrus’s grasp.

“Of course!” Sans re-affixed the smile as Papyrus’s face lit up like the Snowdin giftmas tree. He fished his phone out of his pocket and opened the camera. Sans leaned down and put his right arm around Ember’s shoulders. Her natural heat radiated from the sweater, and Sans felt his arm start to heat up. Papyrus stood on the other side of Mettasans, positioned the phone, and took the picture.

“Send that to me?” Ember asked. Papyrus nodded, and Mettasans caught a glimpse of Undernet on Papyrus’s phone. The post alert went off in Sans’s head, and he was grateful no one but him could see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things about this chapter:  
> I wrote this originally like two/three weeks ago? And then last weekend I was like 'nope not sad enough.'  
> This is officially the first beta'd chapter! So that's why quality took a huge jump there.  
> Ember is what I am calling Fuku and none of you can change my mind.
> 
> A few things about the fic in general:  
> I have figured out how many parts this will be! There will be nine. Nine separate parts/arcs.  
> I have also named each part! Part one was _The Mistake_ , Part Two was _Undyne_ and Part three is _Papyrus_.  
>  As for chapter counts? *shrugs*


	18. {Grillby's} or In Which The Author Re-instates Canon Because 'Fuku' Is A Decent Nickname, I Guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton meets the rest of the Grillby family and an squid girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH kind of love Juni. She's practically a very nice curly-haired Cousin It.

For the first time in his life, Mettaton was at a loss for words. Sans was good at hiding specific thoughts from him, but general emotions were much harder. Sans felt the same longing Mettaton did—an all-consuming _ache_ echoing from the deepest parts of the SOUL. But the skeleton’s longing was also tinged with sadness and fear. Whereas Mettaton just wanted to have felt Papyrus’s hand on his arm, Sans was holding back so much more. The flashes of memories neither of them were able to block out broke Mettaton’s heart. His parents. Someone’s funeral. Scraping together what they had in the foster system. Sans _finally_ getting custody after a two year battle. Making a home in Snowdin.

Mettaton had lost a boyfriend, but Sans had lost a brother.

Sans made it back to the set and Mettaton took back over the body. Neither of them spoke as filming went on, Mettaton turning his attention to his craft. He tried to block out his thoughts, focusing on the actor performing with him. As the eagle monster gave his lines, Mettaton tried to keep up with him, but his focus was gone.

Mettaton discovered delivering a monologue about how great your life is isn’t the easiest when you’re trapped in a cycle of thoughts about how much your life is a living hell. Papyrus kept coming up whenever Mettaton tried to channel true happiness, which just led to more sadness.

The third time Mettaton flubbed his speech, Juni called a break and took him aside.

“What’s wrong, Metta?” Juni looked at him through her golden curls. They hung around her body, only her eyes peeking out of the locks.

“Nothing, juni.” Mettaton smiled at her, but Juni’s eyes narrowed.

“Really? During read-through this morning you were doing just fine with your lines.”

“i’m fine Juni.”

“Something’s bothering you. I can tell.” Mettaton bit his lip and looked at the wall. Juni’s hair shuddered. “You can talk to me.”

“I… i saw someone over lunch break that I’d havn’t seen in awhile.” Mettaton hesitated. Juni waited patiently, and Mettaton was reminded of his ghost-mother. “We didn’t part on great terms last time and… i dunno. I…”

“Do you mind me asking what happened?” She asked gently.

“Yeah. sorry.” Mettaton fidgeted. “But it was my fault, what happened. and now i want to apologize, but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I...apologizing just isn’t an option. they wouldn’t… understand.”

“They wouldn’t understand?”

“no, they… it’s complicated Juni. Don’t worry about it.”

“But I worry about my star,” Juni murmured, and Mettaton’s heart melted. “If something’s bothering you this much, maybe you should at least talk to this person.”

“talk? i don’t know. They’re not expecting anything from me, let alone any kind of apology.”

“You don’t _have_ to apologize if you can’t. Just… reach out. You’d be surprised.”

“Reach out, huh?” Mettaton said thoughtfully. Maybe she was right. Papyrus couldn’t ever know the truth behind Mettasans; he’d be devastated. But… If Papyrus couldn’t be a brother or a boyfriend, maybe he could just be a _friend_. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was better than hoping never to see him while missing him at the same time. “I… that’s a good idea juni. Thanks.”

“Anytime, Metta.” Two short arms, draped in hair emerged from the golden wall. Juni hugged Mettasans the best she could, arms barely reaching halfway around him. Mettaton hugged her back, now knowing how it felt to be wrapped in shag carpet. But it was shag carpet that cared about him.

As Juni let him go, Mettaton caught a glimpse of his ruined hand, and stuffed it back in his pocket before she noticed. Mettaton had no idea how she hadn’t seen it earlier.

\----------

Mettaton had been pretty confident with his plan up to this point. {If by confident, you meant ‘absolutely not confident at all’ and you had a very loose definition of the word ‘plan’.} But looking up at the neon _Grillby’s_ sign drained every last ounce of will from him. His ‘plan’ was simple: walk into the restaurant, casually lean on the bar, ask the fire monster running the establishment where Papyrus lived, and leave. There were still several unknowns in this ‘plan’, though, like how to go about asking without seeming like a stalker or what to do with the information once he got it. Sans wasn’t offering any tips, but Mettaton was relatively okay at improvisational acting. {If by ‘okay’ you meant—}

{No.} Mettaton shoved his doubts to the back of his mind. He could do this. He took a deep breath, pulled his shoulders back, and pushed open the door.

The first thing Mettaton saw upon entering Grillby’s was the dogs. Five white dog monsters that snapped their heads up when he entered. One of the dogs—the one clad in a massive and seemingly ill-fitting suit of armor—yipped at him, and Mettaton hoped that was a sign he was _not_ about to get chased out into the snow.As he passed what he could only assume to be the poker table, one of the hooded dogs sniffed at him.. He heard her mutter something about metal. Jaunty music came from the busted-up jukebox in the corner as Mettaton approached the bar. Grillby wasn’t bartending—in fact, he was nowhere to been seen.

“Hey,” A fish monster called from a barstool, “you’re the guy on TV, right?”

“Mhmm.” Mettaton glanced toward the kitchen door, hoping to catch a glimpse of the bartender. He’d rather get this over with and find Papyrus.

“Whatcha’ doing out here?” The fish flipped its fin at Mettasans.

“Location scouting.” {Good. That’s a good reason for him to be out here in this damnable cold _._ }

“Take a seat, man, don’t be so ansty.” A flipper patted the stool next to it, but Mettaton sat down a stool over. He leaned on the wooden bar counter and scanned the rows of alcohol. Considering who worked here, this place was an absolute fire hazard. “What brings you to Grillby’s?”

“someone told me this was a good place for food.” Mettaton said, not quite thinking his response through.

“You eat?” Mettaton winced.

“yes, I eat.” Mettaton lied, following rule number one of improv: never say no. Always agree.

“Wouldn’t have thought…” the fish muttered, and took a swig of whiskey. Before the fish got a chance to continue, the kitchen door opened. Ember used one of her feet to hold the door open as she carried a large tray of drinks. Her earlier attire had been traded for a waitress uniform, including little white gloves that had a greenish hue to them. Without noticing Mettasans, she crossed the restaurant and started handing out glasses to the dogs.

“Sorry about that. This round’s on the house.” Ember said, handing the last drink to one of the hooded dogs.

“Who’s the newcomer?” She jerked her muzzle in Mettasans’s direction.

“Newcomer?” Ember followed the dog’s gesture to the bar. When Mettaton was sure she’d spotted him, he gave a little wave and smile. She gave a little squeak and clutched her serving tray to her chest. Mettaton held back a giggle as her face grew white-hot. She looked away and nearly dashed back to the kitchen door. She glanced at Mettasans one more time before disappearing. There was a moment of silence, then:

“ _WHAT?_ ” Papyrus’s voice carried even behind thick walls. The door cracked open slightly, and Papyrus stuck his head out like one of those old human cartoons. Mettaton looked at the bottles of rum on the wall in front of him. Internally, he was celebrating just how easily he had found Papyrus, but he had to keep his cool. He couldn’t look _too_ eager. Papyrus disappeared back into the kitchen. “OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT!”

Mettaton couldn’t hear Ember’s exact reply, just a hushed whisper.

“HE’S A CUSTOMER, RIGHT? WE GIVE HIM FOOD IS WHAT WE DO!”

A third voice, deeper but just as quiet as Ember’s, spoke. As it finished, the kitchen door opened a third time and Grillby himself stepped out. His bartender’s uniform was like his daughter’s had been, black, white and perfectly tailored. Without a word, he refilled the fish’s drink and began to clean a glass.

“What can I get you, sir? Whisky?” Grillby’s voice was smooth and quiet, flowing through the room like smoke. Without his augmentations, Mettaton didn’t think he’d be able to hear him at all.

“Oh, no thanks. I don’t drink.” Mettaton smiled, and Grillby put the glass beneath the counter.

“It seems you have put my children in a bit of a flustered state,” he said after a pause.

“Oh? That wasn’t my intention.” Mettaton drummed his fingers on the counter. Grillby’s glasses reflected his light and hid his eyes. “I was simply hoping for a little to-go.”

“Burgers or fries?” Grillby asked.

“Is that it?”

“That’s all the options. Well, that are edible.” The fish said.

“How about an order of each then?” Mettaton said. Grillby nodded, then opened the kitchen door.

“Papyrus. One burger and one fry. To go.”

“ON IT!”

The fish monster leaned over to Mettasans and whispered: “His son ‘cooks.’” On ‘cooks,’ the corner of his flippers bent down in a poor imitation of quotation marks. Mettaton could have slapped him, and Sans might have if he had the body. Regardless of whether Papyrus really _was_ bad at cooking or not, the fish was talking to the two people in the world that loved it. “So,” the fish continued, oblivious to his mistake, “found anywhere you like yet?”

Mettaton was confused for a moment, before remembering his lie. “Oh, one or two places. The tree in the center of town was nice.” _That’s it. Be vague_.

“There are some really pretty places out west, if you just follow the river.” The fish drained his drink again.

“Really? Thank you, darling~” Mettaton emphasised ‘darling’ as much as he dared, but his personal insult didn’t seem quite strong enough. The fish looked at bit uncomfortable with the pet name anyway, and turned away. Grillby came back to the bar but didn’t say anything. Mettaton used the silence as a moment to plan. He’d leave with food, and come back a few hours later to compliment the chef. Then he’d… Well, Papyrus liked to make friends. It couldn’t really be that hard, could it?

The door opened behind Mettaton, and he glanced behind him to look at the new arrival. A purple girl with tentacles coming off her head kicked the snow off her boots and set a red skateboard down against the wall.

“Mr. Grillby!” She called from across the restaurant. “Is Fuku off duty yet?”

“Good afternoon, Octavia. Ember has ten minutes left on her shift.” Grillby said. Octavia came up to the bar and hopped on the stool next to Mettasans.

“C’mon, Mr. Grillby. We’ve got a school project.” She leaned across the bar, rising completely off the stool.

“On a Friday?”

“Haven’t you heard of ‘getting ahead?’” She asked, her tentacles billowing out and coming back down again.

“I don’t recall you ever wanting to ‘get ahead’ before, Octavia.” In Mettaton’s head, Sans snorted at Grillby’s dry teasing. Octavia shot Grillby a dirty look and Mettaton chuckled. Octavia noticed at Mettasans for the first time, and sat back in her stool.

“Hey, Mr. Grillby. How’d you get this guy in here?” She asked, eyeing the robot. “Pap’s food ain't _that_ good.”

“I’d prefer it if you did not insult my fair in front of paying customers.” Grillby sighed as Mettaton laughed.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. You know I don’t mean it.”

“He might not.” Grillby motioned towards Mettasans. The squid girl scrunched up her nose at Grillby, then stuck a longer tentacle out at Mettasans.

“Tav. Dishonest restaurant critic extraordinaire.” Mettaton took the offered appendage with his uninjured hand and shook it.

“Mettasans, restaurant patron extraordinaire.” Tav laughed, hair-tentacles bouncing, and withdrew her arm.

“No, but really, what’s a city guy doing all the way out here?”

“location scouting. A few of the writers want snow scenes, and it’s difficult to simulate snow it Hotland.”

“REALLY? YOU WANT TO FILM OUT HERE?” Papyrus held a greasy white paper bag as he exited the kitchen. He walked out onto Mettasans’s and Tav’s side of the bar.

“yep. Good to see you again papyrus!” Mettaton said,and started to reach out with his left hand, but remembered just in time. He took the bag gingerly, wrapping his non-dominant hand around the top. It was warm through the paper, and smelled of salt and grease. Papyrus wiped his hands on his apron—’#1 Coolest Cook’, it proclaimed—and grinned at him.

“AND YOU TOO! TWICE IN ONE DAY!”

“I saw that photo.” Tav remarked. “Figured Fuku’d tell me about it.”

“YES! EMBER WAS SO HAPPY!”

“Glad to hear it.” Mettaton said. “she around?”

“YES! SHE’S IN THE KITCHEN, TOTALLY NOT HIDING FROM YOU!” Papyrus announced, sending Tav into a fit of laughter.

“Perhaps it is best if you take her early.” Grillby said. Tav nodded, still laughing and walked back into the kitchen.

“Fuku, your brother’s the best.” Tav gasped between laughs as she walked into the kitchen. Once she was gone, Papyrus turned his attention back to the tv star.

“SO! HAVE YOU SCOUTED SUITABLE LOCATIONS YET?”

“Not yet, unfortunately. I’ve never been down this way.” Mettaton lied.

“OH! THAT IS UNFORTUNATE. MAYBE… MAYBE I COULD SHOW YOU AROUND, IF YOU’D LIKE? IF DAD SAYS IT’S OKAY?” Papyrus looked up at Grillby hopefuly.

“If Mr. Mettasans does not mind.” Mettaton shook his head.

“i’d be grateful.”

“WHOOPEE! LET ME GO CHANGE!” Papyrus sprinted back into the kitchen, untying his apron as he ran. The kitchen door slammed shut, startling a few of the dogs. Mettaton chuckled a bit, but stopped as he noticed Grillby looking at him. Or at least Mettaton _thought_ Grillby was looking at him. The glasses were facing him. Mettaton remembered he was holding the take-out order. He gently lifted it and placed the bag on the counter.

“uhh. Sorry, but could you maybe give this to someone else? i’ll pay, but I can’t take it.”

“Why not?” Grillby’s tone wasn’t accusing, but the same gentle monotone.

“Well, uh…” Mettaton started to feel embarrassed. “i...i don’t actually eat. That was a lie.”

“Odd thing to lie about.”

“yeah, isn’t it?” Mettaton kicked himself internally.

“Why did you even order it then?”

“I was going to bring it back to my director, but i don’t want to carry it around Snowdin. it’d get cold.” Mettaton felt his lie coming apart beneath him. God, it wasn’t even all that important. He just didn’t want anyone to get any ideas about him and Papyrus.

{Goddamn it Mettaton, you’re _supposed_ to be an actor. Get your shit together.}

Grillby was silent for a moment, and Mettaton waited for the next damning question. Instead, Grillby nodded and put the order-out bag under the counter. Just in time too, as Papyrus came back out into the restaurant. He was back in the tee shirt from Undyne’s, bright red scarf wrapped around his neck.

“READY TO GO?”

“Whenever you are!” Mettaton chirped. Papyrus beamed, said goodbye to Grillby and led the way out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going on a trip this weekend and probably won't really get a chance to write at all. Monday's update might be delayed. Sorry.


	19. {Tour] or The Sights And Sounds Of A Robot Falling On His Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton gets a day out with his (ex? future?) boyfriend.
> 
> Oh and Papyrus's sister shows up a little too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late chapter also has a lot going on, look at that!

Papyrus chatted his way through Snowdin proper, pointing out every detail as if each and every one was as important as a human SOUL. He spent a whole three minutes on the misspelled ‘librarby’ sign, and Mettaton listened in contented silence. He always enjoyed listening to Papyrus just _talk_. His enthusiasm was contagious, bringing a smile to Mettaton’s face at the end of even the most difficult of days.

Papyrus led Mettasans out into the more forested areas of Snowdin, and Mettaton watched the clouds of breath that escaped from Papyrus’ mouth as he talked.

“AND HERE IS WHERE I WANT TO ADD A GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR,” Papyrus said as he marched out onto a fairly thin wooden bridge. He pointed out to the right side of the chasm. “I PLAN FOR DEADLY BLADES AND FIRE CANNONS ON THIS SIDE, AND ON THIS SIDE,” Papyrus motioned with his other hand, “...I’M NOT ACTUALLY SURE. MAYBE SPEARS? BUT THOSE ARE MORE UNDYNE’S THING.”

{ _/The gentle clinking of metal tools as he dug through a toolbox/_

_/Papyrus emerging from underneath the cannon to take the wrench from him/_

_/The tall skeleton hoisting the cannon up by himself, pinning it against the platform on the chasm wall/_

_/Watching the platform swing out from it’s hidden position. The cannon appearing from it’s camouflage, rising to position and firing a blank/_

_/Slipping his arm around Papyrus’ shoulders as the muzzle flash lit up the cavern/_ }

“No, no, spears sound great! what about some sort of mace?” Mettaton suggested. Papyrus paused, planting his hands on his hips in contemplation. He inhaled sharply, then nodded.

“YES. PERHAPS A FLAIL ON... THE LEFT SIDE. PERFECT!” Papyrus cackled as he ran the rest of the way across the bridge. Mettaton followed, right hand running across the railing.

{ _/”Come on, sugarskull, let’s see it!”/_ }

Papyrus pointed out each and every snow poff on the other side of the bridge as Mettaton finished his crossing. The skeleton lead him past the dog house and towards the line of trees that marked the ice run.

“ALRIGHT, THIS NEXT PART’S A LITTLE SLICK. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ICE SKATING BEFORE?”

“yes, a few times.” {With you}

“GOOD! THIS IS JUST A STRAIGHT SHOT.” Papyrus motioned to the icy runway that cut through the trees.

Mettaton had already set his foot on the ice when he realized his mistake. He had been ice skating before, sure, but he’d never been very good at it. And on top of that, he’d never been ice skating in this body before, either. At this point, he realized it would probably have been better to have kept it that way, too. It had taken him a good week and a half to get used to walking like this, after all..

Mettaton’s foot, which he thought to be planted solidly on the ground, shot right out from under him. In his frantic attempt to right himself, he toppled forward with enough force to send himself zipping across the frozen path. A yelp ripped itself from his throat as he skidded past the trees, instinctively reaching out with his left hand to latch onto anything he could. But instead of grabbing anything, his hand just glanced off a rock and sent him spinning. Error message after error message flooded his HUD, mostly from his gyroscope warning him to stop spinning before any important mechanisms became dangerously misaligned. He couldn’t see a thing through the wall of dialogue boxes.

In a fit of desperation, Mettaton’s good hand scrabbled blindly against the ice, finally catching in a rather sizable crack. He immediately stopped spinning, but his remaining momentum nearly sent him swinging over the edge. Thankfully, he landed in a rather large snowbank.

Mettaton let out a groan as his gyroscope settled and the error messages cleared from his vision. Muffled giggling could be heard from somewhere off to his right. Ember and Tav came into view when he lifted his head, hands clamped over their mouths and shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. Mettaton scowled and shook the snow off of his head, which made Tav absolutely lose it. She slung an arm around Ember’s shoulder to keep herself upright as she howled.

“O-Oh— Oh my god,” she snorted, ”that was _a-amazing!_ ”

When Tav finally calmed down enough to open her eyes and look at him, she let out a startled gasp. She took a step back from Ember, who had stopped laughing and was now… blushing? Confused, Mettaton followed their gaze and immediately froze. Papyrus strode confidently across the ice, struggling to keep a straight face. He came to a stop in front of Mettaton, hands on his hips and eyes full of amusement.

“YOU TOLD ME YOU COULD SKATE!”

Mettaton let his head fall back into the snow. “I may have, ah, fibbed a bit.”

Papyrus let out an exaggerated sigh and leaned down, offering him a hand. “HERE. UPSY-DAISY.” Mettaton took the offered hand and pulled himself to his feet, albeit shakily. His joints didn’t want to seem to cooperate after all that excitement. When he felt steady enough, he let go and stuffed his left hand in his pocket, hoping Papyrus hadn’t noticed.

“thanks,” he said, but Papyrus was looking past him.

“EMBER AND TAV! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?”

“School project,” Tav said. Papyrus raised a brow.

“YOU HAVE NO SCHOOL SUPPLIES WITH YOU!” Ember blushed brighter and buried her face in her hands.

“Well, would you look at that. I guess we don’t! I knew I was forgetting something. Come on Fuku, let’s go get our… supplies.” Tav tugged on Ember’s sleeve. Mettaton fought down a smirk.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Papyrus waggled a finger at them. “EMBER IS IN ALL MY CLASSES AND WE HAVE NO WEEKEND PROJECT.” Tav began to blush slightly.

“Oh yeah? Well… uh…” Tav glanced at Ember, who looked like she was trying to will the snow to swallow her whole. “Aw shoot, you caught us, Pap,” tav sighed. “We just wanted to go ice skating.”

“ICE SKATING, EMBER? YOU LEFT WORK EARLY FOR _ICE SKATING_?”

“You left early, too!” Her head snapped up in protest.

“BUT I DID NOT LIE UNTIL MY PANTS CAUGHT FIRE TO DO IT!” Papyrus crossed his arms. Mettaton was struggling to choke down his laughter.

{This is too cute.}

“Please don’t tell dad, Pap,” Ember pleaded.

“AND WHY SHOULD _I_ LIE?”

“I’ll… I’ll cook the fries for a week. You won’t have to touch as much grease and oil.”

Papyrus’s face lit up, and he pumped his fists in the air. “DEAL!” Ember and Tav grinned as Papyrus turned back to Mettasans. “COME ON! NOTHING TO SEE HERE!” he shouted hurriedly as he reached out for Mettasans’s left arm. Realizing what was about to happen, Mettaton jerked his arm out of Papyrus’s reach. The sudden shift on weight cased Mettaton’s foot to slide under him and he fell on his back with a _thud_. The girls started giggling again.

“Careful!” Tav called out. “You’ll break the ice!”

Papyrus tried multiple times to get the robot to his feet and to the other side. Eventually, he just pulled Mettaton to the edge of the ice by one arm. Mettaton got to his feet on normal ground and dusted the snow off of himself.

“ALRIGHT! ARE WE READY TO MOVE ON?”

“Yep! lead the way.”

A little down the way, Mettaton was surreptitiously examining his left hand. Something was just… _off_ about it. He clenched it into a fist and he immediately realized what was wrong. “ _Shit._ ”

“IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?” Concern flashed across Papyrus’s face.

“Nothing important.” Mettaton lied, “i think i dropped something back on the ice.” Mettaton turned around and started to make his way back.

“OH! WE CAN GET IT ON THE WAY BACK.” Papyrus said.

“No, i should get it now. Don’t worry, i think i know where it is.” Papyrus began to follow him back to the path. “Oh, no. Stay here. it’ll only take a second.” Mettaton flashed Papyrus a smile and left before the skeleton could protest.

When Mettaton made it back to the edge of the ice, Ember and Tav were leaned up against a tree, still giggling. When Tav noticed Mettasans approaching, she quickly retracted her arm from around Ember’s shoulders.

“Here for round two? Can I film it?” Tav asked through her slight blush.

“no, I just… Oh, good.There it is.” Mettaton reached down and plucked his dropped item from the snow. “And you shouldn’t laugh. i _was_ going to compliment you two, but now…” Mettaton pursed his lips in consideration.

“On what?” Tav asked.

Mettaton shrugged. “I just think you two make an _adorable_ couple.” He smirked as both teenagers’s faces flushed.

“Hey now, hey! How’d you… Where’d you…” Tav’s tentacles waved wildly.

“Please don’t tell my dad. Or Pap. O-Or anyone. Please?” Ember interrupted her girlfriend. Mettaton smiled and shot her a thumbs up.

“I won’t even make you cook more fries for me.”

“Thank you!” Ember called softly after him as he walked away.

\------------

Papyrus had finished showing him around the main pathways, and was now leading him deep into the forest. The skeleton deftly maneuvered through the snow and trees, while Mettaton was just doing his best not to run into anything. This body was almost double the width of his last one, and he was struggling to find gaps big enough to walk through _and_ keep up with Papyrus.

“HERE WE ARE!” Papyrus motioned to the clearing they now stood in. Mettaton’s breath caught in his throat. He knew where they were. He hadn’t recognized the path—normally he and Papyrus had approached the small glade from the opposite direction. “ISN’T IT PRETTY?” Papyrus asked, turning to look at his robotic companion. “IS EVERYTHING OKAY?”

Mettaton smiled, fighting down the bitter sadness that he felt. _Of course_ this place meant nothing to Papyrus, to him it was just a pretty clearing in a dense forest.

“Yeah, i— just shocked a place like this exists.” Even without the memories attached, the clearing was pretty; it was almost a perfect circle with a perfect view of the top of the cavern. If you looked hard enough, you could almost make out the glimmer of distant crystals. Once upon a time, Mettaton and Papyrus had drawn constellations with those crystals.

{ _”LAY DOWN WITH ME.”_ }

“I KNOW! MOST OF THIS FOREST IS JUST TREES, BUT! THERE ARE NO TREES HERE!” Papyrus walked out into the center of the clearing. “WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

{ _He hesitated. He already felt like garbage, laying down just seemed excessive._

_”I’m good, thank you.”_ }

“what do you mean?”

“DO YOU THINK YOU COULD FILM HERE?”

{ _Papyrus looked at him pleadingly, and he gave in with a sigh. He got down in the snow and placed his head by Papyrus’s, almost resting it on the skeleton’s shoulder._

_They were silent for a moment, until Papyrus started to talk about something Lesser Dog had done._

_They talked for hours like that. Little things, mostly._

_Mettaton didn’t bring up Juni for three hours.._ }

“...I don’t think so.”

Papyrus tilted his head in confusion. “Why not?”

“it’s… too small!” Mettaton tried to sound enthusiastic about his lie. “Yeah. we’d never be able to fit all our crew and equipment out here.”

‘OH.” Papyrus looked around, measuring the clearing in his head. “THAT MAKES SENSE. WELL. BACK TO THE MAIN PATH WE GO!” Papyrus took off in the direction they had come. Mettaton took a moment to scan the little glade. The idea of bringing his work here—the one place he used to hide away from the world—made him sick. Even if Papyrus didn’t have the same memories Mettaton did, he still wanted this place to be special.

He made sure to wipe the burgeoning tears from his eyes before turning to follow Papyrus.

\-----------

It was late when they finally made it back to Snowdin proper. Monsters were finishing up what errands they had and packing it in for the night. The librarby was shuttered and the shop was closed. As Mettaton and Papyrus walked towards the tree in the center of town, Mettaton found his gaze drawn to the twinkling lights on it.

“THAT IS OUR GIFTMAS TREE!” Papyrus said, startling Mettaton. Most of the walk back had been fairly quiet, with Papyrus only occasionally adding something to his tour of Snowdin. “GIFTMAS IS A-”

“i know what giftmas is, Papyrus.” Mettaton smiled.

“OH? I DID NOT THINK PEOPLE HAD GIFTMAS OUTSIDE OF SNOWDIN! I HAD TO EXPLAIN _EVERYTHING_ TO UNDYNE.” Mettaton kicked himself. Giftmas was traditionally only a Snowdin thing. He hadn’t known about it until he’s gotten to know Papyrus. At least the skeleton didn’t seem fazed by it. “ANYWAY, THAT’S IT. ALL OF SNOWDIN.” Papyrus made a grand sweeping gesture, as if pointing to the entire town at once. “WATERFALL IS TO THE WEST, BUT THE FERRY’S UP NORTH.”

“You’ve been a great tour guide, Papyrus. thank you.” Mettaton said, before catching sight of the brother’s old home in the distance. “wait. That house over there. Does… does anyone live in it?”

“NOPE! IT’S BEEN EMPTY FOR AS LONG AS I’VE BEEN HERE.”

“oh. It’s a nice house.”

“I SUPPOSE. MUCH TOO BIG FOR ONE SKELETON!” Papyrus chuckled, and Mettaton could feel Sans’s sadness creep up.

“do you live with Grillby?”

“YES! I LIVE WITH DAD AND EMBER BEHIND THE KITCHEN. WE’VE GOT A WHOLE HOUSE BACK THERE.” Mettaton bit his lip. He and Sans were both curious, but he had just met Papyrus (from the skeleton’s perspective anyway). Mettaton decided to go for it anyway.

“How’d you end up there? grillby… he’s not your real dad, is he?”

“HE’S THE REALEST DAD I’VE EVER HAD. AND I’VE HAD QUITE A FEW DADS.” Papyrus said with an air of finality.

“oh.” Mettaton found himself struggling to find something to say. “i— uh. That’s a nice scarf.” Papyrus’s eyes widened, and he began to fiddle with the end of it.

“THANKS.”

“Where’d you get it?”

Papyrus shifted from foot to foot, looking down and away from the robot. “IT WAS MY MOTHER’S.”

“Grillby’s wife?”

“MY BIRTH MOTHER.” Papyrus gripped it tightly in one hand.

\---------

Mettaton kicked himself the entire ride to Hotland. Papyrus had been having such a good time, and then he had to go and ruin it. He played the last part of their conversation over and over again, wanting nothing more than to jump over the boat’s railing and fry his circuits. Out of all the things he could have mentioned, he picked the _scarf_. There were so many other things he could have said.

_“That’s good Papyrus. family is fluid”_

_“Glad you have a ‘real’ dad.”_

_“Hey! look at that tree.”_

{I’m a goddamn idiot.}

[you realize this only now?]

{Fuck off, Sans.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck this chapter was difficult for a few reasons:  
> 1) I don't have that much free time anymore. I'm not abandoning this, but I might have to start doing weekly updates instead of biweekly. I don't have anything for tomorrow unfortunately, but I'll see you all Monday!  
> 2) I super _don't_ ship Papyton. I really just needed a reason for Mettaton and Sans to get real pissed at one another and Papyton was it.  
>  3) I actually head cannon Papyrus as Aro/Ace. Writing him in any romantic context is weird.  
> 4} Guess who's also Aro/Ace? I'm sorry I don't know how romantic love works at all. *cries*
> 
> TL;DR, see you with an update Monday!


	20. [instability} or, Sans Happens To Enjoy A Good Game Of Pinball And A Foot-Yell Before Bed, Thank You Very Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans yells at his foot, Alphys yells at his hand, and Mettaton just yells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey this is dialogue heavy. I know not a lot happens but it's all important I promise.

Mettaton was not in the mood to deal with Undyne when he came back to the lab, but there she was: The Captain of the Royal Guard, perched upon Alphys’s couch, eyes fixed on the screen before her. Alphys had managed to hook the large monitor up to her laptop and was streaming whatever anime the two had picked out for tonight. Before he even saw Undyne, he heard her, yelling at the show at the top of her lungs.

{Sans. Could you just…}

[yeah, sure]

This time, Mettaton willingly gave Sans control. The skeleton rolled his head as he adjusted to being in complete dominance. He took a deep breath and walked past the couch. Alphys snapped her head around when she heard him approach.

“M-Metta! Where have you been? It’s really late!” Undyne leaned over and paused the show as Alphys hopped off the couch.

“snowdin.” Sans said, walking past the dinosaur. She tottered after him, trying to keep up.

“Wh-What were you doing out there?” Sans turned his head to look at her, but caught a glimpse of Undyne, staring at him with narrowed eye. She hadn’t changed her patch yet, still sporting the gauze and medical tape.

“Juni sent me out to scout locations.” Mettaton’s excuse had worked out there, so why not here? Sans started digging through the papers on Alphys’s computer desk. Mettaton had left their charger here this morning.

“Oh! Uh, okay.” Alphys fidgeted as Sans handed her a stack of papers.

“That reminds me, it’s real slick out there. lost my balance a few times. i might have a few dings or dents.”

“Y-you shouldn’t?” Alphys said, scanning up Sans’ body up and down. “I-i don’t think you do…” Sans sighed. As quietly as possible, he said:

“i-i’m going to need you to make some _minor_ repairs.” He took his left hand out of his pocket, gripping his severed finger as best as possible, and showed it to Alphys. Her jaw dropped.

“Metta!” She put the papers on the floor and grabbed his damaged hand. “What— What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Sans continued to scan the desk for signs of the industrial-sized cable. “not so loud.”

“Th-Th-This isn’t n-nothing!” Alphys took the finger in one hand and turned his hand over with the other, tracing the cracks that ran down the length of it with her eyes. It really was in bad shape, missing pinky aside. More than a few pieces of metal were missing, and wires poked out of the holes. It hung limply, having lost all connection with the skeletal and nervous systems.

“it’s probably just from the temperature changes.” Sans suggested. He’d found the charger, but couldn’t reach it from where he stood.

“If you w-were some-some plastic toy, I’d agree. B-but you’re, you’re not! You’ve got systems to counteract temperature.” As Alphys berated him, Undyne leaned up, trying to look and see what she was talking about.

“can you fix it?”

Alphys looked up at him and sighed. “Yeah, yeah I can. I just need a few tools.” Alphys dropped his hand and hopped on the escalator. Sans could feel her stare bore into him, but he took the opportunity to grab the cable from the desk. Undyne was looking at him, jaw clenched. Sans waved with his good hand. She snarled quietly and sat back down.

Alphys walked down the other escalator, clutching a small wrench and screwdriver in one hand. “that’s all you need?” Sans asked.

“No. But, uh, I’m just going to d-detach your hand and f-fix it on it’s own.” Alphys crossed the lab and Sans lifted his hand for her again. She motioned to the desk and Sans put it on a bare spot by the edge. He winced as Alphys began to pull apart some of the metal and stuck the screwdriver into his wrist. Sans looked away, but could still feel her working under his skin. Then there was a little _snap_ , and the end of his arm felt a lot lighter. Sans lifted the now handless arm and looked at the end in wonder. Instead of wires and fibers sticking out, Alphys had slid metal over the end, creating a stump.

“you know, that’s my dominant hand.” Sans traced the way the pliable arm metal folded over itself to protect the appendage.

“You’re ambidextrous.” Alphys said, looking at the ruined hand dejectedly. She laid down the finger roughly where it should connect to the hand. Sans chuckled a little.

“I suppose that’s true.” Technically, he was right handed while Mettaton was naturally a southpaw. It gave the impression they could use both hands normally. “i’m going to charge. You know how to wake me if you need to.” Sans hopped on the elevator before remembering his last request. “Alphys? Could you build something that lets me… eat? if not taste, at least?”

Alphys sighed “Taste? M-most likely. I-it'll take me a l-little b-bit to do though.”

“That's fine. take your time.”

\---------

Undyne waited until Mettasans was upstairs before walking up behind Alphys. She was poking at a hunk of metal on the desk that Undyne supposed was Mettasans’ broken hand. Undyne looked at it for a moment before murmuring, “I should have called you.”

“W-What?”

Undyne sighed and told Alphys what had happened at lunch today, ending with Mettasans claiming he was ‘cracking his knuckles.’

“He d-doesn’t _have_ any h-hydraulics. Th-that’s not even how hydraulics _work_!”

“I see that now.” Undyne said, motioning towards his hand. Alphys used a pair of tweezers to gently pull a shard of metal from a mass of frayed wired. Undyne glanced up towards the upper floor, looking for any hint the robot was listening in. “Alphys?”

“Mhm?” The hand was mostly dissected now, and Alphys had separated the materials from it into two piles. One pile was things that were completely useless, and the other was parts that were salvageable. The later pile was much smaller than the former with all the destroyed circuitry and electronics.

“Have you ever noticed Mettasans can be a little…” Undyne searched for the right word. “Unstable?”

Alphys dropped the wire she was holding in the trash pile. “W-What do you mean?”

“Well, he’s… He's prone to mood swings and… Sometimes he’s self-destructive… And then there’s…” Undyne hesitated, debating if she should tell Alphys about Mettasans’s position in the guard.

“T-there’s what?”

“Well, he’s had one, maybe _two_ breakdowns, if what I saw today was a breakdown.”

“I-I don’t know. Maybe? B-but… You’ve n-noticed the mood swings too?” Alphys looked up at her through her glasses, biting her lower lip.

“Yeah. One moment he’s all bouncy and flamboyant, the next…”

“H-He’s quiet and pensive. I call it his ‘thinking phase.’”

“Yeah! Exactly!” Undyne pounded her fist against Alphys’s desk, causing the remains of the hand to jump and clatter. “Was he like that before you transferred his SOUL?”

Alphys thought for a moment, wringing her hands together. “I-I actually… I don’t remember? It’s o-only been two months, b-but, uh…” Alphys looked up at the second floor. “Y-You were his neighbor, right? D-Do you remember?”

“Sure I do! He… He...” Undyne furrowed her brow. She could remember the little purple ghost Mettasans had once been, but she only vaguely remembered his basic shape. She couldn’t recall his face, which was strange. Undyne prided herself on being able to remember a face. She couldn’t remember how he sounded or even anything he had done. The only thing she had for sure was that he had existed. He had been her neighbor, and he had a cousin.  No further details came to mind, no matter how hard she tried. Ugh, she was getting a headache from all this remembering. She shook her head, hoping to clear the strange pressure on her skull.

“Okay, maybe not,” Undyne finally said, “but I didn’t talk to him all that much. He’s got a cousin though. We could call him.”

“M-Maybe,” Alphys said, rubbing one of her temples. “O-only if it gets w-worse. I d-don’t think Metta liked his f-family all that much. H-He’s probably okay…” She trailed off, looking forlornly at the metal and wires on her desk.

“Hey, Alphys? Does Mettasans have any sort of… failsafes?”

\------------

Juni called just before Sans shut himself down.

“Mettasans?”

“how can i help you, Juni?” Sans said, twiddling the cord between his fingers.

“I was just wondering if you were okay to come in tomorrow.”

“‘course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Sans winced as the plug in his neck wiggled and he dropped the cord.

“You weren’t all there today and tomorrow’s the live filming.”

“Live… filming?”

“Should we cancel it? It was going to be promotional but if you’re not feeling up to it…”

“Oh, no. i’m okay. tomorrow’s great. absolutely _film_ tastic.”

Juni snorted at the pun. “If you’re sure.”

“yeah. See you tomorrow.” Juni said her goodbyes and hung up.

[that ought to be fun for you, huh?]

{Sure. Whatever.}

Sans frowned, which on its own was a strange sensation for him.

[maybe we should send papyrus a few tickets? y’know, to say thanks for the tour.]

{Yeah. Do that.}

Sans sighed. Mettaton pouting was worse than most of Mettaton’s moods. Sans poked around their HUD, looking for the messaging app he’d seen Mettaton use. Between the pinball game Sans had open and the various command prompts that kept showing up for some reason, he managed to get lost in a sea of flashing lights and gyroscope calibration error messages.

{It’s right here.} Mettaton sounded exasperated as he cleared the screen before Sans’s eyes and pulled up the messaging app. Papyrus had given them his cell number, in case they did decide to film in Snowdin and needed catering. Mettaton typed part of his message into the box.

[hey, i _can_ type.] It had been awhile since Sans had used a computer, but he’d gotten used to navigating the thought controlled interface in silence over the past few weeks.

{Alright. There you fucking go.} Mettaton deleted his text and Sans took over the prompt.

<Papyrus? MS here _._

>METTASANS? WOW! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D ACTUALLY TEXT ME.

Papyrus’s texts were in that same font he used for his UnderNet profile. Of course they were.

<Yeah. I’m having a live filming tomorrow. I have a few extra tickets. Consider it my thanks for showing me around today.

Sans attached a code for four online tickets.

>WOWIE! THANK YOU!!

>BUT I HAVE  A QUESTION.

<Shoot.

>WHAT’S A ‘LIVE FILMING?’

Right. This was way before Mettaton’s live shows became the biggest events in the Underground. Sans explained the concept to Papyrus, and his [not?] brother seemed excited. Then again everything he said seemed excited over text. Papyrus signed off, and Sans closed the text box. He waited for Mettaton to say something, but just got an annoyed silence.

[what’s your deal?]

{Nothing. Let’s shut off.}

[lighten up. you got your day out with pap.]

[not that you deserved it.]

{ _What_?} That got Mettaton’s attention. Sans felt him bristle with anger.

[you got an afternoon, i got twenty minutes]

{No no no, back up.}

{I don’t _deserve_ time with Papyrus?}

[nope.]

{I… I was his boyfriend! I…}

[key word: _was_.]

[the only reason i let you anywhere _near_ pap is because i’m stuck with you.]

[i want to see him, but i _know_ what happens when you two end up alone together.]

{Oh, and what happens? Do tell, Sans.}

[you lead him on for a year for ratings then break his heart.]

Mettaton sat in shocked silence for a moment.

{You think that’s what happened?}

{You honestly think that’s what I did?}

Sans metaphorically shrugged. [i mean, what’s what pap told me.]

{ _Of course_ that’s what he told you. That’s what I told _him_. But-}

[but what?]

{But— But— _Ugh!_ }

{Do you really think I’m someone who’d do that?}

[yes.]

{Unbelieveable. We’ve been stuck together for months and you _still_ won’t give me a chance.}

{You never gave me a chance. Not as a person and not with Papyrus.}

[never gave you a chance? i let you go around with my brother for a year!]

{Oh, _sure_.}

{But you never took the time to really get to know me. If you did—}

[i’d find out you’re a misunderstood cinnamon roll with a heart of gold?] The sarcasm dripped off Sans’ words.

Mettaton growled in frustration and anger.

{You’re just like everyone else. You see me on tv and make your assumptions and think you know _everything_ about me. People think they _know_ me... And I’ve heard it all, Sans.}

{“You’re nothing but a self-centered egotistical asshole. Not everything’s about you.”}

{“You’re a robot. You expect me to think you have _any_ personality that’s not code? I bet that scientist is pulling all the strings from a computer.”}

{“You’re an idiot. We’ve got huge problems as a society and you’re just flouncing around on tv. If you’re so great, then do something to actually _help_ us.”}

{“Hey, come here, fuckbot. Bet you’d like what _I’d_ do to you.”}

{Everytime I think someone can’t say something more insulting, they find something. You won’t believe the things I’ve been told _to my face_.}

{ _Forgive me_ for not wanting Papyrus to deal with all that.}

{I tried my _goddamned hardest_ to keep him out of the public eye.}

{I told reporters he was off limits. I refused to do photo shoots with him.}

{But you just don’t _care,_ do you? You made your assumptions about me a long time ago.}

{Fuck off with your ‘ _you don’t deserve him_ ’ bullshit.}

{You don’t think _you_ do either.} And then Mettaton left, sinking all the way down into the left foot. Sans could not form a coherent thought, filled with rage at Mettaton’s insolence.

“ _oh no you don’t._ ” Sans didn’t realize he began speaking aloud. When Mettaton didn’t respond, Sans picked up his left foot and leaned down into it. “i  s w e a r  i  w i l l  c r u s h  y o u  a g a i n.”

“M-Metta?” Sans looked up. Alphys and Undyne were standing there, wide-eyed. Sans smiled.

“hey Alphys.” He dropped the foot and slammed it on the floor as hard as he could. “undyne.”

“A-Are you, uh, okay?”

“Yep! Perfectly fine. just… getting ready to shut off.” Sans sat down and leaned against the wall.

“Do you normally yell at your foot before turning off?” Undyne asked.

“...yes?” Sans said, unsure of the correct answer. “Well, goodnight.” Sans shut his eyes and started the shut off procedure, perfectly aware the two women were still staring at him.

\----------

Undyne turned to Alphys and raised her eyebrow. The dinosaur wrung her hands and said “O-Okay. M-maybe you’re right.”

“But!” She continued. “I- I don’t like the idea of putting in a kill-switch without his permission.”

“Do you really think he’d give you permission?”

Alphys bit her lip and looked at her faulty creation, deep in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think I've decided to go to a once a week update schedule for good (or at least for a while). Mondays, I promise.


	21. [break} or Sans Should Be Honored, He Gets To Play Eddie Murphy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans gets a little taste of Mettaton's job.
> 
> Things go just as well as expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Tags updated. This chapter has a few mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Tread carefully.

Sans woke up the next morning to the familiar blinking of the HUD. Reaching up to pinch his nose, Sans lamented his lack of ability to hit ‘snooze’ on his internal alarm. He pulled out the charger cord, but left it in the wall. Why Mettaton even bothered putting in on a table puzzled him. It was used for one thing and one thing only; why move it when you didn’t have to? Sans hauled himself to his feet, wobbling a little. He stuck his left hand out to catch himself, only to remember it was nothing but a stub.

“Alphys?” Sans called quietly. It was only eight o’clock, and Alphys wasn’t always awake this early. Sans looked down the room towards her bed, but she wasn’t there. A glance around the room revealed her asleep on her workbench, glasses askew. Sans walked up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. “alphys, time to get up.”

The dinosaur awoke with a jerk, eyes flying open. “W-What time is it?” she slurred, rubbing her eyes.

“Eight.”

“Five more minutes.” Alphys put her head back down on the desk.

“Come on. up.” Alphys groaned and sat back in her chair. “How late were you up?”

“I dunno. P-Probably close to… four, maybe? F-Five?” She wiped the drool from her chin. “I f-fixed your hand.” It sat on the desk in front of her, good as new.

“Good job, alphys.” She reached over and picked it up.

“G-Give me your arm.” Sans did as he was told, and winced as she pulled back the metal coating of the stump. Sans looked the other direction, but could feel her lift away his skin and stick things underneath. Alphys dug beneath his wrist and pulled on a wire.

“ow! Careful.”

“W-Well, y- _you_ ought to... to be more c-careful. Take b-better care of yourself, I mean.”

His hand clicked back into place and a notification popped up on his HUD. Alphys let go of his wrist, and Sans clenched his fist experimentally. His fingers curled and flexed with ease. He stuck his hand into his pocket and turned around.

“Will do, alphys. Gotta be off now.”

“Uh, w-wait a second.” Sans turned back around. Alphys opened her mouth as if to speak, but closed it again. Sans raised an eyebrow. “I-I was just wondering, um… If maybe y-you’d be okay if I… if I…” Alphys trailed off, looking at the ground.

“if you what, Alphys?”

“If I… made a small, um, p-programming change?” Alphys met his gaze.

“what kind of change?”

“J-Just a— Um… A… An optimization… thing… in your shut-off, turn-on programming. M-Make it w-work a bit, uh, faster?”

“Why would i _not_ be okay with that?” Sans asked.

“Oh, uh… I don’t know. Just f-figured I should... ask?” Alphys clicked her claws against the table nervously, visibly sweating.

[twenty g says she’s lying.]

Mettaton didn’t respond.

\------------

“BUT DAD—”

“Papyrus, I said no.” Grillby slid the skeleton’s sixth pancake onto his plate.

“BUT WHY? IT’S FREE. I’LL PAY FOR THE FERRY MYSELF,” Papyrus begged, clutching his syrup covered fork.

“It's all the way out in hotland.”

“We go out to hotland for school every day,” Ember said from the other side of the table.

“With other children and _never_ on Saturdays.” Grillby slid into his seat, pristine calm in the face of his children’s pleading. “I am sorry, I would be more than willing to go, but someone has to stay at the restaurant. That is the end of the matter.”

“UNBELIEVABLE,” Papyrus muttered, pouring more syrup onto his plate, drowning the pancake. The table was quiet as both kids pouted.

“What if we called Tav? Maybe one of her parents could take us?” Ember suggested, cutting her pancake with a fork.

“Both of her parents work Saturdays too,” Grillby reminded her.

“Maybe one of them’s off?”

“Ember.” The fire girl slumped in her seat, dropping her fork with a clatter.

“Why do we even need a parent? I'm almost eighteen. Papyrus is _twenty three_. He’s a second year senior. Practically an adult.”

“You both are still in high school and under my protection. And my children. Hotland can be dangerous.”

“Like we have anything to worry about. Papyrus can take _anyone_.”

“YOU REALLY THINK SO?” Papyrus said, words muffled through a mouthful of pancake. He swallowed. “I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY I CAN. DAD, PLEASE. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SWEAR WE WILL BE FINE.”

Grillby sighed. Papyrus, bless his SOUL, was staring up at him with large, pleading eyes. Twenty three and a child at heart. Grillby adjusted his glasses.

“If you can find a responsible adult to take you, then you can go.” Grillby finally gave in. Ember and Papyrus’s faces lit up, quite literally in his daughter’s case.

“Who can we ask?” Ember asked her brother. Papyrus thought for a minute, then gasped.

“UNDYNE! WE COULD ASK UNDYNE!” Papyrus grinned.

“I said _responsible_.” Grillby said.

“DAD!”

\-----------

“We’ve got a big day ahead of us.” Juni was giving her daily pep-talk to the cast and crew when Sans walked on set. The audience benches were already set up, facing the three-walled set. “We’re all clear on our jobs, yes? Let’s make this a good one.” The crew began to break up, heading to their specific jobs and the cast moved backstage, presumably for warm-ups.

“hey, juni. Sorry i’m late.” The director spun to face him.

“Mettasans. There you are! I was worried.” Her hair fluttered slightly behind her as she approached. “Where were you?”

“alphys wanted to do a few touch-ups. Took longer than we were expecting.” Sans said.

“Well, you’re here now. Go backstage and get ready. Filming starts in an hour.” Juni said as she shuffled off. “Gunther! The cyc should be blue, not green. The sky is blue, honey.” She starting talking to a little bird manipulating some technical board, and Sans looked around for the other actrons. Following the sounds of the vocal chanting (which Mettaton had assured him was _not_ , in fact, a ceremony to summon a demon), Sans found the other cast members, then slunk around them to his dressing room. Sans shut the door behind him and relaxed his hold on the body.

[alright, metta. you’re up.]

{...}

[metta? hello?] Sans leaned against a wall, lifted his left foot and gently tapped it.

[now’s not the time to have _cold feet_. it’s time to act.] When he got no response, Sans realized he didn’t know if Mettaton was really still in the foot. He’d been silent all day.

[mettaton seriously. this is not my area of expertise.]

{...}

[mettaton?]

[are you just gonna sit there and ignore me? real professional, mr. ac _tron_.]

Sans huffed. If Mettaton wasn’t going to do anything, Sans realized he would have to perform himself. That wouldn’t be too difficult, would it? He’s gotten a front-row seat when Mettaton had performed during other shoots and rehearsals. It was easy, at least from what Sans had seen. He hadn’t really been paying all that much attention—pinball had been quite a distraction—but acting was just spouting lines and walking around a set, wasn’t it?

What did Mettaton normally do before a shoot? Sans looked around the room. Mettaton’s costume hung on one wall, and Sans pulled it off the hanger. The perfectly pressed three piece suit was surprisingly heavy. Sans tugged off his hoodie and got changed. As he pulled on the suit jacket, Sans realized the last time he’d worn a suit was…

[ _“you sure this will work?” He asked, looking out over the gathering of monsters. The crowds admired his_ — _no,_ their _grand accomplishment._

“ _When have I ever not been sure, Sans? We’ve done good work. They won’t know it’s not finished.”_ ]

Sans blinked himself back into the present, and began pulling at his hair. Mettaton normally did something with it. He glanced at the multi-colored bottles and tubes on the counter before the mirror. In that instant, Sans became hyperaware of the fact he’d never had hair before, and now he had no idea what those products were or where to start.

[what do i do with this?] Sans asked, running his hand through the frontmost lock. Still nothing from Mettaton. Sand picked up the nearest bottle, a bright purple aerosol can, and began to speed-read the label. He was halfway through the collection of products when someone knocked at his door.

“Metta? Almost ready?” Juni called though the door.

“uhh, kinda?” Sans said. “Juni? how did you want me to do my hair?”

“We figured that out yesterday, didn’t we?”

“yes? But, uh, how do you want it?”

“I thought we decided on a slicked-back look.”

“right.” Sans said, looking over the counter. “How do i do that?” Juni was silent for a moment, disbelief radiating from the other side of the door.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Metta?”

“yeah, I just… i’m fine.” Sans said, “Could you, maybe, do this for me?”

“I don’t have time for this, Metta.”

“please?”

Juni sighed and opened the door. She looked over her robot star, arms crossed in front of her. “Your pants are on backwards.” Sans glanced down at his legs.

“So they are.” Sans grinned up at her. “i’ll fix that later.”

Juni grabbed a bottle of greenish jell, squeezed some into her hand and began to run it through Sans’ hair. It was cold against Juni’s warm hands. The contrast in temperature and the feeling of her hands against his skull startled Sans.

[ _His dart slammed into the red center of the board. A perfect throw, as usual._

_“Hmm. You’re on top of it today.”_

_“i might finally win today.”_

_His companion began to rub little circles against the back of Sans’ skull. Sans felt his face grow hot._

_“But that means I’ll lose.”_

_The pressure against his head distracted Sans, and his second throw missed the board entirely. His companion laughed as Sans blushed harder, and pulled him into a hug._

_“Sorry Sans, but I never lose.”_ ]

Instinctively, Sans pulled back from her, motors revving in his ears. Juni’s eyes widened.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked.

Sans took a shaky breath. “No, no. i… wasn’t expecting it to be cold, is all. Took me by supr _ice_.”

Juni’s eyes narrowed. “That was a stretch.”

Sans shrugged. Juni reached over and finished his hair. “I need on you on set in ten minutes, okay?” Sans nodded and she left, pulling her hair behind her so as to not get caught in the door. Sans stood and looked at himself in the mirror. He wondered what was happening to him. Sans hadn't thought about _him_ like this for years, and now three times in twenty four hours?

[get yourself together, sans.]

As Sans left the dressing room, he hoped Mettaton hadn’t been paying attention.

\--------

Mettaton had noticed when Sans started to relive memories, but he turned away and shut it out. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted to watch Sans crash and burn.

\--------

The live audience was shuffling in, herded by various crew members. Sans poked his head through the window of the set. Papyrus was there, midway up the center section, flanked by Ember, Tav and…

Sans let out a groan. Undyne sat beside Papyrus, on the other side of Tav. The fish lady was laughing as Papyrus said something to her, excitement evident on his face. Ember and Tav were holding hands, but quickly let go when Papyrus turned around. Sans pulled away from the window and took a deep breath.

“Jitters?” Juni was there, holding out a briefcase prop to him. Sans took it and smiled.

“you could say that.” Sans had been nearly sure Mettaton would speak up and take the body, but the robot was nowhere to be found.

“Your pants are still backwards,” Juni said.

“Whoops?” Sans said, grimacing.

“To late to fix it now. We’re on in five.” Juni started to walk out onto the set.

“hey, do you have a script on you?”

“Uh, yeah. On the table over there. We’re going to have a prompter up, though.” Juni said.

“I know, i just want to look at it real quick.” Sans said, and Juni walked out before the audience. The assembled monsters quieted down as Juni explained what would be happening. Sans picked up the script Juni had pointed him to and scanned it quickly. From what Sans could gather, this was supposed to be some sort of sitcom about an overworked father who quits to run… a daycare? Sans snorted. It sounded like a moderately-okay human film.

One of the crew—a bipedal mouse who was nearly as tall as Alphys—tapped Sans on the shoulder and told him Juni was ready to go. Sans nodded and the mouse turned away, mumbling into his headset. The audience hushed as the lights dimmed. Music picked up as the set lit up with yellow and white light.

“Momma,” the actron playing the child called out, “where’s dad?” From his position in offstage, Sans could see the ‘mother’ of the family turn around from her starting position, carrying a plate of prop food.

“Still at work, Sandy.” She said, putting the roast beef down on the table. The small, winged child looked down at a picture she had ‘drawn.’

“When’s he gonna be home? He said he’d be here for cake.” The mother smiled.

“Soon. He’d never miss your birthday. What have you got there?”

“I drew him a picture!” The child held out the picture so the mother could see.

“It’s really good! He’ll love it.”

And then both actors fell into quiet stage business, making small comments about the picture. A few moments of absolutely nothing happening passed before the intercom sound crew had set up crackled to life.

“ _Cut_.” Juni’s gentle command caused both actrons on stage to drop their countenance. “Gren, Luica, good job. Exactly what I want. Mettasans, that was your cue.”

“it was? I-I mean, yes. Sorry.” Sans called out, now aware of the stares of the crew on his back.

“It’s fine. First take of the day. From the top.” The static cut out, and the two other actrons returned to their starting positions. Once again the gentle music began to play, and the child actron-Lucia- gave her opening line. When the two were looking over the picture again, Sans gripped his briefcase, opened the set door and walked out into the brightest lights he’d ever seen. Blinded, he instinctively threw his arm up to block the light out.

“ _Cut._ Are you okay Metta?”

“yep, uh, perfectly fine.” Sans said, lowering his hand. Blinking, he continued: “ _Watt_ makes you ask?” Juni inhaled sharply as a few audience members snickered.

“WAS THAT A PUN?” Papyrus called out from the audience. Sans smiled and looked out past the lights. He couldn’t see anything in the darkness of the bleachers.

“Looks like we got a _bright_ fellow out in the audience.” Papyrus groaned underneath the giggles of those around him. “No seriously, he really _lights up my life_.” A few audience members were outright laughing now. “hey, hey, don’t laugh. I’m poking fun at a fan. kinda _shady_ of me, don’t ya think?” Sans smiled as the entire group let out a laugh. Maybe he’d get Mettaton to give him a comedy hour or something.

“Alright Metta. We’re going to lower the lights a bit.” Juni said. Sans shot a thumbs up to the air and walked back out the set door. Once again the opening minutes passed, and this time when Sans entered the shot, the lights were bearable. Sans opened the door and walked out into view. The mother, Gren, and Lucia kept their faces in the picture, giving no clues as to what he was supposed to do next. Sans glanced at the prompter, but the next line wasn’t his. The other two were waiting on _him_ to do something. Sans stopped, raised his hand awkwardly and smiled. Realizing he honest-to-god didn’t know what to do, Sans spun around, walked back out the set door and slammed it behind him.

“Welp, there goes your father.” Gren said, causing the audience to laugh. Juni called an exasperated cut. The mousey crew member shot him a confused glance as Sans rubbed his temples.

“Gren, Lucia, why don’t you just run scene 5? I’ll be back.” Juni said over the loudspeaker.

\------------

If Mettaton had a head of his own, it would be through the nearest wall right now. Sitting back and watching Sans flounder around in the dressing room had been fun, but now that Sans was actually ruining a _live event_ , Mettaton didn’t find it so funny anymore. That was his reputation going down the drain out there.

{Sans, that’s enough.}

[oh, _hello_. there you are. how’s your day going?]

{Don’t give me sass. Just give me control.}

[mine’s going just great. a real _showstopper_ of a day.]

{Quit whining, Sans. I’m going to fix your screw up.}

[my screw up? you left me to do _your_ job.]

{And that was a mistake. I never should have let an amature act in my place.}

[like acting’s all that difficult.]

{Says the one who’s failing at it.}

[i am not _failing_. i’m sure if i knew how the scene was supposed to go, i’d be fine.]

{Oh really? Jumping to conclusions again, are we?}

Sans frowned. [shut up.]

{Sans, just let me do my job.}

[i can handle this.]

{No you can’t.}

[bull _shit_ I can’t.]

{Bullshit you _can_.}

“Metta?” Juni had arrived. “How are you doing?” She whispered.

“just fine.” Sans pushed Mettaton away from the voice processor. The robot was silently fighting Sans, putting everything he had into regaining control.

“Really?”

“yep.” Sans was struggling to keep Mettaton down. He really didn’t trust his voice to not glitch out under Mettaton’s assault.

Juni sighed. “Do you remember your blocking?”

Considering Sans didn’t know what the term ‘blocking’ meant… “...no?”

Juni shut her eyes tightly, took a deep breath, and looked at the ceiling. “I knew this was a bad idea. We should have cancelled.” She looked at him, and then her face twisted into concern. “Are you okay?”

“I-I’m ffffine.” Sans had put a hand to his face, trying to cover up the twitching of his and Mettaton’s struggle for control. For the first time, Mettaton seemed to have the upper hand. Sans was exhausted already, and Mettaton actually starting to win. “i— iiiii just neeeEEd a minn-nuute.” Sans could no longer control his voice, Mettaton’s interference causing him to glitch out. Sans considered pushing past Juni and locking himself in his dressing room, but the mouse was looking at him, wide-eyed. Sans spun around, opened the door and walked right back out into the set.

The other two actors jumped as Sans entered and started to fast walk across the set. Lucia had to jump out of the way to avoid him as Sans battled to keep moving. Mettaton was serious about stealing control from him. One of the cameramen called out for the other to stop filming and the audience began to mutter between themselves. Sans glanced into the darkness but still wasn’t able to see anything. Gren reached out and put a wing on Sans’ shoulder.

“MTS? What’s happening?” She asked. Sans jerked out of her reach, but Mettaton dug in his heels and stopped Sans’ forward movement. Sans started to fall over, but caught himself on the kitchen table. Mettaton used Sans’ distraction to make another grab for the voice processor. Gren reached out again to help him.

“stop that,” Sans muttered, and Gren recoiled. “not you,” he said, stumbling away from her. Turning away from her, Sans mumbled “we’re in public.” Sans tried to think-speak to Mettaton, but it seemed the latest attack had left the voice processor locked in an ‘activated position.’

“ _Make me_ ,” Mettaton cut in, with a slight amount of static. Sans could hear the mutterings of the crowd get louder. He managed to get another step in before something hairy clasped his hand. He glanced over his shoulder to find Juni staring up at him in concern.

“You’re not okay, Metta. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“i’m fine. _No we’re not!_ ” Sans threw a hand over his mouth. Juni looked startled, but didn’t let go of his hand. Gasps and sounds of protests came from the direction of the crowd. Sans tried to pull his hand away from Juni’s grasp. “i just need some time. _No, we need help. Juni, please_.” A cameraman told someone to remain seated.

“Hell no. Let me through!” Undyne’s voice cut through the increasing volume of the audience.

“f u c k .” Sans muttered as the Royal Guard captain pushed through the cameraman. She walked out into the middle of the set and spun to face the audience.

“Alright! Set security!” Undyne held up a hand, and when she didn’t get a response, put her fingers into her mouth and wolf whistled. The audience fell silent. She started barking orders, pointing everyone towards the exits. The other monsters began to slowly file out as a familiar skeletal voice called them out of the bleachers.

“How can I help?” Juni asked, pulling Sans’s attention back to her. “Please. If you’re struggling, just let me know.”

“i’m not struggling. _Stop lying, Sans._ s h u t  u p .” Sans finally twisted out of Juni’s hold. “ _Why do we need to keep this a secret, really?_ shut up shut up shut up!” Sans clasped his hands over his metallic ears, as if it would do anything. Maybe he did it just to reaffirm his control over his hands. He shut his eyes as Mettaton spoke again. “ _Give me a reason no one can know_.”

“Mettasans, please. I’m here for—” Juni reached out again, only to have Undyne grab her by the arm and pull her back.

“Stay back, ma’am.” Undyne said, putting herself between the shorter monster and Mettasans. Sans’s eyes flew open at her voice. The anger and panic Sans was going through bubbled up at the sight of her calm face.

“well look who it is. miss sends-unfit-people-for-judgement. _She doesn’t deserve that._ you know she was going to send pap. _She could have been sending Ember!_ either way, neither of them are fit.” Sans felt Mettaton make a grab for his arms, and Sans curled in on himself.

“Metta, you need to take a few deep breaths.” Undyne put her hands up, palms toward Sans.

“s h u t  u p  u n d y n e ,  s h u t  u p . _You shut up, Sans. Let me talk and explain._ no, fuck off. _you fuck off!_ are you a child? _are_ you _a child?_ why are you angry? you have no right to be angry. _if anyone has a right to be angry, it’s me!_ no, this is all your fault. _my fault!?_ ” Mettaton’s anger matched Sans’s, and they screamed at each other. Their desperation mingling together to create this storm inside their head. Both were on the very verge of breaking down,

“Mettasans, you seriously need to _calm down_.” Undyne took another step forward. Sans saw her approach and he backed away, crashing into the wall.

“Please, let me help. I’m his friend,” Juni pleaded from behind the Captain. Undyne shook her head, set her jaw and took another step forward.

“get away from me. _She’s just trying to help._ we don’t need help. _How can you say that?_  w e  d o n ’ t  n e e d  h e l p .”

“I _will_ shut you down forcefully if I need to.” Undyne said, taking another step forward. Sans shot his glare up towards her, left eye flaring.

“don’t you dare try to even touch me. _...Sans._ take another step, i swear. _Sans._ this is none of her business. _No Sans, listen to me!_ why? _Because you hate me and I hate you and we’re both miserable and if we’re going to be stuck like this forever why not let her do it_?” Immediately, Undyne stepped back.

“Metta?”

“what do you mean? _Get her to shut us down. Permanently._ what the hell? _Come on, Sans!_ no. _Why are you fighting this?_ because i don’t want to die. _You don’t want to die? We both know that’s not true._ h a v e  y o u  b e e n  t h r o u g h  m y  h e a d ? _No, but I can feel it. You can’t hide everything from me_.” Mettaton was hysterical at this point. “ _Please, Sans. I can’t take this anymore_ ”

“Don’t do anything rash, now.” Undyne took another step back. She almost ran into Juni, who was staring at Mettasans with wide, fearful eyes.

“ _Rash? Sans, let’s do the most rash thing we’ve ever done in our lives_.” Mettaton ripped Sans’s arms away from him. “you need to stop. you’re not being rational. _Fuck being rational. Nothing in this world makes sense! Why the fuck are we stuck together? Why the fuck should I be rational?_ ” Mettaton flung his arms out away from their body, as if he still had his weapons. “ _Damn_.” He brought his palms up to his face. “ _Sans. Wanna call up those cannons real quick_?” Sans felt tears start to run down his face. “ _Please_?” Mettaton cried, pressing the base of his palms into their eyes. “ _Please. I’m done. I can’t do this. I-I_ —” Mettaton let out a sob. Sans felt the soul-crushing pain roll off Mettaton and realized he _recognized it_.

He recognized the same empty sadness he had been living with for so long. He recognized the hopelessness that had reduced his health to the lowest it could go. His anger dissipated as Mettaton cried. Some small part of Sans realized that he had been part of what drove Mettaton to this extreme. Sans went to speak but a pair of arms around his waist cut him off.

Shocked, Mettaton dropped his hands as the two arms squeezed harder. Sans could see Undyne still standing where she had been, Juni peering around her. Undyne held her hand out, as if to stop someone. Ember and Tav stood off in the back, eyes wide in fear. That left…

“ _Papyrus?_ ” Mettaton asked through his tears.

“I AM HERE,” Papyrus said, his head resting on Mettasans’s shoulder.

“what are you doing, papyrus?” Sans asked.

“BEING HERE.” Mettaton pushed on Papyrus’s shoulder and broke out of the hug, holding the skeleton out at arm’s length.

“ _No, we… I don’t… deserve this_ ,” he said, shrinking away from Papyrus. “ _Go away._ ”

“NO,” Papyrus said, gritting his teeth. “I REFUSE.”

“why? we don’t… you don’t know…” Sans mumbled, feeling his own throat close up as his brother took a step towards him.

“YOU’RE RIGHT. I DON’T KNOW. BUT!! JUST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE HERE! FOR YOU! BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FRIEND!” Mettasans’s eyes widened.

“ _Papyrus… I…_ ” Mettaton started to cry again, and Papyrus enclosed them in another hug. Slowly, hands shaking, Mettaton reached up and returned the hug. As soon as his hands were on Papyrus’s back, Mettaton grabbed at the back of Papyrus’s shirt. The fabric balled in his fists as Mettaton sobbed into Papyrus’s shoulder.

“ _I-I’m so sorry, Papyrus_.” Mettaton’s voice shook as he spoke. “i’m sorry too,” Sans said, no longer caring if it made any sense to say ‘too.’

“I FORGIVE YOU,” he said.

“you don’t even know what i’m sorry for.”

“I DON’T NEED TO.”

\-----------

“U-Undyne! I-I’m here! H-How i-is he? Is a-anyone h-hurt?” Alphys ran into the empty studio, breathing heavily, trailing cords and carrying a laptop. Undyne, Juni, and two other monsters Alphys had never met before stood in a small huddle by one of the benches. Undyne looked up with a pained expression on her face. Alphys felt her heart beat quicken. She snapped her head around the set in fear. She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding when she saw Mettasans in the arms of an unfamiliar skeleton.

They both knelt on the floor, the robot’s face and hands pressed up against the skeleton’s chest. Alphys could hear the gentle sobs coming from her friend. As she got closer, she noticed that he was apologizing, over and over again. Listening harder, most of the apologies didn’t make much sense. Most of the things Mettasans was apologizing for had never happened, as far as Alphys was aware.

“...i’m sorry about never feeding the rock and not even trying to build a snowman. _I’m sorry that I even thought about leaving you._ or the time i…”

The skeleton held Mettasans in silence, offering a listening ear to the robot’s rambling nonsense. Alphys was glad she had chosen non-acidic tears for her friend. She jumped when Undyne put a hand on her shoulder.

“Alphys.”

“I-I know. I know,” Alphys sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy.
> 
> I've been wanting to get to this chapter for a long while. It also ended up being like the longest chapter so far so whatever.  
> Really proud of that chapter title though. 'Break', like in 'breakdown' but also 'breaking character.'
> 
> See you Monday


	22. {Bridges] or, Finally Climbing Out Of Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of the last chapter, Mettaton and Sans face questions, consequences, and each other.

Alphys managed to pull Mettasans away from the skeleton long enough to plug him into her computer and completely deactivate him. It was rough going, having to coax him out of the embrace. He bawled, screwing his eyes shut and refusing to let go until Alphys put her hands on his face and got him to look at her. Immediately, Mettasans untangled his hand from the skeleton’s shirt and pulled the dinosaur into half a hug.

“ _I’m so sorry Alphys. He’s such a dick to you and I can’t do anything to stop him.”_

“Shhh, Metta. It’s o-okay.” Taken off guard by his sudden expression of remorse, Alphys felt guilty. She hadn’t needed to cause any physical pain when she reattached his hand this morning, but she’d gotten fed up with how _ungrateful_ he could be, how much he seemingly didn’t care about all the hard work she’d put into him. She bit her lip, grabbed the cord she’d dropped and reached around Mettasans’s neck. It was already connected to her laptop, and slid easily into place in his neck. “D-Don’t worry a-about it.” She reached over and hit the shortcut she’d set up to turn her friend off. His grip on her tightened momentarily, then relaxed as her program ran it’s course. Then the weight of his entire body began to collapse on her, and she had to quickly shift to avoid getting crushed. Mettasans ended up on the floor between her and the skeleton.

Alphys looked up at the young man in front of her. His right shoulder and part of his scarf was damp, but he looked at her and grinned. He stuck out a hand towards her.

“I AM PAPYRUS!” His voice was shockingly loud in the quiet set. “IT IS GOOD TO MEET YOU.” Alphys reached up and put her slightly shaking hand in his. His handshake was firm and enthusiastic.

“Uh… H-Hello Papyrus. I-I’m A-Alphys.” _Papyrus_. The name was familiar. It took Alphys a moment to place it. Undyne had spoken of a ‘Papyrus’ a couple of times. “I-I’m the, um, the Royal Scientist.”

“ _YOU’RE_ ALPHYS?” Papyrus’s face lit up in recognition. “UNDYNE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!!”

“S-she d-does?” Alphys squeaked out, heart fluttering a little. Papyrus nodded.

“ONLY GOOD THINGS, I PROMISE! SHE SAYS YOU’RE REALLY COOL AND—”

“ _Papyrus!_ ” Undyne called from the other side of the room. The skeleton’s head snapped up, and Alphys followed his gaze. “Get over here!” Undyne looked away before Alphys could read her expression. Papyrus stood, and looked down at the scientist and her robot for a moment, then scuttled away towards Undyne. Alphys watched him go, then turned her attention to Mettasans.

He was completely off, lying against the ground. He looked peaceful asleep. Alphys reached over and ran a hand through his hair. Swallowing, she realized she had to face the truth. She couldn’t avoid it any longer. There was something really wrong with her friend. _Something_ , she thought, _that is most likely my fault_. If only she could remember more about him from before the procedure. It was odd, this gap in her memory. Undyne seemed to have a similar gap… Maybe this was something she should look into…

“Alphys?” Undyne’s voice shook Alphys out of her thoughts. Her concern surrounding her memory dissipated. Looking up at Undyne, Alphys forgot it had been a concern at all. “Do you need help with anything?”

“Uh… maybe g-getting Metta back h-home? He’s pretty h-heavy. I-i can’t carry him by myself.”

“Say no more!” Undyne looked over her shoulder. “Papyrus, Ember! Help me carry this bucket of bolts.”

\------------

“H-Here is good.” Alphys pointed to a workbench in her lower lab, and Undyne slid the unconscious robot off her shoulder and onto the table. Papyrus, Ember, and Tav went about straightening out the robot while Undyne turned to Alphys. The lizard wrung her hands together. “W-Well the good n-news is, um, this morning, M-Metta agreed to an external deactivation program.” Undyne raised an eyebrow.

“He did?”

“W-Well, um, he agreed to a s-series of vague s-statements that _could_ be interpreted as a— as an external—”

“So he _didn’t_ agree.”

“I-I… I think I’m g-going to pretend he did,” Alphys said, looking away. “T-Today p-proves he needs one. I-I was actually in the middle of designing the p-program when Tav called.” Alphys started when Undyne put a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey. You need to do what you need to do,” The fish lady said. “I jumped over three benches full of people today.” Alphys managed a weak smile. Undyne and the others had filled her in on what had happened at the set. Undyne had seen what was happening on set, shoved her phone into Tav’s hands with instructions to call Alphys, and leaped from her seat to the ground.

“It was _awesome,_ ” Tav said coming up to the two of them. Papyrus and Ember trailed behind. Juni had not come with the party, electing to stay behind and run damage control.

“It was pretty cool, even under the circumstances,” Ember agreed, and Papyrus nodded vigorously. The Hotland heat had dried his clothes during the trip. Undyne grinned.

“If you say so, _nerds_.” She threw her arm around the flame girl. “Come on, your dad’s gonna kill me if I bring you home late. I’ll be back Alphys.” Undyne led the children back to the elevator. Halfway there, Papyrus stopped, and turned back to the scientist.

“ALPHYS? HE’S GOING TO BE OKAY.” It wasn’t a question, simply a statement. The sincerity and confidence behind it caught her off guard and Alphys found herself nodding. He smiled at her, spun around and followed his friends into the elevator. The door slid shut behind them, and Alphys was alone.

\-----------

The blue HUD faded and Mettaton found himself staring up at the lab ceiling. He shut his eyes and whimpered slightly. He did _not_ want to be awake.

“Metta?” Alphys asked from right beside him. Mettaton opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. She sat on a chair next to the table, and fiddled with the front of her lab coat. “W-We need to t-talk.” Mettaton rolled his head over and looked at the opposite wall. Maybe if he didn’t say a word she’d just go away.

[i thought you wanted to talk.] A little beep sounded from somewhere.

{I do… But I don’t.} _beep_

[i get it.] _beep_

“W-Well, um, since y-you been off, I’ve been going through your programming and r-running simulations. I figured I’d f-find something, s-some error or g-glitch to explain your b-behavoir. B-But I… I didn’t.  There’s no, uh, nothing wrong in your c-code. Nothing in your processors is any d-different than your baselines when I f-first booted you up...” Alphys hesitated, and Mettatton heard her scoot her chair closer to the table. “B-But, uh, it’s not like your baselines were ever n-normal. Your processors have these l-little unexplained spikes. Three just h-happened. I, uh, still have a scan running, and it beeps a little when they occur. I c-can’t think of any explanation for them. B-But again, th-that’s always happened. S-So what I suppose I-I’m asking is… Do you know what’s wrong with you?”

Mettaton hesitated.

[if you want to tell her, tell her now.] _beep_

{You’d let me?} _beep_

[if you do it right now.] _beep_

{...Should I?} _beep_

[i think… i think you need it.] _beep_

[besides, what else are we gonna tell her?] _beep_

[deicide quickly. she can tell something’s happening.] _beep_

[damn, that’s annoying.] _beep_

“Eight.” Alphys muttered to herself as Mettaton moved his head to look at the ceiling.

“Alphys?” he said, voice hoarse. “i know exactly what’s wrong.”

“Really?” Alphys’s eyes widened. “Th-That’s good! R-Really good! Wh-What is it?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you,” Mettaton said. He refused to turn and look at Alphys. Then he felt her hand slide over his.

“Try me,” she said with all the confidence of cooked spaghetti. Mettaton sighed.

{How do I start?} _beep_. Mettaton winced. Alphys fidgeted, glancing at a monitor.

“okay, Alphys. you’re going to have to stay with me for a minute.” _Here goes nothing_. “I-I’m not who you think i am.” Mettaton grimaced. “Well, i am, but only part of me is. And even then i’m not me.” Mettaton risked a glance in her direction. She had her head tilted slightly, eyebrows furrowed in concentration and confusion. “No, uh, let me start over.” Mettaton rubbed his face with his free hand.

“T-Take your time,” she said. Mettaton collected his thoughts and dropped his hand.

“the best place to start is… Alphys, i’m… I’m two people.”

“Two… _people_?” Alphys asked. Mettaton nodded.

“there are two people living in my head, Alphys. there’s me and someone else.” Mettaton finally looked at her. “All those spikes you see? that’s us talking. Internally. like, with thoughts.” Alphys bit her lip and nodded. “What happened today was us having a little argument.”

“L-Little?” She asked, and Mettaton let out a small, breathy laugh.

“no, I suppose it wasn’t _little_ ,” he sighed. “We… We aren’t exactly on the best of terms. neither of us likes the other all that much.” There was a moment of silence as Alphys thought.

“Mettasans, can I—”

“Please, don’t call me that. that’s not my name. _Either_ of our names.” Mettaton interrupted.

“Okay. Wh-what’s your name?”

“i’m Metta _ton_. T-O-N.”

“And the other person? Their name?”

“sans. His name is sans.”

“Mettaton and Sans… Okay.” She said. “Mettaton, I have a few questions.”

“Not surprised. i did just give you a bit of a revelation. I’m gonna sit up, is that okay?” Alphys nodded and let go of his hand. Mettaton pulled himself up and turned so his legs hung off the edge of the table as Alphys said:

“Were you… Were you like this before you… before I put you in this body?”

Mettaton sighed. “yes… and no. I had a similar body before sans showed up, but he used to… okay. I need to back up for a second. sans and I used to be two separate people.”

“O-okay. I’m not—”

“hold on a moment, please. This is the rough part.” Mettaton thought for a moment. “okay, so Sans knows more about this than i do, but the rundown is that the two of us are from… like… he describes it as… he calls it an ‘alternate timeline’. A separate ‘universe’ where we existed as separate entities. I was Mettaton and everyone knew that and he was sans and everyone knew that _too_. And then we had a little… mishap… involving the Core, and when we woke up, we were like… this. stuck together. in this body.” Mettaton looked at Alphys, hoping for some sign she believed him, or even better remembered what he was talking about. Her face was worryingly neutral.

“D-Do you remember this… ‘timeline?’”

Mettaton nodded. “Yes! you and I were friends and… everything you think about me now is what I was. I was a little ghost that you made corporeal. sans was this little short skeleton and he was—” Mettaton cut off as Sans interrupted.

[nope. she doesn’t need to know who i was.] _beep_

“Was that—”

“Doesn’t matter. alphys, tell me all this sounds even the tiniest bit real to you,” Mettaton pleaded. Alphys hesitated, drawing her hands to her chest.

“W-Well of course it _sounds_ real,” Alphys said, and Mettaton’s heart lept. “I r-remember you being a ghost and all that, but um…” She wrung her hands together, and Mettaton’s hopes plummeted.

“You don’t believe me,” he muttered. “i knew you wouldn’t.” Alphys’s eyes grew wide.

“No! No, I believe you! I-I believe you have a second person in your head and I believe that, that _you_ believe you were once separate. But, but what I believe isn’t important,” she said, hopping up on the table next to him. “What’s i-important is th-that you told me all this. N-Now we can get you h-help.”

“ _Get_ us help?” Mettaton asked, and Alphys put a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I-I’m not q-qualified for this kinda p-problem. But there, uh, there are monsters that are and other monsters like… like you.” Mettaton recoiled.

“i-i… you think… I-I’m not crazy, alphys. All of what I’ve told you is true! we’re not _crazy_.”

“O-Of course you’re not! I didn’t say you were. You just… You just need a little outside help,” she said. Mettaton shook his head.

“No, no. you can’t… you can’t tell anyone about this,” Mettaton said. “I don’t _want_ outside help, i just want…” Mettaton gripped the edge of the table. “This is just between us, okay? we—Sans and i—we’re fine.” Alphys hesitated, reaching a hand up as if to put it on his shoulder, then put it back down.

“Y-You said yourself you and Sans d-don’t get along. Wh-What if you two get in another argument?” Mettaton inhaled sharply.

“Sans and i are going to have a little conversation about that.”

[we are, are we?] _beep_

{Yes.} _beep_

“W-was that the little conversation?” Alphys said. Mettaton laughed.

“No, but it was a _different_ little conversation,” he said, drawing a little smile from her. They were silent for a moment, then:

“So, um… If you don’t want help, I guess that’s… o-okay?” She sighed. “Just remember I-I’m here.”

“of course Alphys.” Mettaton smiled. Even if she didn’t quite believe _everything_ , he was glad she knew about it all. She knew about Sans. She knew about himself.

“A-Another question, if that’s okay?” Mettaton nodded. “Is Sans just, um, is he a voice or can he like…” Alphys trailed off, looking for the correct words.

“sans can take control of my body, yes. He doesn’t often, but he can.” Mettaton explained. “and it’s not a all-or-nothing thing. We can sort of… split control? like one of us can control the right hand while the other controls the left.” Mettaton gasped. “Oh, you need to see this!” Mettaton activated the small panel that housed his SOUL and pulled the heart out for Alphys to see. Like when he had shown Asgore, the majority of the SOUL was grey, with the little speck of blue in the center. “right now, I have complete dominance. but if Sans took control of something, say the legs…” Sans took the hint and assumed control of the bottom half of the body. Immediately, the blue in the center of the SOUL grew bigger and flowed down into the bottom of the heart shape. Soon the heart was bisected by the colors. Alphys gasped. “and if he took the right arm…” The blue flowed from the bottom to the center of the right side and the grey filled in the space. The blue was just a little circle on the right edge. Sans raised the right arm and waved at Alphys. “See? we’re not a programming error, we’re two SOULs stuck together.”

Alphys looked at their SOULs with wide eyes. She reached out as if to poke it, then thought better of it. “That’s… That’s actually k-kind of cool,” she said with a little giggle. Mettaton smiled as Sans dropped the hand and gave it back. He put his SOUL back and shut the protective panel. “W-wait.” She said.

“Do you want to see it again?” Mettaton asked.

“N-no. I was j-just thinking...if both of you can have control at any given point...h-how will I know which one of you I’m talking too?”

“we could just tell you whenever we switch.”

“B-but if there are o-other people in the room…”

“Oh, right.” Mettaton bit his lip.

{Any ideas?} _beep_

[um, we could…] _beep_

The computer dinged rapidly as they threw out ideas back and forth. Alphys hopped of the table and walked over to the monitor. “I-I’m turning that off. It’s a b-bit annoying, isn’t it?” The beeps stopped, but it took the two of them a few more moments to reach a consensus.

“maybe we could use our hands?” Mettaton finally said. “i’m left handed, so whenever I’m in control or speaking, i’ll make some sort of motion with that hand. Sans is right handed, so he’ll do the same with the right.”

Alphys blinked. “I thought you w-were ambidextrous?”

“together we kind of are, I guess?” Mettaton said uncertainly. “Sans uses magic with his left hand, but nothing else.”

“Sans has magic?”

“yeah, but I don’t. that thing with Undyne the first day we met her? all Sans. he misjudged his power.”

“Really?”

Then Alphys and Mettaton started a game they would affectionately refer to “Metta or Sans” for years to come. Alphys asked about something the two of them had done, and Mettaton told her who was responsible. That first round lasted 30 minutes, covering most of the early stuff the two of them had done.

“H-How about when you first woke up, and you s-slapped yourself four times?”

“Sans,” Mettaton sighed. “the first three were to test his limits of control and pain receptors. The fourth was because he was upset with me.” Alphys laughed, snorting a little. “good to know my pain amuses you.”

“No, no, I was just s-so confused.” She said between bursts of laughter. “And the night before seeing Asgore? You got into a w-water fight with yourself.”

“Sans, again. he’s a real _jokester_ ,” Mettaton said a little bitterly.

[hey now, i am simply a peruser of the…]

[ _prank_ forming arts.]

Mettaton scrunched up his nose at that one. When Alphys gave him a questioning look, Mettaton explained: “He _really_ likes puns. especially bad ones. Unfortunately, i am often his only audience.”

[i think they’re pretty _pun_ tastic.]

Mettaton groaned, putting his head in his hands. “you really should remove our ability to understand puns.” Alphys laughed, and Mettaton looked at her through his hands. When was the last time she’d laughed this genuinely for him? He smiled as she shook with her giggles.

Then the elevator door swished open and Alphys looked over Mettaton’s shoulder. “Undyne!” she squeaked, laughter dying quickly. Mettaton looked behind him to see the Captain of the Royal Guard plaster an awkward smile across her face.

“He’s awake,” Undyne said, forcing her smile wider. “Great. How are you feeling?”

“Better. much better,” Mettaton said. Without looking at the lizard, he continued, “Alphys found the glitch. everything’s fine now.”

“Really?” She narrowed her eye. Alphys nodded quickly. “I’d like to talk to Alphys, if you don’t mind, Mettasans?” Mettaton could see Alphys flinch a little at the use of his incorrect name, but she walked away from the table without complaint.

“I’ve got a call to make, anyway. you two do your thing.” Mettaton smiled at Undyne, who smiled back.

\--------

Undyne waited until the vacant look on the robot’s face that signaled that Mettasans’s call was underway. She turned to the little lizard.

“Are you sure you found what was wrong?” she asked. Alphys nodded.

“Uh, yeah. It was um… something in his processor. Not hard to fix.” The scientist fidgeted with the buttons on her lab coat.

“So we shouldn’t worry about anything happening again?”

“Well, um, there’s always a chance for… for another malfunction, but I think… I think we’re okay for a while. We decided to i-increase how much regular maintenance I perform, s-so I should catch anything before, uh, before problems arise.” Alphys knew she was a lousy liar, but she also knew how upset Mettaton and Sans would be if she told Undyne the truth.

Undyne lowered her voice, even though Mettaton was chatting away in his call. “And the kill switch?”

“I-I told you not to c-call it that!” Alphys whispered angrily. “And, I… I don’t know if it’s entirely necessary a-anymore.”

“You just said he _could_ glitch out again.” Undyne crossed her arms. “We got lucky today. _Really_ lucky.”

Alphys lowered her eyes. “I— I know. We, all th-three of us,” Alphys motioned in Mettaton’s direction, “owe P-Papyrus big time.”

“Even that was sheer luck! If I had known what that bonehead was going to do, I wouldn’t have let him get anywhere _near_ Mettasans.” Undyne’s voice was raising in pitch, and she earned a glare from the robot.

“If-If you _had_ s-stopped him, something _really_ b-bad might have happened,” Alphys countered. Undyne softened.

“I know, I… I’ve seen what that robot can do and I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Undyne crouched to Alphys’s level. “Promise you’ll finish it?”

The scientist sighed, and nodded. Undyne put her hands on Alphys’s shoulders. “Hey, don’t look so glum. You’ve fixed him, right? You won’t ever have to use it now.”

“B-Better safe than s-sorry,” Alphys muttered. “I-I just wish…” She trailed off. What had happened today was _her_ fault, not Mettaton or Sans’s. If her suspicions were correct, then she had done something to her friend’s SOUL during the procedure. She’d done this to them, and if something went wrong, they’d have to pay the price.

“Alphys?” The scientist glanced at her creation, who was still talking to the wall.

“N-Nothing. It’s nothing.” Undyne pursed her lips. Alphys panicked. Undyne couldn’t know. If Alphys told her what she had been about to say, if she admitted her guilt, she’d also have to tell Undyne about Mettasans’s...condition. They were trusting her with this secret. “W-Wanna go finish that episode after he’s donw with his call?” Alphys suggested, and Undyne’s face lit up.

“Of _course,_ punk!” This time, Undyne didn’t care about the glare she got from Mettasans. Alphys promised herself she’d finish the ‘killswitch.’

Tomorrow.

\-----------

Papyrus’s phone rang from inside his pocket. He whipped it out immediately, despite the fact that he was supposed to be studying. Undyne had promised to call when she had talked to Alphys. When he looked at the number, it wasn’t Undyne, it was Mettasans _himself_. Without hesitation, Papyrus pressed the ‘answer’ button.

“HELLO! PAPYRUS SPEAKING!”

“hello Papyrus.”

“METTASANS! IT’S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU! HOW ARE YOU DOING?”

“Just fine. alphys worked her magic.”

“DOES SHE HAVE ELECTRICAL MAGIC? THAT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS. ONE OF MY CLASSMATES DOES AND THEY ACCIDENTALLY CAUSED A BLACKOUT WHILE TRYING TO BUY SOMETHING FROM A VENDING MACHINE.” Papyrus was suddenly very worried.

Mettasans laughed. “No, no, it was a figure of speech.”

“OH! THEN THERE IS NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT ON THE ‘MAGIC’ FRONT?”

“Not at all, papyrus. I was calling to… apologize.”

“...SHOULD I CALL ALPHYS?”

“she’s right here with me.”

“GOOD. THEN YOU MAY PROCEED.”

“Thank you.” Mettasans paused. Papyrus waited patiently. “i wanted to say I’m sorry about putting you in that position earlier. We just met and you didn’t need to do _any_ of that.”

“OF COURSE I DID! WE’RE FRIENDS! FRIENDS HELP EACH OTHER,” Papyrus said with certainty.

“but we met yesterday, Papyrus.”

“NO BUTS,” Papyrus said, shaking his head as if the robot could see him. “BESIDES… THIS MIGHT SOUND WEIRD, BUT I FEEL LIKE I ALREADY KNOW YOU. WE MET YESTERDAY, BUT IT’S LIKE WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR YEARS.” He heard Mettaton’s sharp intake of breath, and realized he might have overshared. Ember was always berating him for that. “SORRY. THAT WAS WEIRD, WASN’T IT.”

“No, don’t be sorry. it’s fine. I—” Mettasans stopped short.

“HM?”

“...papyrus, how much of what I said do you remember?”

“WHEN YOU WERE APOLOGIZING?” Papyrus stopped to think. “NOT A LOT OF IT MADE SENSE. YOU APOLOGIZED FOR NOT PICKING UP SOCKS AND NOT BUILDING A SNOWMAN. I MEAN, BOTH ARE GRIEVOUS CRIMES, BUT EASY TO FIX. WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN TOGETHER SOMETIME, IF YOU WANT.”

“maybe. Do you remember anything else?”

“...YOU KEPT SAYING YOU WERE A ‘BAD OLDER BROTHER’ AND YOU WERE SORRY FOR ABANDONING ME.” Papyrus hesitated, listening for a response. “DO YOU MIND IF I MAKE A SUGGESTION?”

“sure Papyrus.” His voice sounded tight.

“IF YOU MEAN THOSE THINGS, YOU SHOULD SAY THEM TO WHOEVER YOUR BROTHER IS. I’M SURE HE’D APPRECIATE IT.” Mettasans was silent for a moment.

“i should. Thank you, papyrus.” He sounded cordial. “would you do me a favor and… forget everything I said? none of its… it’s not about you.”

“FORGOTTEN.” Papyrus smiled. “NOW, ABOUT THAT SNOWMAN!”

“I’d li—” Mettasans’s voice was covered up by familiar voice, yelling from the background.

“IS UNDYNE THERE?”

“yeah, she’s here.”

“TELL HER SHE DOESN’T NEED TO CALL ME ANYMORE.”

“Will do. sorry, hold on a second. _What, alphys?... Yeah, sure._ gotta go Papyrus. i… i’ll text you, okay?”

“OKAY! GOODBYE, METTASANS!”

“Bye pap.” And then Mettasans hung up the phone. Papyrus smiled as he put it away. It felt good to make a new friend.

Trigonometry homework, however, did not feel _nearly_ as nice.

\----------

Alphys and Undyne were enraptured by their show, gasping and cheering at appropriate times. Mettaton would have joined them, but he’d already seen this one. He also knew Sans wasn’t a fan of this particular show, so he made himself look like he was watching intently, curled up on the couch behind the two women.

{Sans?}

[yeah?]

{We should have that talk now.}

[yeah.]

{...}

[...]

{...}

[...]

{This is going great.}

[tell me about it.] Mettaton sighed.

{Alright. I was th—}

[sorry.] Startled, Mettaton was silent for a moment.

{What?}

[sorry.]

[sorry about the…]

[the things.]

{The… things?}

[yeah.]

[the ‘making assumptions’ thing and the teleporting thing.]

[and all the other things.]

From anyone else, Mettaton might have sat there and demanded a more thorough apology. But this was Sans. A more thorough apology wouldn’t have been as sincere.

{Thank you.}

{And… I’m sorry too.}

{About all the things _I_ did.}

[even the papyrus thing?]

{ _Especially_ the Papyrus thing.}

{I-I should have…}

{Sans, I had this whole speech prepared about how _me_ and _my lifestyle_ was bad for _him_ and I was going tell him how much I cared about him. I planned it out so far I _knew_ what he was going to say and how I was going to respond…}

{But then he was there and I _blanked_ and I’m terrible at improv when I’m emotional and I said the first thing that popped into my mind-}

[metta.]

{Which I suppose is the _point_ of improv, but—}

[ _mettaton._ ]

{What?}

[you don’t have to explain.]

[i’ve made mistakes before.]

[ _big_ mistakes. a lot bigger than yours.]

[we both reacted badly to a bad situation and now we have to deal with it.]

[we don’t have to like it. hell, we don’t have to like each other.]

[but maybe we should just… lay out some ground rules?]

{...I was going to suggest that.}

[oh. well…]

[rule number one: memories are off limits]

{Fair enough. Rule number two: No lying to Alphys about who’s in charge.}

[...fine.] Mettaton raised a metaphorical eyebrow at Sans’ hesitation. [rule number three…]

[well, we’ve both got jobs, right? no forcing the other to do your job.] Mettaton laughed.

{I didn’t think that’d have to be a rule after today. No way I’m letting you anywhere _near_ a set ever again.}

[your fault.]

{Alright. uh… Rule Number Four: No teleports.}

[what? no. that’s unfair]

{Alright then, no _excessive_ teleports.}

[...define excessive.]

Mettaton rolled his (metaphorical) eyes. {Don’t go over ten in a row.}

[...eleven.]

{Ten.}

[fine.]

{...}

[...]

{Any other ideas?}

[...not at the moment, no.]

{Sans, if we’re going make this work. We _need_ to communicate better.}

[yeah. _i_ can’t do all the talking.] Mettaton laughed and Sans chucked a bit.

“Did you see that!? She took that chainsaw and just _split_ him in half! _Humans are so cool_.” Undyne shreaked. Mettaton smiled. Maybe now things wouldn’t be so bad.

[that was pretty _saw_ some.] Mettaton’s smile dropped

{Rule number five: No more puns}

[don’t get all _revved_ up yet, i’m just getting started.]

 

Part 3 complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...And that's it for Part Three, _Papyrus_.
> 
> Honestly, didn't think I'd ever get to this point. I'm bad at sustaining wiring projects. But here we are, 150 pages and two separate documents (my laptop decided to get mad at the length of the first) later.
> 
> Thank you to everyone still here. I wish I could upload more often for you, I really do.
> 
> See you Monday


	23. {Negotiations] or Mettaton and Sans Try To Compromise. It's Not Their Fault The Author Doesn't Want It To Work Out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't Mettaton and Sans know how fiction works? The first attempts at getting around an obstacle _never_ goes as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 4:
> 
>  
> 
> _The Sixth Human_

Mettaton stared at the open calendar page, eyes boring into one date:

Saturday, May 6th, 201S

He had just flipped the month up on the wall calender and was in the process of adding events to the fresh page. Sure, he had an internal calendar that was much more convenient, but Mettaton had always used a physical calendar. He always liked to have one on his wall. It had been one of the first things Mettaton had put up when he and Sans had moved into this apartment.  It had been three months since what was now referred to as ‘The Daycare Incident,’ and there had been no problems since.

Well, no _major_ problems. Sans had put up an argument when they had been house hunting. He wanted to live out in Snowdin, but Mettaton knew the daily commute would get old fast. They had compromised by finding a place on the edge of Hotland. Waterfall would have been better, but Mettaton refused to go there. All the water was a risk. So when Alphys have given them the go ahead to move out, they had settled on this small place, not far from her lab.

It hadn’t taken long to discover just how differently they were used to living. Mettaton liked to have nice things, _expensive_ things. He liked to have a well-kept, large home he could house parties in. He wanted an extravagant dining room and a kitchen furnished with top-of-the-line appliances. He wanted a couch, a loveseat _and_ a recliner, all in rich leather and the space to keep them all in the same room. He liked large windows to let the lava-light in. He wanted five extra rooms he didn’t need.

Sans wanted none of those things. Sans wanted a bed, a microwave, a couch and a tv. A table, if he really needed one. He didn’t understand why Mettaton _needed_ the extravagance of a fridge. He thought a larger house meant more mess he’d create that Mettaton would then spend hours cleaning. Leather wasn't _that_ comfortable in his eyes, and windows just made naps harder. Not that he napped much anymore—he couldn’t nap unless Mettaton wanted to too—but it was the principal of the thing.

Which is how they found themselves in a two-bedroom apartment with a pretty good kitchen and nice furniture. Mettaton _did_ splurge on leather seats when Sans dug his heels in on three bedrooms. Neither of them were particularly _happy_ , but they were alright with it. Sans liked the high-quality microwave and Mettaton thought the place had character. Mettaton still wished he had more, and Sans still wished they had bought his old place in Snowdin.

But here they were, standing in an apartment neither of them really liked, staring at a calendar. Well, staring at _one_ date in particular. Saturday, May 6th. A week from today. The more Mettaton stared at it, the more agitated he grew. Sans could feel the pit of unease and anxiety growing in Mettaton’s stomach.

[you okay?] Sans asked.

{Yes.}

{No.}

{Maybe.}

[...]

[look, i know communication ain’t our strong point, but those are three different answers.]

{I… I know. Just…}

{ _I can’t believe I forgot_.}

[forgot what?]

{Sans, could you check the datebook. See if we got anything planned for the sixth.} Mettaton ran a hand through his hair as Sans dug through their UI. He’d gotten better at navigating it, only having to stop and ask Mettaton for help when he got down into really technical stuff. Sans found what he was looking for quickly, and pulled up data for May 6th.

[looks like it’s clear.]

{I don’t have to be on set or anything?}

[nope.] Mettaton let out a sigh of relief.

{Good. Don’t make plans for the 6th, okay? Or the 7th, for that matter.}

[we’ve got a lunch with some—]

{I’ll reschedule. We are _not_ doing anything those two days.} Mettaton reached up, circled both dates with his red marker, capped it and walked away from the calender, doing breath control exercises Juni had taught them after The Incident. Mettaton technically didn’t _need_ to breathe, but Sans recognized what this meant.

[are you alright?]

{I’ll be fine. We’re going to lock ourselves in this apartment for those two days. We’re not gonna go outside, and I’ll be _fine_.} Mettaton let out his last breath.

{I’m just glad I noticed and remembered.}

[do you wanna tell me what’s got you all worked up?] Sans asked, trying to remember if the 6th meant anything to him. Mettaton bit his lip.

{A human falls on the 6th.}

[...a human.] Sans muttered to himself.

[oh. shit. you’re right.]

[the yellow SOUL.] Sans remembered now. He was fourteen, the eldest of the humans that had fallen, with dusty blond hair and brown eyes. The one that had carried the gun. Sans felt his blood run cold.

[t h e  o n e  w i t h  t h e  g u n]

{Mhm!} Mettaton confirmed, restarting his breathing exercises.

[we’re going to snowdin on the 6th.] Mettaton’s breath caught in his vents, and he started coughing.

{Did you _not_ hear the part where I told you we’re going to lock ourselves in this apartment?}

[change of plans.]

{ _What_ could you _possibly_ want to do in Snowdin on the day the human falls?} Mettaton restarted his exercises, pacing back and forth across the small apartment.

[we’re going to go camping with papyrus.]

{So...}

{Not only are we going outside, according to you, we’re going to spend the _night_ outside.}

{Not happening.}

[scared of a human? aren't you built to _destroy_ humans?] Sans mocked.

{I’m not joking around, Sans.}

[neither am i.]

Mettaton paused, feeling Sans’s steely conviction that they _would_ go to Snowdin that day. He briefly considered letting Sans have his way, but a chill ran down his spine at the thought of facing that human again. _No_. Mettaton refused. But he knew blustering about and dramatics would get nowhere with the skeleton in his head. Mettaton had to go another way around.

{Why do you want to go to Snowdin?}

[because.]

Mettaton had to find yet another way around.

{Okay, Sans. Can you tell me why it is so _important_ we go to Snowdin?}

[...]

Sans was shutting down again. Mettaton sighed. They had been making good progress on the ‘communication’ front. Just yesterday, Sans had shared a silly story about raising Papyrus. Just a cute little anecdote about getting a young Papyrus to wear mittens. Then Mettaton had reciprocated with a _similar_ story about getting one of his cousins to wear clothes at all.

It had been just like all those ‘Your Dysfunctional Family’ help books Mettaton had read.

Sans wasn't family, per se, but they did share a brain. Mettaton recalled those books saying something like ‘getting to the heart’ of the problem to really deal with familial conflict. What was the ‘heart’ of Sans’s problem? He’d mentioned Papyrus in his plans for the 6th, did it have something to do with his brother?

{Do you want to see if Papyrus wants to come and stay here with us?}

[huh?]

{You mentioned you wanted to go camping with Papyrus. I don't want to go camping, but having Papyrus here might be a good compromise.} Mettaton kept his voice light, unaccusative and undemanding, just like the books had told him too.

[...that sounds like one of those ‘fill in the blank’ sentence exercises pap made me do once. like from a self-help book?]

Mettaton clenched his jaw. He remembered why he'd stopped trying to follow the advice those books had.

[but yeah. if pap was here, i’d be okay with your ‘lock ourselves in’ plan.]

{Great, it's settled.} Mettaton said and pulled up his Messages. Papyrus was the most recently contacted, his name blazoned across the top of his contacts list. For three months they’d been in contact, and texting became an almost daily thing. Platonic, thanks to Sans, but daily.

Both Mettaton and Sans thought it was sadly ironic when Papyrus called them one of his best friends.

<Pap?

The skeleton’s response was almost immediate. Saturday afternoon, when he should have been studying, Papyrus was on his phone. Mettaton smiled.

>GOOD AFTERNOON!

>HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

<just fine Pap

>THAT IS GOOD!

>I AM ALSO ‘JUST FINE.’

>DID YOU NEED SOMETHING?

Papyrus had a serious double texting habit.

<I was just wondering if you wanted to come out to hotland next Saturday. we haven’t hung out for a while.

There was a pause. Mettaton and Sans both waited with baited breath.

>DAD SAYS NO

>WE’VE GOT A HUGE CONTINGENT OF RESERVATIONS SATURDAY AND HE NEEDS ME TO WORK.

<You’re almost an adult pap. you don’t need your dad’s permission.

>BUT IT’S WORK

{ _Damn it._ } Mettaton bit his lip. Grillby did not change his mind easily, especially when it came to his restaurant.

<Okay, i get it.

>SORRY

<No biggy. some other time.

Mettaton closed his messages before Papyrus responded.

[snowdin it is then.]

Mettaton inhaled and counted to ten. When he was done, Mettaton had come up with the one way he’d let Sans drag him out on the 6th.

{I want to go talk to Alphys.}

\---------

The elevator doors slid open and Mettaton walked out into the lower level of Alphys’s lab. He called out her name, hoping the lizard was nearby. He got no response save the echo. Mettaton followed the path to his right, crossed the long, open room where Alphys stored most of the tech she needed to keep up his maintenance, and followed the hallway to The Machine. Alphys had found it in the lab when she first moved in, and had made it her number-one priority to discover what it was. The half-faded electronic plaque had labeled it a ‘DT extractor.’ What DT was, neither he nor Alphys knew. The machine made Sans uncomfortable, but Mettaton figured it was understandable. It looked quite a bit like a skull, and it had been creepy looking, all covered in dust when Alphys first showed it to them.

Mettaton found his friend suspended over the casam under The Machine by a self-constructed bridge, tinkering with the exposed underbelly.

“Alphys?” The scientist jumped, causing her to hit her head against The Machine with a hollow _thud_.

“Owww,” She whined, scrambling out from The Machine and walking across the bridge. Rubbing her hand across the top of her head, she looked up at Mettaton, her face flecked with oil. He raised his left hand in a little wave. “Oh. H-Hi Mettaton. D-Do you need something?”

“Not if you’re busy…” Mettaton said with a disappointed tone. Alphys sighed.

“W-Well… I need to g-go get something anyway. Wh-What can I help you with?” Alphys began to walk in the direction Mettaton had come. He followed diligently behind.

“i came to ask you a favor,” Mettaton said.

“N-Nothing’s broken, is it?” She asked.

“No! everything’s in perfect order. I was just hoping…”

“Y-Yes?” Alphys stopped to dig through a drawer.

“well, you know how everyone _thinks_ I was built to fight humans, but i wasn’t?”

“I-I am aware of th-that fact, yes.” She shut the drawer and moved on, having not found what she needed.

“Here’s the thing: everyone at the studio is going a great job helping me fake it. _But_ , well, special effects are expensive and _someone_ ’ _s_ going to spill the secret eventually. so, I was thinking that, maybe, you could… build me some attachments that make it… less of a lie?” Alphys stopped, turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“Wh-What kind of ‘attachments?’”

Mettaton looked up and away from her. “Well, maybe… some like, weapons.”

“What k-kind of weapons? Knives? Projectiles?” She asked, and Mettaton’s hopes rose.

“i was thinking something closer to a rocket launcher.” Out of the corner of his eye, Mettaton saw Alphys’s jaw drop. Rocket launchers were things she’d only seen in anime.

“I-i’m not building you a _rocket launcher_. You d-don’t even have room in your body for something like that.”

“Grenades are okay then.” Mettaton suggested. “and maybe like a gun or two.”

“N-No! A-Absolutely not!” Alphys turned and resumed her search for whatever she needed.

“Please? just a few?” Mettaton begged, following behind her.

“No. I’m n-not _weaponising_ you. I-I don’t even know why I considered it!” She walked through an opening and started going through cabinet after cabinet.

“Alphys, please. what if a human _actually_ falls down and I’m in danger?” Mettaton pleaded. Alphys hesitated, and sighed.

“Wh-what does Sans think about this?” Mettaton pursed his lips.

“Sans has magic, he doesn’t care.” Alphys turned around, a handful of tools cradled in her arms.

“W-Well there’s your answer.”

“You don’t care?” Mettaton was taken aback. Alphys’s eyes grew wide.

“N-no! Th-that’s not what...not what I meant! I j-just meant that if you two get in any _actual_ d-danger, Sans has his magic. Y-You’ll be fine,” Alphys said, clutching the tools to her chest. “You d-don’t need anything else.” She tried to brush past Mettaton. He put a hand on her shoulder and knelt down to look directly in her eyes.

“Please.” Mettaton put as much desperation into his voice as possible. He _needed_ Alphys to do this for him. Her face fell, and she looked away.

“I s-said no. P-Please, d-dont ask me again.” And she hurried off, disappearing into the lab. The gentle patter of her footsteps quieted as Mettaton stared in the direction she’d gone. Mettaton’s last hope disappeared into the darkness with Alphys.

\---------

_Damn it._

_Damn it damn it damn it._

Alphys twisted a screw with as much force as she could. Tears welled in her eyes as she replayed the conversation in her head. As much as she hated saying ‘no’ to her best friends, Alphys knew that was the only thing she _could_ do. There was no way Alphys could justify what Mettaton had been asking her for.

Not without actually implementing the killswitch.

The code sat, finished, on her laptop. She had told Undyne that it wasn’t completed yet, but he idea of actually putting it in caused her skin to crawl. She wanted to trust Mettaton and Sans, believe that they wouldn’t go off the rails again. She _also_ wanted to believe that they had agreed to it three months ago. Then again, she wanted to believe she hadn’t caused her friend’s SOUL to split and created this situation in the first place. Alphys wanted to believe her friends’ misery wasn’t her fault.

But wanting to believe it didn’t mean she actually did believe, much less make it true.

And now one of them was asking about weapons. It was bad enough one of them had strong magic, but now both of them wanted to be actively dangerous. Clenching her jaw, Alphys made the decision to not tell Undyne what Mettaton had asked for, not under _any_ circumstances.

_Damn it_.

\--------

Mettaton was staring at the calendar again, hoping beyond all reason that Saturday, May 6th would just _go away_. He knew, with grim certainty, that he’d never manage to convince Sans going to Snowdin was a bad idea. He also knew that Sans would be hypervigilant, making sure Mettaton wasn’t going to do something like let their battery drain or shut off without an alarm for the morning of the 6th. If Mettaton tried to stop him from leaving this apartment on the 6th…

Mettaton thought Sans wasn’t above breaking Rule 4 for this.

{Sans.} Mettaton sighed

{If we do go out, and we run into the human, promise me…}

{ _Promise me_ }

{ _You_ will take care of _him._ }

{I will _not_ face that child _again_.}

[whoah there buddy.] Sans said, but Mettaton didn’t feel like it was from anger or indignation. It felt like it came from a place of confusion.

[what do you mean ‘face that thing _again_?’] Now it was Mettaton’s turn to be confused.

{...Do you not remember what happened?}

[i spent that day in the woods, camping, with pap.]

[we came back the next day, heard undyne had dealt with it.]

[papyrus sulked for days after, but i didn’t care all that much]

Mettaton paused, thinking maybe Sans was mocking him, but the skeleton seemed genuine. He realized that Sans _really didn’t know_.

{...Sans, that human almost killed me.}

[what?] Sans recoiled, disbelief and shock rolling off of him.

{I made a stupid mistake and it nearly killed me.}

[i… i thought _undyne_ fought it]

{She did, after _I_ nearly fucked it all up.}

[what did you do?] Mettaton hesitated, looking for the right words.

{I suppose a little background is in order.}

{This was right after I began holding tours of the studio on non-filming days. We opened what would eventually become my restaurant, and behind it, there was a little storage shed. It had only one entrance, and could be locked and shuttered from the security office.}

{Anyway, I’d heard _rumors_ that a human had fallen, but I didn’t believe them until Undyne walked into my office and…}

{You know what… this might be better.} He let out a breath as he decided _how_ to tell the story.{This is only because you didn’t see it.}

{This is only because you didn’t see it.} Mettaton found the memory he was looking for and brought it to Sans’s attention. {I don’t consider this an infraction of Rule 1, but I’m not going to make a habit of this.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay humans?
> 
> (Literally _already_ getting fed up with time shenanigans and Flowey isn't even here yet.)
> 
> (Also, chapters have like, doubled in size since I started. They used to be like 4-6 pages long and now they're like 9-12.)


	24. {Flashback, pt. 1} or Mettaton Makes A Series Of Good Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author wishes to remind readers that the MTT brand undertakes _only_ the best, most-well-thought-out courses of action.

“You have to evacuate _everyone_ in this place.” Undyne burst through the door, holding her captain’s helmet against her waist. Mettaton (because back then he _was_ Mettaton and had no possible idea that he would ever _not_ be Mettaton) looked over his feet (which were propped up on his desk) at her. He raised an eyebrow. His security detail had alerted him to the fact she was coming, but had not told him how quickly she was coming. He hadn’t gotten a chance to switch out of the prototype body Alphys was still working on. Mettaton was supposed to wear it all day and report on how it was. So far, it had been fine. Undyne’s face flickered in confusion when she registered his new appearance but Mettaton had bigger problems than a possible photo of his makeover.

“And why’s that, darling~?” Mettaton thought Undyne was… _alright_. A little too loud and brutish for his taste. No sense of style or glamour. Undyne snarled at him.

“A human’s coming this way,” Undyne said. Mettaton’s other eyebrow shot up to meet the other one.

“Really? I’d heard that. Didn’t think it was true.”

“Yes,” Undyne said through clenched teeth. “It’s true.” Mettaton pulled his feet off the table, crossing his arms instead.

“Seems like the guard's got it under control,” he said smoothly. “Why do I need to evacuate? Are we in danger?”

“No! Of course not!” Undyne snapped. “The guard has set an ambush down the road.”

“Then why the evacuation?” Mettaton tilted his head. Undyne glowered.

“Asgore wants it, in case the human sneaks through. Too many civilians in one place.” Mettaton pursed his lips. If Asgore had ordered this, then Undyne was _forced_ to make it happen. Suddenly, Mettaton had an idea.

“What am I supposed to do with everyone? The only road out of here seems to be the spot of an ambush.” Mettaton sat up, put his elbows on his desk, and rested his head on his hands. Undyne took a deep breath.

“Get everyone into a secure room. Lock the doors and cover the windows,” Undyne instructed. Mettaton furrowed his eyebrows.

“I suppose I _could_ get everyone in the food court. That’s secure enough.”

“You suppose?”

“Well, this kind of disturbance is _surely_ going to diminish today’s profits. I mean, the guard’s got it covered, so I don’t see the point…” Mettaton trailed off.

“You’d risk people’s _safety_ for _gold_?!” she shrieked. Mettaton let his jaw drop and put a hand to his chest.

“ _Of course not!_ If I ever thought The Royal Guard couldn’t handle this, I wouldn’t think _twice_ about the evacuation. How dare you suggest that?” Mettaton’s voice rose as he stood, twisting his face into a snarl. Undyne winced slightly, but held her ground.

“Then there’s no reason you wouldn’t evacuate _now_ , is there?” Undyne said through clenched teeth.

“I suppose not.” Mettaton relaxed his shoulders. _Now for the coup d’état._ “But you owe me.” Mettaton walked around his desk, past Undyne and out his door.

“ _What!?_ ” She spun on a heel. “I _owe_ you for _doing your civic duty_?”

“You owe me a day of profits, is what you owe me,” Mettaton said, over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I won’t actually make you pay me back. In gold, at least.” Mettaton added, and smiled to himself as he walked away. Having the Captain of the Royal Guard indebted to you could be _very_ useful.

\---------------

The actual evacuation (if you could call locking monsters in a large room and covering the windows with black fabric an ‘evacuation’) went smoothly, with every monster more than willing to hide from a human. Mettaton watched his security team and various employees usher guests into the food court from his seat in the security office. The two officers in front of him gave orders through their headsets. The other officers locked themselves in with the guests and the other employees. Mettaton and the senior security were safe themselves, locked in the camera control room. Once everything was secure, the waiting began.

Mettaton had never been more bored in his _life_. (Okay, that was a lie. He’d been much more bored on a regular basis as a ghost. But in his new life, this took the boredom cake.) Staring at tv screens that showed nothing but an empty street and an equally empty studio was not his definition of ‘fun.’ Even the ones pointed in the food court were boring. Everyone was just sitting around, _waiting_.

He distracted himself by thinking of all the things he could possibly ask Undyne for. Maybe he’d get her to do stunts or something. Good stuntmen were hard to find. But that didn’t seem… _illegal_ enough to call in the favor for. Maybe he’d actually do that one idea with the marshmallows and just tell her to turn the other cheek. Or maybe the rocket thing? Mettaton almost gasped aloud. _The rocket-marshmallow thing!_

...Maybe that one was _too_ illegal for a favor like this. Marshmallows were high-level contraband, after all.

“Heya, boss?” One of the officers turned around. “You should see this.” He pointed a furred paw at one of the screens. Something was moving on it, running from one side of the screen to the other. Mettaton leaned closer.

 _That wasn’t_ …

_That was!_

The human ran across the open space in front of the food court, glancing behind itself. It had obviously managed to slip through Undyne’s fingers, and was running for it’s life. It stopped in the clearing, frantically looking around for a road out of there that didn’t exist. Then it turned and ran around the opposite side of the food court and out of the camera’s range.

“Do we have a camera behind the food court?” Mettaton asked excitedly. The officer pointed to another screen, and Mettaton trained his focus on it. The human quickly came back into view, but it stopped when it realized that it had run into a dead end. The storage shed for the studio stood in front of it. Mettaton could see that the door to the shed was open, and tapped the security officer’s shoulder. Just before he could tell her to shut it, the human looked behind itself one last time, and dashed inside.

“Shut the door. Shut it now and lock it and don’t open it again.” Mettaton said, gripping the officer’s shoulder tightly. As the automatic door swung shut, Mettaton’s gaze went to the camera _inside_ the shed. The human hadn’t noticed that it was now trapped, and busied itself with looking for a hiding spot. Mettaton felt a smile creep across his face. He’d caught the human. Undyne would _have_ to let him do the rocket-marshmallow thing now.

Then a better idea occurred to Mettaton.

\------------

When Undyne stormed into the clearing, trailed by black-armoured soldiers, Mettaton was waiting for her. Mettaton could tell even under her helmet that her face was twisted in pure rage and frustration, and she gripped one of her famous spears.

“ _Where is it?!_ ” She yelled at Mettaton, who stood in the center of the clearing. “ _I want to tear it’s SOUL from it’s body_.” Mettaton smiled.

“It’s trapped, don’t worry.” He motioned for her to follow him, and he led her back to the shed. “In there.” He pointed to the locked door. Undyne walked over and tugged at the door. It held, even under her strength. “Would you like to retrieve it?” Undyne turned to look at him, and Mettaton could imagine the look of annoyed rage underneath that intimidating helmet. Still, he held firm. “Because, you see, it’s come to my attention that you owe me _two_ favors now. One for the evacuation, and one for doing _your_ job.” Undyne’s fingers flexed against her weapon, and for a moment Mettaton wondered if he’d gone too far. “I’m willing to combine both favors into one _big_ favor, though.”

“ _Open this door you bucket of bolts and your favor will be me_ not _turning you into scrap metal_.”

“That’s an _enticing_ offer, let me tell you.” Mettaton clasped his hand in front of himself. “But I was thinking something mores along the lines of…” And Mettaton explained his idea. When he was done, Undyne was silent for a moment.

“What?” she said slowly, “What kind of _idiot_ do you take me for? No. No, no, no a thousand times no. Now _open this door_.” Mettaton frowned.

“Not until you agree.” Mettaton could almost _sense_ how much Undyne wanted to strangle him right now. She took a few deep breaths and dispelled her spear.

“You know, you can _keep_ it locked up. Humans do things like _starve_ and _dehydrate_. It’ll be dead in days.” Mettaton shook his head.

“That shed is full of foodstuffs and water. I _do_ sell food here.”

“ _Of fucking course it is_ ,” Undyne muttered to herself, looking up at the cavern ceiling. “ _Why would it hold anything else?_ ” She turned back to Mettaton. “It’s not infinite, though. It will die eventually.” Mettaton shrugged.

“I don’t know. I _do_ have more shipments of food that I’ll need to store _somewhere_ …”

“Are you threatening to keep a human _alive_ unless you get to do your shitty hairbrained scheme?” Undyne snarled. “That could be considered treason.”

“And would an accidental slip of the finger on the ‘unlock’ button be treason? It _was_ an accident, after all.” Mettaton said sweetly. Undyne growled at him. She eyed the locked door for a moment.

“I’m going to call Asgore,” she said. “He’ll tell you to fuck off, and you won’t be able to do _shit_.”

\------------

Undyne shrieked in frustration. Mettaton watched as she yelled into the phone. She pulled it away from her face, jabbed a button, and threw it on the ground. She spun on one heel, marched up to him, and put her masked face directly in his.

“You get your goddamn request, Asgore’s orders. Don’t come crying to me when it goes wrong. Now _open that fucking door._ ”

Mettaton smiled at her. “Certainly.”

Mettaton sent his security the request, and a second later the door unlatched and swung open. Undyne turned, called a contingent of her forces over, and ran inside. Mettaton knew the scuffle wouldn’t last long. He turned around, whistling to himself, and sent out an company-wide message.

<MTT: Alright everyone, the evacuation is over. All security personnel will help guests that want to leave do so, but let everyone know a _special, once in a lifetime live broadcast_ will be taking place very shortly if they want to stay. All studio personnel will clear soundstage 1 and set cameras to cover every _inch_ of the bare stage. Secure all valuables and hide anything sharp, heavy, capable of firing projectiles, or otherwise dangerous that is _not_ necessary for a Underground-wide broadcast. Respect the guardsmen here with us.

>JUNI: What’s happening MTT?

<MTT: It's a surprise! But I promise it's going to be _wonderful_.

>JUNI: You need to tell us what it is so we can set up properly.

<MTT: Alright, fine.

<MTT: I’m going to kill a human on live television.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter's pretty short but I like the cliffhanger and the next one's super long anyway so....
> 
> See you Monday.
> 
> EDIT: meant to say: 215 kudos? The hell? Honestly, the idea that two people liked this is mind boggling to me, let alone over 200. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.


	25. {Flashback, pt. 2} or Mettaton Goes Full Hunger Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Author would like to remind you that Mettaton does become a dystopian tyrant in one ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Tags updated. Blood and Gore warning for this chapter, as well as a smattering of dehumanization.
> 
> (Depersonization? Maybe that's a better term.)

Juni found him in his dressing room. She was sweating slightly, hair disheveled. Mettaton hair-sprayed the last of his locks in place with a satisfied grin. She leaned heavily against the doorframe for a few moments, trying to regain her breath. Once she had calmed a bit, Juni turned to the robot, sputtering a horrified, “Are you _crazy?_ ” Mettaton looked at her in the mirror, his smile dimming a bit.

“What, do I not look good? I didn’t think this form needed a costume, but…” Juni strode up and whacked him on the shoulder.

“Mettaton, you’ve pulled some stupid stunts before, but this really takes the cake,” Juni huffed, shaking slightly. “What are you _thinking?_ ”

“I’m thinking that this will be _the best, most informative PSA_ ever produced.”

“A _public service announcement_? What are you going to do? _Teach_ people how to kill humans?”

“Don’t you think that’s valuable knowledge?” Mettaton asked, tilting his head to the side to look at her straight on. He couldn’t see Juni’s mouth behind the wall of hair, but he thought that if he could, he would have seen her jaw on the floor.

“Mettaton! You do know that that you really _weren’t_ built to kill humans, right? Do you remember that?”

“Of course I remember that,” Mettaton said.

“Then why are you _doing_ this?” Juni pleaded.

“Because it’s a great tv spot, as well as a good civic duty.” Mettaton crossed his arms. “I know what I’m doing, Juni.”

Juni sighed, then reached up and Mettaton dropped to her level. She put her hands on his shoulders, looked him dead in the eye and asked:

“Do you even have the _physical ability_ to do this? To kill a human?” Mettaton smiled.

“I’m sure I do. It will be disarmed, completely harmless. I’m a giant robot. It’s got no chance.”

“Promise me you’ll be okay.” Juni gripped his shoulders harder.

“Promise,” Mettaton said. Juni dropped her arms.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” she said as she walked out of the dressing room. “How long until you’re ready?”

“I’m ready now,” he said, catching the door and exiting behind her.

\----------

The audience was full. Someone had let it slip that Mettaton would be fighting the human himself. In the corner of the studio, Undyne and her guards stood at attention, circled around the captured human. Its grimy frying pan had been confiscated and thrown away. _What kind of weapon is a frying pan, anyway?_ Mettaton thought. He had gotten a good look at it, asked it a few questions like:

“What’s your name, darling~?”

“How tall are you? The cameras might need to be adjusted.”

“What color do you look the best in? Red? Blue?”

Stone silence as the human glared at him from behind its guards. Mettaton had tried a few more times, but eventually gave up and turned his attention to something more productive. If it wanted to die looking like a street urchin, so be it. The human’s outfit wasn’t exactly _camera friendly_ , but it looked okay. The blue shirt complimented the dusty brown hair, and it had a good enough face, for a human. Mettaton figured it was _kind_ of cute, despite the little red blemishes across its forehead.

Mettaton glanced across the cleared stage. The crew had removed the set and flooded the area with light. Cameras ringed the center, a large space still left open for the main attraction. The audience radiated excitement, people murmuring and bouncing in anticipation. Mettaton felt himself start to get caught up in it. _No, gotta stay focused._

Undyne caught Mettaton’s eye and reluctantly flashed a thumbs up. Mettaton turned to the booth and signaled Juni. The audience lights dimmed and Mettaton walked out under the lights. The ‘On Air’ sign flickered on and Mettaton took a deep breath.

“Good afternoon, Underground! Mettaton here, live from MTT studio in Hotland!” The audience gave a cheer and Mettaton waved it away. “Now, some of you here and at home might be confused. ‘Isn’t Mettaton a beautiful rectangle?’ you might ask yourself. The answer is, of course, ‘yes, _normally_.’ However, I was not _originally_ constructed in that form.” Mettaton lied. “This, how I am presented to you now, is how Dr. Alphys made me to begin with. This form is not made to entertain or perform. This body is made to _kill_. Kill _what_ , you might ask?”

He paused for a second, letting the question hang in the air. A questioning hum filled the audience.

_“Humans_.”

The crowd _gasped_. It _ooh_ ’d and _ahh_ ’d. Some _cheered_. Mettaton flashed the most winning smile he could manage. “And today,” he called as the audience quieted, “you will see this body in _action_!”

The crowd went wild. Taking the opportunity, Mettaton held his hand out and signaled Undyne to bring the human forward.

The Captain grabbed the human by the wrist and tugged it sharply forward, causing it to stumble a bit. When it regained its balance, it struggled against Undyne’s grip, but Undyne dragged it forward anyway. As she pulled it into view, Mettaton gave a flourish in her direction. Undyne took that as her cue to push the human onto the ground in front of her and turn and walk out of the lights. The crowd booed as the human pushed itself to its feet. They threw things at it, most of it not making it anywhere near the open set.

Mettaton let his hands fall as the human spun and snarled at the audience. _Well, that’s convenient. Thanks for playing along, darling~_. The crowed jeered at it. After a few moments of the noise, Mettaton raised a single hand. The audience silenced. The human turned its attention to Mettaton too, its gaze piercing right into Mettaton. Mettaton ignored it and addressed the audience again.

“This human, this _vile_ human, is the sixth to have fallen into the Underground since King Asgore declared war all those years ago. And today, we will have our sixth SOUL, six of the seven we need to reclaim the surface. Now, it would be very simple for me to end this human’s life and contain its SOUL. But I feel there is an opportunity before us.” Mettaton held a dramatic pause, scanning the faces of the audience he couldn’t _actually_ see. “For you see, we will still need one last SOUL before our freedom is granted. And I have heard that this human here—” Mettaton pointed at the human, who was squinting into the lights. “—has caused more than a few innocent monsters to lose their lives. Struck down defenseless souls who could do no harm.” Mettaton gave a forlorn look. “A moment of silence for the fallen.” Mettaton and the audience fell silent as Mettaton looked at the ground.

The moment passed and Mettaton brought his head up. “It is easy for those of us who have been trained—or built—to destroy humans to do so. But you out there, you still face grave danger from the seventh human left to come. So…” Mettaton grinned and threw his hand back up in the air. “ _Who wants to learn how to fight a human?_ ” And the crowd lost it again. The human snapped its head around, and Mettaton could see the fear flash in its eyes, despite the controlled expression on its face. Once again, Mettaton quieted the crowd.

“Alright, now. Before we start, I need everyone here and everyone at home to promise me something.” Mettaton glanced at Undyne. This was her one request. “No one is to use what I tell you here to _directly assault a human_. This information is for _defensive purposes only_.” Mettaton stressed. “If you spot a human, and can flee, please do so and contact the guard. No one is to be a hero.” Then Mettaton smile again.

“Now that we have that out of the way, we can begin!” Mettaton looked at the human. It was fidgeting, tugging at the hem of its shirt.

“Tip number one: Humans follow the same turn-based combat system we do! Don’t worry about learning a new system, it all works the same.” Undyne had given Mettaton the quickest rundown of human abilities she could have, and Mettaton was spitting out information he had learned five minutes ago like he’d known it all his life.

“Tip number two: Despite this, humans are rarely the aggressor, even if they initiate the fight. Don’t ask me why, just expect the human to attack first.” Mettaton stepped forward towards the human, and its SOUL floated out just in front of its chest. It shown gold, as bright as the color of the sun in human books and shows. “That’s another thing, their SOULs have different colors. Doesn’t mean anything, they just do.” Mettaton shrugged. The human’s arm flashed out in the air. Mettaton never understood why people did that in fights. Or why people bothered with the turn system at all. Or why people didn’t dodge attacks. He figured it was some sort of honor system or some bullshit. He followed it because otherwise he might get shit for breaking “The Magic Honorific Rules of Battle” or whatever.

(Later on, when Mettaton got fused with a certain skeleton and got in a fight with a certain fish lady, he’d discover that people did those things because they _had_ to. That fights had metaphysical, magical rules that he didn’t know. Maybe it was something to do with the fact his SOUL had undergone a transplant, but he had never known facts that were normal for everyone else around him.)

The human’s SOUL glowed a little brighter, and Mettaton felt something wash over him. Undyne warned him about this, but nothing would happen because of this ‘attack.’ The SOUL’s light dimmed, and it was Mettaton’s turn.

“Tip number three: Physical and magical attacks will harm the human, but magical attacks to more direct damage. Blue and Orange attacks work like normal.” Mettaton then used the attack portion of his turn to cross the stage, pick the human up with one hand and toss them to the ground. Mettaton heard something crunch as the human landed. A red liquid began to flow from the human’s head, and for a moment Mettaton thought he might have already killed it. Then it picked itself up and wiped the blood from its nose. Its hand flailed in the air and it pulled out a small doughnut from under its shirt. It ate, and Mettaton turned to the audience.

“That red liquid,” Mettaton began, “is called _blood_. All humans have it and if it appears, you’re doing physical damage. Which, again, isn’t bad. It can be very effective, even.” The human finished its food and Mettaton pushed his arm in the direction that signaled he wanted to fight. “Now for something important.” Mettaton balled a fist and punched in the direction of the kid. It wasn’t a _bad_ punch, Mettaton had been taught basic combat a few months ago for a shoot, but he really didn’t want it to connect. The human jumped out of the way as Mettaton intentionally whiffed. The audience gasped.

“That’s right. Humans have a special ability to _dodge_ attacks, physical and magical. You have to be creative in your offence, otherwise a hu— _oof!_ ” Something connected with Mettaton’s stomach, causing him to double over and his voice to cut off. In his normal body, physical attacks would do _nothing_.

Apparently that was not the case in the prototype body.

Mettaton looked over to see the human pulling its fist back and winding up for another attack. He’d forgotten that it _was_ the human’s turn. This time, the human’s fist connected with his neck and Mettaton gagged as a dent formed by his speaker. The human twisted away from him, and Mettaton lost track of what it was doing. Then its foot connected squarely with the side of his face. Already off balance, Mettaton fell to the ground, static momentarily clouding his vision.

He felt anger boil inside him. That little shit had _kicked_ him. The audience gasped again, with someone letting out a horrified shriek.

“Its fine! I’m okay,” Mettaton called. “Just goes to show,” he pushed himself onto his arms, and began to turn himself over into a sitting position, “ _never_ take your eyes off a hu—”

The human’s foot came down on Mettaton’s shoulder and pinned him on his back. Mettaton frowned at the human looking down at him until his eyes focused on the small, metallic circle right in front of his _face_.

_Oh._

_Oh shit_.

_Oh shit oh fuck that’s a **gun**_. Mettaton’s eyes widened. The mood in the room changed instantly, the sudden tension silencing everyone and rooting them to the spot. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the human.

“Take me to the barrier,” the human’s voice rang out, “or I _kill_ your fancy robot.”

Suddenly, there were flashes of teal light, and every camera had a glowing spear through it. People screamed as Undyne charged forward. The human raised its arm into the air shot a single round. The gunshot echoed in the nearly empty soundstage. Undyne slid to a stop, eyes locked on the human as it lowered the gun to Mettaton’s face again. The human glared at Undyne, locked in a staring contest.

It clicked the hammer.

Undyne took a step forward.

Mettaton flinched as the bullet hit the floor beside him.

Undyne stepped back.

The human watched her walk backward until she was out of the lights, then it looked down the barrel at the still prone robot. Mettaton managed a weak smile. The human’s solemn expression changed, its lip curling in what looked like disgust. It turned away from Mettaton and instead looked around at the surrounding monsters. Mettaton, emboldened now that the human was not looking directly at him, pushed himself up on his arms. The human felt him shift and snapped back to look at him. There was a slight _click_ as it pulled back the hammer on the old pistol and Mettaton got the message. He stopped, fear flooding his circuitry.

Mettaton could hear Undyne and her subordinates start to usher the audience out of the studio. The human’s eyes narrowed, and began to lift the gun away from Mettaton again. The human opened its mouth to speak, but Mettaton spoke first.

“Hey!” The human looked back down at him, anger and loathing in its eyes. The gun came back to point at Mettaton’s nose. “You, um, never told me your name.” The human narrowed its eyes at Mettaton.

“Like you care,” the human said.

“Of course I care! Why wouldn’t I?” Mettaton managed to smile and keep his voice steady, despite the fear coursing through his body. The human frowned angrily.

“You wanted to groom me and dress me up to die,” the human hissed. “What kind of _sick fuck_ does that?” Mettaton flinched, smile dropping.

“That wasn’t my idea,” Mettaton said. The human tightened his grip on his gun. “I swear! I’m not the one who want—”

“Liar,” the human spat. Mettaton flinched as if the word had slapped him.

“Hey, now. That’s a pretty big accusation to throw around.” Mettaton’s voice rose in pitch as he failed to keep the fear away. The human scoffed.

“Even if I couldn’t _see_ you lie, I can see what kind of person you are,” the human said. “You’re the kind of person who’d lie, cheat, and steal for any attention he could get. _Human killing machine?_ Don’t make me laugh. You’re a pathetic excuse for an actor. When's the last time you saw your cousin, hm? Or thanked your scientist friend?”

“How...How do you kn—”

“You don't care about those around you, so why would you care about _me?_ You don't even see me as a _sentient_ , _living being_. I'm nothing but a little prop to you. Just an object for you to use to boost your popularity. You're willing to commit _murder_ for a few more fans. I can understand why the king and his guard want me dead, but you're… It's almost unbelievable. How can a single creature be _so_ vain, _so_ self-centered and self-serving that they can disregard other’s very _lives_ for a little ego boost? ”

“You can't know those things about me! You're wrong! I'm not…” Mettaton struggled for the right words. “I'm not… You're just wrong!” he finished lamely. The human smirked.

“Like I said, _pathetic_.” The human turned away from Mettaton. Reeling, Mettaton grabbed the child’s ankle.

“No,” he said. “You're just making shit up. You _can’t_ know anything, _you're_ the liar here.” Mettaton was desperate. A very small, very scary part of himself was agreeing with the human. “I'm not like that. How dare you suggest I am! You don't know anything!”

“Justice,” the human began, “might be blind, but it can still see the truth. And the truth is you are _guilty_.” The word hit Mettaton like the boy had shot him. “Attempted murder, abandonment, blatant disregard for life… Guilty. You deserve to die here. You’re lucky I need you alive.” The human looked away again, but it wasn’t long before he turned back and narrowed his eyes. “Maybe… I got through Undyne once. I could do it again...” His finger caressed the trigger.

_Oh fuck oh fuck no._ Mettaton’s mind searched for something to say, but it was deep in battle with that little part of him that was saying the human was correct. _Oh god no._ Somewhere, his mind registered that if the human did, indeed, shoot him, the child would only hit the sensory simulators and structural parts in his skull. Nothing _too_ important was in his head. He might lose a little memory, at worst.

Mettaton felt himself calm down a bit. He’d be okay. It would hurt like hell, but it’s not like his SOUL or his central processors would take damage.

The human lowered his gun, the muzzle tracing down until it came to rest right over the spot Mettaton’s SOUL rested in his lower chest. Mettaton’s mind went into freefall. How the human knew where to aim was beyond him, as even the logical part of his mind began to panic. The human gripped the handle on his pistol, bringing his other hand up to support it.

“Anything to say?”

_No no please no I don’t want to die. I’m too young and pretty to die. I’ll change I promise let me go._ Mettaton’s mind flooded with things to say, pleas for his life, but his voice failed him. _Please, don’t do this. I’ve barely gotten to live! Six months, I want more than_ six months _. Undyne where are you? Save me, please!_

...But nobody came.

“Fair enough.”

Mettaton saw, as if in slow motion, the human pull back on the trigger. Simultaneously, a flash of teal flew over Mettaton’s head. The boy dodged it easily, the gun shifting aim ever-so-slightly as the human fired.

The gunshot rang out. A scream ripped itself from Mettaton as fire erupted across his left side and his left arm collapsed, sending Mettaton to the ground. The human backed away from him, eyes glued on something Mettaton couldn’t see. He looked down at the hole in his chest. It was much larger than a bullet hole had any right to be, and had started to leak. Mettaton panicked, thinking the oozing blue substance was somehow a liquidized part of his SOUL. Instinctively, he tried to bring his left hand up to his wound, but that entire side of his body was dead.

The sound of more gunshots brought Mettaton’s attention back to the human. He was backing away from Mettaton, gun up and (presumably) shooting at the royal guard. The human’s focus was so concentrated on his targets, he didn’t notice the teal spears shimmering into existence behind and beside him. The magic weapons solidified and struck downward in a semi-circle. The human realized what was happening much too late.

The spears impaled the human from multiple angles, the tips stained red with blood as they stuck into the ground. The human’s eyes widened, his hands shook and dropped the gun. It hit the ground with a clatter as the human coughed twice, spewing warm, red liquid from his mouth. More blood seeped from his wounds, running thickly down the spear shafts and dripping directly from the human. It began to pool; dark red circles quickly spreading across the ground. Then the spears disappeared and the human’s body fell with a sickly wet _thud_. The human shuddered and tried to press his hands to his chest, holding the blood-soaked, tattered shirt to his wounds. The child took one last gasping, haggard breath, then fell still.

A yellow heart floated out of the boy’s body, and glowed faintly as it hovered there.

A Guardsman rushed past Mettaton and to the SOUL, holding a small canister in his hand. He twisted the top off, scooped the SOUL up with the bottom portion, and then screwed it all back together. The canister glowed a bright blue, then flashed bright yellow. It dimmed, but kept the same hue as the Guardsman carried it back to the unit.

“Mettaton.” Suddenly, Undyne was crouched down in front of his face. “Are you okay?”

“Maybe?” Mettaton’s face had been spared, thank god, but he was still losing fluids and nothing on the left side was responding properly, if at all. “I need Alphys.” He didn’t voice his greatest concern, that his SOUL had been damaged by the bullet. It was a thought too terrifying to comprehend. Arms and legs, Alphys could reproduce. His SOUL, she could not. “Help me up.”

“You probably shouldn’t move,” Undyne said.

“No, I need to see if I can stand.” _And if my SOUL’s about to come out of my body and flop on the floor._ He pushed himself to a sitting position with his right arm. Undyne grabbed him by his left and helped him into a standing position. He was forced to sag against her as his left leg refused to respond at all. Mettaton could feel something shift inside him and the gentle dribble of blue liquid turned into a steady stream of blue, brown and dingy yellow. Using his right hand to try and staunch it, Mettaton grimaced. “You probably don’t want to touch this. Some of it’s _probably_ battery acid.” He said to Undyne, who pulled her body away from his wound, but didn’t stop supporting him.

“Can we get a chair or something? The man’s injured,” she called, and one of her guards brought a chair from somewhere and Mettaton fell onto it in a heap. He winced, leaning down and trying to look into the hole in his gut. It was a mess of fluids, broken metal and torn wires. He leaned back, trying to keep everything inside. Undyne was still standing there, giving orders from beside him.

“No ‘I told you so’s’?” Mettaton asked, grimacing. She looked at him without a trace of sympathy, and every taunt she could give was given in a single expression. She pulled out her cell phone and turned her attention to it. Mettaton looked away, only to catch sight of the ruined camera equipment that ringed the stage. He was confused for a moment, only to remember Undyne had destroyed them all when things had started going south.

“Yes, sir, on live tv…” Undyne was speaking to someone on the phone. “You didn’t let me finish, Asgore! I tried to tell you, but…” Mettaton winced. That whole incident had been live, up until Undyne had forcefully stopped the broadcast.

_Oh shit_. Mettaton’s eyes went wide. “Undyne, how long has it been since you destroyed the cameras?” Undyne glanced at her phone as she ended her call.

“Eight minutes, why?” But Mettaton was already turned away from her.

“Juni? Juni where are you?” He yelled into the darkness. “Someone, get the newsdesk and backdrop. Find a working camera or fix one, quickly!” Undyne looked at him, shock on her face.

“What?” She asked. “Do you think you’re going on tv like _that_?”

“I have to.” Mettaton was trying to remember how tall the newsdesk was, if it would cover the damage.

“You don’t have to do anything until Alphys gets here.” Mettaton shook his head.

“Waiting for repairs will take too long. I have to be on the air _now_.” The news drop was starting to come down, and the lights were changing to fit the new show style.

“Are you really _that_ concerned about your—”

“Think about the last thing everyone saw before you stopped the broadcast. A _lot_ of people were watching that. And now, they’re probably freaking out. Unless we let everyone know that the human’s dead and I’m okay, you might have wide-scale panic on your hands.” Undyne blinked.

“I-I didn’t even think about that,” Undyne said. “Should I have kept the cameras rolling?” Mettaton shook his head.

“That would have been bad, too.” A couple of stagehands were carrying the desk up and Mettaton was relieved to find that it was more than tall enough. “Let me play damage control. It’s the least I can do.” _This is my fault_. It went unspoken, but Undyne understood. She nodded and moved out of the way.

Someone had found a working camera, and had gotten it into position. Mettaton grabbed his unresponsive left arm and put it on the desk. He manipulated it into a ‘natural’ position, holding his dead hand in his working one, and made a mental note not to move either of his arms. “How good do I look, from _here_ up?” Mettaton motioned to the top of the desk, and a stagehand shot him a thumbs up. Mettaton glanced through his HUD, and his fears were confirmed. His battery _had_ sprung a leak. His stored power was draining quickly. “Let’s get this going! _Now_!”

“On air in 5…” Juni called, “4… 3… 2…” She pointed at him and Mettaton got down to business.

“ _Good afternoon,_ Underground.” He began, trying to keep his voice relaxed through his pain. “We at MTT studios would like to apologize for the technical difficulties we experienced during our last broadcast. Speaking of which, we at MTT would also like to apologize _again_ , as we will not be able to deliver what we promised, the live death of a human. But here is a rundown of the events that occurred after the cameras were shut off:

“Thanks to Captain Undyne of the Royal Guard, the human is dead and his SOUL collected. There were no injuries or casualties, and now we have our sixth SOUL. The day is saved and no one got hurt. However, I would like to take a moment and reiterate: _Do not engage a human in combat except for self-defense purposes_. They are dangerous and highly unpredictable. Even those who have been trained in human combat can fail. It is _not_ your job to be a hero; it is your job to be _safe_.

“However,” Mettaton smiled, “you should celebrate! We are now one step closer to freedom! Today is a good day! Take the day off, take your kids out of school, _and enjoy yourself_. Just remember, always be safe. This is Mettaton, signing off. Have a wonderful day, Underground.” Mettaton kept his smile until Juni raised her hand and the entire studio let out a collective breath.

Mettaton let his head fall down onto the desk, unable to keep himself upright anymore. The contents of his battery had started to corrode his internal systems. Someone put hands on his shoulders. “I’m… I’m okay,” he said, voice tight from the agony of acid destroying his insides. The hands pulled him upright, leaning him back in his chair. The desk was moved and Mettaton could see the puddle of oil, coolant and acid that had spread across the floor.

And then Alphys came into view, blocking out the sight of Mettaton’s blood, as it were. “M-Metta. H-How are you? W-What’s damaged?” He picked his head up and gave a weak smile.

“Lots of things, Alphys,” he muttered. “I don’t know if my SOUL’s okay. My entire left side is offline.” Her eyes widened and she immediately went about opening up his chest cavity. She let out a shaky breath.

“It’s o-okay. It’s j-just disconnected from the l-left side.” She looked up at him. “W-What made you th-think you could… What w-was going through your _head_?” Mettaton hesitated. Not even he could pinpoint why he’d thought this was a good idea anymore.

“It was my idea.” Undyne spoke up. Mettaton’s head snapped up to look at her. She met his gaze, crossed her arms then looked away. “I thought he really _was_ made to fight humans. He tried to tell me no, but I talked him into it. I’m sorry Alphys.” Alphys softened.

“T-That’s okay. You d-didn’t know.” Mettaton stared at Undyne, wide-eyed. She looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow, as if daring him to call her out. Mettaton nodded a _thank you_ , and she left.

The human’s body still lay on the floor, his gun resting in the pool of blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter.  
>  _This chapter._  
>  I loved writing this one. It was so much fun.
> 
> ~~It was great practice.~~


	26. {Science] or The Most Info-Dumpy Info Dump That Was Ever Info Dumped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuckin' science how does it work?

[well, buddy.] Mettaton let the memory dissolve and float back into his long-term storage.

[you _did_ fuck up.]

{Yeah, I know.} Mettaton said through clenched metaphorical teeth.

[it’s pretty incredible i never heard about this. i thought the entire underground saw it?] Sans remarked. Mettaton smiled sadly.

{We weren't actually live.}

[huh?]

(Juni’s a lot smarter than people give her credit for. She set the crew to record it, and she planned on releasing the recording if everything went okay.}

{Instead, she took the news broadcast, edited it and released it without any mention of what really happened. She also was one who convinced the live audience not to say anything.} Mettaton sighed.

Sans was silent for a moment, then started to chuckle. Then he laughed. Then he broke out into loud guffaws. Sans’s laughter reverberated through the body, and Mettaton could have sworn that they vibrated with it.

[the look on your face when she told you must have been _priceless._ ] Sans gasped between laughs.

[and you thought _you_ could kill a human.]

[god, you're a right idiot.] Sans sighed, the last giggles fading out.

[but you get a chance to redeem yourself.]

{I don't _want_ a ‘chance to redeem myself.’} Mettaton pouted.

{I want _you_ to deal with him.}

[i hate to burst your bubble, pal, but if we run into the human, you'll have to deal with it.]

{ _What?! Why?_ }

[long story short: i can't touch the kid, let alone hurt him.]

{What's the long story?}

[...nunya business is what it is.]

{I told you the long story, tell me yours.} Mettaton smirked. He could be stubborn if he wanted to too.

[...]

[...] Sans sighed.

[back when gaster was around, i worked for him.] Mettaton was shocked. Not that Sans had once worked for a scientist—that was only _mildly_ surprising—but that Sans had even given in this easy.

[when this human came along, we convinced undyne to capture it alive instead of killing it on sight]

[she did, and me ‘n gaster jumped on it. learned more about humans and SOULs in two weeks than we had in months of working with captured SOULs.]

[lots of it was the makeup and functionally of SOULs, differences between humans and monsters, that kind of thing.]

[we managed to isolate four components that make up SOULs. humans and monsters share two: a chemical compound that forms the structure of a SOUL, and a small ‘port’ compound that allows for the absorption of SOULs. the human port is the ‘partner’ of the monster port and vice versa.]

[the other two components differ between humans and monsters. monster SOULs are comprised mainly of magic, but have COMPASSION, or CP, and LOVE as well. CP and LV are just grouped as one component because they basically serve the same function.]

[following so far?]

{I thought compassion was an emotion or a personality trait or something like that.}

[it is, but it also refers to the part of a monster that determines their stats. The more compassion you have for the world around you, the better your stats. CP is like the anti-LV. they both do the same thing, but for opposite reasons.]

{Okay…}

[human SOULs don't have magic. Instead, they have DETERMINATION.] Mettaton perked up, recognizing the word.

[it's what lets human SOULs persist outside the human body.]

[the fourth human component we called the ‘SECONDARY TRAITS,’ or ST. CP and LV fall under ST, but there are other traits humans can exhibit. It is these traits that give humans their special abilities, like dodging in FIGHTS. high enough concentrations of certain traits endow magic-like abilities.]

[now, when a monster SOUL absorbs a human SOUL, it is the combination of DT, ST, and magic that makes the absorber so powerful. but you can't just throw DT _and_ ST into a monster without the port compound, and the port compound isn't reactive without the structural compound.] Mettaton blinked.

{English, please?}

[you can't make a god without the proper parts.]

[it is possible to inject DT or ST without SOUL rejection, but large amounts of DT has… side effects.]

{Side effects… like melting?} The memory of Undyne’s face sliding off her skull appeared, and Mettaton shook it away. Sans chuckled darkly.

[yeah, that's the biggie. there's a few others—memory loss, personality changes, but melting is the most obvious.]

[now, ST is perfectly safe but gaster and i didn’t know that at first. after almost losing a volunteer to DT, we didn’t want to risk anything. no volunteers, no coworkers.]

[we decided it had to be one of us.]

[we… we had a pretty bad argument about it. gaster wanted to do it himself, but i refused to let him.]  Sans sighed.

[he was… he was _brilliant_. if something happened and he died, monsterkind would lose the smartest mind of a generation.]

[and at the time, i considered myself… expendable.]

[so we took some of the kid’s ST and put it in _me_.]

{What happened?}

[...i died.] Sans said solemnly. Mettaton’s jaw dropped.

{ _What?_ I thought you said ST was safe!}

[ _i’m shitting you_.] Sans laughed. [calm down.]

{That _wasn’t_ funny.} Mettaton snapped.

[yeah it was.] Sans’s snickers died down.

[anyway, what _really_ happened was that i gained a few of the kid’s abilities.]

[i found i could read SOULs at a distance, didn’t even have to be in a FIGHT to check someone.]

[and, with a little practice, i learned how to dodge during a FIGHT, and from that ability came the teleports.]

[after that, gaster and i decided that we didn’t need the kid alive anymore.]

[so i went to go kill it, and it dragged me into a FIGHT.]

[that’s when i discovered every blow i landed on the kid came back and hurt me too.]

[i had 10 HP at the time so it wasn’t that much of a problem, but i couldn’t lay a _finger_ on that kid.]

[it was a two way street, too. kid couldn’t touch me either.]

[turns out two fractions of the same SOUL don't like to hurt each other.]

[so there you go: the story of why i can't kill the single human you’re scared to death of.]

{So what you’re saying is… if we _do_ run into a human, we’re fucked.}

[double fucked.]

Mettaton sighed and shut his eyes. Then they flew open with a realization.

{If you can't hurt the human because you have part of his SOUL, and our SOULs are fused together… Can I even do anything myself?}

[...we might be triple fucked.]

\--------------

{Alright Sans, what am I supposed to be seeing?} Mettaton and Sans were sitting in on one of Alphys and Undyne’s anime sessions. Normally, he'd be grinning because of just _how close together_ the two women were sitting. Alphys kept shooting glances at her companion, and every once in a while she’s scoot _ever so slightly_ closer, then get nervous and scoot away.

But today, Mettaton was staring at the two women in intense concentration. Sans tutted.

[that's not good science. tell me what _you_ see.] Mettaton drew a sharp breath. He saw…

He saw…

{Absolutely nothing.} Mettaton sighed. {Are you sure I should see something?}

[if the human SOUL parts mixed with yours, yes.] Sans cursed. [it doesn't make sense. i can tell your SOUL is getting more accustomed to teleportation, but maybe that’s just a tolerance you're building up. you can't access my magic, but if i dodge, you move too.] Sans ran through hypothesis after hypothesis, looking for something he _could_ test. Every idea he had required either high tech equipment, or another person, or _both_. He was hitting a brick wall. It had been so long since Sans had done this sort of high-level thinking. Years and years of resets had caused him to let go of his habits, but his brain was sliding towards the worst habit of all:

{Shame gaster isn't here. He might have had an idea.} Mettaton, unknowingly echoing Sans’ deepest thoughts, observed. Sans winced.

[maybe.] Sans thought Gaster would have _seven_ ideas by now, four of them not strictly ethical. Part of Sans was upset he couldn't match his old boss, but another part was relieved.

[but i’m not gaster.] Sans said, the statement ringing a little hollow in his mouth. Mettaton didn't notice. His attention was captured by Undyne’s hand, which had grabbed onto Alphys’s upper arm in excitement.

“Oh shit he’s gonna do it. _He’s gonna kiss her!_ ” Undyne yelled, grabbing tighter to Alphys, who had gone rigid as a board. “He’s gonna kiss her and release the demon, and then they're gonna fight it with their _love_.” Undyne flailed, arms encircling the lizard.

Sans heard a gentle squealing from somewhere in his head. Undyne grabbed Alphys’s shoulders and looked her dead in the eye.

“This is going to be _epic_.” She whispered intensely.

The squealing got a little louder. Sans was glad Mettaton could find _something_ positive in this situation.

\-----------

For a week the two of them tried anything that could tell them if Mettaton had a chance against the human. Sans and Mettaton tried every technique they could think of to ‘unlock’ the SOUL reading ability in Mettaton, with no success. Sunday and Monday went by before Sans called it futile and a waste of time.

On Tuesday, Sans thought that they could get into a sparring match with Undyne and see if Mettaton could dodge of his own volition. Mettaton reminded Sans that the normal FIGHT rules didn’t seem to apply to Mettaton anyway.

Wednesday brought with it Mettaton’s suggestion that Alphys could do her science thing and Sans could figure out if Mettaton shared the human abilities. Sans said Alphys didn’t have the proper equipment for something like that, then proceeded to give him so many scientific reasons it wouldn’t work anyway that Mettaton’s head hurt from trying to understand.

Sans proclaimed he was done trying to figure it out on Thursday. Mettaton re-suggested his idea that they lock themselves away and not deal with the human at all. Sans announced he was going back on his previous proclamation and went back to thinking.

Friday came and went with similar progress. That night, Mettaton and Sans watched the clock on their HUD tick slowly towards midnight.

[it’s not like the clock’s going to strike twelve and the kid’s immediately gonna pop up.] Sans said, idly playing a game of pinball.

{I know.}

[and in all likelihood, the kid’s probably already somewhere out there in the underground.]

Mettaton could almost hear the ticking of the clock as he watched the minute hand travel closer to 12. He knew what Sans was saying was _true,_ that there was no reason to be freaked out over the time, but something about midnight felt final.

[what time do you want to leave for snowdin in the morning? we have to be there by nine.]

{Why do you want to go out to Snowdin so badly? What’s going to happen if we don’t?} Mettaton asked.

[things.]

{I’m serious, Sans.}

{There’s got to be a reason you’re willing to risk facing the one thing you can’t defend yourself from.}

{And if I’m going to be dragged out there with you, I should know what for.}

[...] Sans let his pinball drop past the paddles.

[i guess you’re right.] He shut the game down.

[remember how i told you that sometimes time repeats itself?]

{Sort of.} Mettaton recalled that distant conversation. Sans had been so sure that a ‘reset’ was coming soon. One had never came, and Mettaton knew Sans was frustrated by it.

[well, the first time i lived through tomorrow…]

[the human left snowdin with twelve casualties behind him.]

[pap was one of them.]

If it weren’t for the movement of the clock before his eyes, Mettaton could have sworn that time stopped in that instant; that his processors froze and his motors ground to a screeching halt.

Papyrus…

_Dead_?

It was almost unfathomable. Mettaton didn’t want to think about it. The memory of the human’s face, so full of self-righteousness, came back. A timeline where that had been the last thing his sugarskull had ever seen… The concept of it filled Mettaton with dread. His very SOUL was heavy.

The clock struck twelve.

{We’re going to Snowdin.} Sans let out a chuckle.

[maybe i should have said that first, huh?]

{Shut up. We need a plan.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOO SCIENCE!
> 
> (Can you tell who's in a Bio class and basically just stole how cellular respiration and enzymes work?)
> 
> See you Monday


	27. SNOW, or, Papyrus And Ember Have A Good Time In The Snow, But Not Like That You Dirty Pervs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at these cuties being cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want these people to be my friends, okay?

Seven hours later, Papyrus left his house, tugging his scarf in place. He locked the door and turned to his sister, who blinked sleepily at him. She clutched her hot chocolate tightly in her flaming hands. “Why did we agree to the morning shift?” she groaned.

“BECAUSE,” Papyrus began. Ember winced at the volume, and Papyrus lowered it a little bit. “DAD NEEDS US THIS AFTERNOON.”

“I _knooooow_ ,” she whined. “But Undyne said we didn’t have to work today.”

“NONSENSE. A GOOD GUARD MEMBER WILL _ALWAYS_ WORK IF THEY ARE ABLE.” Papyrus set off around his family restaurant and down the main street. Ember shuffled along behind him, bundled in a little blue coat and a white scarf of her own. As snowflakes fell and caused her head to sizzle, she grumbled about the _idiocy_ of a _fire monster_ living in _Snowdin_ and how much she hated snow on early mornings. Papyrus thought it was mostly the ‘early morning’ part. Ember usually _loved_ the snow.

The snow fell in large flakes, and neither monster stopped to wonder why it was snowing in a cave; it was just a fact of life. In the still early morning, the only sounds they could hear were their footsteps and the quiet _hiss_ Ember gave off. As they walked, Ember started to perk up as she drank in the warmth from her cocoa. She caught up to Papyrus despite his long legs.

“You need to wear mittens,” she said, grabbing his hand in hers.

“I DON’T GET COLD,” Papyrus reminded her. “I AM A SKELETON, AFTER ALL.”

“Sure, but you get snow in your joints.” Ember rubbed a flaming finger across her brother’s knuckles. “Isn’t that uncomfortable?” Papyrus thought for a moment.

“ONLY SLIGHTLY.” They were long past his bridge now. Ember looked up, only to be disappointed. The snow-clouds blocked out the crystals on the ceiling.

“I thought our Healing Magic textbook said water damage was _bad_ for skeletons.” She pointed out.

“...YOU’RE RIGHT.” Papyrus said after a moment.

“Then you sh—”

“BUT YOU AND DAD CAN EVAPORATE ALL THE WATER,” Papyrus grinned, “THEREFORE, I DO NOT NEED TO WEAR MITTENS!” Ember shot him a look, but let the issue go. She finished her hot chocolate as they reached her sentry station. It was the farthest booth from town—out by the strange purple door—and Grillby made Papyrus promise to walk her out every day. As she slipped behind the counter, Papyrus reached out and swiped the snow off the countertop. She sat on her stool, reached down, and removed the protective tarp from the generator and heat lamp that sat on the shelves. She turned them on and the lamp began to glow. She smiled as warmth began to seep into her shoes.

“IT’S NOT TOO COLD TODAY, IS IT?” Papyrus leaned on the side of the counter. Ember shook her head.

“Weren’t you the one who said we had to work?” she said

“YES, BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN. IF IT IS TOO COLD, I DON’T WANT YOU OUT HERE. I DON’T WANT YOU DIMMING.”

“I’ve got my lamp. I’m not going to douse or dim or whatever.” She said. It was dangerous for a fire monster to sit still in the cold without food or a heat source. It would be different if she could keep moving, but she had to stay planted on her stool. “And if I do, I’ve got my phone. I’ll call you right away.”

“PROMISE?” He held out his pinky. Ember sighed and took it with hers.

“Promise.”

Papyrus smiled. “THEN I—”

Suddenly, half his face was covered in snow. It slid down his skull and landed on the ground with a _thwump_. Papyrus swiped at it and looked around for the source of it.

“HEY! WHO—”

A second snowball landed directly on his face, some of it slipping past his teeth and hitting his vertebrae. Muffled cackles came from the trees on the other side of the road. Ember stood peering into the trees.

“Who’s there?” She called as Papyrus scraped snow from the inside of his jaw. “Who threw—” Ember had to dodge a snowball traveling straight for her. While she was leaning down, she grabbed her pair of gloves she kept at her station. She tugged them on and wrapped her scarf around as much of her face as she could.

“WE’VE BEEN AMBUSHED!” Papyrus yelled, diving behind Ember’s station as two snowballs flew past where he had been standing. “QUICK! PREPARE RETALIATION.” He scooped some snow into his hands and scanned the tree line for targets.

“Who do you think it is?” Ember slid from her stool and began forming her own snowball.

“WHO COULD IT BE, INDEED?” he said. “WHO WOULD DARE DISTRACT SENTRIES WITH A SNOWBALL FIGHT?” As soon as the words left his mouth, the two siblings froze and looked at each other.

“Undyne,” they said simultaneously. Cackles erupted from the trees across the way. Papyrus stood and threw his snowball in the direction they came from. It splatted against a tree, and moments later, Undyne ran out from behind it. She carried an arsenal of snowballs in one arm and threw one back at Papyrus as she sprinted to another tree. Papyrus easily dodged it, kneeling down and making another snowball. Ember had made a small pyramid in front of her and handed her brother one instead.

Papyrus peered over the counter, looking for a glimpse of his adversary. She peeked her head out and Papyrus launched his attack. She saw it coming and dodged easily. But she was pinned to her tree now, Papyrus knew. He began formulating a plan to flank her when his back exploded in cold wetness. Ember cried out in shock and Papyrus spun to face this new threat.

Mettasans grinned at him and ran back into the trees. Papyrus grabbed another snowball and lobbed it at the retreating robot. It missed, plopping into the snow beside the fleeing enemy. Metta turned and lobbed another snowball at him. Pap dodged and slid the stool between them. It wasn’t very good cover, but it was _something._ Mettasans melted into the trees, and Papyrus lost him in the shadows of the forest.

“WE’RE SURROUNDED!” Pap hissed, looking for signs the robot was still around.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Ember muttered, batting off the remains of Mettasans’s surprise attack. “What do we do?”

Papyrus scanned the tree line, deep in thought. Maybe he could flush Mettasans out, force him out in the open… but then what? Papyrus could count of Ember for cover, so if he—

His thoughts were interrupted by a pile of snow crashing onto his head. He whipped his head around to find Undyne grinning wide at him. Papyrus grabbed a handful of snow and smooshed it into her face. She staggered back, and Papyrus dived over the counter towards her. He tackled the fish to the ground, sat on her stomach and scooped snow over her.

“Gundam!” Undyne called, spitting snow from her mouth. “Amuro Rey requests help!” Papyrus’s head shot up, looking around for her partner.

“We agreed on _Missile_ and _Piranha_!” Mettasans materialized from within the darkness of the trees, one arm cradling snowballs.

“EMBER! I NEED COVER!” Papyrus called out, lamenting Ember and his lack of code-names. His sister popped up and fired a volley at Mettasans. The robot was forced to dance out of the way of her assault and fired back. Undyne took the opportunity to grab her own snow and push it into Papyrus’s face. The skeleton pulled back in shock, sputtering and Undyne wriggled out from underneath him. She scrambled to her feet, ran to her partner and began building a fort in the center of the road. Realizing they’d have a bad position if they kept to the sentry station, Papyrus ran out and began building his own fort. Ember and Mettasans kept up their volley.

“Almost out!” Ember called after a minute. Papyrus looked at his progress and determined that it was enough. He signaled for her to join him, and she sprinted out from her position, throwing her last few snowballs as she ran. She dove behind their fort and began building up a new supply of ammunition. Undyne finished her fort and dragged Metta to the ground beside her.

The two teams fought valiantly, with snowballs flying, forts destroyed and rebuilt. Laughter and cries of shock echoed across the war zone. Everyone took their fair share of hits. Well, everyone but Mettasans. He seemed to have this unnatural ability to dodge snowballs thrown his way, despite being the largest combatant.

Eventually, Ember scored a direct hit. Mettasans threw his hand up to his forehead and fell across his team’s fort, crying out “Avenge me, oh mighty Piranha!” Undyne responded by dropping a handful of snow on his face. He sputtered and threw loose snow back at her. Papyrus and Ember took the opportunity to launch an unimpeded volley at the two of them. Neither of them had a chance to dodge. Undyne threw up her arms, but it was too late.

By the time it was over, Undyne had been knocked down and coated in powder and Metta shone with melted snow. The younger fighters crossed the battlefield and stood above their vanquished foes.

“DO YOU CONCEDE OUR VICTORY?” Papyrus asked. They both had snowballs at the ready. Undyne threw her hands up.

“We yield, we yield. Help us up.” Ember and Papyrus dropped their snow and did as she asked. “Now, what did we learn today?” Undyne asked, dusting herself off.

“....NEVER START A SNOWBALL FIGHT WITH THE GREAT PAPYRUS?” The skeleton asked with false innocence.

“That you two are cheating sneaks?” Ember chimed.

“all’s fair in love and war.” Metta shrugged, hair still clotted with snow. Undyne shook her head.

“No, no. What we learned today is: _never drop your weapons until your enemy is defeated!_ ” Undyne cried, and grabbed the pre-packed snowballs from behind the remains of the fort. She threw them and they exploded against her trainees before they could react. They stumbled back, then began to run back to their fort. Undyne howled with laughter. “Come back, nerds. We’re done.” Papyrus eyed the two of them suspiciously as he and his sister slowly made their way back to them.

“Let’s go back to town. hot chocolate’s on me.” Mettasans jerked his head in the direction of Snowdin.

“That actually sounds pretty nice.” Ember shivered. Papyrus looked at her, concern written across his face.

“ARE YOU FEELING OKAY, EMBER?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, smiling. “I was moving around enough. I’m just fine.” She reassured her brother. “But that reminds me, I need to turn off my generator.” She began to walk in the direction of the station.

“I’VE GOT IT.” Papyrus said, jogging back to the stand. He leaned over and flipped the machine off. He stood up and turned back to his friends. Ember called out a thanks and Undyne waved him back to the group. But Papyrus noticed Mettasans’s wasn’t looking at him. He was looking past the station, down the road. The robot’s smile had slipped from his face, his expression now hard and unreadable. Papyrus turned again and looked in the same direction.

The old purple door at the end of the road was opening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't ever have a _completely_ happy chapter, can I?  
>  Have an early update because it's SPRING BREAK! GIRLIES RUNNING WILD! JET TO THE BEACH WEARIN' THE FRESHEST STYLES!  
> Naw it's just because I'm going on vacation and won't have access to a good computer until this weekend.  
> Remember kidz, don' play wit 2 many knives.
> 
> See you Monday.


	28. [a human falls} or Plan A Can Still Work, And We Don't Have A Plan B, So Undyne Needs To Hurry The Hell Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pap being Pap is the best way for Pap to get killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Tags Updated: Panic Attacks and PTSD

{We’re too late.}

The purple door slid open slowly, stopping and starting as the human behind it struggled to push it.

[stick to the plan. we're okay.] Sans reassured, but Mettaton could feel the skeleton’s anxiety tick up about four notches. Papyrus had frozen in place, watching the door. Mettaton tapped on Undyne’s shoulder, and when she looked at him, he pointed down the road.

“Pap?” Mettaton called as Undyne registered what was happening, “Come over here, would you?” He struggled to keep his voice neutral, not wanting to betray the fear he felt. Papyrus didn't move, hypnotized by the door as it shuddered open. Undyne took two steps forward, caught between the same stock-still hypnosis and her desire to rush forward.

The door shuddered to a stop, and the human slipped out. The door fell back into place with a heavy _thud_ , the human just clearing the opening before it shut behind him. Ember gasped and grabbed Mettaton’s arm. Papyrus stepped out from beneath the station roof, stepping closer to the distracted human. He hadn't seen the group of monsters watching him with careful scrutiny.

“IS TH—”

“Hush, Papyrus. Get behind me,” Undyne interrupted, talking as loud as she dared. Finally, the skeleton listened, walking backwards until he was level with Ember and Mettasans. “Metta, take them somewhere else.”

“On it.” Mettaton grabbed the siblings by their shoulders. “quietly, you two, let's go.” He turned them around and started to lead them away. “I'll get dogsquad.”

She nodded and disappeared into the trees. Mettaton kept his hands firmly planted on the teenagers’ backs. Briskly, he led them away, shooting glances over his shoulder to see if the human had spotted them. Ember was following willingly, but Papyrus kept dragging his feet, glancing back at the human. Looking ahead, Mettaton could see Doggo’s station in the distance, just past the fork in the road. They had almost made it.

Then Papyrus slid out of Mettaton’s hand and stopped. He was looking back down the road, eyes glued to the human. The boy had finally seen the retreating group and was staring back.

“papyrus,” Mettaton called softly. The skeleton stood stock-still. Mettaton glanced at the human, who was staring at Papyrus. The two’s gazes were locked across the snowy expanse. “ _Papyrus,_ ” Mettaton hissed. Still the skeleton ignored him. Papyrus raised a hand and waved to the human. In the distance, the human raised a hand and waved back.

“I’M GOING TO GO TALK TO IT.” Papyrus took a step forward. Ember gasped and Mettaton shot his hand out. He grabbed at the air as Papyrus walked away.

“papyrus!” Mettaton called, but Papyrus didn’t listen. He strode away from his sister, his waving getting more intense as the human shrunk away from the approaching monster.

“NO, IT IS ALRIGHT! I AM FRIENDLY, HUMAN!” Papyrus called down the road. The human shot quick glances around himself, searching for hidden threats. Ember hid further behind Mettaton, grip tightening around his hand.

“What are we going to do?” she asked, quietly. “We have to stop him!”

“I know,” Mettaton said.

{No, no, no, no, no.} Mettaton thought as Papyrus got closer and closer to the human. The skeleton dwarfed it significantly, despite the oversized cowboy hat the child wore. As Papyrus approached, the human finally spoke.

“Stop,” the boy commanded. “Don’t come any closer.” Papyrus stopped and put his hands up.

“I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” Papyrus said “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” The human blinked, leaning back against the door.

“Papyrus!” Undyne called from the trees. “What are you _doing_? Get away from that thing!” The boy’s eyes shot to where the voice came from, but Papyrus did not move.

“WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?” Papyrus asked. The human shifted his gaze back to him. Papyrus smiled, patiently. The human patted the door behind him.

“The ruins,” he said, hesitantly.

“I COME FROM SNOWDIN!” Papyrus announced. “I DID NOT KNOW HUMANS CAME FROM ‘THE RUINS.’ ARE THERE MANY HUMANS IN THE RUINS?” He took a step forward. The human grabbed something from his back pocket and held it out towards Papyrus.

“I said don’t come any closer,” the human hissed. Papyrus stopped again but did not falter. “And no, there aren’t anymore humans in the ruins.” The human continued. “And even if there were, you couldn’t get to them and kill them. The door is sealed with magic.”

“WHY WOULD I WANT TO KILL A HUMAN?” Papyrus asked. “I JUST WANT TO CAPTURE ONE!” Papyrus laughed, oblivious to the way the human slid away from him and raised his gun a bit higher. With the weapon fully in view, pointed at Papyrus, Mettaton froze.

[goddamn it.]

[this is exactly what we were trying to _avoid_.]

[let’s go down there and get him.]

Mettaton could not form a coherent response. Nor could he stop Ember from running out and down the street towards her brother. He stood, completely frozen, as she sprinted toward the human.

“Pap!” She called out, and the human pointed the gun at her. She slowed, skidding to a stop. She grabbed Papyrus’ hand and began to gently pull on it. “Come on. Back up slowly.”

“BUT—”

“No buts, let’s _go_ ,” she insisted.

[mettaton?]

[mettaton, are you okay?] Sans prodded at his body partner, but only got back a mixture of fear and memories of the last time Mettaton had encountered a gun on loop. Phantom pain began to blossom in their stomach, a sharp, burning feeling that was consuming Mettaton. The ten second memory of staring down the barrel and getting shot replayed over and over again in Mettaton’s mind. Sans felt himself starting to get dragged into the hysteria and panic.

[metta, snap out of it.] Sans pleaded.

Ember pulled hard on Papyrus’s arm, begging him to come with her. Still, the skeleton did not budge. The human kept his weapon trained on the two of them, stealing glances into the surrounding forest. Sans looked around too, searching for Undyne among the trees. Doggo was just behind them, if he could just _move_! Mettaton was completely unresponsive. Sans couldn’t dislodge him from control. Every bit of machinery inside them was locked up, gears frozen in Mettaton’s panic.

[do your breath exercises or something.] Sans said, finally catching sight of Undyne in the forest. From where she was, Ember and Papyrus were between her and the human. She snarled and moved closer to the door, looking for an angle of attack that would spare the two young monsters.

“HUMAN!” Papyrus stood firm before the human. “THIS IS MY SISTER, EMBER!” He motioned to the green flame. “SHE IS BEING _INCREDIBLY_ RUDE RIGHT NOW, BUT I ASSURE YOU SHE IS JUST AS GREAT AS I AM.”

“Pap, we need to go!” Ember cried.

“BUT THE HUMAN JUST GOT HERE, EMBER! IT HAS PUZZLES TO SOLVE AND JAPES TO... WHAT DOES ONE _DO_ WITH JAPES?” he asked.

“I don’t know! You jape them, I guess. Please,” Ember grabbed his other hand. “We don’t have any puzzles or japes for them anyway, let’s go!” Papyrus’s eye sockets narrowed.

“UNDYNE SAID IF A HUMAN COMES ALONG WE GIVE THEM PUZZLES AND CALL HER!” Papyrus said.

“Yeah, well, Undyne’s already here, so the human doesn’t _need_ puzzles,” Ember said.

“EVERYONE NEEDS PUZZLES!” Papyrus countered. “HUMAN! DO YOU REQUIRE PUZZLES?” The human jumped as Papyrus turned back to him. He had been slowly edging his way to the forest.

“Um… No? I don’t require puzzles,” the human said, hesitantly. He glanced back towards the forest, to where he had been trying to go. Papyrus’s face fell.

“OH. I GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT, EMBER.” Papyrus slowly stepped back from the human. “I SUPPOSE WE CAN SKIP THE PUZZLES…” The human looked back at the skeleton.

“Oh, hey, uh…” the human lowered his gun, an expression of sympathy slowly spread across his face. “All I meant was...humans don’t _need_ puzzles to survive like… um… food.” Papyrus looked up with a quizzical expression on his face. “But I would certainly _like_ some puzzles! I would really enjoy a good puzzle right now, if you’ve got any on you, that is.” The human smiled slightly as Papyrus’s face lit up.

“OH, GOODIE! UNFORTUNATELY, I DON’T HAVE ANY PUZZLES ON MY PERSON, AS OF RIGHT NOW.”

“Shame,” the human said, sliding sideways towards the forest. “I’ll guess I’ll just—”

“BUT I’VE GOT SOME AT HOME! COME, HUMAN! I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE PUZZLES.” Papyrus stepped toward the human again, sliding one of his hands out of Ember’s grip.

“No, Papyrus, we’re not taking the human anywhere,” Ember scolded gently, but could not stop her brother from approaching the boy.

“No, uh, that’s fine. I’ll wait here,” the human said. “You can go get the puzzles and bring them to me!”

“NONSENSE. THAT WILL TAKE MUCH LONGER THAN JUST TAKING _YOU_ TO THE PUZZLES.” Papyrus reached out and tried to take the human’s arm. The human scooted back, scraping his back against the cliff wall.

“Don’t touch me! And get back!” the human exclaimed, remembering the weapon in his hand. He raised it again, leveling it at Papyrus.

“YOU KEEP WAVING THAT THING AT ME. WHAT IS IT, HUMAN?” Papyrus asked just as a turquoise spear stuck into the wall where the human’s head was not a fraction of a second before. The boy had dodged at the last second and now looked at Undyne as she burst out from the tree line. She had found her opening, but missed. Sans silently cheered her on as she charged the human, another spear reforming in her hand.

“Stop, or I’ll shoot!” the human threatened, aiming at the attacking woman. Undyne continued forward through the snow. The human hesitated, tightened his grip on the weapon, and fired. The gunshot echoed through the open street as Undyne danced to the side. A small puff of snow shot up into the air, not anywhere near the guardswoman. She grinned, quickly closing the gap. The human’s eyes widened, and he fumbled with the gun for a moment, nearly dropping it with shaking hands.

“Pap, Ember, get outta the way!” Undyne readied her weapon as she drew closer. The human looked at the skeleton, who was watching Undyne with wide eyes as Ember pulled on him harder than ever. The boy raised his gun again, but pointed it at the two siblings.

“I’ll do it!” he shouted Undyne skidded to a stop, spear still poised above her head. “Drop it,” the human commanded. Undyne snarled, judging the distance between her, the human, and the siblings. “I said drop the spear.” Ember pulled on Papyrus again, who took a small, shuffled step back with her. “Don’t move,” the human said. Ember froze. The human looked at Undyne, who dispelled the spear with a grimace. Despite the five foot gap between him and the kids, Undyne couldn’t beat a bullet.

“Look, they’re just kids. Not even out of school yet. Don’t drag them into this,” Undyne said.

“So am I,” the human pointed out. “And they dragged themselves into it.” Ember winced.

“Please,” she begged. “We don’t mean you any harm.”

The human looked at her, and after a moment of consideration said, “I know _you two_ don’t, but _she_ does.” He motioned toward Undyne. “And if she doesn’t want anyone getting hurt, she’ll take me to the barrier, safe and sound,” he said, turning to meet Undyne’s glare.

In that moment, Sans realized that Papyrus was not looking at Undyne or the human anymore. He was looking down the street. Sans made eye contact with the skeleton. He looked him with a highly concerned and confused expression, like he couldn’t quite get a grasp of the situation, but knew something bad was happening. Sans considered his options, looking for something to do to help his younger brother.

Sans realized he had no options, not while Mettaton was panicking like he was.

[come on, metta.] Sans thought, trying to pull the robot out of his mental spiral.

[pap needs us, you gotta pull yourself together.]

{I— I can’t. I can’t, I’m so sorry, I can’t.}

[jesus, at least give me the body, we gotta do _something_.] Mettaton only whimpered in response.

So Sans could only look back at his brother, wondering what expression was on his face. He hoped it was reassuring.

The human noticed Papyrus’s distraction. He followed the skeleton’s gaze down the street. Undyne glanced back, her expression unreadable as she quickly turned away from the robot. The human peered down the street at them, however, curiosity written across his face. Undyne took advantage of the kid’s distraction to leap at him, spear reforming as she sailed through the air. The kid’s attention snapped back to her and he took the only option open to him at the time.

He fired.

{ _No!_ }

[n o]

The gunshot was lost to Sans’ ears as he felt something pull on his SOUL, an insistent pull that squeezed at his very existence. He didn’t understand what was happening until he blinked and found himself looking at the side of the kid’s head. Something shifted inside him and hit the inside of his back with a muffled _clang_. The pain came a moment later, an explosion that sent Mettaton staggering backward. His left foot slipped and he fell into the skeleton he had just taken a bullet for.

“METTASANS?” Papyrus half caught, half dropped the sudden weight. Mettaton looked up, grimacing from the pain in his side. The human looked down at him in shock, stumbling backwards away from the suddenly appearing robot, his hand over a spot in his stomach that was pricked with quickly spreading blood. Undyne crashed into the cliff wall where he had just been, brandishing a spear in one hand. She rebounded and lunged at him, the human just barely dodging backwards and avoiding an official FIGHT. He turned and ran, fleeing into the forest. Undyne gave chase, disappearing into the trees, flashes of greenish light following her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you Monday


	29. [Diamonds} or In Which Mettaton And Sans Ponder The Meaning Of Legs, The Universe And Everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so fucking sorry.

Papyrus’s grip failed and Mettaton crashed to the ground, his vision swimming and side blossoming with pain. His left leg scraped against the ground and yet more pain began to flood from his foot. Or where his foot _should_ be, rather, as Mettaton dimly noted that most of it was no longer there. A few miscellaneous wires and bits of metal stuck out from the end of his leg, but there wasn’t much left. The bottom of his right foot tingled as well, but Mettaton figured he had bigger problems, like his lack of the other foot, whose stump was currently leaking coolant and sparking onto the snow.

Or the bullet that was still inside him. That was probably the most important.

“Where did you come from, Mettasans?” Ember asked, coming around from behind Papyrus. “How’d you get down here so fast?”

“I-I don’t know…” Mettaton said, truthfully. Sans sat in shocked silence.

[did you just teleport?]

{...Maybe?}

“ARE YOU OKAY?” Papyrus asked.

“Yeah, probably should have asked that first,” Ember muttered, helping to pull the robot into a sitting position.

“actually, I...i think i might be?” Mettaton said calmly.

“YOUR FOOT IS GONE. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?” Papyrus held onto Mettaton as he steadied himself.

“I don’t know, pap.” Ember looked up at him, concern across her face.

“How are you so calm right now?”

“Don’t know that either, ember.” Mettaton’s mind was clear for the first time since the human came out of the ruins. All of his previous hysteria was gone, replaced with simple acceptance and a level-headedness he’d never experienced before. He’d been shot again, but he didn’t care. All signs pointed to the conclusion he had teleported on his own as well, but he wanted to put the exploration of that discovery off for a while. Maybe the bullet had hit the part of his servers that dealt with emotion?

...No, those were in his upper chest. From where the dent in his back was, there was no way they had been damaged. So what was this feeling, this complete calm?

[adrenaline?]

{I don’t have adrenaline, Sans. I’m a robot.} Mettaton observed. He was relaxed, despite the pounding pain in his leg and back.

“Are you two okay?” he asked aloud, pulling his left leg up for examination.

“Yeah, of course we are,” Ember said.

“Good. that’s… good.” Mettaton looked at the open stump of wires. Remembering what Alphys did for his hand, Mettaton grabbed the extra metal and folded it over. It slid into the other end of the stump and tightened easily, creating a barrier between the wires and tubes in his foot and the snow. “you two need to go get dogsquad, okay?”

“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?” Papyrus sat back as Mettaton got to his feet. He tested out his stump leg and found he could balance on it quite well.

“I’m going after undyne.” The words came out of their own volition, surprising the part of Mettaton that was telling him he _should_ be freaking out right now. Something whirred and shifted in his head, and his HUD flashed in his right eye. Mettaton blinked and it was gone.

“What?!” Ember squeaked. “You can’t! You’re injured.”

“I’ll be fine,” Mettaton said, taking a careful step with his stump leg. With a little care, he found it was just as easy as walking on an actual foot. He strode confidently towards the forest. “just… just go get the dogs and go home, okay? And, like, tell everyone you see to stay out of the woods. or, uh. at least until undyne says it’s safe. Oh, and… and if you see my foot anywhere, could you pick it up for me?” Mettaton smiled to himself as he passed through the first trees.

{Sans, I feel... good.}

{I feel _really_ good right now.}

[are you okay?]

{Never been better.} Mettaton giggled a little, not paying attention to where he was walking. He managed to avoid the trees in his path easily, he stepped over roots and branches with similar ease.

{Have you ever noticed… just how _sparkly_ snow is?}

[uh, sure?]

{No, seriously.}

{Shit looks like… like… mirrors.}

[mirrors don’t… sparkle.]

{Oh?}

[yeah, they sort of… reflect light?]

[are you sure you’re okay?]

{Kinda disappointed about the mirror thing.}

{Like, I was sure mirrors sparkle.}

{They’ve got all those sides and shit that make rainbows.}

[...what?]

{Rainbows! The things with the colors and… colors.}

[what do you think a mirror is?]

{Fucking… clear little shits.}

{Shaped like… that.} Mettaton held his hands up and formed a diamond with his fingers.

[you mean diamonds?]

{Diamonds, mirrors, whatever.}

{Wait…}

{ _Where the_ fuck _is Undyne_?} Mettaton snapped his head around, peering through the trees. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a flash of teal light. A second flash followed, and Mettaton headed off in the direction they came from.

[mettaton, why don’t you go ahead and give me control of the body for a bit.]

{....no it’s fine. I’m fine.}

{Besides, you got that SOUL stuff or whatever.}

{I got this.}

[i don’t think—]

{Woah.}

[what?]

{My hands are stuck.}

[metta?]

{Look, Sans. My hands are stuck like this.} Mettaton held his hands up, fingers still holding the diamond shape.

[no they’re not, just relax your fingers.]

{I can’t man. They’re fucking stuck.}

{ _My hands are gonna be stuck like mirrors forever_.}

[mettaton, what is wrong with you?]

{My hands are stuck.} Mettaton was still examining his fingers while walking, heading straight for a large tree. He was completely focused on his hands, and not where he was going.

[oh, fuck, watch out!] Without looking up, Mettaton swerved fairly gracefully for not watching where he was going and missing a foot.

[what the hell are you doing buddy?]

{What? What did I miss?}

Sans couldn’t believe it. Mettaton was moving with easy grace and agility despite his injuries, yet thought his hands were stuck in a particular shape. Maybe teleporting _into_ a bullet wasn’t the greatest thing to have done. Had it damaged something? Was this damage permanent?

{Oh, hey look. My hands are fixed.}

[good for you, buddy.]

_What the hell is happening?_

{Sans, I don’t think you understand how _important_ this is.}

{How were we gonna do things with mirror hands?}

{I can’t be a _star_ with mirror hands.}

{You can’t play _pinball_ with mirror hands.}

{Alphys can’t fix mirror hands.}

{Should we tell her about the mirror hands, in case it happens again?}

{Maybe she can… like… do science with you and you can find a cure for mirror hands.}

{Patent that cure and sell it—}

{Oh hey look I found Undyne.}

She and the human were squared off in a fight in a small clearing. The surrounding trees were riddled with holes and glowing spears, and what little snow remained in the area had been thrown about and trampled. The human stood a little ways from the edge of the clearing, clutching a large wound on his side and gasping for breath. Undye was not without her own wounds, but she simply grit her teeth through the pain and flexed her grip on her energy spear.

The human fumbled with what looked to be a phone, which shook in his trembling grasp. A small blue cube appeared next to him, which then materialized into a donut. He shoved it into his mouth with shaking hands, effectively ending his turn, and slipped into a defensive position.

Undyne slammed her hand on the FIGHT button, calling up a spinning circle of spears— the same attack she had used in the hall, if Sans remembered correctly. The human slipped between the spears with relative ease, though one did manage to clip his shoulder. When Undyne’s turn finally ended, the human stopped and slumped against a tree, panting heavily. He called up another donut, and upon eating it the bloodstains on his shirt disappeared.

Mettaton stepped out into the clearing, immediately drawing the combatants’ attention. Sans felt them slip into the FIGHT as he took his place next to Undyne.

[what are you doing?]

[we had surprise on our side!]

{Uhhh… Trying to help Undyne, Sans?}

{Gotta follow the rules man.}

{Duuuuuh.} Mettaton said, waving at Undyne.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed.

“i’m here to help,” Mettaton said, holding his hand out towards their shared FIGHT button.

{Do you figure Undyne’s got any food on her?}

{I’m _really_ hungry.}

[you’re a robot, you don’t _get_ hungry.]

[pay attention to what you’re doing!] Undyne shook her head and hit the ACT.

“You need to go back. Stay with Pap and Ember. Go get the rest of the guard. Then report to Asgore. That’s _your_ job. You’re not front lines.” Undyne jabbed him with a finger.

“What do you mean?” Mettaton asked. Undyne’s nose crinkled.

{But I really want some…}

{French fries.}

{Yeah.}

{Those sound really good right now.}

“What do I mean? You’re last line of defense! Or did Asgore not explain that part to you when you agreed to be Judge?” Undyne pointed to the MERCY button. “Flee. Now.” Mettaton paused and considered his options. He looked at the human and smiled.

{Sans?}

{Wanna do your magic… thing?}

{Here, take the arms.} Mettaton let his arms go limp. Sans rushed into control and—

[woah.] Sans laughed a little as this wave of cool calm washed over him.

[this is funky.] He watched himself hit the FIGHT button, feeling slightly like a marionette. Undyne was yelling at them, but Sans didn’t hear what she was saying. The world was starting to swirl around him.

[what did she say?]

{I dunno. Sounds all... fuzzy.}

And then Sans realized they were face down in the snow.

[how did we get here?]

{Fuckin legs.}

[fucking legs?!]

{Legs.} Mettaton agreed. He lifted his head and looked up at Undyne. He couldn’t read her expression.

[why did the legs do this to us?]

{I dunno man. They’re fucking legs. I’m not legs.}

[what if…]

[what if your legs didn’t know they were legs.]

[so they stopped being legs.]

{But then how did they know to stop being legs?}

[shut up.] Undyne was reaching down to help them up—or, at least, Sans _thought_ that was what she was doing. He tried to pull his arm up and take her hand, but it wouldn’t respond. Before he could try again, her head snapped to the side and she backed away. A flash of blue distracted Sans, and a distant memory began to surface, rising through his murky consciousness.

[i feel…]

[i feel like i’m on ephenedine.]

{The fuck is Ephenendine?}

[it’s a drug.]

[for sur...]

[surg…]

[when you cut someone open and dig around and put things in and shit.]

[segways.]

[ _nailed it._ ]

{You had a segway?}

[oh yeah. when gaster and i did the SOUL thing.]

[one time, we gave undyne some when we did the thing with the red group.] Sans laughed.

[shoulda been there.]

[fuckin’ crazy.]

[and then we gave alphys a shit-ton when we—]

{I want a segway.}

{Not as much as I want fries though.}

[goddamn fries sound good right now.]

{I _told_ you.}

Before Sans could continue, a spear flew across the field, pulling him back to the present. The weapon lodged itself in a tree on the other side of the clearing, mere inches from where the human stood. Mettaton blinked as the human hurriedly stumbled to the side, clumsily dodging another volley of projectiles.

Undyne took the opportunity to charge at the human, a spear leveled at his chest. Startled, the human raised his weapon. The resulting gunshot overloaded Sans’s audio processors, which only added to the fog clouding his senses. Undyne’s charge slowed to a stagger, then to a shuffle, until her legs simply gave out from beneath her.

She hit the ground with a loud ‘thud’, her hands scrabbling at a blossoming wound on her chest. The human lowered his weapon, cast one last look at the robot in the snow, and began to stumble away into the cover of the trees. Sans paid him little attention, instead focusing on the wounded guardswoman before him.  

Just as suddenly as it had come, the drugged calm vanished. Sans’s senses cleared and the pain from his stomach and foot began to flare again. He shot up into a sitting position as Mettaton frantically took back control of his arms.

“undyne!” he called, scrambling to his feet and rushing over to her. She was barely holding her head up, one arm clamped around her chest where dust was starting to cascade from a bullet wound. She looked up at him with a grimace of pain.

“Some help you are!” She grunted as her head hit the ground. Mettaton knelt beside her but hesitated, hands hovering in the air.

{Fuck what do I do? What do I do?}

As they watched, the flow of dust began to staunch itself, the small, ragged wound began to close up as Undyne gulped in air. Her other superficial wounds began to close, and Sans realized what she was doing.

“Undyne, stop.” Sans broke into the voice processor. “you can’t do this.”

“I have to,” Undyne growled. “There’s a human I need to finish off.”

“You’re not going to find it in time. you’ll melt before you get close to it.”  Mettaton put his hands on her shoulder and pushed her back into the ground.

“It’s injured. It can’t go far,” Undyne said, struggling to get up.

“Even more reason for you not to risk this,” Sans snapped. Undyne looked up, but stopped fighting him. The wounds began to reappear, including the bullet wound that began to leak dust faster than before.

{Now we’re back to problem one, Sans.}

[put pressure on it.] Just as Mettaton went to follow instructions, Sans heard the distant barking of dogs. Mettaton pressed his hands to Undyne’s wound, causing her to grimace and arch her back. To her credit, she did not yell or scream in pain.

“over here!” Sans called out into the forest. Not ten seconds later did Dogaressa and Dogamy come bounding into the clearing. The two black-clad dogs ran up to their fallen commander. Dogaressa began to sniff around the wound as Dogamy turned to Mettasans.

“Papyrus and Ember said there was a human?” he asked.

“(And you two went to go fight it?)” His wife chimed in. Mettaton nodded.

“She’s shot. she needs a help _immediately_ ,” Sans said.

“Doggo can help.”

“(He’s not good with trees though.)” Mettaton looked down at Undyne. She had shut her eyes, drawing labored breaths. The dust was coming up through his fingers and he dare not press any harder.

{We can teleport her out of here.}

[she’s too injured. might not survive.]

“You two are faster than me,” Sans said. “take her. I’ll track the human down.”

{But we can’t fight it!}

[stick to the plan.]

{Undyne _was_ the plan!}

“Sir, we can’t let you do that.”

“(You’re not a guard member.)”

“He’s capable,” Undyne hissed. “Let him go.” The dogs looked at each other, then stood up on their hind legs. The dogs both grabbed an end and hefted Undyne off the ground. As they turned to go, Dogaressa cast Mettasans with one last glance.

“(Lesser and Greater dogs are on their way. They’ll be here soon.)” They started towards the edge of the clearing.

“Hey, rustbucket.” Undyne opened her eyes. “If you die, I’m going to kill you.” And with that, she and the dog couple disappeared into the trees. Mettaton turned around and looked to where the human and slunk off to. There was a particularly thick trail of blood that led away from the clearing. It soaked into the snow, and grew darker as the trail continued.

[well, at least we know where he went.]

{That’s the problem.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you Monday


	30. {Boy] or, I Have No Humorous Title For This One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \---------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: More Blood And Gore.

Grimly, Mettaton began to pick his way through the treeline. He found himself stumbling over roots and rocks and hitting his head on low-hanging branches, narrowly avoiding hitting trees dead on. His eyes were glued to the ever-darkening trail of blood soaking into the snow before him. The shallow footprints that accompanied it guided him through the maze-like forest, leading him deeper and deeper into the untamed wild. Part of him thought there should be bird calls, the sound of skittering squirrels, _something_ besides the crunch of snow beneath his feet and the gentle whirring of his machinery, but the forest was still. The snowfall above couldn’t penetrate the overgrown treetops, so there were no glittering flakes to dance across Mettaton’s vision or cover up the trail leading him to the human.

[are we just not gonna mention what happened back there?]

{Which part?} Mettaton grimaced as he scraped the top of his head against a cold, snow-covered branch, the snow falling onto his hair and shoulders.

[the part where we all sat down and had a tea party.] Sans drawled. Mettaton shook the snow off of himself.

[oh, and the part where _we were high_.] The trail was starting to grow erratic, the footprints starting to drag and slow.

{I don’t know what that was. That’s never happened before.}

{Frankly, Sans, I’m a little more concerned about the fact that we are currently on a direct course to the human.}

[no, let’s think about this.]

[you had a panic attack, then teleported.]

[reminding you of that, by the way. it might be a bit important that you can suddenly teleport.]

[also, you jumped into space already occupied by something a bit denser than air.]

[namely, a bullet traveling at 2,500 feet per second.]

[but if the bullet had damaged something, why did the feeling stop?]

[good reaction time, by the way.]

{Thanks.} Mettaton grumbled. The blood trail turned off to the right, curving around a particularly large tree. His footless leg slipped and skittered against the tree’s roots, forcing Mettaton to catch himself against the tree before continuing.

[hey buddy. you only lost a foot. pretty good for teleporting while still touching the ground.]

[not really supposed to do that.]

{Sorry I don’t know the finer points of teleportation!}

{Now can we get back to the matter at hand?}

{You’re the one who volunteered to go traipsing through the forest after the human.}

[don’t you think this is important?] Mettaton sighed, warm synthesized breath turning to steam in the cold air.

{Yeah, _obviously_ it’s important. But I think the human’s a tad more pressing at the moment.}

[we got time before we find it.]

[are you _sure_ that had never happened before?] Mettaton thought for a moment.

{Yeah, I’m sure. The closest thing I can think of is whenever Alphys had to do tune ups to one limb and she’d disconnect it from my servers.}

{She could manipulate it from her laptop, but she’d leave it attached to my body. It’d feel weird.}

[weird how?]

{Weird! I don’t know. Like she was puppeting me or something.}

{That’s the best description I can—}

Mettaton stopped. There was a large, red puddle in the snow, as if the human had fallen over and bled in one spot for a while. The gun lay, half-covered in snow and blood, by the hole. The kid’s hat was tossed haphazardly into a snowbank, the brim spattered with blood.The shuffling footprints stopped, giving way to a trail that looked like the human had started crawling, then dragging himself across the snow. The blood was thicker and darker than ever, winding along with the drag marks in the snow. Mettaton let his eyes travel up the trail a bit.

{Sans.}

[what?]

{Look.}

The trail stopped at the base of a large tree where the human sat, leaned up against the imposing trunk. He was plastered in half-melted red snow, his right side drenched in blood up to his neck. The hole in his stomach bled against his hand as he took in small, shallow gasps. Then Mettaton realized the boy was looking at him, almost expectantly. He met the boy’s stare, looking in the eyes of a child who knew he was dying.

“Here to finish me off?” the boy asked, a small trail of blood leaking from his lips. Mettaton took a step forward.

“No,” he said, the truth compelling itself out of him. “i can’t.” The human narrowed his eyes.

“But you’re not here to help either.”

“No,” Mettaton whispered, unable to bring his voice above a murmur. The human heard him anyway, shutting his eyes and leaning his head against the tree.

“Just came to watch me die? Collect my SOUL when I’m gone?” He tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. “Can’t even let me think she was wrong, huh.”

“she?” Mettaton asked, hoarsely. The boy turned his head away from him. Silence descended upon them, the boy’s ragged breathing the only sound in the forest. Mettaton took a step forward. The crunch of the snow brought the boy’s head back around, his eyes barely open.

“What are you?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

The boy swallowed. “You have two sets of stats in one,” he said. “I can see it. You’ve got two names in one. Two SOULs in one. And… you’re also… me? I don’t understand.” His words were breathy and weak, drops of blood splattering the snow as he spoke.

“it’s a long story kid.”

The boy chuckled. “I don’t think I have the time to hear it.”

Mettaton looked down at the boy’s wound. The hand the boy had pressed to it was coated in blood, the weak pressure doing nothing to staunch the flow. “I’m all out of food,” he said, “and Undyne skewered me pretty good.”

Mettaton hesitated. The boy who had haunted him for so long was dying in front of him. Papyrus was safe, and the threat was neutralized. The human couldn’t even lift his gun if he had it in his hand. Mettaton _should_ be celebrating, but he wasn’t. He felt… empty. He disconnected, pulling in on himself. Sans slid into control as Mettaton slid out of the visual processors, unable to watch.

“What’s your name, kid?” Sans asked, approaching the dying child. The boy’s eyes widened and followed Sans as he crouched down next to him.

“Garrett,” the boy said. “Garrett Caiola.”

“i’m sorry, Garrett,” Sans said, looking Garrett’s eyes. “this isn’t about you. You just got… unlucky.” Garrett looked back at him, shock in his eyes. “we want to be free, kid. You gotta understand that,” Sans muttered. Garrett looked down at the hole in his stomach. His bloodied hand clenched in the pool of blood on his shirt. When he looked back up at Sans, there were tears burgeoning in his eyes.

“I don’t wanna die,” he whispered, lips trembling. Sans frowned. He sat down and reached out to the child. He pulled Garrett into his arms, leaning the bleeding boy’s head on his shoulder.

“no one does, kid,” he said, murmuring into the kid’s hair. The memory of being shot in the soundstage came back again, but instead of bringing panic, Mettaton only felt empathy. He peeked out, watching Sans hold the dying child in his arms.

“I’m only fourteen,” the kid whimpered. “I never got to kiss a girl or drive a car. I wanted to be a lawyer, like my dad.” He gasped. “My family… they’re not gonna know what happened to me. I’m going to be like one of those missing children’s cases Dad talks about sometimes. Another kid they’re never gonna find because I’m going to die in this cave full of monsters.”

“Tell me about them.”

“What?” Garrett asked, tears and pain muddling his words.

“your family. Tell me about them.”

Garrett hesitated. “Dad’s... a prosecutor. He takes the criminals the police catch and puts them in jail. He’s so brave, he faces really bad people down in court and puts them away. Mom...mom makes the best chocolate chip cookies and sings when my sister dances. I… I didn’t tell them I loved them when I left. I just wanted to go shoot some birds on the mountain with Nonno’s gun.” Sans could feel the kid’s blood run over his legs. He shifted and Garrett gasped in pain. “It hurts so much,” he whispered. “I don’t know how I managed to walk so far.”

{Is there anything we can do for him?}

[unless you wanna go convince someone to give him food or a healing—]

{No, not like that.}

[oh.]

[i don’t think we can kill him without risking our own death.]

Mettaton hesitated, then reached out for control. Sans slid out of the way and Mettaton tightened the hug. Part of him wanted little Garrett to live, the other part wanted to end the boy’s misery. He knew he couldn’t do either.

“i’m sorry.”

The boy grimaced. “I’m so fucking scared to die,” he said. “Momma says god’s waiting with Nonno, but I don’t know if I believe her and I’m scared.”

“Everything’s okay, garrett. You’ll be okay,” Mettaton said, his own tears starting to come. Garrett threw his hand against Mettaton’s chest. The robot pulled back his head and looked down at the boy.

“Don’t lie to me,” Garrett gasped. “I’m going to die trapped in a cave with monsters I used to have nightmares about so don’t fucking lie to me.”

“i didn’t,” Mettaton said. Then he had an idea. He scooped Garrett into his arms and stood. Garrett’s head rested against his shoulder, his legs draped over Mettaton’s other arm. Carefully, Mettaton started to pick his way through the trees, moving slowly and shuffling so as not to jostle the dying boy in his arms.

“Where are we going?” The boy asked, blood dribbling from his chin and onto Mettaton’s chest.

“you’ll see.” Mettaton held the boy as still as possible. As they traveled through the forest, blood dripped from the boy’s back and onto the snow. Mettaton heard the distant barking of dogs but did not call out to them. It wasn’t too long before they found a clearing, Mettaton and Papyrus’s clearing. Mettaton looked up and sent a silent prayer of thanks that the snow clouds had broken above them. He looked down. Garrett’s eyes were shut, his face worryingly pale.

“Garrett.” He nudged the boy’s head slightly. “look up.” The boy opened his eyes weakly, then gasped.

“Stars?” he asked, voice quieter and weaker than it had ever been.

“Yeah, stars.” Mettaton sat down and situated Garrett so he was still being held with one arm and could see the cave ceiling. He held his free arm up and pointed. “do you see that bright blue-ish one there? If you trace to the right, you can make a squiggly line of stars. that’s The Spaghetti Noodle.”

“Spaghetti Noodle?”

“yeah, my boyfriend named that one. At the end of the Noodle is that purple one? if you connect it with the four beneath it—the ones that make the square?—that’s The Pot And Ladle. the Noodle goes into the Pot and the Ladle stirs it to make spaghetti, you see. my boyfriend named that one too.” Mettaton searched the sky for a moment, then pointed out another ‘star.’

“And there, that’s the nose of The Smiling Monster. he’s upside down from this view, but he’s smiling, see?”

“Y… Yeah, I can see it.” Garrett whispered.

“And there! those are The Dancers,” Mettaton said, “right by The Smiling Monster. he’s watching them dance. They’re the greatest dancers in the sky. they win every dance competition there is. All the other constellations don’t stand a chance. and over there by the tree is The Moderate Dog. Two of my boyfriend’s coworkers had a brother named moderate Dog but he fell down one day so we put him in the stars. just above him is Juni. it’s not really a shape, more just the one star, but we put her up there too because—” A faint yellow glow appeared in the bottom of Mettaton’s vision, but he continued “because she was a good director and she didn’t deserve what happened to her.” He paused. Mettaton scanned the stars, ignoring the insistent light just beneath his eyeline. He had to find something. One last constellation.

After a minute of searching, he found it. An L-shaped formation of stars, yet unnamed. The star at end of the longest side glowed a bright blue.

“And there… that’s The Human’s Gun.” Mettaton named the final constellation for the boy in his arms. “the bright star on the end? That’s Garrett Caiola. he didn’t deserve what happened to him either.” Finally, Mettaton tore his eyes away from the star, and looked down at the broken, dead child in his arms, his yellow SOUL floating just above his chest. Carefully, so as not to touch the SOUL, Mettaton reached over and closed Garrett’s eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn’t cry, not yet.

Holding Garrett’s body out from his chest, Mettaton stood cautiously. Absorbing the SOUL now wouldn’t be good. Mettaton slowly made his way back to the main road, following the path he knew by heart. The yellow SOUL cast light on both his and the boy’s faces and bodies, making Garrett’s blood appear orange, as if he had simply spilled juice on himself.

Eventually, Mettaton emerged out of the woods. The road was empty. He began the long trek back to town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you Monday


	31. {Fallout] or, Everything Is Beautiful And Nothing Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chekhov's guns firing into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 300 kudos just in time for this.
> 
> Thank you to everyone.
> 
> You are the best.

Snowdin Town was swarming with guardsmen; Monsters of all shapes and sizes and dressed in black armor were stationed at each entrance, patrolling, or escorting civilians into their homes. Dogamy and Dogaressa were on watch at the entrance Mettasans approached from. Dogaressa sniffed the air as Mettasans drew near, springing into a standing position.

“(Robot!)”

Her husband snapped his head around.

“He has the human!” he exclaimed, drawing the attention of the rest of the guard. The bustling group grew quiet as each individual registered the dead human in Mettasans’ arms. Undyne pushed Doggo away from her and staggered out into the open street. The worst of her injuries were gone, only the small scrapes and bruises were left. They approached each other without a word. Mettasans looked down at her, expression hard and unreadable.

“Canister?” she called out. One of the guards ran up and handed her the SOUL canister. She scooped the SOUL up with one smooth motion and closed the lid. Undyne handed the SOUL back to the guard member, who ran off again. “Good job, Metta. Almost didn’t think you had it in you.” She smiled up at him and turned to go.

“Take him.” Undyne stopped and turned to look at him. “i don’t want to carry his body anymore.” Mettasans flexed his fingers against the human’s body. Undyne turned and motioned to 01, who came up and motioned for Mettasans to give the body to him. Mettasans hesitated, looking down at the dead boy’s face one last time before handing him over. 01 took the boy and threw him over one shoulder, head dangling down 01’s back.

“ _No_ ,” Mettasans said, “carry him with respect.” 01 shot him a confused look, then pulled the boy back into both arms, as Mettasans had carried him. Undyne looked up at him, suspicion flashing across her face before settling down again.

“Pap’s got your foot, by the way. And Grillby wants a word.” She jerked her thumb toward the bar. Mettasans nodded his thanks, and limped down main street to the restaurant under the curious gazes of the guard and Snowdin residents alike. He did not look at any of them.

Grillby’s was empty except for the family that owned it, who sat gathered around one of their tables. Grillby and Ember cast orange and green light on the walls, creating an eerie yellow-brown. When Mettasans entered, all three heads snapped up. Papyrus rose from his seat as the door swung shut.

“METTA! YOU’RE BACK! ARE YOU—” He stopped short, eyes widening. “ _WHAT_ ARE YOU COVERED IN?” Mettasans glanced down at himself.

“Paint,” he said after a moment of silence. The word fell like a brick in the quiet. He looked back up to see how well his lie worked. Grillby was looking at him, expression unreadable as ever, but the two siblings were confused.

“How did you get paint on yourself?” Ember asked.

“i’ll tell you later. Can I have my foot? i need to go see Alphys.” Mettasans was quiet; even his hands, which normally spoke in gestures, were still. Papyrus grabbed the severed foot from the table and handed it over. Mettasans nodded his thanks.

“THE HUMAN?” Papyrus asked. Mettasans clutched his foot.

“captured. Undyne’s got him,” he said hoarsely. “he’s halfway to Asgore by now.”

“OH. WELL. ALL’S WELL THAT END’S WELL, I GUESS.” Mettasans looked at him like he had something else to say, but turned to go.

“Wait.” Grillby’s quiet, smooth voice boomed in the still restaurant. Mettasans stopped, but did not turn around. “Ember, Papyrus. Go back and get changed into uniform. We’re opening when Undyne calls all clear.” The two siblings looked at one another, hesitating. “Now.” Grillby waited until the kitchen door latched and he heard them walk away from the door before coming up behind Mettasans.

“Cold water is best for bloodstains. Soap and water. Warm water will set them, so be careful. I don’t know about machinery, but that’ll fix your clothes.”

“thanks for the advice, Grillby,” Mettasans mumbled.

“No, thank _you_ ,” the fireman said. “I saw how Undyne came in. Papyrus or Ember might not have survived that. You saved my children.” Mettasans hesitated, then turned to look at him.

“make sure they don’t see the body, okay?” he said. “They don’t need to see that.”

Grillby nodded. “You should talk to someone. I had too many friends from the war that did not. Not many are still around.”

“okay, Grillby. i will,” Mettasans said.

“My bar is always open to you.” Grillby put a flaming hand on Mettasans’ shoulder. Mettasans looked at it, transfixed for a moment.

“Thank you,” Mettasans said.

“Go see Alphys. You were shot, after all,” Grillby said.

“yeah. Tell pap and Ember i said goodbye.” Mettasans turned around and left the bar, walked up to the ferry, and rode back to Alphys’ lab in silence.

\--------------

Alphys was waiting outside her lab for them. Mettaton waved at her, then handed her the severed foot without a word and walked into the lab, Alphys trailing behind. Mettaton slipped a bit on the tile floor, but he regained his balance and slowly limped to the elevator.

“W-What’s with you and l-left appendages, h-huh?” Alphys smiled weakly. The joke was lost on Mettaton as the elevator doors slid open and he entered the carriage. Alphys walked in with him. As the doors shut and the elevator began its slow, shuddering descent, Alphys spoke again: “You o-okay?”

Mettaton didn’t respond, simply stared at the metal doors. Alphys fidgeted, drumming her claws against the foot she held. She cleared her throat and looked up at him.

“U-Undyne called and told me what you— what happened. D-Do you want to, uh, t-talk about it?” Alphys asked.

Mettaton sighed. “a child died in my arms not thirty minutes ago, Alphys. no, I do not want to talk about it. not yet.”

“D-does Sans—”

“No.” Silence descended upon the carriage. Alphys studied the severed foot, poking around the opening and trying to peer into it to see the extent of the damage. Eventually the elevator shuddered to a stop and the doors slid open. Mettaton made his way through the lower lab to the single working sink. He turned on the tap and let it run while he searched for something to clean with.

“Do we have soap?” Mettaton asked.

“U-under the sink,” Alphys supplied. Mettaton retrieved a bar of soap and felt the water. Figuring it was cool enough, he ran his hands underneath it and watched Garrett’s blood run down the drain. He found he had to scrub at some of it, some of the blood having congealed or gotten stuck in his joints. Soap didn’t seem to be helping, and no matter how much Mettaton worked some of it just wouldn’t come _off._ In a fit of frustration, he hit the countertop. He shut his eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths. He could feel Alphys’ gaze boring into his back. Mettaton wanted her to go away. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to clean this damn blood off his hands and forget this ever happened.

When he opened his eyes he found that he was crying. Silently, Mettaton cursed Alphys for giving him functioning tear ducts. What kind of robot needs to cry? He wiped at his eyes and bit his lip, trying to will himself to stop. Then two little arms snaked around his waist. Alphys pressed herself into his side, foot forgotten on the floor behind her. Mettaton turned, knelt, and returned the hug, pulling her as close as he could.

“he was fourteen, Alphys. _fourteen._ ” Mettaton gasped. “Younger than ember and Tav.”

“I k-know,” Alphys said. She squeezed him tightly, despite not being able to reach all the way around him. They stayed like that for several minutes, the running sink was the only sound.

Eventually, Mettaton pulled away. “thank you Alphys. i’ve really got to clean up.”

“O-Of course.” She let her arms drop, and took a step back. Mettaton stood back up to the sink.

“Could you maybe leave me alone for few minutes?” Mettaton asked, quietly.

“Y-Yeah. Come find me when you’re r-ready. I still have to fix your foot.”

\-----------

A half an hour later, Mettaton found Alphys in the upper lab watching anime, his severed foot left ignored on her desk. He crossed his arms.

“i thought you said you were going to fix my foot?” he teased. Alphys spun around and hopped off her chair. She waddled over, picked up the foot and motioned to the desk chair.

“It d-doesn’t really need _fixed_ , p-per se, everything was b-broken cleanly off. I j-just have to re-attach it,” Alphys explained, and arranged the collection of tools on her desk. “W-where’s your hoodie?” she asked. Mettaton sat down on the desk chair and propped his stump leg on the desk.

“Soaking. remind me to get it before too long,” he said. Alphys opened the metal end of his leg and watched as the collected coolant poured out of the opening. She jerked her hands back, then wiped the blue fluid onto her lab coat.

“G-great. Gotta clean that up now.” She said, looking forlornly at the damped papers on the desk. “You’re n-not in danger of overheating, are you?”

Mettaton glanced through his HUD. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“Good,” she said, gathering the ruined papers and setting them aside. “I’d hate for you t-to have made it through all that and overheat.”

“sorry about the papers.”

“They w-weren’t all that important,” she said, finally starting to reattach the foot. It didn’t take very long, and soon Mettaton was standing on his own two feet again. Alphys picked at the coolant stains on her lab coat.

“You have some on your hands too.” Mettaton observed. Alphys looked at her claws.

“Y-Yeah. It’ll come right off with a, a wash,” she said, idly scratching some of the excess off.

“i wouldn’t want you to have blue hands forever.”

Alphys smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “B-Better than having mirrors hands forever.”

Mettaton didn’t get it for a moment, but then it clicked and he snickered. “What even happened? it wasn’t even a mirror, it was diamonds. _Diamonds_.”

Alphys snorted in laughter. Mettaton laughed with her, finally starting to lose it as he remembered falling face-down in the snow and blaming his legs.

{We’re going to have to apologize to Undyne about that.}

{I have no idea how we’re going to explain it, but—}

[mettaton?]

[how does alphys know about mirror hands?] Mettaton’s laughter faltered.

{We must have told her.} He rationalized.

[i don’t think we did.] The more Mettaton thought about it, he began to realize he _hadn’t_ told Alphys anything about mirror hands or about the fight at all. He stopped laughing. Alphys was still giggling as he looked up and asked:

“how do you know about mirror hands?”

Alphys’s giggles died. “Y-You, uh, you t-told me.”

“No i didn’t. Sans didn’t either.”

“T-Then Undyne d-did.” She took a hesitant step back, eyes widening slowly.

“undyne doesn’t know either.” Mettaton said, his eyes narrowing as the lizard began to fidget with a button on her coat.

“W-Well uh…” Alphys glanced around the lab quickly. “I… the um… monitor! The r-really b-big one we d-didn’t know what it did? It’s h-hooked up t-to a-all these c-cameras across th-the Underground. I-I h-heard you t-talking ab-bout it.”

“We weren’t talking aloud. i know what it feels like to talk aloud or in my head and that conversation was in my head.” Mettaton clenched his fists. “How do you know about mirror hands, alphys?”

Alphys hit the other wall of the lab and started to hyperventilate. “L-Lucky g-guess?” she said, voice high-pitched and small.

“ _Alphys._ ” Mettaton took a step forward. Despite there still being a very large gap between them, Alphys flinched.

“I-I...um…”

“ _alphys!_ ” Mettaton snapped. “ _Tell me_.”

Alphys squeaked, shut her eyes and threw her hands over her head.

“T-There’s an external a-access-point in your p-processors that I-I-I c-can access and, and, and—” Alphys began to hyperventilate in earnest, short gasps covering her words.

“there’s a _what_?” Mettaton asked.

“I-It w-was s-supposed t-to only be a k-killswitch—”

“ _What?!_ ”

“J-Just to turn you off i-in c-case you g-glitched out o-or b-blew up a-at each other a-again and U-Undyne w-wanted it and, and I-I-I d-didn’t w-want t-to put it in b-but then y-you asked f-for w-weapons a-and I c-couldn’t j-justify n-not h-having it a-anymore s-so I-I-I installed it when y-you w-were asleep once.” Tears began to stream down the dinosaur’s face. “T-Then I-I-I w-was watching t-the s-snowball f-fight and s-saw the h-human and y-you st-started to f-freak out s-so I-I-I…”

“you what, Alphys?”

“I-I-I b-broke d-down the f-firewalls in y-you through the k-killswitch and, and, I p-piloted y-you a b-bit j-just to g-get you m-moving b-but then y-you g-got all l-loopy, s-so I k-kept going but U-undyne g-got sh-shot b-because I-I d-distracted h-her and I f-freaked o-out and s-shut the p-programs d-down.” Alphys slid down the wall and curled into a little ball, hands over her head. “I’m so s-sorry I th-thought I-I w-was d-doing g-good. Y-you h-have every r-right to b-be mad at me.”

Oh, Mettaton was angry. Mettaton was _furious_. He knew that he had made Alphys promise not to do something like this without his permission in the first timeline. How _dare_ she screw with his head. How _dare_ she puppet him around like a _toy_.

[maybe this isn’t the best time to say this, but…]

{ _What, Sans?_ }

[if she’s telling the truth, she saved papryus and ember’s lives.]

{ _She did no_ —}

[you were having a major traumatic flashback there.]

[if she hadn’t forced your hand, we wouldn’t have stopped that bullet.]

How _fucking dare_ Sans be right.

{So you’re okay with what she did?}

[i didn’t say that.]

[i’m fucking pissed.]

[but grateful too.]

Mettaton let out a pent up breath, turned away from the sobbing woman on the floor and ran his hand through his hair. A couple of deep breaths later, Mettaton looked at her through the corner of his eye. Alphys was shaking, crying into her knees on the floor and gasping for breath. He finally recognized the panic attack for what it was. Slowly, Mettaton crossed the lab and knelt down beside her.

“alphys?” he asked, quietly. She tensed up, leaning away from him. “Is there anything i can do for you?”

Alphys whimpered, and clutched at her head tighter.

“Okay, alphys, breathe.” Mettaton said. “in for two, out for two. With me, okay?” Mettaton repeated Juni’s instructions that she’d given him after The Daycare Incident. Alphys followed his breathing pattern, taking longer and longer breaths. Slowly, she began to relax. Eventually she choked out:

“I-I’m s-sorry.”

“i know.”

Alphys rubbed her eyes, wiping away the remaining tears. Holding her hands to her chest, she looked up at him.

“A-Are y-you m-mad?”

Mettaton sighed.

“Yes, alphys. We’re both pretty angry. neither of us want to forgive you either.” Mettaton said. Alphys winced and looked down at her knees. He continued: “we’re probably going to be mad for a while. But… thank you.” She looked up at him in shock.

“W-What?”

“that’s from Grillby. you helped save his kids, after all.” Mettaton smiled. Alphys smiled back weakly. “You okay now?”

Alphys took one last shuddering breath and nodded. Mettaton stood up. “i’ve got to go get my hoodie,” he said, walking toward the elevator.  He waved at her as the lift doors shut. She waved back, and disappeared behind the sliding metal.

Mettaton waited until the elevator had started its downward descent before turning his waving hand into a fist and punching the elevator wall.

[i get it buddy.]

\--------------

Clutching the SOUL canister in one paw, Asgore watched Undyne and her guardsmen leave. The human’s body was already downstairs in a pre-prepared coffin. Sans had killed the poor child. Now the sixth SOUL was Asgore’s to control. One more step to freedom gained.

He felt sick.

He wondered if Sans did, too.

\------------

_“carry him with respect,_ ” Mettasans had said.

And Undyne had, holding the dead enemy in her arms like a precious gift. Now, hours later, she couldn’t figure out why. There had been something in Mettasans’ expression that had followed her around all day. Haunted her. All she knew was that the robot she’d despised and feared had saved her life. She would have melted without him there to talk her down. _God_ , she couldn’t fathom what was going through his head at any time, let alone facing down a human all alone. His last words to her echoed in her head:

“ _carry him with respect_.”

\------------

Papyrus and Ember hadn’t shared a room in years; they were much too old, now. But something about that day’s events had shaken the two of them, and now Ember was asleep on the floor by Papyrus’ bed, his hand dangling off the edge where it had held his sister’s before going limp in sleep. The dimmed green light Ember emitted was only bright enough to act as a nightlight, something that had been a necessity for Papyrus when he first moved in.

Grillby watched his children sleep, each one of their breaths was another prayer of thanks Grillby sent to the night sky.

\-----------

Alphys didn’t sleep that night.

\-----------

Mettaton and Sans did, more than grateful they were unable to dream.

\-----------

A woman behind an old purple door tossed down her book, unable to concentrate. She hoped Garrett had made it, and if he hadn’t yet, it was because he simply had to walk very slowly.

 

Part 4 Complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing Is Beautiful And Everything Hurts.
> 
> Part Four, _The Sixth Human_ , is complete.
> 
> See you Monday


	32. {Auditions], or The Rise And Fall Of Purrington Jones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A modern tragedy of pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part Five: _The Next Five Years_

—Three weeks later—

“And that’s it for tonight folks! tune in tomorrow for more _drama_! More _thrills_! more _Mettasans,_ here on this channel, and every channel. goodnight, beauties!”

The buzzer sounded, the “on air” light dimmed, and Mettaton rose from his chair to the sound of applause. He smiled out at the crew and tipped his body in an extravagant bow. Another night, another Nightly News At Nine in the can. Mettaton’s PA, one of the Ren sisters, slithered up to him. Mettaton slipped out of his news jacket and handed it to her. She was careful not to get her natural oils on it as she folded it in her arms. She passed him his hoodie and he threw it on.

“There’s a few girls outside wanting your autograph,” she said, her voice naturally melodic. “Should I shoo them away?”

“Is it catty and Bratty again?” he asked.

“Yeah, and two others.” She looked at some smudged writing on her hand. “Ember and Tav. Said they were friends of yours?”

Mettaton broke out into a wide smile. “ember and Tav are here? bring them in!”

“Yes sir!” She slithered off in the direction of the front door, where fans liked to wait. Eight months in and Mettaton was already the star he used to be. MTS Studios was raking in the dough, and Juni and Mettaton were poking around the real estate market, looking for open land. The warehouse was starting to get a little small, even with the expanded food court. Mettaton knew what land they’d eventually buy, but he liked spending the time looking with Juni.

The little hairwoman came shuffling up beside Mettaton now, holding a _very_ large pile of papers.

“Metta, these are the applications.” She held them out to him, hair trailing from her arms.

“What applications?” They kept walking, making their way back towards Mettaton’s dressing room.

“The applications for _Law and Idol_. Auditions are tomorrow,” she said.

“i’ll read them _tomorrow_ ,” he said, stopping by the remains of the catering table. Grillby’s take-out had become fairly popular, and Mettaton was glad to see a handful of fries left over. He scooped them up and began to slowly chew on one.

“You’ll read them _tonight_ ,” Juni said, shoving the stack into his stomach. “You’ve been avoiding this for a month now.”

“I’ve been busy!” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “i haven’t had time to sit down and read, what, two hundred applications?”

“One hundred and twenty,” she said, staring him down. Mettaton sighed, shoved the other fries into his mouth and took the papers.

“I'll get it done, promise,” he said, juggling the applications into one arm.

“The first audition is at eight. Be there. _On time_ ,” she said, jabbing a finger into his gut. “No ‘fashionably late entrance’ or any similar stunt.”

“what do you think I am, an amateur?” Mettaton asked through his mouthful of fries. The withering look Juni gave him said it all. “oh, you love me,” he said, turning to leave.

“ _Love_ is a pretty strong word,” Juni teased. Mettaton stuck his tongue out at her over his shoulder as he walked away. She replied in kind, holding the pose until the two broke out into giggles.

“See you at nine!” he called out.

“ _Eight!_ ” Juni waved her goodbye and disappeared into the crew. Halfway to his dressing room, Mettaton ran back into his PA.

“Your friends are in your dressing room, sir,” she chirped.

“thanks, Sai. you can go home, you're done for the day.” Mettaton said. Sairen’s face lit up and she slithered away, pulling out her phone as she left. “Say hi to shy for me, would you?” She waved her acknowledgment and disappeared. Mettaton spat the wad of chewed fries into his napkin and tossed in the bin outside his dressing room. He still didn't have a functioning stomach, or even really the ability to swallow. He could taste things though, Alphys had followed through on _that_.

Mettaton pushed open the door with a flourish. Ember and Tav were examining his vanity and the numerous cosmetics and products that covered every surface.

“Well, _hello_ ladies!” Mettaton called, shutting the door behind him with his foot. “welcome to my room, make yourselves comfortable.” The two teenagers looked up at him. Tav hastily shoved something in the pocket of her ripped up jeans. She frowned at him.

“That sounds a little creepy coming from an older man.” Tav said. “We are underage…”

“You're the ones breaking into _my_ room. i am only nine months old, after all.” Mettaton brushed past the teenagers to get to his vanity.

“Oh, please.” Tav rolled her eyes.

“I know, i know. I only look six. i don't believe it myself.” Mettaton sat down before his mirror, starting to brush out his hair to break up the hairspray.

“Pap told me you used to be a ghost, and you're way older than nine months.” Ember said.

“Don't you know it's rude to bring up someone’s age, ember? So, what can i do for you two, hmm?” Mettaton watched the teenagers through the mirror. Tav looked at Ember, who nodded in Mettaton’s direction. Tav frowned and Ember rolled her eyes.

“We wanted to see how you were.” Ember said, meeting Mettaton’s eyes in the mirror. He smiled at her.

“I'm just fine, thanks for asking, honey,” Mettaton said, running his hand through his hair and tossing it between his fingers. “how are you?”

“Just f—” The rest of Ember’s answer was lost in the loud chimes, bells and whistles of Sans’s pinball game. Mettaton flinched as the cacophony of sounds overrode everything else in his head.

[sorry] Sans shouted over the noise.

[new high score] He explained.

{Shut it off, would you?} The din continued for a few more seconds, Mettaton struggling to keep a neutral expression. Ember was saying something, but he couldn't hear it. Sans finally managed to turn off the noise.

[that was louder than normal.]

{Yeah, no shit.}

{What score do you have?}

[...]

[870,344,523,290.]

[i’m a little ashamed, frankly.]

[but doubly proud.]

[help i think i’m addicted.]

{I'll check you into rehab later. Ember and Tav are talking to us.}

[oh, hey. didn't notice they were here.]

“...but you'd know all that if you actually came out to Snowdin every once in awhile,” Tav drawled. Ember shot her a look. “It's true.”

Ember sighed. “Well...you haven't been out in three weeks. You used to come out every Sunday.” She said, tension in her voice.

“As i was just telling Juni, i’ve had a lot on my plate.” Mettaton shrugged, starting to wipe away his stage makeup. “I'll be out soon, promise.”

“Pap’s a little worried about you, you know,” Ember said. Tav let out a little bark of laughter.

“A little? He—” Tav cut off as Ember put a hand on her shoulder.

“Papyrus says you haven't been answering his texts,” Ember said. Mettaton shot up an eyebrow.

“he’s been texting?” He asked, knowing full well both the number, the contents of each and every message, and how worried—sometimes desperate—those messages sounded.

“Yes, nearly every day.” Ember chided. “He hasn't seen you since the human fell and he's worried.”

“Tell him I'm just fine, there's nothing to worry about.”

“And Alphys? She's okay too?”

“we’re both _just fine_.” Mettaton decided he didn't like the way this conversation was headed. “Hey, i've got quite a bit of battery left. You two wanna head down to the capital? I found this great little vintage store, you'll love it i promise.”

“Alphys hasn't been picking up her phone either,” Ember pressed.

“Talk to her about it. now this little place—”

“Undyne did and told us Alphys is a _wreck_ ,” Ember continued

“I'm sure it's not that bad. undyne likes to exaggerate,” Mettaton said, barely managing to keep his casual tone.

“You wouldn't know, you haven't spoken to her in three weeks,” Tav added, voice hard.

“So?”

“ _So_ Alphys is upset because you two got into an argument and she blames herself.”

_Good._ The petty, angry part of Mettaton said. However, he kept his plastered on smile and stood up from his vanity. He turned around and looked at the two.

“if, _if,_ Alphys and i are having an argument, it is none of your business,” he said simply, trying to end the conversation.

“When my brother is upset, it is!” Ember insisted, hands clenching. “Both you _and_ Alphys are our friends. He just wants—”

“What papyrus wants doesn't matter. he has nothing to do with this,” Mettaton snapped. “Now, i have one hundred and twenty applications to read by tomorrow. Have a good night, you two.” Mettaton stalked out of his dressing room, slamming the door and leaving the two teenagers behind. He spotted one of the security guards, a Knight Knight snoozing against the wall. Mettaton woke her up and told her to escort Ember and Tav out of the studio, but to let Tav keep whatever she’s inevitably stolen. Mettaton left out the staff door, taking the back route back to their apartment.

[real fucking smooth.]

{Shut up.}

\-------------------

“Real fucking smooth,” Tav drawled as the Knight Knight dropped her and her girlfriend out the front door.

“Shut up,” Ember muttered. “You were the one who wanted to talk to him.”

“Nah, I just wanted something from his dressing room.” Tav pulled out the various small trinkets she had taken from her pockets. “I bet these’ll sell for some major gold.”

\--------------

The next morning, Mettaton returned to the studio at eight o’clock. It was quiet, and Juni was the only other living being there.

“where are the applicants?” he asked, plopping the stack of applications onto the table. The soundstage had been cleared out, except for the table and chairs Juni and Mettaton would watch the auditions from.

“Auditions don't start until nine,” Juni said, head in a newspaper, filling out a crossword.

“You said yesterday they were at eight.”

“I said that so you'd be here by nine. Didn't actually expect you to be here at eight.” Juni sipped at a coffee. Mettaton sat down with a huff.

“what are we gonna do for an hour?”

“We can talk about why you kicked two teenagers out of your dressing room last night,” Juni said, not looking up from her crossword. Mettaton rolled his eyes.

“It was ember and Tav.”

“So why’d you get them escorted out by security?”

“why is everyone so suddenly interested in my business?” Mettaton fired back. Juni shrugged.

“Did you get through all the applications?”

“Yeah,” Mettaton said, grateful for the topic change. “there's a few I like.”

“Here’s hoping they're half-decent actors.” Juni motioned with her coffee as if she was toasting. She took a long drink, then crushed the empty cup in her hand. She wound up and tossed it at the trash can across the room. Mettaton clapped as it landed perfectly in the can. Juni gave a small bow, and swept the applications towards herself. The two of them went through and marked the applications that they both found promising.

At nine, Juni sent Mettaton out to greet the applicants. The crowd of applicants was populated with a large variety of monsters, all with various levels of anxiety on their faces. Mettaton brought the first one back—a little mouse who wore a hard hat. He said he had to audition now, before his shift at The Core started.

As Mettaton lead him out afterwards, he really hoped the mouse hadn’t quit his day job yet. Juni and Mettaton started to alternate escorting the applicants in and out. As Juni left with a deer in a sweater vest, Mettaton scribbled little circles on the deer’s application. The abilities of those who had auditioned thus far had been abysmal at best.

[wow]

[no wonder you started playing all the roles yourself.]

{Everyone’s so enthusiastic, but—}

[they fucking suck.]

Mettaton looked up and smiled as the door opened and Juni lead in the next applicant. A young cat walked in, slicking a tuft of fur on his head back with a comb. He couldn't be more than 14, and wore a leather jacket and ripped up jeans. Juni lead him to where he needed to stand and sat down next to Mettaton.

{Oh no. _This_ kid.}

[jesus. if you remember him, he must be horrible.]

The cat shifted anxiously on his paws. He shuffled the sample script around in his hands and cleared his throat.

“Alright, Mr. Purrington. When you feel ready, you can start.”

{Just watch this.} Purrington shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and straightened his posture. He looked up at Mettasans and Juni, and his face began to _stretch_. His ears went straight up, his chin went down and his grin spread unbelievably large.

“ _Alright!”_ Purrington shouted. “ _Detective Briscot!”_ His voice was deep, and it echoed around the empty stage. Juni was taken aback by the sheer _volume_ of his delivery.

[that’s not three levels of terrifying, nope.]

“yes, Ban Vuren?” Mettaton read off his script.

“ _What don’t you understand about the guardsmen code?”_ As Purrington yelled, his face morphed into various shapes. As he settled into an exaggerated frown, Sans burst into laughter.

[isnt this scene supposed to be serious?]

[what the hell is he doing with his face?]

“i don't know what you mean,” Mettaton read.

“ _You're the one who’s gone and arrested a man without a royal decree or reading him his rights or any of the prerequisite forms filled out!”_ Purrington’s face just wouldn't calm down, and now his hands and arms got into it as well. He sawed the air with his hands, throwing elbows and swiping around his face. Sans’s laughter increased tenfold. Juni bit back a snort.

“He was a legitimate threat,” Mettaton said, fighting down the laughter in his voice. Purrington looked at him suspiciously, but went on with his performance. As the sample scene continued, the cat managed to get more over-the-top with every line. Whenever Sans thought he could get himself under control, Purrington would do something unexpected and send him over the edge. Jun had to bury her face into Purrington’s application so she wouldn't see him anymore. Mettaton’s line reading began to break up with barely contained laughing fits.

Finally, the scene ended and Purrington gave the three some mercy. His face returned to normal and his hands dropped back down to his sides.

“Thank you for you audition,” Juni managed to get out without breaking into laughter. “We’ll be in touch.”

“When can I expect a call?” Though the question was posed in complete seriousness and out of character, Purrington’s face had no chill. The cat’s face contorted violently again, before settling back down. Sans was breathless in laughter, silently shaking the body.

“soon, within the next two weeks. Juni, would you escort him out?” Mettaton asked, turning away so Sans could try and calm down. As Juni walked the cat out, Sans finally managed to catch his breath.

[oh my fucking god. _that man_.]

{The worst part is he'd be a great comedian. He'd be _excellent_ in a farce.}

{He just thinks comedy’s beneath him. He insists on being a dramatic actor.}

[don’t knock comedy buddy.]

{I'm not. It's easy to be dead, it's hard to be funny.}

Juni returned without another applicant, looked Mettasans in the eye, and burst into laughter. That sent Sans off again, and Mettaton let himself follow.

“What… Did he think… What could he have... That was…” Juni couldn't form a sentence without breaking into laughter again. For a whole twenty minutes, no one could function. Someone would start to calm down, then they’d remember another facial expression and they’d go off again, cackling like a hyena.

“Good lord almighty,” Juni said and wiped a tear from her eye, “that's gotta be the best comedic performance I've ever seen.”

“he was one hundred percent serious!” Mettaton exclaimed, repeating what Sans was saying in his head.

“God, get a copy of his information. We gotta call him when we need a comedian.” Juni collapsed into her chair, then let loose one last round of giggles. She pulled out the next application. “You gotta go get the next one. If he’s still there, I don't think I could stop myself from laughing.”

\---------------

Purrington called about the role four times in the next week. Neither Mettasans or Juni could talk to him without remembering his performance, and breaking out into laughter. When it came time to tell him he hadn't gotten the job, Mettasans and Juni drew straws. Juni lost, but Mettaton watched as she sat down at the phone and dialed.

“Hi, yes, this is Juni from MTS studios. I'm looking for Mr. Purrington Jones…” She waited. “Hi, I'm calling about the _Law and Idol_ auditions…”

Mettaton could hear Purrington’s voice from the receiver, but could not make out what he was saying.

“Well, Mr. Purrington, I'm afraid we've decided to go in another direction.” Juni kept her voice level, despite the half-contained mirthful expression on her face. “But we're holding auditions for another show in two weeks, and we'd love to see you there…”

A muffled question.

“It's a farcical comedy abo—” Juni was forced to jerk her head away from the receiver. Purrington yelled about how _no_ , he did not want to be in a comedy, that comedy was a lesser art form and he was a serious actor. At the final assertion, Juni looked at Mettaton with a mixture of confusion and laughter. Mettaton shrugged. Juni carefully pulled the phone back to her face.

“Well, we think there’s an excellent role for your… _talents_ in it for you,” she said. Very clearly, Mettaton could hear Purrington’s retort.

“My talents are better served flipping burgers than in a _comedy_.”

Juni looked at Mettaton. _What do I say?_ She mouthed.

_If that's how he thinks, offer him a job at the food court_. Mettaton mouthed back. Juni didn't get it, so he wrote it down on a pad and paper. Juni almost burst from laughter.

“...Yes, I'm still here, Mr. Purrington.” Juni jammed a pen into her leg, trying to keep the laughter contained. “I'm sorry to hear you're not interested in comedies. We do like you, though. Perhaps you'd like to come work on our culinary team until another role opens up you'd be interested in?” Juni paused, then clapped a hand over her mouth. Her shoulders shook with laughter.

“That's great, Mr. Purrington. I'll tell our head-of-kitchen. He’ll call with more details. Have a good day, Mr. Purrington.” Juni slammed the receiver down before the barely-contained laughter broke out. “I can't believe he actually accepted the job.”

“i guess he’s really passionate about burgers.”

That Monday, Purrington Jones began his job at the MTS Studios Food Court. He'd stay with the company as the filming studios switched locations and the resort was built. Eventually, he would become the sole manager and employee of The Glamburger, MTS Resort’s famous fast-food burger joint.

Three years after being hired, Purrington Jones would earn the nickname “Burgerpants” and never live it down.

\------------------

[b u r g e r p a n t s.]

[you can't be serious.]

{He gets pantsed by a bunch of stolen glamburgers.}

[i cannot believe that burgerpants _exists_ ]

[that he is a person and i know him]

[i have been truly blessed because burgerpants is now in my life.]

[we should make a bunch of hamburger and pants-related jokes around him so when it happens he’ll be really freaked out.]

Mettaton nearly choked on a French fry. Juni looked at him confusedly as Mettaton coughed out the offending potato strip, masking laughter with each cough. He waved, letting her know that he was okay.

It was dinner break, the only people left in the studio were those who were there for the nightly news and a few reshoots. Sai was there too, opening fan mail and sorting it based on content: one pile for normal letters, one for hate mail, and one for the type of letter that would make your most dirty-minded friend blush.

Mettaton finally dislodged the French fry, and threw it into the waste basket at his feet. Juni and he were reading through the final scripts for the first few episodes of _Law and Idol_. They would be copied and sent to all the lucky actrons to read over before first read-through. Juni squared the final script, the packet of papers thudding against the table.

“That's it, then. No last minute revisions, right?” she asked Mettaton shook his head. Juni slipped a rubber band around it and put away. “Alright. You’ll do the news and we’re done for the day,” she yawned.

“sounds like a plan. See you at 8:30.” Mettaton stood and walked towards his dressing room. Just before he got there, Sai stopped him.

“Sir, uh, I might have made a mistake,” she said.

“You didn't accidentally put the wrong color hair ties in my dressing room again?” Mettaton teased. Sai blushed.

“I was legitimately worried you'd be mad about that,” she said, pouting slightly. Mettaton smiled.

“So, what's your ‘mistake’?”

“Well, remember about a week ago when you told me to let those two girls into your dressing room because they were your friends? Well, one of them showed up today so I let her in, but Knight Knight just told me you had them kicked out last week. Should I not have let her in?”

Mettaton stifled a sigh. Sai had just been trying her best. “it's fine. Next time, ask, okay?”

Sai nodded. “Do you want me to get security?”

“no, I'll deal with it,” Mettaton said.

\------------

Mettaton had really been hoping it was Ember. Ember was kind and gentle and sweet. He knew Ember pretty well from all the Sundays spent in Grillby’s. Mettaton figured he could handle Ember.

But the universe decreed that it wasn’t to be, and instead sent him Tav in her place.

“tav! It's a pleasure to see you.” Mettaton smiled. Tav didn't smile back. She toyed with one of his cans of hairspray with a thin tentacled hand. For the first time, Mettaton noticed the end of her arm wasn't a single tentacle, but it flattened out then split into five shorter tentacles, like a hand.

“Ember didn't want me to come and talk to you. She figured I wouldn't even get in,” she said.

“yes, well. Sai is just so helpful, isn't she?”

“Cut the bullshit.” Tav let the hairspray fall into the counter. “What's put a stick up your ass?”

“you should watch your language, young woman. What would your parents say?”

“They'd tell you to shut the fuck up and answer my question.”

“someone's grumpy.” Mettaton raised an eyebrow. Tav let her hand curl into a fist, then relaxed.

“Someone’s avoiding everyone who cares about him,” she countered. “Someone’s refusing to talk to his _best friends_ for a month.”

“And that’s your business, how?”

“I went to Alphys’ today. Me and Ember did.” Tav held unwavering eye contact. “She’s real fucked up, Metta. Asked us if we'd seen you recently. Asked us to tell you she’s sorry. Wouldn't tell us why, but cried her eyes out.

“Pap thinks you hate him now, and keeps coming up with stupid reasons why. Yesterday he said it had to be because he told us you used to be a ghost. That he betrayed your trust.”

Mettaton flinched. He'd started ignoring Pap’s texts. They'd slowed down over the last week. Mettaton realized he hadn't gotten any today.

“You're tossing everyone who gives a shit about you to the curb.” Tav crossed her arms in front of her chest, still holding the glare. Mettaton found himself looking at the wall beside her head.

“i am not.”

“Bull-fucking-shit.”

Mettaton didn't know what to say. Tav stared him down, waiting for a response.

“Get out,” he hissed.

“If I don't?”

“i'll get security. Knight Knight can be a whole lot less gentle.”

Tav glared at him, then slowly began to walk across his dressing room. “Whenever you're ready to recognize you're in the wrong, text me,” she said. “I’ll be waiting.”

Mettaton said nothing, but watched her walk away.

“In the meantime, let Papyrus know you don't hate him. You're driving him crazy.” She reached the door, put a hand on it the doorknob, then hesitated. She looked back at him one last time.

“We had an old war survivor come into class today and teach us about humans. Taught us all about human bodies and their weaknesses. Blood is a real interesting color, don't you think? Ember told me you found some paint just like it.”

And with that, Tav left, slamming the door behind her.

[hot damn.]

[she’s not ember, but that girl just burned you all the same.]

{She took the 20G that was on the vanity too.}

[fucking _good_.]

Mettaton sat down at his mirror and put his face in his hands. Tav was absolutely right, but he just hated to think it. He'd done this exact same thing in the last timeline, hadn’t he? Little Garrett had told him that. Mettaton pulled his hands away and looked at the single splotch of Garrett’s blood that had refused to come off, trapped inside a finger joint. It seemed that no matter how hard Mettaton tried, he couldn’t avoid his mistakes. He had tried to be different this time, _tried_ to keep Alphys in his life. Her mistakes couldn’t be his fault, could they? If he couldn’t change things, did this mean Juni and Sai and the rest of them were _still_ doomed?

He looked up, catching his reflection in the mirror. Both the finished and empty eyes looked back at him. The white hair, once tucked behind his ears now hung freely in front of his face. The near- nonexistent lips frowned at him. Staring at his new face, Mettaton found himself thinking of Burgerpants. The young cat seemed to be on a crash course with his embarrassing destiny, unknowing, unable to do a thing. He was sure that if Burgerpants knew what was in store for him, he'd have gone for the comedy role. He would have seized the opportunity to better himself. Burgerpants didn't know he'd been granted a second chance, and had made the same poor decisions.

The face in the mirror smiled sadly back at Mettaton. God, he was ugly. No matter how much time passed, Mettaton still hated this body. It was a constant reminder of his failures, of everything he’d lost. Six years of time, gone in an instant. He was forced to re-live it all. If he was doomed to repeat the same fuck-ups, Mettaton didn’t know if he could handle it.

_No_ , Mettaton decided. He was _not_ about to just repeat six years of horrible choices. He was not going to be like Burgerpants. Mettaton realized that he had gotten a second chance too, and that _he_ could actually take advantage of it. He’d changed things for Garrett, hadn’t he? Sure, the boy had still died, but Mettaton thought that if he had put his mind to it, he could have gotten Garrett to live. He just had to _try_. No more avoiding his problems, no more pushing everyone away. No more just hoping things will be better this time.

He pulled up his messages. 34 texts from Pap blinked a bright blue notification. Steeling himself, Mettaton opened the chat log. Papyrus had texted him up until yesterday, when he had sent six messages.

>I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE, INDEED, VERY ANGRY WITH ME.

>HOWEVER, I CANNOT THINK OF THE REASON YOU ARE ANGRY.

>THOUGH I CANNOT IMAGINE ANY WRONGDOING ON MY PART,

>I AM MUCH TOO GREAT FOR THAT,

>I AM SORRY.

>NOW I WILL AWAIT YOUR FORGIVENESS, AND WILL NOT BOTHER YOU UNTIL IT IS GIVEN.

Mettaton stared at Pap’s messages for a few moments, guilt starting to chip away at his resolve. He pushed it away and typed before he could change his mind.

<i’m not mad at you Papyrus. there’s nothing to be sorry about.

Mettaton worried that Papyrus was away from his phone, that he'd have to wait for a reply. But the universe smiled on Mettaton for once, as the reply was swift.

>YOU ARE NOT MAD?

<No, pap. Not at you.

>BUT AT ALPHYS.

<a little. Don't worry about it.

>JUST A LITTLE?

<just a little.

Mettaton was glad it was easy to lie over text.

>THAT’S OKAY, I GUESS. SOMETIMES I TOO GET A LITTLE MAD AT PEOPLE.

>BUT IT IS NOT LONG BEFORE I FORGIVE THEM.

>I AM SURE IT IS NOT LONG BEFORE YOU FORGIVE ALPHYS TOO.

>BUT!!! I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.

<yeah?

>I PASSED MY FINALS!

<I knew you could!

Mettaton watched as text after text flooded in, describing Papyrus’ struggles with the horrible act of studying, the very difficult exams, and his joy upon passing every one. As Papyrus messaged him, Mettaton opened up a secondary text log.

<i’ve texted pap.

>Good.

Mettaton closed Tav’s log and turned his attention back to the Epic Of Papyrus’s Finals.

\-----------

Sans had to admit he was impressed. It had taken him _much longer_ to make that same little epiphany the first time the world had reset. As he mindlessly played pinball, watching the little simulated ball bounce between mushroom bumpers, Sans felt empty laughter begin to bubble inside him. The Resetter sure was taking his sweet time to get going. He wondered what they were waiting for. He couldn’t imagine they’d let the world go for _five years_. Five months had been the max.

It was driving Sans crazy, this waiting. It felt like he was a Jenga tower and each day someone came along and pulled a brick out. Every day that passed without a hint of time shenanigans was yet another day the tower didn’t fall. He found himself wishing for the day the tower collapsed, if just to return to the status quo.

Sans wondered how long Mettaton’s gung-ho ‘let’s be better’ attitude would last in the face of endlessly repeating days. How many times Mettaton would be able to watch everyone die before he too gave up. That is, if Mettaton would remember the resets. Sans couldn’t decide which would be worse, Mettaton remembering or not remembering. Sans watched his score climb ever higher while the seconds ticked away.

June 24th, 201X seemed to be a very long way away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tav is my child and I love her.
> 
> Anyway, as for the contents of this part, I realized I couldn't just time skip five years away so buckle in for some characterization and shenanigans. And if this chapter's to be taken as a sign, these will all be much longer than normal.
> 
> Also! If the next chapter is late, blame finals and exams. Sorry. I'll try my best but grades come first.
> 
> See you Monday.


	33. GRADUATION, or That One Time Undyne Sulpexed Eighty Children At Papyrus' Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author is really jealous of Pap in this one.

—Two weeks later—

To say Papyrus was a morning person would be to understate the truth. To claim he was an early riser was akin to describing a starfish as “slow moving,”—entirely correct, but the descriptor did not do the truth justice.

But to find Papyrus up at two in the morning was still unusual. By the dim light of his magic, Papyrus carefully read and re-read his list of graduation requirements, looking for the hidden, super-secret requirement that meant he couldn't graduate later that day. He had checked off every box on the list, and couldn't find a reason he wouldn't get his diploma. Still, he was almost completely, irrationally sure he had missed something.

For years, Papyrus had thought of his schoolwork as a series of puzzles that got more complex as time went on. Now, faced with a simple challenge, Papyrus was drawing a blank. Complex trigonometry had nothing on this simple reading problem.

Then again, reading had never been his strong suit. He never could focus long enough to actually read for very long. He got jittery or distracted, like he was now, thinking about his reading troubles while trying to read. At least his consistent magic use kept him from shaking his legs or tapping his fingers against the dryer he was hunched over. The one that was gently shaking as it de-wrinkled his graduation gown. The white noise helped too.

_Stop,_ he commanded himself. _Stop thinking about the dryer and_ read.

Four language credits? Check. Two foreign language? Check. Four math? Check. Three history, four science and eight magic lab? Check, double check, and triple check. Everything was there, written out in bold-face print.

Why did it feel like something was missing?

\------------------

When Grillby woke up around five, Papyrus helped his dad make breakfast. Warm eggs and bacon that the two ate before Ember got up.

“Are you excited?” Grillby asked.

“OF COURSE!” Papyrus exclaimed. “NO MORE SCHOOL.”

“Hush, Papyrus. Ember is still asleep.”

“OH, _RIGHT,_ ” Papyrus said, still fairly loudly, but quieter than it had been..

“And you’re sure about not going to college?” Grillby asked, watching his son scoop more bacon into his mouth. “They haven’t rescinded the scholarship offer yet.” Papyrus nodded enthusiastically.

“PHYSICS IS FUN AND ALL, BUT I BELONG TO THE GUARD,” Papyrus said. Grillby’s small sigh was lost in the ever-constant swirling fire that made up his body. “BESIDES, UNDYNE GAVE ME A LIST OF THINGS I NEED TO DO BEFORE I CAN JOIN, AND GRADUATING WAS ONE OF THEM.”

“I know. Do you remember when she gave you that list?”

“OF COURSE!” Papyrus cried. “THE DAY I MET YOU AND EMBER!”

“Over a decade ago.” Grillby mused.

“HUH. I SUPPOSE IT HAS BEEN A WHILE,” Papyrus said. Grillby watched him pick up their plates and start to run them under the sink. Dishes were always Papyrus’s chore, for safety reasons.

“I don’t see a high-school graduate when I look at you.”

“HM?”

“I see a little skeleton boy, standing in the middle of my bar, that can’t stop staring at my hands,” Grillby said.

Papyrus smiled down at the plate in his hand. He'd been 12 and had never seen a fire elemental before. When Grillby first reached out his hand Papyrus has shied away, only partly because he was afraid the heat would sear him.

“Papyrus,” Grillby said, jolting Papyrus out of memories, “we need to talk about the Guard.”

“WHAT ABOUT THE GUARD?” Papyrus turned to look at his father, who looked back with the same stony expression he always wore.

“Have you thought about what joining the guard might… entail?”

“OF COURSE! ALL THE TIME! FAME! FORTUNE! FRIENDS!” Papyrus exclaimed, his voice beginning to rise again in his excitement.

“Yes, all of that,” Grillby said, “but there are certain duties you’ll have to assume.”

“LIKE HUMAN CAPTURING, AND JUSTICE!”

“And realize you might have to…” Grillby hesitated. Papyrus waited patiently for his father to speak. The moment stretched on, and Papyrus started to fidget. He willed his restless hands to stay still, but they refused to listen, as usual.

“Nevermind,” Grillby sighed. “We’ll talk about it later. Did all your friends say they were coming to the ceremony?”

“EVERYONE BUT ALPHYS. I BET SHE JUST FORGOT TO CALL. SHE’LL BE THERE.” Papyrus said firmly.

“I’m sure she will,” Grillby said. That moment, Ember chose to stumble into the room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“C’mon Pap. Let me sleep, would ya?” she muttered, before flopping down on the couch.

“PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE SOME BREAKFAST INSTEAD?”

Ember groaned into the cushion.

\-------------

The ceremony started at 11:00 sharp—or would have, if half the graduating class had been there at 11. Instead, Papyrus found himself nearly jumping out of his cap and gown as half of his peers gathered around his two famous friends. He clicked his fingertips together anxiously. He _hated_ waiting.

The school staff was having a hard time pulling the student body away from Mettasans and Undyne. The two couldn’t get to their chairs by Grillby, Ember and Tav with the crowd of almost-adults blocking their every move. Mettasans signed nearly forty autographs and Undyne had suplexed nearly twice as many students before the principal managed to corral them all away and back into their seats.

So the ceremony started at 11:42 sharp, instead.

\------------

Papyrus had imagined that graduating would feel _wonderful_. Exciting, exhilarating and a whole bunch of other words his language studies teachers made him memorize.

But standing up there, diploma in hand, looking out at his family and friends in the crowd, Papyrus felt like he was standing on top of the world. Nothing could ruin this feeling. When they read his name off, Undyne had stood up, hooped and hollered for him. Ember looked like she was about to cry. Even his father was smiling, breaking up his usual blank expression.

He wanted to stand up there forever, just basking in the applause and the sense of _accomplishment_.

\-----------

When the final speaker finally signed off and the newly-graduated ex-students were released for the final time, Papyrus ran through the crowd to his family and friends. It was easy to find them, his father’s height and light acting as a beacon. Papyrus launched himself into his dad’s arms, nearly knocking the unprepared bartender over.

“I’m so proud of you, Papyrus,” he said, regaining his balance and returning the embrace.

“THANKS, DAD,” Papyrus said, pulling back. He turned to his sister, standing patiently beside Grillby for her hug. “YOU’RE CRYING!” He observed.

“So are you, you dork,” she sniffed, and poked him in the chest. Papyrus wiped at his eyes.

“NO I’M NOT! I JUST… CAUGHT SOMETHING IN MY EYE. ROYAL GUARD MEMBERS DO NOT CRY, AFTER ALL.”

“Oh, don’t be so _tear_ rified of crying, Pap.” Mettasans grinned. “We all cry _sob_ times.”

Papyrus inhaled slowly and turned around, trying to swallow down a familiar feeling of exasperation. Mettasans pulled his right hand out of his pocket and waved at him innocently. After a moment of consideration, Papyrus turned to the small lizard on Mettasans’ right.

“HELLO, ALPHYS. I’M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT!” Papyrus stuck his arms out, and Alphys accepted it hesitantly.

“Th-Thanks for inviting me,” she said. Papyrus disengaged, looked up at Metta, then deliberately walked by him to accept Undyne’s bone-crushing hug and the subsequent noogie that knocked his cap off. Then he spun around and hugged Tav, despite how much the feeling of her tentacles against his bones made him shiver. Only once everyone else had gotten their congratulations in did Papyrus turn back to the robot.

“NOW YOU GET YOUR HUG.” He said, holding his arms out. Mettasans accepted it, and pulled Papyrus in close. Then, just loud enough to hear, Mettasans whispered:

“was getting hugged last my _pun_ ishment?”

Papyrus nearly screamed.

\-----------

Fitting the entire crew onto the ferry was a fun little game of “how many ways can we try and arrange ourselves before it works or someone falls in the river?” Somehow, between Alphys’ technical skill, Papyrus puzzle-solving skills and Undyne’s brute strength, all seven of them managed to squeeze themselves onto the River Person’s boat. Grillby told them where they were going, and the cloaked ferryman pushed off the Hotland bank.

Over the River Person’s song, the group chatted among themselves. Except for Mettasans, who had been put under ‘talking probation’ for the amount of puns he had made between the school and the river bank. The robot simply listened from his perch next to the River Person. During a lull in the conversation, the River Person spoke up.

“Tra la la!” They sang, “You miss people you leave behind. You cannot miss people you don’t remember.”

A silence descended upon the group.

“Well, props to Crazy River Person for being exceptionally depressing,” Tav piped up.

“Rude,” Ember scolded. Papyrus, who had been looking at the back of the ferryman’s head, noticed the almost stricken look on Mettasans’s face.

“METTA? ARE YOU OKAY?” He leaned over and gently shook Mettasans’s shoulder. The robot jumped, snapping his head around quickly.

“Oh, uh, yeah. just fine.” Mettasans smiled. “That was a weird thing to say, though, wasn’t it?” Papyrus thought about it for a moment, weighing the words in his mind.

“WELL, IT MAKES SENSE,” Papyrus said, carefully. “HOW DO YOU KNOW TO MISS SOMEONE IF YOU DID NOT KNOW THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

“i didn’t say it didn’t make—”

“Hey,” Undyne interrupted, “isn’t he on talking probation?”

Mettasans shut his mouth and threw his hands up in surrender. Then he stretched his arms back, hooked his elbows over the lip of the boat and turned his attention to the ongoing ‘proper boat etiquette’ discussion the others were having. Looking over his family and friends, Papyrus was hit with a thought from earlier that day.

Why did it feel like something was missing?

\-----------

Grillby’s was closed for the afternoon. A reserved graduation party for one Papyrus I. Flame took up the entire restaurant. That didn't stop Snowdin regulars from coming in though, they all congratulated Papyrus before sitting down at their usual spots and ordering their usuals.

The actual party managed to squeeze themselves around one table. Papyrus, flanked by his sister and Mettasans, noticed how Undyne pointedly sat between the robot and Alphys.

“I thought that the ceremony was _grad_ tastic,” Mettasans chuckled. Papyrus groaned. The robot had decided his probation was over when they sat down, and had been delivering pun after pun.

“The speakers were all too stuffy,” Undyne said. “Not enough action.”

“Graduations don't usually have all that much _action,”_ Ember pointed out.

“Not mine,” Undyne countered

“What was _your_ graduation like?” Tav asked incredulously.

“I suplexed the principal when he handed me my diploma.”

“Of course you did,” Tav drawled. Grillby, who had been off filing orders, finally came back.

“welcome back Grillbz,” Mettasans said as Grillby pulled out his chair between the robot and his son. “glad you decided to _brighten up_ our conversation.”

“ _METTA_.” Papyrus glared at the tv star. Mettasans shrugged.

“Hey, i’ve been _on fire_ all day.” This one caused Ember to snort a little, and Papyrus found himself fighting down a grin. Despite how much he hated it, Papyrus had to admit he had enjoyed the last one.

“Could you stop?” Tav asked.

“oh, _lighten up!_ ” Mettasans grinned the biggest shit-eating grin he could manage.

“DAD. KICK HIM OUT,” Papyrus complained.

“I think his jokes are…” Grillby paused, “ _pun_ derful.”

The look of shock, betrayal and horror on Papyrus’s face caused the entire group to break out into laughter. Even Alphys laughed for the first time that afternoon. Undyne pounded a fist on the table, and it caused the group’s drinks to shake and spill. Alphys, in an attempt to save her soda from going over the edge of the table, only managed to knock the entire thing over onto herself.

“Sh-Shit,” she muttered, pawing at her now ruined lab coat.

“Are you okay, Alphys?” Ember asked from across the table.

“Y-Yeah, j-just clumsy,” she said.

“There is a sink you can use to clean up in the kitchen, if you would like, Dr. Maglama,” Grillby offered.

“Th-Thanks.” Alphys stood. As she hopped off her chair, Mettasans stood up suddenly.

“Hate to cut this party short dears,” he said, “but juni just texted me. There’s a situation down at work. gotta go.” He flashed a million-dollar smile and started to make his way out the door. Alphys froze and flinched as he passed her, but Mettasans didn’t seem to notice it.

“DO YOU REALLY?” Papyrus asked. Mettasans turned back and looked at him almost sadly.

“Unfortunately. besides,” he smirked “didn’t you just want to kick me out?”

“I WAS TEASING!”

“Were you? or were you…” Mettasans paused, and Papyrus recognized the calm before the pun storm.

“OKAY, I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND. I WAS NOT TEASING.”

Mettasans laughed, waved over his shoulder and left out the door. Alphys finally uprooted herself from where she stood, and rushed off to the kitchen.

“Do you know where it is?” Ember called after her, but Alphys did not hear as the door silently swung shut. Ember looked at her father. “Should I go after her?”

“I’LL GO.” Papyrus stood, but Ember put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine. You stay here, this is your party!”

“IT’S FINE!” Papyrus ran off before Ember could stop him.

If Papyrus was honest, he just liked to run in his gown. It felt like a cape.

Papyrus pushed open the door and ran into his family’s kitchen. He stuck his head out into the open, and looked for the little lizard. When he heard the running water, he pulled back and started to push the door back open. Then he heard a voice.

“Alphys.” It was Mettasans’s voice.

“M-Met—, oh. S-Sans. I-I thought you t-two were leaving.”

_Sans_? The name felt familiar. Papyrus mouthed it to himself. He recognized it then, it was the second half of Mettasans’s name. But, it still felt… weird in his mouth.

“we are,” Metta replied, “in a minute. We wanted to talk to you. we’re gonna be busy for a while, and we want to clear the air.”

_Who is this ‘we?’ And how did they get back here?_ Papyrus wondered. He felt a little dirty listening into his friends’ conversation like this, but… he was curious now.

“You’re forgiven, alphys. We’re not mad anymore.”

“I-I—” Alphys stuttered.

“but...  Alphys, we want it out.”

“I-I know,” she said, her voice small. “B-But I can’t.”

There was a pause.

“i don’t think you understand what this feels like, Alphys.” Mettasans was quiet now, his voice hard and serious. “there’s a hole in our head and anyone can do whatever the fuck they want with us.”

“N-no one knows a-ab—”

“Right now. no one knows about it _right now_. But that can change very quickly. and we can’t do _shit_ if someone decides to take control.” Mettasans hit the counter on the word ‘shit.’ “it’s terrifying,” he finished.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” Alphys said.

“Then we make a deal,” Mettasans said. “you strengthen the firewalls around it, swear never to say a word to _anyone_ about it—”

“I-I’d n-never—”

“ _and_ you give Mettaton weapons.”

“Y-You want to m-make yourselves more dangerous?!?”

“he wants to defend himself,” Mettasans said. “In return, you can keep your damn killswitch.” They were silent for a moment.

“I-I d-don’t h-have much of a ch-choice, do I?”

“You could always take it out entirely.”

“N-No. I'll get started on the… on your request.” Alphys muttered.

“hey, Alphys?” Mettasans’s voice was much softer now, kinder. “we did mean it. You’re forgiven.”

“...C-Can we b-be o-okay again?” Alphys asked, almost too soft for Papyrus to hear.

“of course,” Mettasans said, happiness creeping into his voice. Papyrus imagined the two friends in a hug, and wanted to go look and see if it actually happened. “We gotta go though. juni really does want us back at work. See you around?”

“Y-Yeah,” Alphys sniffed. Papyrus heard footsteps, and quickly backed out of the kitchen. The door closed on his face, and Papyrus turned around. As he quickly walked back to the table with his family and friends, his thoughts were racing.

_Sans and Mettaton?_ Two strange names that he had never heard, but that felt familiar in his thoughts. _And who else was standing in that room?_

Papyrus sat down at his seat, knowing that he was, indeed, missing something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, my exams are over and I managed to get this out on time.
> 
> Today is a good day.
> 
> See you Monday


	34. [Spiders} or Here Comes A Special Eldritch Abomination, But It's Okay Because He Brings Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh and some spiders are here too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Holy Patootie I can't believe I forgot about this:
> 
> FANART
> 
> I was grinning like an idiot all Saturday when I got this, so enjoy:
> 
> http://rug437.deviantart.com/art/Two-Too-Cool-Assholes-Share-A-Body-608846022

—Two months later—

There was a letter on their pillow. It was sealed with wax, and their name was written across the front of the pink stationery in flowing cursive. Mettaton picked it up and turned it over in his hand. He knew he had some dedicated fans, but this was a level he’d never before encountered. He (and Sans) was the only person with a key to this apartment. He leaned over and jostled his bedroom window. Locked, like he’d left it that morning.

{Do you figure I should open it?}

[mmmm…] Sans considered the letter for a moment.

[nah.]

{Why?}

[i don’t like letters.]

[besides, it could be filled with anthrax.]

{Do you think it’s filled with anthrax?}

[ _probably._ ]

[best not risk it.] Sans turned back to his pinball game. Mettaton rolled his eyes and grabbed the letter opener from his table. As he dug it into the top of the envelope, Sans spoke up.

[whoa, whoa!]

[did you forget about anthrax?]

{Even if there is anthrax in this thing, we’d be fine. We don’t breathe.}

[then what’s with the breathing exercises?]

{Cooling fans, Sans.} Mettaton opened the envelope and tossed it and the opener aside. The letter was on the same pastel pink and purple stationary as the envelope. He opened it and read:

_Dear Misters Mettaton and Sans,_

_Your little director friend is good at covering things up, no?_

_2:30, The Spider Lair. Bring your checkbook._

With the note was a picture, a still from a video. Mettasans, center of the photo, looked very distressed. Undyne held Juni back from him. Mettaton groaned. It was a picture of The Daycare Incident.

[i thought juni hushed that up?]

{Apparently not well enough!} Mettaton rubbed his temples.

[yeah, obviously.]

[i told you that you shouldn’t open it.] Mettaton re-read the note.

{ _Fuck,_ Sans!}

[what.]

Mettaton pointed to the greeting.

[f u c k.]

\-----------

Despite the ambient light of Hotland’s lava, The Spider Lair was somehow naturally very dark. Mettaton sat in the center of a pathway that was covered in spiderwebs listening to the skitters and scratches of the countless arachnids around him. It was 2:35 and the author of the letter was making them wait. Because of course they were. Mettaton started to pick nervously at the strands of the web beneath him.

[if you’re gonna be scared of a few little spiders, let me deal with this.]

Mettaton didn’t respond but continued to pull at the sticky threads. He carefully plucked each silken strand, seemingly at random. As Sans watched his hands, however, he began to recognize a bit of a pattern. Mettaton would pluck at a series of strings, then pause. The strings would vibrate, die off, and then other strings would vibrate back without Mettaton touching them. Mettaton then carefully selected a new series of threads, and other threads would vibrate back.

[what are you doing?]

But Mettaton was concentrating too hard on the web in front of him to respond. He reached out, pulled three strings up at the same time, let go and then ran his hand across four in a row. A section of web to Mettaton’s left shook in response. Sans watched as Mettaton’s metallic hands played across the web like a harp. Mettaton finished a set, and Sans jumped as the walls of webs around him all jumped and shook. Mettaton smiled at the darkness and plucked a few more strings. The webs shook harder.

[okay, seriously.]

[tell me what you’re doing or i’m teleporting us out of here.]

{I’m telling jokes, Sans.}

{Puns, actually.}

{You should be proud.}

Mettaton reached out for the strings again, but the sound of airy laughter stopped him.

“ _Ahuhuhu~_ ” The laugh echoed around the space. Sans couldn’t tell where it came from. “I had no idea you Speak, dearies.”

Mettaton plucked at a few more strings. The laughter came again, and Mettaton smiled into the darkness ahead of him. Before Sans’s eyes, a figure emerged from the darkness. Walking delicately on the webs at her feet, a six-armed woman stepped out of the shadows. One of her hands covered her mouth daintily as she laughed.

“Quite the charmer, aren’t you?” she said, her voice high pitched and melodic. “You don’t even know my name yet, dearies.”

“And yet you know both of mine. it seems we’re a little behind.” Mettaton smiled, holding his hands out. The spider woman giggled, her eyes blinking in sequence. She reached out a small, delicate hand.

“Muffet. It’s a pleasure to meet such a celebrity.”

Mettaton took her hand in his, the metal enveloping the tiny hand. He leaned down and kissed it.

“The pleasure is all ours,” Mettaton said, voice as smooth as silk. Muffet wiggled her perfectly manicured fingers, and Mettaton released her hand.

“I’m sure.” She withdrew her hand and reached into the darkness with three others. “Might I offer you a cup of spiders?” Muffet retracted her hands, and in them were a teapot and two teacups. She poured the teapot over the teacups and spiders came pouring out of the spout. Sans’s revulsion at the sight almost pulled Mettaton’s smile down, but Mettaton kept it up.

“no, thank you darling, but we’ll have to pass.”

“More for me, then,” Muffet said and sipped at her teacup full of her brethren. Sans gagged.

{It’s an intimidation method. Don’t let it get to you.}

[she’s eating her o w n  k i n d]

“Do you mind if we get down to business dearies?” Muffet asked, wiping a stray spider away from the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “As much as I’d love to sit here and chat, I have a bakery to run.”

“Of course, Miss Muffet,” Mettaton said. “take a seat. We have much to discuss.”

“Where would you like to start?” Muffet remained standing on her web.

“well, we just have to ask: How did you get your information?”

“Cutting to the quick, are we?” Muffet giggled, her breathy laugh echoing around them. “I have good sources. Spiders hear everything. As for the photo…” The darkness around her fluctuated, some of it peeling away from the rest and forming a pool at her feet. The pile began to grow until it formed a large, bulbous, writhing mass of spiders.

“ _spidermass_ ,” Mettaton said, struggling to keep his voice friendly. “A cameraman, of course.”

“Spidermass is a wonderful part of my family. It’s ever so grateful for its job,” Muffet said. Spidermass bobbed its ‘head,’ the ever-constant swirling spiders that made up its body bending the shape they constructed. Muffet’s fanged smile seemed to falter a bit, and she looked away from it. Mettaton found he couldn’t look at Spidermass directly for too long. His HUD started to glitch and bend.

“Thank you, Spidermass. You can go now,” Muffet said, dismissively. Spidermass did not move. It stood still, and Mettaton felt like it was staring at him, despite lacking eyes.

[what the hell is that thing?]

[it’s not spiders, man.]

{He’s not normally this ominous, is he?}

As Mettaton focused on Muffet and tried to find what was glitching out his vision, Spidermass began to move, slowly crawling towards the robot. It crossed the empty abyss between Muffet and Mettasans as if there were still a floor beneath its many, many feet. Mettaton sat stock still as it approached, afraid to flinch away. As if he would insult the roving mass of spiders if he did.

Spidermass stopped in front of Mettasans, and shuddered violently. Mettaton reluctantly looked at it, struggling to focus past the random pixelation that swarmed his visual feed. The color was draining out of his vision the longer Mettaton looked directly at it.

{This doesn’t happen when I look at him on set! What the hell?}

[why did we hire him in the first place?]

{Good fucking question.}

Spidermass then left, crawling away from both Mettasans and Muffet and slipping back into the darkness. As Mettaton’s vision normalized, he looked back at Muffet. The spider woman glanced over to where Spidermass disappeared, then dabbed at her face with her napkin.

“Now,” she said as she turned back to Mettaton, “back to business.”

[she’s just gonna go on and not mention how _fucking creepy_ her family is?]

“yes, of course.” Mettaton swallowed and tried to still his shaking hands.

“I have some _video_ you wouldn’t like released, as well as some information regarding your… mental health,” Muffet said, quickly regaining the small amount of composure she’d lost. “And you have a _substantial_ amount of gold at your disposal. Perhaps we can reach a deal?”

[no, i'm sorry, still reeling from the apparent _eldritch abomination._ ]

{Calm down, it was just an intimidation tactic.} But Mettaton wasn’t so sure about this one.

“How can we be sure you _actually_ have the video you say you do? without it, you’ve got nothing. No one would believe you.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I do, then,” Muffet said.

“May we see it?” Mettaton reached out a hand.

“I don’t think so, dearies,” Muffet tutted. “Besides, shouldn’t the still I gave you be enough proof?”

{Damn it. She’s good.}

“two hundred gold for the video, an extra fifty a month for your silence.” Mettaton offered, smile still fixed in place.

“I’m not a cheap date, dearies,” Muffet said.

“Then we’ll double the offer,” Mettaton said. Muffet giggled.

“Still not good enough, dears. Three thousand up front, one thousand a month. I keep the video.”

“no deal unless you hand it over.”

“I don’t think you can _afford_ not to make a deal.” Muffet countered. “How do you think your little friends will react when they find out you’ve been lying to them for almost a year now? Your fans? King Asgore?”

Mettaton bit the inside of his lip.

“Two thousand now, five hundred a month, you keep the video. that’s ten times the original offer.” Mettaton observed. Muffet thought for a moment, head cocked slightly.

“You know what, dearie?” she said, “Deal. Only because you Speak so well. And..” she hesitated, and glanced down by Mettaton’s feet. “Spidermass left you a gift. That counts for something”

Mettaton followed her gaze and was shocked to find a little box sitting on the web before him. He reached out and picked it up. It was jewelry box, no bigger than Mettaton’s hand. It was wooden, with gold leaf trim on the corners. The front latch was gold as well and ornately carved. Mettaton fiddled with the latch, but it was locked. A small keyhole was bored into the front, smaller than Mettaton had ever seen.

“Before you get too invested in that,” Muffet interrupted, “I’d like that two thousand now. Check please!”

\-----------

Mettaton walked away from Muffet’s, two thousand gold lighter but the proud new owner of a probably-gently-used mysterious box. He shook the box experimentally, and it _sounded_ like there was something inside. There had been no key included with their gift, and Mettaton didn’t know how to open it. He was tempted to smash it against the ground, see if it would break open.

[i don’t think we should go around breaking things a scary, unknown creature gave us.]

{Yeah, but why give us the box without the key? Why not just give us what’s inside?}

[i dunno.]

[let me look at it.]

Mettaton got out of the way as Sans took control of the body. Sans turned the box over in his hands, dragged his fingers along the edges and traced the gold carving with his eyes. He felt along the lip of the lid, but it wouldn’t budge. There were no carvings in the wood, nothing painted on or in the gold carving. As Sans examined the box, he remarked:

[y’know, i thought for a minute you were gonna let muffet release everything.]

[say “whoops, sorry sans. couldn’t do anything and now everyone knows.”]

{Sans.}

{If we’re going to tell everyone, we’re going to do it on our own terms.}

{They’re not going to hear it from a crazy, cannibalistic spider lady.}

Sans shook the box again, feeling the weight slide around inside it.

[well, it wasn’t a total loss.]

[we did get a weird box out of it.]

{Yes, the _ultimate prize_.}

{Just what I’ve always wanted.}

{ _A_ _weird box_.}

[well, time to see what’s inside.] Sans raised his hand and threw the box as hard as he could at the ground. It hit, bounced twice, and landed on its side, completely unharmed.

{I thought we _weren’t_ gonna break it open.} Sans crossed over and picked it up. Not a scratch or a bump. The lid was no closer to opening than it had been a second ago. Sans sighed, then threw it up into the air. A second later, one of his Blasters appeared and fired at it. The box landed on the ground, not even smoking.

[that’s all _i_ got.]

\------------

“ _Alphys!_ ” Mettaton called out into the lab. “i need you to open a box.”

“W-What?” Alphys’s head poked out over the top floor wall.

“I’ve got a box i can’t open and I was hoping you could help.” Mettaton looked up to her and held the box up like an offering. As Alphys rode down the escalator, she asked:

“Where did you g-get this box?”

“it’s a long story. We got it from spidermass while being blackmailed by another spider.” Mettaton frowned. “I guess it’s not that long of a story.”

Alphys got to the bottom and reached up for the box. As she took it, Mettaton noticed she was careful not to touch him. Despite the fact that they'd made up, Alphys still felt a little guilty. They told her to forget it. She didn’t. The early prototype weapons she’d developed and installed had done nothing to ease her mind.

“It’s j-just w-wood,” she observed.

“i know that Alphys. but it’s locked.” Mettaton explained. Alphys pulled on the lid without luck.

“L-Let me g-go get a saw.”

\---------

It was almost night time before Alphys emerged from the lower lab, sweaty and covered in grease.

“I have c-come to the c-conclusion this b-box is ch-charmed or something. The l-laser d-didn’t make a d-dent in it,” Alphys announced. She handed the box back to Mettaton. “S-Sorry.” The box was completely undamaged; no mark of any sort had been left.

“That’s okay alphys. We’ll figure it out. eventually,” Mettaton sighed.

\-----------

They stuck the box on the desk in their bedroom that night. Mettaton had considered calling up Undyne and seeing if she could break it open, or if Grillby or Ember could burn away the wood. However, if Alphys was right, nothing would break the charm on the box. As they plugged themselves in, Mettaton had one last idea.

{Ghosts!}

[what about ‘em?]

{A ghost might be able to phase through it and get whatever’s inside.}

[sounds like a...]

[ _boo_ tiful idea.]

[shame we don’t know any.]

{Sans.}

[i know. I’m just fucking with you.]

[in the morning, though.]

{Yeah, in the morning.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, do you all remember that throwaway gag OC I made up on the spot a million chapters ago?
> 
> He's now an SCP/Lovecraftian horror/bringer of the McGuffins.
> 
> Don't ask.
> 
> See you Monday


	35. [ghosts} or, Mettaton Teaches Sans About The Ghirds And The Ghees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Blook family get together for dinner

—One week later—

“In the morning” turned out to be almost a week later. Mettaton puttered around, looking for any reason not to go, wasting time dilly-dallying around the set or claiming they didn't have enough battery to make the trip.

{You know, I don't think this box is really all that important.} Mettaton said, idly swirling a piece of paper around on his desk and staring at the offending rectangle.

[that’s not what you were saying a week ago.]

[ghosts were your idea.]

Mettaton groaned internally.

{I _know_.} he whined.

{It’s such a long trip, though.}

[take the ferry.]

Mettaton groaned again and dropped his head onto the desk. He let out a heavy sigh. Sans rolled his eyes.

[you’re being a child.]

[buck up and go see your mommy.]

{ _Cousin._ } Mettaton corrected.

{They’re my cousin.}

[whatever.] Sans shrugged. Mettaton whimpered pathetically into the desktop. Forgiving Alphys had been easier than this.

{We don’t _have_ to go.} Mettaton reasoned.

{It’s not like we need whatever’s in the box to survive.}

{There could be anthrax in there.}

[ _now_ you’re worried about anthrax?]

{I don’t know if ghosts are vulnerable to anthrax.}

{We shouldn’t risk it.} Mettaton shut his eyes and sat there. Sans sighed. As Mettaton relaxed, Sans slowly slipped into control. When Mettaton was fully supplanted, Sans stood up and rolled his head.

{Woah, what the fuck?}

{Is Alphys—}

[it’s me you idiot.]

[let’s go see your family.]

\-------------

Sans teleported to just outside the Blook family houses. Mettaton only flinched a little bit. Teleporting had gotten a lot easier since Garrett. Mettaton’s SOUL settled down fairly quickly. He looked around the space through Sans’s eyes. The two club-shaped buildings stretched up before them.

{Aww…} Mettaton sighed disappointedly.

{It’s _purple_.} Mettaton described the house on the right.

[hm?] Sans asked disinterestedly.

{It should be pink. Looks better pink.}

[it’s not like you still live in it.] Sans said, strolling up to the house on the left casually. He raised his hand to knock when Mettaton interrupted him.

{Sans…}

{About my cousin…}

[what about ‘em?]

[napsta’s a nice dude.]

{How do you know Blooky?}

[i know everyone.]

[it’ll be fine.] Sans knocked on the door and waited. He had to knock a second time.

“...why are you knocking Maddie?...” A faint voice called from the other side of the door. “...Just come in…”

[maddie?]

{...Oh no.} Mettaton groaned

[what?]

{It’s Thursday. Family dinner night.}

“Hey, it’s me,” Sans called. “metta!”

“...oh…” Napstablook breathed from the other side of the door. “...oh no…”

[promising.]

“I got a favor to ask. could ya open the door?” Sans asked. For a moment, there was silence. Sans opened his mouth to say something else when the door clicked and opened a crack. When it didn’t open any further, Sans opened it himself. The door creaked open to reveal the small blue ghost inside. They floated away from the door, looking down and pulling themselves away from Mettasans.

“...h-hi metta…” Napstablook said, “...come in…”

Sans smiled at him and stepped into the single-room house. He looked around the space. Napstablook’s place was like it always was, slightly dilapidated and sparsely furnished. The keyboard, mouse, and monitor had been scooted back to make room on the desk for the three plates of translucent sandwiches on it.

“How’s it floating, napstablook?” Sans asked, examining the CD cases by the wall. He’d heard them all before.

“...okay…” Napstablook said, “....i guess…”

“That’s good.” Sans turned one of the cases over in his hand. Napstablook was silent as Sans read the track information on the back. Eventually, Napstablook spoke up again.

“...what’s the favor?”

 “oh, right.” Sans held out the box. “Can you reach through and get what’s inside? alphys thinks it’s locked by a charm but I was thinking you could just phase through it.”

“...uh, maybe…” Napstablook hesitantly crossed the gap between them. They held out one of the short nubs that served as their hands and reached for the box. Napstablook’s hand hit the side of the box, but went no further. Napstablook’s already translucent form faded as they attempted to reach inside the wooden jewelry box. After a moment, Napstablook reformed. “...im sorry. I can’t get in. I’m so sorry…” Napstablook looked like they were about to burst into tears.

“that’s okay, Napstablook, thank you for trying. i appreciate it,” Sans said, pocketing the box into his hoodie. This did nothing to calm the ghost’s burgeoning tears. Sans shifted nervously on his feet.

“...i still failed…”

“You tried your best, that’s all i wanted,” Sans said, unsure of what exactly to say, “You… you did a good job Napstablook.” Sans knew his condolences fell flat. He wasn’t all that good with this type of thing.

{Alright. We tried, now let’s go.} Before Sans could say anything to that effect, Napstablook spoke up.

“...are you going to be staying for dinner?” Napstablook asked, their voice a hesitant whisper.

[are we?]

{ _No_.}

{We need to get out of here before—}

“You left your door open again Napsta! I’ve told you not to do this a thousand times! Why don’t you listen? Listen, _listen, **listen!**_ ” The shrill voice, full of anger, carried from outside the house.

{ _Fuck._ }

“...i only just opened it…” Napstablook whispered. “...metta—”

“Quiet, blooky,” Mettaton said, quickly taking the voice control from Sans. Mettaton glanced at the window behind the computer. “I’m going to go. don’t tell them I was—”

But it was too late. A badly constructed training dummy floated in the doorway, face already twisted in rage.

“ ** _Hapstablook_**.” The dummy growled, and flew into the room before Mettaton could convince Sans to dive for the window or teleport.

“...oh no…” Napstablook muttered as the dummy sped by them.

“maddie!” Mettaton exclaimed, “Long time, no see.” Sans backpedaled, trying to buy a little time. Maddie was coming at him at an incredible speed, eyes glowing red. The dummy crashed directly into Sans, and the force of the impact knocked him off balance. He fell backwards into the wall, hitting the back of his head and sliding down to the floor. The dummy planted themself onto Sans’s stomach, hopping up and down. Sans could almost see steam erupting from Maddie’s head.

“ _What kind of nerve do_ you _have showing up after a year?_ ” Maddie shouted, shoving their face into Sans’s.

“just came by to say hi,” Mettaton said. Sans kept up a smile as best as he could with red eyes an inch away from his. “Hi maddie, good to see you, I’ve been good, gonna go now.”

“Oh no you’re not.” Maddie growled. “You’re gonna stay _right here_ until you explain yourself.”

“whoops, don’t have the time. Sorry,” Mettaton explained. Sans took the cue to try and push the dummy off. It was surprisingly heavy. That’s when he saw the glint of a knife that appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Sans felt himself start to freeze up, a memory started to drag itself into the front of his mind but he pushed it back down. It was just a knife.

“hey, that’s unnecessary now,” Mettaton said, panic creeping into his voice.

“ _I’ll tell you what’s unnecessary!_ ” Maddie almost screamed, waving the knife in front of Sans’s face. “What’s unnecessary is you leaving and sh—”

“ _Mapstablook_.” A stern voice came from somewhere behind Maddie. For a split second Sans thought Napstablook had spoken up. “Get off of them.”

Maddie—Mapstablook’s head turned completely around, but Sans couldn’t tell if the rest of his body did too. Peering around the dummy standing on him, Sans saw another dummy, this one in better condition. Sans watched as it lowered itself to the ground and a small, yellow ghost floated out of it. They looked just like Napstablook, but older somehow, if ghosts could look old. Perhaps ‘mature’ was a better word to use.

‘Why _should_ I?” Mapstablook screeched.

“Because this is family night and you’re upsetting Napstablook,” the yellow ghost scolded, folding their stubbly arms across their chest. The pose reminded Sans of Juni, just without all the hair. “Now, get out of the dummy.”

Mapstablook sighed in disgust, whipped their head around to glare at Sans again, and put the knife away. The entirety of the dummy’s dead weight fell on Sans as a red ghost floated away from it. The empty dummy crashed onto Sans’s chest, and he struggled to throw it off of him. When it finally hit the ground next to him, he looked up at the trio of ghosts that now floated just before him.

‘Hey, _hey, **hey!**_ ” Mapstablook snapped. “That’s my body, in case you’ve forgotten. Not all of us have gullible scientist friends.”

“Mapstablook,” the yellow ghost said. With a huff, Mapstablook turned back to the nervously rocking Napstablook.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” they muttered to the blue ghost. “Happy, Gabstablook?” Mapstablook asked.

“Very,” Gabstablook said, though their voice sounded just short of sincere. The yellow ghost turned their attention to Sans. “Have you gone corporeal?” they asked, their voice a bit softer, a bit kinder.

“Yeah, kinda,” Mettaton said.

“Kind of?” Gabstablook asked.

“it’s complicated.” Mettaton said, not wanting to get into all the science behind his robotic body. Gabstablook sighed.

“Can you ghost or not?” they asked, staring Sans down.

“No,” Mettaton said, and Sans felt him shrink away from the yellow ghost like a child being admonished by his mother. Gabstablook inhaled, paused for a moment, then exhaled.

“Well, I am just glad you finally found time to come, Hapstablook. Your schedule must be busy. It must have been hard to clear enough time for dinner,” they said.

“Busy schedule my ass. We’re just not good enough for them,” Mapstablook spat. Gabstablook glared at them. Mapstablook glared back. Naptsblook’s back-and-forth rocking intensified, and they floated toward the ground as if to disappear into it.

“They’ve come home for dinner and we are going to have dinner like a family again.” Gabstablook said with an air of finality. They floated across the room, picked up the sandwiches and distributed them amongst the ghosts. The three of them sat down on the ground, leaving a space in the square for Sans to sit. Sans scooted over and sat as the others began to eat in silence.

{Looks like we’re staying for a bit.} Mettaton groaned.

[you’re related to these two too?]

{Yeah.}

[i understand why you don’t talk about stabby mcangerface over there.] Mapstablook was angrily poking at his meal with his stub hand.

{Maddie. They’re… They’re unique.}

“So, Hapstablook,” Gabstablook spoke from across the square. “How’s the show business thing going?”

“fine. Just great actually,” Mettaton said. Sans twiddled his thumbs. Mapstablook was back to glaring at him again. Sans wondered where the knife had disappeared to.

“That’s good. I’m glad you got what you wanted, Happy.” Gabstablook said, but Sans didn't think he heard any real sincerity in their voice. Mapstablook snorted. Silence descended on the group as Mettaton tried to think of something to say. Sans noticed Napstablook hadn't touched their meal. Gabstablook was the only one actually eating. They started to talk again, carrying the conversation on their shoulders. Sans didn’t think they were oblivious to the mood of the meal, but Gabstablook continued to speak as if they didn’t notice. They asked Napstablook about the farm and Mapstablook about Undyne. Both of the other ghosts responded in short, monosyllabic sentences. Eventually, Gabstablook got on them about _actually_ eating, and soon all three plates were clean. Gabstablook picked them up and put them back on the computer desk, lamenting Napstablook’s lack of a sink.

“that was very pleasant,” Mettaton said. “It was nice to see you all again, but i have to go.” Sans took his cue to stand up and dust himself off. There were still bits of cotton stuck to his hoodie.

“Oh no you don’t.” Mapstablook spoke up. “Get on the floor.”

[...what]

“I really don’t have time today, maddie. Next time?” Mettaton said, knowing full well he didn’t plan on there being a ‘next time.’

“Get. On. The. _Floor_.” Mapstablook screamed the last word, causing Napstablook to start and fade a little bit.

“Mapstablook,” Gabtablook admonished, “we do not yell at dinner.” Mapstablook’s face managed to turn redder than it already had been. It looked like they were about to go off on Gabstablook, but the yellow ghost turned their back on Mapstablook.

“Hapstablook, it would be great if you would join us.” Gabstablook said, though it didn’t sound much like a request. They floated down to the ground and laid down on the slightly broken wooden floor. Napstablook wavered a bit, glanced at Mettasans, then laid down beside their cousin. Mapstablook glared at Sans, waiting for the robot to move.

{Just lay down. Don’t argue with them. It’s easier not to argue.} Sans complied, lowering himself to the floor so he was perpendicular to Gabstablook. Soon the four of them were on the floor, heads close together. Sans expected Gabstablook to start talking again, but they were silent. Sans just stared at the ceiling, counting the cracks in it.

[what are we doing?]

{We are laying on the ground and feeling like garbage.} Mettaton said, voice flat.

[yeah, okay. but why?]

{Because this is what ghosts do.}

{They lay on the ground and feel like garbage.}

{The ‘feeling like garbage’ is the important part of this activity, by the way.}

{Every ghost looks forward to the post-meal garbage fest.}

{It’s the best part of the meal, Sans.} Mettaton sounded bitter and sarcastic. Sans thought for a moment.

[...i could get used to this.] he said, letting his body relax and the feeling of being garbage start to creep up. Mettaton grunted.

[how long does this last?]

{Five minutes, until the next meal, it doesn’t matter.}

{Depends on how bad you want to feel about yourself.}

{Gabby normally gets up in a half an hour.}

{We can leave then.}

They were quiet for a moment. The room was completely silent. No one in the group had to breathe.

[so…]

[this is a species-wide thing?]

{Yeah. After you eat anything you gotta lay down and feel like garbage.}

[you keep using that phrase.]

[‘feel like garbage.’]

{That’s literally what it’s called.}

{One of the first things you learn after being born is how to properly feel like garbage.}

[that’s kind of depressing to teach a baby that right after being born.]

[are ghost babies smart enough to understand how to feel like garbage so quickly?]

{Ghosts are born as fully-formed adults.}

[really?]

{Yeah.}

[i bet that’s weird.]

[mr. and mrs. ghost, here’s your child. they’re already twenty five years old.]

[better go help them find a house and a job.]

{...}

{Do you know how ghosts are born, Sans?}

[i assume like most species.]

[the ghost birds and the ghost bees.]

{...Not really.} Mettaton sighed.

{Ghosts are born out of loss.}

[huh?]

Mettaton was silent for a moment. Sans could feel him try and formulate the best way to explain this.

{When a monster loses something important, all the feelings of grief and loss get…}

{Not really rejected from the SOUL, but they like…}

{Leak out.}

{And if there’s enough of it and its powerful enough, it condenses into a new SOUL.}

{The SOUL then builds a body around itself and _viola_.}

{One ghost.}

[...holy shit.]

{Yeah.}

{It’s great.}

{You wake up for the first time ever and some other ghost is there and tells you:}

{“Hey buddy, welcome to the world. You’re literally someone’s left over grief. Someone probably died and someone else got real sad and here you are.”}

{‘Hope you have a good life, because you can’t die.”} Mettaton said through gritted teeth.

{So every ghost decided the best way to handle this is to just _accept_ that you are literally someone else’s pain and just hate yourself for it.}

{Hate yourself until the world ends because no one’s found a way to die without going corporeal first and going corporeal is very difficult.}

{So yeah. “Lay on the ground and feel like garbage” is the first thing you’re taught to do.} Mettaton went quiet, finally finished. Sans took a second to process what Mettaton had said.

[damn.] Sans said finally.

{ _Fucking damn shit damn_.} Mettaton yelled, causing Sans to flinch. The dam finally broken, Mettaton just kept yelling.

{I _hate_ this shit.}

{They’re all content just to sit around and pity themselves.}

{ _Lay on the ground and feel like garbage._ }

{It's so fucking pathetic.}

{Do you understand why I left and never came back?}

[they’re still your family, dude.]

Mettaton laughed bitterly. {What, because our names are the same?}

{There are so many ghosts that our names are just shorthand for when we were born.}

{‘pstablook’ is the name for ghosts born in the last century or so.}

[you called them your cousins.]

{We call each other cousins for the hell of it. No one’s actually related.}

{Not even me ‘n Blooky, and we were born on the same day around the same time.}

{We’re likely from the same monster or the same event affecting different monsters.}

{We’re no more related than you and I are, Sans.}

[if you're from the same monster, wouldn't that make you related?]

{ _I don't know_.}

{It doesn't matter anyway. There's no way to find out which grieving monster cried enough tears for two ghosts.}

[even if you're not blood related they consider you their family.]

[you shouldn't just throw that away.]

{Sans, they've given up. None of them think they can do something with themselves. Blooky’s the only one that actually does something productive.}

{He makes music and raises snails.}

{Gabby and Maddie just hang around as dummies all day and get beaten up.}

{If they don't give a shit, why should I?}

{I've done something with my life. And they hate me for it.}

[...napsta doesn't hate you.]

{He’s the only one that _should_. He's actually got dreams and I left him behind.}

{The rest of them are just pissed that I don't sit around in self-hatred like them.}

[don’t you?]

{...What?} Mettaton’s anger turned and reeled on Sans.

{The only reason I might do that is because of _you._ When I was just me, I was fine, thank you very much.}

Sans raised an eyebrow at the ceiling.

{...}

{Fuck off.}

{I don't wanna talk about this anymore.}

They sat in silence. Sans embraced the feeling of garbage. Mettaton fought it off, refusing to participate.

When Gabstablook finally sat up, it was forty minutes later.

“Well, that was a good session,” they said as Mapstablook and Napstablook peeled themselves off the floor. Mettaton, who had taken back full control from Sans, sprung right up.

“i was thinking the same thing,” Mettaton lied.

“Aren't you glad you stayed for it then?” Gabstablook asked.

“Certainly, darling~” Mettaton smiled at them, but it was rather strained. “i do have to be off, though.”

“Of course,” Gabstablook said, “you're very busy.”

“Yes. yes I am,” Mettaton said, heading for the door.

“You _will_ be back, won't you?” Again, Gabstablook sounded like she was giving an order instead of making a request. “Next Thursday?”

“They won't.” Mapstablook muttered. Mettaton made it outside, and turned to shut the door. Mapstablook was glaring at them from behind Gabstablook. The yellow ghost was eyeing them; their expression read:

_You will be back. You have an obligation to this family_. _You belong with us_.

_No I don't._ Mettaton said back. Then he caught Napstablook’s eye. Mettaton’s expression softened. Blooky was the only had he had felt bad about leaving. The little blue ghost waved, their little arm numb making tiny arcs.

Gabstablook cleared their non-existent throat. “Should _Blooky_ be expecting you next Thursday?” they asked pointedly.

Mettaton shut the door.

[what happened to being a better person?] Sans asked as Mettaton walked away from the two houses.

{This is the best decision I can make. Leaving the first time around with the best thing I've ever done.}

{I don't regret that.}

{I just wish I could have taken Blooky with me.}

{But Alphys could only do one at a time and now she’s got more important things.}

{And part of me thinks Blooky wouldn't leave anyway.}

[did you ever ask them?]

Mettaton’s silence was all the answer Sans needed. They made it down to the ferry. The River Person was waiting there, like they always were when you needed them. Mettaton climbed into the boat.

“Hotland,” he said, staring straight ahead. “As fast as possible.” The River Person pushed off the bank and began to sing their little song. Sans didn't know what to say. To watch Mettaton just… leave his family behind, it angered him. No matter what Mettaton claimed his cousins were like, Sans thought that he shouldn't abandon them like this.

{Yeah, well. It's nice to think that “family” always means good things.}

{You got Pap. I got Stabby McAngerface.}

{We don't choose who we get.}

[if you'd just _try_ —]

{I did. For years. Nothing worked.}

Before Sans could retort, the River Person sang a little louder:

“Tra la la! There used to be another robot in the Underground. I wonder where he went?”

It was delivered so offhandedly, Mettaton didn't quite understand what the River Person said at first.

“excuse me?” he asked, but the River Person was back to humming. Mettaton knew it was useless to try and get something more out of the cloaked ferryman.

{Another robot?}

[i dunno if you don't.]

It wasn't until they were in the apartment before Mettaton figured out the implications of what the River Person had said.

{Do you think they were talking about _me_?}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you Monday.


	36. [Sick} or, In Which Everyone Tries Their Best But They Don't Succeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans, Mettaton and Undyne help out at Grillby's in the longest chapter so far.
> 
> Goes just as well as you'd think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags Updated: Vomiting.
> 
> Hey! Important note regarding the status of the fic at the end.

—Four months later—

Sans and Mettaton rode the ferry every chance they could, hoping the strange gondolier would let something more slip. The only thing they knew for sure now was that the path to Temmie Village could be found in the room before the darkening lantern room. They had visited the aforementioned village—twice—but no pearls of wisdom could be gleaned from the little white creatures.

They did have a lot of tem flakes, though.

Sans had spent an _unbelievable_ amount on the small boxes of construction paper. Ignoring Mettaton’s protests, Sans had gone ahead and almost bought the shopkeeper out. Now, sitting on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the lava flows, Sans was happily chewing up and spitting out the little squares. He devoured them handfuls at a time, spitting out the wadded up, wet paper into the lava to incinerate.

[this might sound kind of odd,] Sans said, throwing another handful into his mouth.

[but i miss the sensation of swallowing.]

{Sans.}

{You are _literally eating construction paper_.}

{There is nothing you can say to me that will weird me out more than that.}

[hey.]

[these are fucking delicious.]

{I lied. _That’s_ weird.}

{They’re just pieces of construction paper.}

{ _Why are we eating construction paper?!?_ }

[you’re the one who won’t let me eat ketchup anymore.]

{So you go to _tem flakes_?}

[tem flakes ar—]

Sans was interrupted by the internal ringing of their cell phone. Mettaton groaned as the _Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2_ opening played. Sans grinned.

{Sans I swear to god stop setting that as our ringtone.}

{It wasn’t funny the first time. It’s not funny now.}

[i think it’s _purr_ fect.]

“Hello, mettasans speaking.” Sans said, pushing his mouthful of soggy paper to one corner of his mouth.

“I need you down at Grillby’s,” Undyne’s voice sounded in their skull, “Now.” Her voice was hard, serious.

“Has something happened?” Sans got serious, matching Undyne’s tone.

“Just get down here as fast as possible.” Undyne hung up before Sans could ask her what was wrong. His anxiety flared. Something had happened at Grillby’s. He had to get to Papyrus, make sure he was safe.

{Are we going to take the ferry?}

[nope. gonna teleport.]

Sans spat out his wad of tem flakes, planted his arms on the ground and jumped off the cliff. The moment his body left the ground he called up the familiar, pulsing magic. He bent his legs to help the landing, then released the built up magic. One second he was free-falling towards lava, the next he landed in a snowbank behind the building across from Grillby’s.

Sans felt his internal heating systems adjust to the sharp drop in temperature. He stood, shaking the snow from his hands and glancing around the building. The street was empty. Sans couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad sign, and decided to treat it as the latter just in case. Sans couldn’t see much through the front window of Grillby’s from this distance; the tint on the window rendered the interior obscure.

Sans conjured up a bone in his hand, fist curling around the white attack and ran out into the street. He glanced both down both sides as he crossed, but there was no one to be seen. The lack of life made him even more nervous. He felt some of his magic start to pool in the air around him, starting to form the shimmering outline of a skull.

Sans reached the other side quickly, and opted not to waste time with door handles. He was thankful for the titanium shoulder he now had as he busted through the bar door. It crashed open, and Sans heard one of the hinges pop off.

“undyne!” he called out as he scanned his immediate vicinity for threats, internal fans whirring. “Who’s hurt?! where’s Pap?!”

But instead of the piles of dust he had expected, his frantic gaze met the startled gaze of perfectly unharmed customers. Undyne herself stood in the center of the room, carrying two serving trays on one arm while the other hand held out a french fry basket to a startled bunny. She stared at him, frozen, her good eye open wide. The entire room stared at him in silence.

“What—” Undyne stammered, still not over her surprise. “Are you okay?”

“are you?”

“Yes!” Undyne exclaimed. “You’re the one on full agro.”

Sans realized his breathing was panicky, and the more that it appeared that nothing seemed to be amiss, he forced himself to calm down. A blue light that Sans hadn’t noticed dimmed, and he figured his eye had been on full force. He dispelled the attack in his hand and the half-formed skull outside the window.

“You almost made me glitch out,” Sans breathed. “i thought someone was dead.”

“No!” Undyne shook her head. “What gave you that idea?”

“You sounded grim on the phone and you hung up suddenly—”

“Because it’s lunch rush and I need more hands!” Undyne said.

“...what?” Sans said. Before Undyne could reply, the kitchen door opened. Grillby stuck his head out.

“What was that noise, Undyne?” Grillby’s usually soft voice was weaker, raspier. Sans noticed how dim he looked, the top of his head barely reaching high enough to hold up his glasses. He was wrapped in a blanket, clutching a mug of kerosene.

“Nothing, Grillby,” Undyne said. “Go back to bed.”

“You okay grillbz?” Sans asked.

“Sick.” Undyne answered for him, “like his kids. And he needs to go back to bed before his glasses fall off.” Undyne shot Grillby a glare. He paused, as if he was going to say something, but then left. The kitchen door swung shut as Undyne looked around the bar. “Everything’s okay folks! Metta just got the wrong impression.”

A hushed murmur picked up as people returned to their meals. Undyne finished handing out the food on her trays. She wished the bunny family at the table a good meal, then crossed the bar to Sans. When Undyne approached him, Sans was still trying to dispel the last of his nervous magic.

{Deep breaths, in for ten, out for ten.}

[i don’t need your damn exercises.]

“The hell, man?” Undyne asked, just loud enough for only Sans to hear.

“I was a little freaked.”

“You broke the fucking door down,” Undyne pointed out.

“i’ll pay for it,” Sans said, glancing at the ruined door. “What was it you needed so badly?”

“A bartender! Grillby, Pap, and Ember are all sick and I don’t know how to mix drinks.”

Sans had to excuse himself outside for a few minutes to calm down.

[i swear to god that fish is going to be the death of me one day.]

When Sans walked back into the bar, Undyne was waiting with an apron. Sans realized she was wearing a matching one. The Flame family must not have had extra uniforms.

“Can you work the bar and wait tables? I’ve got my hands full in the kitchen. Thanks,” Undyne said. She threw the apron at him and disappeared into the kitchen.

{Should she be cooking?}

[it’ll be fine.] Sans took up a position behind the bar, acquainting himself with the assortment of alcohol and sodas that lined the wall behind him. There were glasses under the countertop, and rags stacked neatly on one end. He was all set to go, ready for—

“Oh _shit!_ ” Undyne cursed. “ _Metta, grab some water and get in here_.”

\---------------

The third time Undyne set the something on fire in the span of an hour, Sans forced her to switch jobs with him. Somehow, most of the stove and surrounding counter had survived with little scarring. Sure, pieces of the countertop were now burnt black and four brave rags had lost their lives, but the stove still worked. Sans chalked that up to a miracle.

Undyne kept sticking her head into the kitchen though, asking how to make some drink or another. Sans kept yelling back that he didn’t know, and just to give the sucker vodka and lemonade and call it a day. Undyne asked which bottle was the vodka again. Sans told her to pick a bottle and hope for the best. He was too busy trying to discern what magical combination of oils and spices Grillby used. There were so many unlabeled bottles that Sans was sure there was no way they were all used. Maybe one of them was filled with the elusive vodka.

“THIS ONE FOR FRYING,” Papyrus said. Sans jumped. He hadn’t noticed him come into the kitchen. Pap pointed to a bottle filled with tan oil. “JUST THE FRIES THOUGH. HERE, I’LL SHOW YOU!”

“I thought you were sick?” Sans asked as Papyrus reached for a number of different bottles.

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER GETS SICK!” Papyrus exclaimed, and promptly vomited on the floor. The two of them looked at the bubbling pile of half-formed magic for a moment in shock. When a particularly large bubble began to form, Sans spun and grabbed the nearest bucket. Slamming it down on the floor upside-down, Sans threw himself on top of it just as multiple somethings hit the inside of the bucket with enough force to make clanging sounds. The sides of the bucket dented outward in spots, but it did not break. Sans let out a breath. The magic was contained.

Then he noticed the water leaking out of the sides of the bucket and jumped up onto the bucket. He made eye contact with Papyrus, who looked pale—even for a skeleton.

“WHY DID YOU GRAB THE EMERGENCY FIRE BUCKET?”

“...you have a fire bucket?”

“WE DID,” Papyrus said, eyeing the dents in the side of the bucket. Sans stifled a sigh.

“go back to bed Pap,” Sans said.

“I’M FINE,” Papyrus protested. There was another loud _clang_ as something else hit the inside of the bucket.

“What the _hell_ is happening back here, Metta?” Undyne stuck her head into the kitchen. She caught sight of Papyrus in the kitchen. He waved at her. She gritted her teeth and walked into the kitchen. “What did I tell you about getting out of bed?”

“‘DON’T GET OUT OF BED,’” Papyrus said.

“And yet you got out of bed,” Undyne remarked.

“I’M OKAY TO WORK. I WANT TO HELP!” Papyrus said, crossing his arms.

“You can help when you can stop puking every ten minutes,” Undyne said, taking him by the arm and escorting him out of the kitchen and back to bed. Sans could hear him protesting all the way. When Undyne returned, he was still on the bucket.

“Why are you still on the damn bucket?” She asked.

“I fucking like it up here,” Sans said, sarcastically. “Oh, and there’s untethered magic underneath it. also, there’s a whole bunch of water on the floor and I’m made of electronics.”

“You can handle snow, you can handle that small puddle.”

{She’s right, though.}

“i don’t have to like it.” Sans grumbled. “Just get something heavy to put on here. it’s dangerous, otherwise.” Undyne huffed and grabbed a large cardboard box marked “pots”. Sans jumped off the bucket and Undyne quickly slammed the box down where he had been standing.

“There,” Undyne said. “We’ll clean it later when we have time to do it safely.” Just as she turned to go, the bucket shifted. Undyne grabbed a second box and stacked it on top of the first faster than Sans could think.

“Let’s just not… stand near it,” Undyne said. Sans nodded his agreement.

\-------------

The lunch crowd never really cleared out, but instead turned into the dinner crowd. The only major difference was the amount of alcohol ordered and consumed. Sans got worn out and Mettaton was forced to take over. At one point, Mettaton was forced to go back and ask Grillby where he kept the extra whiskey. When he returned to the kitchen, box of whiskey bottles in hand, Papyrus had snuck back down and begun working. Again. _For the fourth time_.

“Pap!” Mettaton cried, exasperated. He put the box of whiskey on top of the other boxes on the bucket and crossed to the skeleton. “what’s going to make you stay in bed?”

“CLOSING TIME,” Papyrus answered. “ALSO IF EMBER WOULD STOP WHINING. I CAN HEAR HER THROUGH THE WALL.”

“I’ll talk to ember. Go back to bed.”

“BUT-”

“no buts,” Mettaton scolded. “You need to get well.”

“I _AM_ WELL!!”

Mettaton pointed to the bucket and raised an eyebrow.

“THAT WAS HOURS AGO,” Papyrus insisted. The text alert in Mettaton’s head flashed. Grillby. _Again_.

**> Is my son down there again? Do I need to retrieve him?**

**< no don’t worry, it’s fine. I’ve got it.**

Grillby wasn’t the only one to hear Pap’s voice, however, as Undyne came into the kitchen already angry.

“I swear to god Papyrus if you don’t go back to bed and stay there…”

“I DON’T NEED TO GO TO BED. I’M F—” Undyne cut of Papyrus’ protests by grabbing him by the arm and trying to drag him back to his room. Unlike the previous oustings, Papyrus dug in his heels and refused to let her move him. As a result, Pap’s forearm popped off at the joint, causing Undyne to lurch forward and almost crash into a shelf full of pans. She spun, looked at the unconnected hand in hers, then back up at Papyrus.

“So that’s how you’re gonna be,” Undyne growled. She threw the arm at Mettaton, and ran her shoulder into Papyrus’s stomach. She hoisted him up and slung him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“PUT ME DOWN!” Papyrus protested, using his good hand to pound on her back. Undyne pushed upon the door that led to the Flame residence, carrying Papyrus easily despite his protests. Mettaton followed, clutching Pap’s arm in his hand. Undyne hauled him down the hallway to his room. Grillby stuck his head out his bedroom and watched Undyne carry his protesting son into his bedroom and throw him onto his racecar bed. Grillby looked back at Mettaton questioningly.

Mettaton waved at him with Papyrus’s disconnected hand. Undyne snatched it from him and threw it at Papyrus.

“Stay down, okay?!” Undyne shouted. “Get well, _punk_.” She shut his door so forcefully the door frame shook and splintered. Mettaton added another door to the list of things they’d damaged today. Grillby looked at him, sighed, and held out a key ring.

“Lock the kitchen door if you must,” Grillby rasped.

“Thanks Grillbz.” Mettaton smiled at him. Grillby opened his mouth to say something else, but suddenly his flames dimmed and flared. He moved faster than either Mettaton or Sans had ever seen as he ran into his room and threw open the door to a bathroom. Mettaton could hear Grillby retching from the hallway and quietly shut the door.

“Didja hear that Papyrus?” Undyne called through Papyrus’ door. “We’re locking the kitchen door, so _stay in bed_.”

“Would you all _shut up?_ ” Ember whined from inside her room. Something—probably a pillow—hit her door from the inside. “I'm _trying_ to _sleep_.”

“SHE’S ON THE PHONE WITH TAV.”

“ _Shut up, Papyrus._ ” Ember snapped back, her voice breaking and sending her into a coughing fit.

“Go to sleep! Both of you!” Undyne yelled, then spun on one foot and stormed back down the hallway. Mettaton followed her out. When they re-entered the kitchen, Mettaton turned around, locked the door and slipped the keys into his pocket.

“I’m going to go make sure things didn’t fall apart out there,” Undyne said, and walked back out into the bar proper. It was barely ten seconds later that she came back and reached for the heaviest-duty cleaning supplies, a grim expression on her face.

“You really don’t want to know,” she hissed, and steeled herself before walking back out into the bar.

[guess things fell apart out there.]

Mettaton stuck his head out of the kitchen and immediately regretted it. He winced, eyeing the sheer amount of— _dear lord what was that?_ Undyne held the mop out in front of her like one of her spears. She was yelling at the mess. Mettaton scanned the bar, and when he saw the nauseous-looking plant that had been sitting in the booth that was now covered in the stuff, he immediately knew what had happened.

{At least Pap’s mess is still trapped under that bucket.} Mettaton said, arming his prototype weapons and heading out to back Undyne up.

\----------

Mettaton and Undyne sat in the snow outside the establishment that had once been Grillby’s. His knees pulled up to his chest, Mettaton had offered Undyne his hoodie to help fight the cold.

“You’re not cooking anymore,” Undyne growled.

“i don’t think anyone is,” Mettaton replied. He winced as another of Grillby’s texts came through.

**> I would really like to know what’s happened. It is much too quiet out there for things to be running smoothly.**

“What do i tell Grillbz?” Mettaton asked. Undyne sighed.

“You can tell him that his restaurant is _not_ on fire. That’s true.”

“not on fire _anymore_.”

“Details, details.” Undyne waved a hand in the air dismissively, then ran it through her ponytail. “Are you sure we should just let it run it’s course?”

“Unless you wanna go back in there…” Mettaton trailed off. Undyne shuddered, though from cold or fear Mettaton could not tell. She gathered his oversized hoodie around her slim body and drew the hood up. “you okay? Do you wanna go sit in the inn?” Mettaton offered. Undyne shook her head.

“Hell no. I’m sitting right here until I can confidently tell Grillby his bar is not a death trap,” Undyne said, setting her jaw stubbornly. Mettaton hesitated, then put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side before she could complain.

“i don’t produce that much heat, but…” Mettaton trailed off as Undyne looked up at him in confusion. “Too weird?” Mettaton asked. Undyne’s visible eyebrow shot up so high Mettaton was afraid it was going to fly off her face. “too weird. Gotcha.” Mettaton retracted his arm and Undyne sat back up. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, Mettaton unsure of what to say. They watched the snow fall.

“How long you figure this thing will go before burning itself out?” Undyne asked. Mettaton shrugged.

“never seen anything that big before.”

“Damn it.” Undyne hissed through clenched teeth.

“Well, the important thing is that we tried,” Mettaton said, “and the more important thing is that i am rich enough to pay for a new bar if I need to.”

Undyne rolled her eyes before letting out a little snicker. Mettaton smiled. She noticed and sneered before playfully punching him in the arm. Her fist clanged against his shoulder. Mettaton let himself fall to the side, throwing one arm on his forehead dramatically.

“you wound me, madam,” Mettaton teased.

“I’ll do more than that if you keep this up,” Undyne threatened, but her voice was still light-hearted. Mettaton laughed, pushing himself into a sitting position again. He looked back at the bar door.

“we’re so _fucked_ ,” Mettaton groaned, catching a glimpse of the horror that lied within the bar through a window.

“Why would that be?” someone behind him said. Mettaton snapped his head around and a smile spread across his face.

“Juni!” Mettaton said, standing up and letting the snow fall from him. “what are you doing out here?” Juni’s hair trailed in the snow as she approached, arms already crossed in a familiar pose.

“I came out to get the dinner catering. Ember never showed up with it today,” Juni said. Undyne groaned and dropped her head onto her knees.

“ _I forgot about that_ ,” she moaned. “Grillby told me about the catering but then the plant puked and I forgot.”

Juni looked up at Mettaton questioningly. “The Flame family is all sick. They asked undyne to come down and cover for them and she dragged me into it,” Mettaton explained.

“So what are the two of you doing _outside_ the bar?” Juni asked. Mettaton winced.

“One of the regulars drank too much and i’m _apparently_ not all that good at cooking—which honestly I’m kind of surprised about—but anyway, the guy puked and no one did a thing for like _ten minutes_ and by that time it was too late to tame it so we evacuated everyone and now we’re just waiting and hoping it dissipates soon.”

Juni looked at Mettaton, apparently disappointed in him from the expression on her face, sighed and asked, “Did you try throwing baking soda on it?”

“...what,” Mettaton said flatly.

“So you didn’t,” Juni said, connecting the dots fairly quickly. “Can we still get into the kitchen?”

“Not without going through the house,” Undyne said. Juni sighed, then turned and trudged down the street to the general store. A few moments later she returned, hauling a large bag behind her. She reached them, opened the bag and handed them both a set of rubber gloves.

“Put these on,” she commanded, “and grab a box. We’ve got a beast to tame.”  Juni reached into the bag and pulled out a large, restaurant sized box of baking soda.

\-----------

“It’s only a _small_ hole,” Mettaton said, examining the newly-discovered hole in the bar wall. The battle was over and most of the baking soda swept up. With Juni’s miracle weapon, the vomit-beast went down fairly quickly. Juni herself was also gone, having left to get back to her production meeting.

“Do you think we could just… put a poster over it and they won’t notice?” Undyne asked. She had tied his hoodie around her waist, and it almost came down to her ankles.

“we can _try_ ,” Mettaton said.

“Hey, you’re the one who was throwing bombs around. The hole is your problem,” Undyne said, and went back to sweeping.

{Sans, what should we do about the hole?}

[i dunno.]

{Hey, I fought the hell-spawn, you could at least help me fix a wall.} Mettaton picked up a piece of broken table and held it up to the hole.

“When did you even get bombs anyway?” Undyne asked.

“I’ve had them the whole time,” Mettaton lied.

“You’ve only ever used magic, though.”

“ehh, always gotta have something up my sleeve,” Mettaton said. He decided the bit of wood was a bit too large, and carefully lined it up over his knee before breaking it in two. The larger piece fit into the hole almost snuggly, with only a small gap on the left side. Mettaton had to admit he was pretty proud of his quick-fix job.

“How does it look?” he asked, motioning to the repaired wall. Undyne looked up.

“Like shit.”

“good enough.” Mettaton shrugged. Before Undyne could ask any more questions, Mettaton crossed the room and walked back into the kitchen. Immediately, his nose was bombarded with the scent of freshly-cooked fries and hamburgers. The island in the center of the kitchen was covered in to-go boxes. On the far end Papyrus was putting them in paper bags, stacking two or three boxes in a bag, humming to himself. Mettaton shut his eyes and put his face in his hands.

{Just one fucking second.}

{I just need _one fucking second_ where nothing goes wrong.}

Mettaton sighed and looked up. Papyrus had noticed him standing there, and was now trying to silently slide inside one of the cabinets to hide.

“How did you even get in here?” Mettaton asked. “i would honestly like to know, because that's pretty impressive.”

“I SNUCK IN THROUGH THE BAR WHEN YOU AND UNDYNE WERE BUSY FIGHTING THAT... THING,” Papyrus said, extracting his leg from the cabinet.

Mettaton pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't get headaches, but if he could Mettaton felt like he’d have the mother of all migraines.

“I MADE THE CATERING FOR THE STUDIO,” Papyrus supplied. Mettaton stifled a groan.

“Of course you did, pap.” Mettaton muttered. For as much as he loved the skeleton before him, Mettaton really wanted to strangle Papyrus in that moment. Instead, Mettaton stepped to the side and pointed at the door. Papyrus quietly walked out of the kitchen, Mettaton following behind. Undyne’s eye widened as Mettaton ushered Papyrus back out the front door.

“How did he—”

“Snuck in through the bar.” Mettaton cut Undyne’s question off. “i'm going to walk him back to bed, then I’m going to jump into the lava pits. i’d rather melt than see what else can go wrong around here.”

“Wait,” Undyne said, “toss me the kitchen keys.” Mettaton did as she asked. Undyne caught the key ring and ran over to the kitchen door. Mettaton and Papyrus watched her lock it, then watched as she ran out the front door. The two men shared a glance then followed her out. Undyne ran down the street, towards the ferry landing, but stopped in front of the tree line. She slid one foot in front of the other, wound up, and tossed the keys into the forest. Mettaton heard it hit tree branches as it flew into the darkness.

“There,” she said, “now he can't get back into the kitchen,” Undyne grinned at her own genius, then started to walk triumphantly back to Grillby’s.

“Neither can we.” Mettaton pointed out, watching her go.

“What are you talking about? We can get in through…” Undyne trailed off, finally realizing the consequences of her actions. She stopped in her tracks. “ _You have got to be kidding me!_ ” She screamed at the sky, then turned and ran into the trees. Mettaton could hear her crashing through the underbrush, searching for the keys. After a moment, Mettaton turned and started walking towards the ferry.

“WHERE ARE _YOU_ GOING?” Papyrus asked.

“i’ve decided not to wait for the lava pits. The river should kill me just fine.” Mettaton said. “tell your father to take as much money from my bank account as he needs for all the damage.” Undyne came out of the tree line, covered in snow and pine needles.

“Well, those are gone,” she said. “Where’s Metta going?”

“TO JUMP IN THE RIVER,” Papyrus sighed.

“Oh no he isn’t. He’s gotta help me get back into the kitchen.” Undyne ran up behind Mettaton and grabbed him by the arm. Mettaton let her drag him back to the bar, falling over into the snow so she pulled him down the road by the arm. He was too exhausted to really put up a fight. Papyrus followed dutifully behind them. When they got back to the building, Undyne left Mettaton sitting against the outside wall while she escorted Papyrus back to bed.

{Can we just go back to eating tem flakes over lava?}

{I miss that. It was a much simpler time.}

[i knew you’d warm up to them.]

Undyne returned after a few moments. “Now what?” she asked. “Any ideas?”

“Nope. the river was my plan,” Mettaton said.

“Shut up about the damn river and help me find a way into the kitchen,” Undyne growled. Mettaton thought for a moment.

“Isn’t there a window on the left side of the kitchen?” he said. Undyne’s eye lit up.

“Yes! I bet it’s unlocked, too!” Undyne grabbed Mettaton by the arm again and dragged him to the window. She pressed her hands up against it in an attempt to open it. She strained against it, pushing with all her might.

The window did not budge.

“ _Damn it!_ ” Undyne smacked the window. The blow caused the bottom part of the window to crack a little. Undyne’s face broke out into a big smile, and she started shifting through the snow on the ground.

“what are you looking for?”

“This!” Undyne stood up, holding a rock up victoriously. She backed up from the window, wound up, and threw the rock as hard as she could at the window. The window shattered spectacularly, shards of glass and plastic raining down on either side of the wall. Undyne whooped and threw her fist up in the air. She ran back up to the window and threw herself inside. Mettaton heard the crunch of glass as she landed inside the kitchen.

“I’m going to open the door on the bar side, come in that way!” Undyne called out. As Mettaton walked around the building, he got another text from Grillby.

**> Okay, what was _that_? I will call you if you don’t answer this time.**

**< Undyne did it.**

**> Did what?**

**< all of it.**

Even from outside, Mettaton could hear something crash against the floor inside the bar. There was a pause, then:

**> I’m coming down there.**

**< You really don’t want to.**

Grillby didn’t respond. Mettaton made it back inside the bar to see Undyne standing in the open doorway to the kitchen.

“So it turns out there’s no real way to unlock these doors without the keys,” Undyne said.

“then how’d you get it open?” Mettaton asked, already knowing he wouldn’t like the answer. Undyne pointed to the floor. Or rather, she pointed to the kitchen door that was now on the floor, completely off its hinges. Mettaton looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

“Grillby just texted me. he’s coming down to the bar.”

Undyne threw her hands up into the air and yelled: “ _Fucking fantastic!_ ” She spun on one heel and marched into the kitchen. Mettaton followed behind.

“I may have also blamed you for everything, so...” As Mettaton trailed off, Undyne spun around to face him.

“You little _shit_.” She pushed him with both hands. Mettaton stumbled backward into a shelf of pans, which then rained down onto him with loud crashes. A few of them flew off the top shelf and hit the boxes that were still stacked on the ex-fire bucket. They too were knocked off balance and toppled off the bucket, spilling the cast-iron pots inside onto the floor.

To top it all off, the bucket began to shift and dance now that the stabilizing weight was gone.

“ _Shit_ ,” Undyne said, and dove for it. She landed on top of bucket and curled herself into a ball to centralize her weight. Mettaton didn’t wait for her to tell him what to do. He sprung up and dove for the cabinet where Papyrus kept the baking soda. Grabbing the open box from the front, Mettaton ran back to Undyne and the bucket.

“on the count of three, lift up the side closest to me,” Mettaton said. Undyne nodded, her teeth clenched from the effort of staying on top of the bucking bucket. “One. two… _three!_ ” Undyne slid off the bucket and lifted the right side for Mettaton to pour the rest of the box into the space. The hissing sound of the puke shriveling up and being absorbed told them that Mettaton had scored a direct hit. Mettaton leaned back to avoid the steam that rose out of the opening.

After a few moments, the sound disappeared and the steam dissipated. Undyne removed the horribly dented bucket to reveal the pile of baking soda within. She tossed the bucket to the side and laughed.

“That’s right! _Go down, you fucker_!” She jeered at the white powder. She held up her hand for a high-five and Mettaton obliged.

“Well, we did _one_ thing right today,” Mettaton said.

“That seems to be an accurate count,” Grillby said, his voice still raspy and sickly. Both Mettaton and Undyne’s heads snapped to look at him. Mettaton offered a small wave to the stony countenance. Under the disappointed gaze of the bartender, Mettaton shrunk away and pushed Sans back into control.

[thanks, buddy.]

{No problem Sans. Anytime.}

\------------

Sans and Undyne sat at one of the two non-destroyed tables while Grillby took an inventory of all the things they’d ruined. With a sigh, he returned to the two of them but did not sit.

“Do you want help cleaning up?” Undyne asked.

“Not from the two of you,” Grillby replied.

“Fair enough,” Undyne said.

“I was going to pay the two of you for your work today,” Grillby said. Both Sans and Undyne winced.

“you really shouldn’t,” Sans said, “In fact…” Sans pulled out his checkbook and scribbled a very large amount of gold onto it. He held out the strip of paper to Grillby. “that should be more than enough. If it’s not, just put it all on my tab.”

For a second, Sans could see a hint of confusion flash across Grillby’s face. “You...don’t have a tab here.”

“open one for me then.” Sans shrugged, hiding the internal wince. Mettaton didn’t like having an open tab, so they simply didn’t have one. A little thing Sans had forgotten. Oh well. No big deal.

\------------

When Mettasans left, saying his battery was literally at 15% and if he didn’t leave soon they’d have a dead hunk of metal on their hands, Undyne and Grillby were alone in the bar. Undyne was still insisting she help in some manner, Grillby insisting that she’d done enough. He examined the damage done to the front door, how it clung to the door frame with the bottom hinge.

“Sorry ‘bout that. When I called Metta to come help he… freaked out for a minute. Thought someone was in danger and busted the door in,” Undyne explained. “I mean he came in here magic blazing, ready to take someone’s face off.”

“Doesn’t strike me the type,” Grillby mused.

“Yeah, well…” Undyne trailed off, remembering how she lost her eye; the sight of those skull cannons all lined up right in front of her.

“I suppose he did finish off a human.”

“That he did,” Undyne said. “I didn’t think he’d actually do it.”

“Hm?”

“Well, when the human first showed up, he froze,” Undyne explained.

“I’ve seen fully trained soldiers freeze at the sight of the enemy time and time again,” Grillby said, voice almost a whisper. Undyne flinched. She’d forgotten the man’s military experience.

“He came through in the end, at least,” Undyne interjected.

“Kind of odd, though,” Grillby said, turning back around and picking through the piles wood that had once been tables. “An entertainer fighting like that.”

“There’s quite a bit about Mettasans that’s odd,” Undyne snorted.

“What do you mean?” Grillby asked. Undyne hesitated for a moment. Figuring Grillby was trustworthy, she told him about Mettasans’s early issues: the breakdowns and the mood swings. She even told him about the odd memory gap both her and Alphys seemed to have regarding Mettasans’s past. When she described the feeling of confusion and headache, Grillby interrupted.

“Just now, when he said to put what money I needed ‘on his tab,’ i know he doesn’t have a tab. But for a second there I thought he _did_ , and when I tried to remember the total, I experienced the same headache you’re describing,” he said. Undyne frowned.

“You did?” she asked. Grillby nodded. “Are you sure? You’ve been sick.”

Grillby shook his head. “No, I haven’t had any headaches at all until just then.” Undyne thought for a moment.

“Do you get ghosts in here often?”

“No. I don’t think I’ve ever had a ghost come in,” Grillby said. They looked at eachother for a moment.

“He comes in here a lot, right?”

“Every Sunday.”

“If he ever does or says anything that triggers that feeling again, let me or Alphys know, okay?” Undyne said. Grillby nodded, then turned back to his wood piles.

“If you’re sure you don’t want my help, I’ll be heading out,” Undyne said, turning to leave. Just before she left, Grillby spoke again.

“He’s not… dangerous, is he?” Grillby asked. “My children are around him a lot.” Undyne thought for a moment.

“He… shouldn’t be. Me and Alphys have a plan in case he goes haywire.”

“So he is,” Grillby said.

“No, I’m sure he’s—”

“You only have backup plans for things that can go wrong.”

“I...I guess you’re right,” she said, and a silence descended on the two of them. Undyne looked at the door Mettasans had broken, remembering the sight of his skull cannon forming just outside and the way his normally dark eye had lit up brighter than she’d ever seen it. It had been quite terrifying, if she was honest. Not that she’d been _scared_ , he just… caught her by surprise, was all. Then Undyne remembered something else.

“You know,” she said, “when he first showed up, all freaked out and in attack mode, the first person he asked about was Pap. He wanted to know if Papyrus was okay _first_.” She saw Grillby tense, his flame flaring a bit brighter despite him being sick.

“...I don’t know if that’s comforting or even scarier,” Grillby whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one glorious train wreck wasn't it?
> 
> Anyway, I'm out of school for the summer now! That means I'll have tons of time to write and I can go back to twice a week, right?  
> Wrong.  
> I'm working all summer, out in the woods, at a summer camp. I'm not going to have a lot of free time and really bad internet. I'm super excited about this, but the fic will end up taking a backseat as a result. Does this mean I'm going on hiatus?  
>  ~~lol u wish.~~  
>  No, the fic will update regularly on Mondays like normal. But I won't be here :/. Someone else will, though! Say hi to my dedicated beta:
> 
> _hey hi hello it is i ur friendly neighborhood editor garrett come to introduce myself. no, not the human that died a couple of chapters ago. that'd be kinda fucked up. i like memes and cute clothes and mettaton. it's nice to meet u all :0!!!!!!_
> 
> Garrett's gonna be handling all updates, summaries, and any comment replies starting next Monday and will extend for most of the rest of the summer. You'll know it's him when something's written in all italics.
> 
> On a related, but entirely different note: I know I haven't been as active in the comments, my life was really stressful for a while and it suddenly calmed down and the emotional whiplash took a toll. I do read and cherish every single one, as does Garrett.
> 
> Now I gotta write a month's worth of updates in a week. Wish me luck!
> 
> _See you Monday!_


	37. {lesson] or, There's No Scotty To Beam You Up, You Gotta Do This Yourself, Bro.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans gets a much-needed taste of REVENGE.

—Five months later—  
  
—One Year After The Human Fell—  
  
Mettaton and Sans had both decided to take the day off. Juni hadn't questioned it, knowing that anniversaries were sometimes… difficult. A few hours into the day, however, Mettaton regretted the decision. He wanted to be active, working. Take his mind off of it. He was restless, pacing back and forth across the two bedroom apartment, fastidiously tidying up the place. Sans was getting tired just from watching him.  
  
[just relax. sit down. Sleep.]  
  
{This place is filthy, Sans! I can't pass up this opportunity.}  
  
[you’ve made two complete sweeps of this place without doing anything.]  
  
{Just… trying to decide where to start.}  
  
Sans rolled his eyes and went back to his pinball game. Despite how hard Mettaton was trying to focus on cleaning every speck of dust in the apartment, Sans could feel just how closely Garrett hovered in his consciousness. He was just keeping the dead boy away from the front of this thoughts. Sans hadn't said anything, but he knew just how much Mettaton had been thinking of Garrett over the past two weeks. Sans had caught the robot staring at the one speck of old blood in his finger more often. Mettaton hadn't said anything either, instead throwing himself into filming, just like he had when it had just happened.  
  
Sans, for his part, had seen the boy die four times now. And it wasn't like Garrett had all that much sympathy from him.  
  
_[“It's all we could sift from the snow.”]_  
  
Sans shoved the memory away, choosing instead to listen to the barely-contained memories from last year. Both he and Mettaton shared those, so it wasn’t _really_ breaking the rules.  
  
_[The human peered down the street at them, however, curiosity written across his face. Undyne took advantage of the kid’s distraction to leap at him, spear reforming as she sailed through the air. The kid’s attention snapped back to her and he took the only option open to him at the time.]_  
  
[ _He fired…_ ]  
  
[ _...The gunshot was lost to Sans’s ears as he felt something pull on his SOUL, an insistent pull that squeezed at his very existence. He didn’t understand what was happening until he blinked and found himself looking at the side of the kid’s head._ ]  
  
[oh shit.] Sans said, closing out his pinball game.  
  
{What?} Mettaton asked, in the process of reorganizing a cupboard.  
  
[i’ve been meaning to bring this up for a whole year.]  
  
{Yeah?}  
  
[you teleported under your own power. remember that?]  
  
{That was Alphys, remember?}  
  
[yeah, but it wasn’t. she got you to do it, but i had no hand in making that happen.]  
  
[that was _you_.]  
  
Metatton paused, and Sans felt him reach back for the memory.  
  
{...yeah, maybe.}  
  
{So what if it was?}  
  
[i want to know if you can do it again.]  
  
{You think about this a whole year later?} Mettaton sighed, closing the cupboard.  
  
[shit happens, okay?]  
  
[you didn’t think about it either.]  
  
{I guess not.}  
  
[come on. let’s go see if you can do this or not.]  
  
\--------------  
  
So they ended up in the very last place Mettaton wanted to be today: Snowdin Forest. They were deep in the woods, far away from town or the road. Mettaton glanced around his surroundings, dense trees and snow as far as the eye could see.  
  
[by using the secondary pulse, the atoms in the space you want to occupy vibrate and separate—]  
  
_{There was a particularly thick trail of blood that led away from the clearing. It soaked into the snow, and grew darker as the trail continued.}_  
  
Stop, he commanded himself.  
  
_{There was a large, red puddle in the snow, as if the human had fallen over and bled in one spot for a while. The gun lay, half-covered in snow and blood, by the hole. The kid’s hat was tossed haphazardly into a snowbank, the brim spattered with blood.}_  
  
It didn’t work.  
  
[mettaton?]  
  
[earth to mettaton?]  
  
{Hm?} Mettaton blinked, Sans’s voice dragging him out of his memories. Sans sighed.  
  
[oh, don’t mind me.]  
  
[just trying to explain how teleportation works.]  
  
{Honestly, you lost me when you started talking about wave frequencies.}  
  
[that the simplest part.] Sans said, exasperated.  
  
{Sorry I’m not a scientist.}  
  
[how am i supposed to explain this to you if you refuse to listen to the theory behind it.]  
  
{I wouldn’t understand the theory even if I _did_ listen.}  
  
{Just… describe how it feels.}  
  
[how it _feels?_ ]  
  
{Yes. What do you feel when you teleport?}  
  
[uh… like teleporting.] Mettaton looked up at the tree branches above him, a silent prayer for strength.  
  
{What does _that_ feel like?}  
  
[two pulses of magic, separated by a timespan of zero-point-zero-ze—]  
  
{Two pulses of magic. Got it.}  
  
{Are they aimed at anything?}  
  
[the first is aimed at yourself, while the second is aimed at where you want to be.]  
  
{Okay.} Mettaton thought for a moment, recalling the pulsing, pressure feeling on his SOUL when Sans teleported. Slowly, carefully, Mettaton began to build up magical pressure in his SOUL, recreating the feeling.  
  
[you gotta be in the air though.]  
  
{Hm?} Mettaton said, concentrating. This was fairly difficult, much harder than using his rewind abilities. The abilities he didn’t quite have yet, but knew Alphys was probably working on somewhere down in that lab. That magic was fast, easy to create and spend. This was slow going.  
  
[when you teleport, you can’t be touching anything that doesn’t also have a SOUL.]  
  
[that’s why you lost your foot last time you tried this.]  
  
{You do it just walking.}  
  
[i’m really good at the timing. you should probably literally jump when you do it.]  
  
[give yourself time to get it right before you hit the ground.]  
  
{Alright. This doesn’t seem _too_ hard.} Mettaton rolled his shoulders, and picked a spot just between two trees some distance ahead of him. He felt the magic build up inside him, the pressure on his SOUL increasing, but he felt no pain.  
  
[alright. Now, the first pulse of magic primes the atoms in your body for move—]  
  
{Shut up.}  
  
Feeling jittery from the magic buildup, Mettaton tensed. Putting all his effort in, he ran forward two steps and jumped into the air. The moment he left the ground, he let the first half of his magic go, letting it flood his body. Then, eyes on the spot he’d picked, he let the second half go, feeling the magic flee him and rush into the open air and he landed—  
  
—on the ground two feet from where he’d jumped. He stumbled forward, just barely keeping his feet. The spot he’d been trying to reach was still pretty far away. It hadn’t worked.  
  
[well, you got the timing right at least.]  
  
{I thought—}  
  
[this is why you listen to the man who knows what he’s talking about.]  
  
[you just shot two useless magic tethers without giving them purpose.]  
  
[you weren’t going to go anywhere.]  
  
[now, as i was saying, the first magic pulse primes the atoms in your body to be pulled across space at a very high speed, nearly 299,781,698 meters a second.]  
  
[it also increases the speed at which the atoms in your body vibrate so they can pass through any solid object they might come across.]  
  
[the second pulse is you throwing the same magic you used on your body into the space you want to be in.]  
  
[it also helps separate the air molecules from each other so you have space to be in when you get there.]  
  
[you did none of those things.]  
  
{…}  
  
{Maybe,}  
  
{Just maybe,}  
  
{If you actually used English instead of _Science™_ to explain what you just said, I could actually do this.}  
  
\--------------  
  
It took Mettaton two hours of pacing around a tree to finally understand what Sans was talking about, and even then he wasn’t completely sure he got it. This time, when he had built up the appropriate amount of magic (according to Sans, anyway), he had a series of instructions to follow.  
  
When Mettaton left the ground, instead of just shooting magic through his body randomly, he created what almost felt like a _suit_ of magic. He tried to picture what nine feet looked like in his head, then threw the ‘suit’ off him and across the distance Sans had prescribed.  
  
Still, he hit the ground far short of his mark, no teleportation occurring.  
  
{Okay, what did I do wrong now?} Mettaton said, bracing himself for more technical jargon.  
  
[i dunno.]  
  
[maybe you _can’t_ do it.]  
  
{You yourself said I did last year.}  
  
[maybe i was wrong.]  
  
[maybe i did it without realizing.]  
  
[you did everything like i told you too?]  
  
{ _Yeah_ , I think.}  
  
{I’m not all that good with judging distances.}  
  
[yeah, but you didn’t land anywhere near nine feet.]  
  
Mettaton let out a hiss of frustration. He walked back to where he started, intent to try again. Then, just before he started to build up the magic again, he got an idea. Mettaton walked across the nine feet to the spot where he wanted to land, then started to pace back and forth to get a feel for the distance.  
  
[not a bad idea, but you can’t do this for every distance you want to jump across.]  
  
{Yeah, well. Let me do this.}  
  
When Mettaton finally returned to his starting point, he built the magic up (he was getting faster each time), and got ready to jump. In the air, he repeated his ‘suit’ technique and prepared to throw it off of him. But instead of imagining a nine foot jap in his head, Mettaton found himself picturing what it looked like to be standing in the spot he wanted to be, the point of view he had bewteen the two trees. The suit slipped from him before he could try and correct the mental picture. Mettaton braced himself for another failure—  
  
—and found himself stumbling into the tree that suddenly appeared beside him. Using it to balance himself, Mettaton spun around and saw the footprints and snow buildup from his failed attempts _nine feet behind him!_  
  
He’d done it.  
  
{Sans! Sans look!}  
  
Sans groaned  
  
[f u c k]  
  
{What?}  
  
[that fucking hurt.]  
  
Mettaton’s confusion damped his joy for just a moment, then he got even happier when he realized what was wrong. Sans was experiencing the teleportation-induced SOUL-shakes.  
  
{Heh.}  
  
{Let’s see if I can get us back to our apartment.}  
  
[wait, you should practi—]  
  
[oh.]  
  
[or not.] Sans grumbled, hiding the wince in his voice as Mettaton fist pumped in front of his calendar.  
  
{Fuck _yeah!_ } Mettaton glanced around his apartment, confirming he’d gotten it right. Then, pulling a picture of Alphys’s lab into his head, he hopped onto tile under fluorescent lights. He was getting faster at this. A split second later he was smiling at himself in his dressing room mirror, grin getting wider as Sans couldn’t hide his ever-increasing pain. Another hop and he was just outside Temmie Village. Then his apartment again as Sans finally reached out to stop him from moving his legs again.  
  
[f u c k , s t o p  f o r  o n e  m i n u t e .] Mettaton could hear the pain behind Sans’s voice.  
  
{Get fucking dunked on, Sans.}  
  
{Revenge is _mine_.}  
  
[...i regret everything]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
> **A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS**  
>  _
> 
>  
> 
> _hey guys!!! garrett has finally arrived!!! and he brings his all-lowercase italic text and excessive punctuation!!! i hope ur ready!!!!_
> 
>  
> 
> _okay so. sense wanted me to apologize for how.. not up to par this chapter is?? neither of us were rlly on the top of our game at the time. we had to rush to get this one done on like wednesday bc i had to go in for surgery thursday morning and she's going to camp soon and it was just. A Mess. but i still think this chapter turned out pretty well!!_
> 
>  
> 
> _also ao3's chapter posting stuff is A Lot more complicated than ff.net's was and i am Thoroughly Confused_  
>  (pls send help)
> 
>  
> 
> _BUT ANYWAY!! i'll see yall monday!!!_


	38. {Jokes] or, Don't You Think A Giant Purple Door's Enough Of A Cockblock For You To Deny Your Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton, unsurprisingly, is a shipper. Sans is not amused.
> 
> Also, jokes.

—Three months later—  
  
Sans didn’t typically request Mettaton take a day off. He knew how important the robot’s job was to him. And it’s not like he was actually doing any work on a regular basis; his pinball scores reflected that. So when Sans asked for a day off, Mettaton got _curious_.  
  
{August 24th…} Mettaton trailed off, flipping his internal calendar pages to find Sans’ date.  
  
{I don’t know. That’s one of the only days we have the judgement hall for filming….} He trailed off, waiting to see if Sans would supply an explanation on his own. When Sans stayed quiet, Mettaton prompted:  
  
{What do you want to do that day?}  
  
[a thing.]  
  
{A thing?} Mettaton raised an eyebrow in the dressing room mirror.  
  
{Oh, yes. Let’s take a day off so you can do ‘ _a thing_.’} Sans sighed.  
  
[mettaton.]  
  
[in the past two years of doing this,]  
  
[letting you do your thing and sitting back quietly,]  
  
[i have never asked for a day off that you have not also wanted to take.]  
  
[if you could just let me have this, no explanation,]  
  
[that would be _fantastic._ ]  
  
{Well, whatever you want to do, I have to do too, so….} Mettaton trailed circles on his countertop with a finger.  
  
[…]  
  
[i want to meet a friend that day.]  
  
{You have _friends_?} Mettaton asked, mockingly.  
  
{I’m so proud of you, Sans!}  
  
{My baby boy has _friends_!}  
  
[hey, if you could, you know, _fuck off_ , i’d appreciate it.]  
  
{There’s no one I know who’s made plans to meet us on the 24th.}  
  
[yeah, well.]  
  
[time shenanigans.]  
  
[you know how it is.]  
  
Mettaton sighed, resting his chin on his hands and pouting into the mirror. Sans really wasn’t going to tell him. _And_ the skeleton was being particularly testy about this. He figured he’d just have to wait and meet this…’friend.’  
  
{Alright Sans, I’ll let Juni know.}  
  
\-----------------  
  
August 24th was a Wednesday, and when Mettaton let Sans take control of the body, he hadn’t known what to expect. Mettaton watched Sans putter around the apartment until noon, seemingly wasting his all precious day off. About a quarter after twelve, however, Sans rose from his prone state on the couch and, with a yawn, teleported into Snowdin forest.  
  
Mettaton was beginning to question why so many important things happened to take place in Snowdin Forest when Sans poked his head out of the treeline and into the road. The sentry station across the way was empty. Sans smiled and strolled out into the open and took a hard left. When Mettaton saw what he presumed to be their destination, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes.  
  
{Why didn’t you just teleport just outside the door?}  
  
[wanted to make sure no one saw us pop out of thin air, you know.]  
  
[might cause a stir.]  
  
Sans sauntered up to the old purple door, hands in his pockets. Mettaton glanced around the area, looking for Sans’ friend. But there was no one around, as far as he could tell anyway. Just as Mettaton was going to comment on being stood up, Sans knocked on the big door. Mettaton waited, looking at the door expectantly. He’d seen it open before—when Garrett had come out of it. Was it going to open again?  
  
“knock knock,” Sans said, but was met with complete silence.  
  
“Theodore,” Sans continued, as if someone had supplied the prerequisite ‘who’s there.’ Again complete silence. Mettaton had to admit, he was more than a little confused.  
  
“ _theodore_ wasn’t open, so I knocked!” Sans finished the joke, despite there being no one else around.  
  
{Uh… Sans?}  
  
[shut up.]  
  
“knock knock,” Sans said again, knocking on the door while simultaneously speaking. As Sans slowly lowered himself to sit, back to the door, Mettaton found himself waiting for a response that never came,  
  
{Who’s there?} Mettaton supplied, thinking maybe Sans wanted him to complete the joke.  
  
[i said shut up]  
  
Okay apparently not.  
  
“Cows go.”  
  
…  
  
“no, silly! Cows go _moo_.” Sans finished another joke to silence.  
  
“knock knock…”  
  
\-----------------  
  
Over the past three hours, Mettaton had come to three possible explanations for Sans’ behavior.  
  
“Knock knock.”  
  
One: Sans’ friend had stood him up and now Sans was attempting to not look pathetic in front of Mettaton. While Mettaton was _flattered_ by this possibility, he could have done without the extra three hours of ‘jokes.’  
  
“Figs.”  
  
Two: Sans had gotten the date or time wrong, and now was operating under the delusion his friend was coming, but simply late. That, or, again, trying not to look pathetic  
  
“ _figs_ the doorbell, it’s broken!”  
  
Three, and Mettaton’s personal bet: Sans had finally lost his goddamn mind and somehow found pleasure in telling half of really bad knock knock jokes to an old purple door that occasionally revealed humans.  
  
“Knock knock.”  
  
Whatever the reason was, Mettaton was sure of one thing:  
  
He was completely and utterly _bored out of his mind_. He’d considered taking up Sans’ pinball game, but decided against it when he figured Sans might be mad if he screwed up his scores. Mettaton had played solitaire for a while, before deciding the game was inherently rigged against the player and therefore _not worth his time_. He’d tried texting Papyrus or Ember or Tav, but they were all working or otherwise ignoring him. For a while, Mettaton had practiced gathering enough magic for a teleport quickly and dispersing it safely. He was getting much better. Still not as good as Sans—Mettaton still had to make little hops to give himself enough time to work the magic—but better.  
  
Now Mettaton was simply trying to see if he could count the amount of individual snowflakes in a given part of the road. Though he had amassed a sizable count, he knew he’d been deluding himself and just _pretending_ that he could actually see snowflakes. He was just counting for the hell of it.  
  
And Sans just. Kept. Telling. Jokes.  
  
“knock knock.”  
  
“Who’s there?”  
  
Instantly, both Sans and Mettaton perked up, both from joy. Sans was genuinely excited that someone had finally responded, and Mettaton was just glad _something_ had happened. Delightedly, Sans shifted to sit up straighter, and broke out into a big grin.  
  
“Dishes.”  
  
“Dishes who?” It was a _woman’s_ voice coming from the other side of the door.  
  
“ _dishes_ a very bad joke!” Sans said, and the woman broke into laughter. Not just a giggle or a sympathy laugh for a bad joke, but full on, gut-busting laughter. Sans’ already huge grin turned face-splitting, and he almost couldn’t wait to reach up to knock again.  
  
“Knock knock!”  
  
“Who’s...who’s there?” The woman breathed between laughs.  
  
“a broken pencil.”  
  
“A broken pencil who?”  
  
“...Nah, nevermind. it’s _pointless_.”  
  
The woman’s laughter came through the door, just as loud and legitimately happy as before. Mettaton could _feel_ how happy Sans was as he listened to the laughter that poured from the lady. Was _this_ Sans’ friend he intended to meet? “ _A friend_ ” Mettaton’s ass.  
  
As Sans prepared to tell another joke, Mettaton realized he was no longer bored.  
  
\-----------  
  
“knock knock.” It had been an hour, but Sans had kept going. He got a little thrill each time he heard the woman laugh. Mettaton did too, but for a completely different reason.  
  
“Who’s there?”  
  
“Etch.”  
  
“Etch who?”  
  
“oh, bless you!” The woman had laughed at every one of Sans’ lame puns. Sans let this round wash over him, pausing his never-ending stream of puns. Mettaton was waiting for him to knock again but—  
  
“Knock knock!” This time the woman started the joke.  
  
“Who’s there?” Sans asked eagerly.  
  
“Little old lady.”  
  
“little old lady who?” Sans said. Mettaton’s curiosity peaked. Time to find out if the mystery woman was any better at puns than Sans was.  
  
“Oh, I did not know you could yodel!”  
  
Apparently not. Sans laughed anyway, the woman giggling at her own joke with him. Sans told another joke, something about keys not fitting in doors, then the woman went again. They began taking turns, telling the worst jokes Mettaton had ever heard back and forth. Over and over again. They were cringe-worthy, wince-inducing, all around horrible, irredeemably _bad jokes_.  
  
Mettaton loved it.  
  
He had no idea how either of them knew this many knock knock jokes, but he didn’t care. They were two little nerds. Cute, perfect, little nerds. In Mettaton’s opinion, meeting Sans’ Mystery Woman had to be the best thing that could have happened. But, all too soon—  
  
“hey, uh. Hate to break this off, but uh…” Sans said, reluctantly. _What_? _No!_ Mettaton almost screamed when he saw the 15% battery notification blinking.  
  
“Oh, you must go?” the woman asked.  
  
“yeah, I gotta...got a big day tomorrow,” Sans lied.  
  
“...I understand. You must rest,” the woman said, the slightest twinge of sadness in her voice. “Thank you for staying this long.” Sans winced at her tone.  
  
“but, uh...I can come by again—”  
  
{Tomorrow! You can come by tomorrow!} Mettaton said, already in the process of cancelling everything in his datebook.  
  
“—tomorrow.”  
  
“I thought you said you had a “big day” tomorrow.”  
  
“Only in the morning. i can be here at noon.”  
  
“I cannot ask you to do that. You must be busy.”  
  
“Not really,” Sans said. Mettaton was waving the now-empty calendar page in his face, swirling it in excited circles in the UI. Sans frowned, closing the calendar out.  
  
“I really do not think you would enjoy talking to a silly old lady like me.”  
  
“well, uh, you seem pretty cool for a ‘silly old lady.’ I’d like to talk to you again,” Sans replied. Mettaton egged him on, silently cheering in his head as the woman paused.  
  
“If you insist you are not busy...”  
  
“i do.”  
  
“Well, then. Noon it is,” the woman said, a certain _warm_ quality to her words. Mettaton felt Sans melt a little at it.  
  
“See you then,” Sans said, standing up slowly.  
  
“Goodbye,” the woman said. Sans hesitated before beginning to walk away. His footsteps crunched in the snow as he entered the treeline. Before he teleported away, Sans frowned, stopped and looked around.  
  
[do you hear that?] Sans asked.  
  
[is that…]  
  
[ _squealing_?] Sans asked.  
  
{Mhm!} Mettaton said without stopping the high-pitched squealing he was making.  
  
{ _Saaaaaaaaans!_ }  
  
[what?]  
  
{Why didn’t you tell me?} Mettaton asked, voice still high-pitched in excitement.  
  
[about what?] Sans asked, completely innocently.  
  
{About _her!_ About the Mystery Door Lady!}  
  
[i… i dunno.]  
  
{ _Saaaaaaaans!_ } Mettaton whined.  
  
{You should have said something!}  
  
[why?] Sans took a step and landed in the apartment and started looking for the charging cord.  
  
{ _Because!_ }  
  
{That’s the kind of thing you tell the man sharing your body, don’tcha think?}  
  
[you don’t tell me about all your friends ahead of time.]  
  
{ _Friends!?_ }  
  
[yeah, friends.] Sans patted down the couch cushions, feeling below them for the damned cord.  
  
{ _ohmygodohmygod_ }  
  
{Okay.}  
  
{“Friends.”}  
  
{What’s your “ _friend's_ ” name?}  
  
[i dunno.] Sans gave up on the living room, choosing to search the room Mettaton treated as a ‘bedroom,’ despite needing no such thing.  
  
{ _What do you mean you don’t know?!_ }  
  
[she’s never told me her name.]  
  
{Does she know _your name?_ }  
  
[no.]  
  
[why do you care this much?] Sans asked, finally finding the charger on Mettaton’s bedroom vanity.  
  
{Because you’re _in love_ and she _doesn’t know your name!_ } Mettaton exclaimed. Sans froze, hand over the chord.  
  
[what?]  
  
{You’re in love with Mystery Door Lady and you don’t even know her name.}  
  
{It’s so _cute!_ }  
  
[oh, what, no i…]  
  
[i am not _in_ _love_ with her.]  
  
[what gave you that idea?]  
  
If Mettaton had eyes, they would have rolled so hard they’d have popped out of their sockets.  
  
{Sans.}  
  
{You spent three hours waiting for her to show up, then told _the worst_ jokes for an hour.}  
  
{Grinning like an idiot, by the way.}  
  
{And _she told worse jokes back_.}  
  
{If that’s not love for you then I don’t know what is.} Mettaton said. Sans gripped the charger in a near death-grip.  
  
[uh, first: i always grin.]  
  
[i’m a skeleton. it’s my thing.]  
  
{Uh-huh.}  
  
[second: we are friends that tell jokes.]  
  
[that’s what we do.]  
  
{You tell jokes because you _looove her._ } Mettaton teased.  
  
[no.]  
  
[i do not ‘ _looove her.’_ ]  
  
{Uh-huh. Sure.}  
  
{Whatever you say, lover-boy.}  
  
Sans sneered as he plugged the charger into the wall by Mettaton’s bed.  
  
[i don’t want to talk about this anymore.] Sans said, shoving the plug into his neck and throwing himself onto the bed. Mettaton rolled his eyes again. Sans was in denial, the poor thing.  
  
{You are seeing her tomorrow, aren’t you?}  
  
[i don't. want. to. talk. about. this.] Sans gripped the pillow and reached for the shut-off button. Mettaton held it just out of reach.  
  
{You know what I’m going to do, don’t you?}  
  
[not let me go to sleep?]  
  
{I’m going to tell Alphys and Pap and Undyne and Ember and everyone...}  
  
{We’re gonna hook you up with Mystery Door Lady!} Mettaton sang.   
  
[what.]   
  
[no.]   
  
[you are telling no one about her.] Sans reached for the button, trying to shove Mettaton away.   
  
{What’s the big deal? You’re only _friends_.}   
  
[you are staying silent and this conversation is over.] Sans ripped the button away from Mettaton. Mettaton let him take it, sighing.   
  
{Your wedding invitations are going to be in joke form.   
  
{And your vows are going to be puns.} Mettaton mused. Sans grumbled something Mettaton heard, but chose to ignore. Sans’ worst insults couldn’t distract him from imagining the ceremony. Even as they shut off, Mettaton was imagining the cake, four layers tall with a purple door between the newly-wed’s statuettes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _What Is Up my dudes, we're back with another chapter!!_   
>    
>  _this one was super cute imo. im not even much of a soriel fan but that was?? adorable?? o man,,_   
>    
>  _on a more serious note tho, im so, so upset about what happened in orlando yesterday. that was just. devastating to hear about. i know yall probably dont wanna hear about that here, this is an escape for u guys and i get that, but it just hit way too close to home for me and sense._   
>    
>  **_shoutout to all our lgbt readers: u guys are so wonderful and important and we don't deserve to be treated this way. we shouldn't have to live in fear like this. stay strong u guys. take care of urselves._ **   
>    
>  _see u guys monday_


	39. {Giftmass pt. 1] or, Giftmass Is About Giving, So Why Not Give The Gift Of Lizard Smooches Or Brotherly Make-Out Sessions?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ridiculous bets make for some real good motivation, let me tell you, man.

—Four months later—  
  
Alphys was quietly tinkering with a piece of The Skull Machine at her work desk when Mettaton ran into her lab, already yelling about tinsel and trees. She jumped, dropping the needle she was studying. Scrambling to keep it off the floor, Alphys watched Mettaton run up the escalator. He was waving his left hand wildly, ranting about tree ornament color schemes.  
  
“ _But,_ if we do green and yellow it’ll match the lab walls and we won’t have to do as much work,” Mettaton was saying, turning in circles and motioning at the walls.  
  
“W-work f-for what?” Alphys stuttered.  
  
“do you figure the tree will be green enough or do you think we’ll need green ornaments too? And i’m thinking _that_ corner for the tree,” Mettaton pointed to the corner opposite the elevator. “Thoughts?”  
  
“Uh….w-what are w-we talking a-about?” Alphys asked.  
  
“ _giftmass!_ ” Mettaton exclaimed, throwing both arms into the air. “We’re going to have a giftmass party!”  
  
“W-we are?” Alphys squeaked.  
  
“Yes! and it’s going to be the _best_ Giftmass party _ever!_ ” Mettaton said. “i’ve already ordered the tree and put a call in for Grillby’s catering. so decorations and invitations are all we really have to do!”  
  
“W-we’re h-having it h-here!?”  
  
“Just these two floors. that’s more than enough space.” Mettaton swept his arms around, as if to motion to the entire room. “I really do think green and yellow are our best options.”  
  
“W-when were you going to h-have this p-party?” Alphys stuttered out. Mettaton stopped and thought about it, as if he hadn’t considered it yet.  
  
“the day before Giftmass eve. does that work for you? No crazy experiments planned for then?” Mettaton asked. Alphys shook her head numbly. She still couldn’t quite wrap her head around the idea of a party in her lab. She’d never thrown a party before, let alone been to one for too long. It scared her, quite frankly, but Mettaton looked excited. Not the fake-excitement for things he normally was, but honest-to-god _excited_. So when Mettaton asked her to boot up her laptop and start designing invites, Alphys swallowed her anxiety and did as he asked.  
  
As she pulled up an empty word document, she asked what he wanted on it. Mettaton responded by coming up behind her, sitting down and putting her in his lap. His head rested against her shoulder as he spoke:  
  
“just start going. We’ll make it together.”  
  
Alphys squirmed, trying to make herself more comfortable. She hadn’t been this physically close to him in awhile, not since he blew up at her for the killswitch. It made her nervous. Not in the way being close to Undyne made her nervous, but nervous all the same. She was surprised he was comfortable with this. Their friendship had been strained, despite Mettaton’s insistence they’d forgiven her.  
  
The longer they spent working on the invitations, the more Alphys realized she’d missed her best friend. They laughed and goofed around, making absolutely _ridiculous_ designs before settling on one that actually wasn’t half bad. They ordered decorations together, scrolling through Underzone for yellow and green Giftmass decorations. It felt like they’d chosen the two least popular colors for it, but they’d eventually found everything.  
  
Alphys had expected Mettaton to leave then, but he stayed, taking the laptop and pulling up the Anime show they’d been watching before the killswitch thing. It was like nothing had ever happened.  
  
\--------------  
  
The next day, Mettaton took it upon himself to hand-deliver every invitation. He carried around the stack of envelopes across the Underground, starting in Hotland and making his way down to Snowdin. As he walked through Waterfall on his way to Undyne’s, he hesitated on the fork in the road that led to Blooky’s. They hadn’t been part of the original list, but Mettaton had extra invitations. He knew Blooky didn’t like parties, and besides, they were likely to bring along Gabby and Maddie if they came. Swallowing a bit of guilt, he walked past Blooky’s and up to Undyne’s.  
  
When Undyne opened the door, Mettaton shoved an envelope into her hands.  
  
“For you,” Mettaton said, then held out seven more. “for the guard,” he explained. “I’ve got pap, Ember and tav’s.”  
  
“What is this?” Undyne asked, turning the stack over in his hands.  
  
“Me and alphys are having a Giftmass party,” Mettaton explained.  
  
“Oh, you are?” Undyne’s eyebrow shot up. Mettaton nodded enthusiastically. Undyne leaned against her doorframe. “And when’s this ‘party’ of yours?”  
  
“day before Giftmass eve.” Mettaton said. Undyne smirked.  
  
“Good. It won’t interfere with _my_ party.”  
  
“You’re having a party?”  
  
“I have a party every year, nerd. And it’s the best,” Undyne said, flipping her ponytail behind her shoulder. Mettaton took that as a _challenge_.  
  
“well, I’m afraid that award isn't going to be yours much longer,” Mettaton teased.  
  
“Oh, you think you can throw a better party than I can?” Undyne snorted.  
  
“in my sleep.”  
  
“Bullshit.”  
  
“Bet on it.” Mettaton stuck his hand out. “i bet my party’s better than yours.” Undyne sneered, spit in her hand and grabbed Mettaton’s hand.  
  
“Mine’s _ten times_ better than yours,” Undyne challenged. “What are we betting?” Mettaton thought for a moment.  
  
“If i win… you have to… kiss Alphys,” Mettaton shot. They’d never gotten together last timeline, and Mettaton wanted to remedy that. Undyne started, gills flattening against her head.  
  
“What?”  
  
“you heard me. Smooch the lizard.” Mettaton was more than confident in his party skills. Undyne fought down a blush.  
  
“Yeah, well, that’s...that _not going to happen!_ ” Undyne yelled. “Because I’m going to win. And when I win you’re going to… um…” Mettaton raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to come up with her reward. Her face lit up, smirk re-emerging. Mettaton suddenly felt afraid.  
  
“You’re going to smooch Papyrus.” Undyne said, eyebrows wiggling. Mettaton’s processors locked up, smile dropping.  
  
[nope.]  
  
[no.]  
  
[shut this down.]  
  
[this is not happening.]  
  
“What? No.” Mettaton stuttered out.  
  
“Come on, punk. I know you want to.” Undyne said.  
  
“I...I don’t know what you’re implying.” Mettaton crossed his arms and frowned. Undyne rolled her eyes.  
  
“You’re down at Grillby’s every week _and_ you text him non-stop. Admit it, you’ve got it bad.”  
  
“You’re at Alphys’ all the time,” Mettaton countered, ignoring the hypocrisy.  
  
“We’re history buddies,” Undyne shot back.  
  
“And me and Pap like to cook. which we go to a _restaurant_ to do,” Mettaton said. “I’d say you’re the one head-over-heels. history in a _science lab_?”  
  
“There’s nothing to watch history on at my house!” Undyne roared. “Do we have a bet or not?” she said through gritted teeth. Mettaton clenched his jaw, and stuck his hand out before Sans could protest. They shook hands, firmly confirming their mutually-self-destructing pact.  
  
[this had better be the _best party ever thrown ever_.]  
  
[i do not need the experience of making out with my own brother.]  
  
{We’ll be fine. This won’t be hard.}  
  
As he walked away from Undyne’s, Mettaton called Alphys.  
  
“Uh, yeah. we’re going to need some really fun ideas for this party. Start searching the internet.”  
  
\---------------  
  
Mettaton spent the week leading up to the parties obsessing over the party, trying to make every detail perfect. It had to be. Not only was the threat of what Sans would do if he had to smooch Pap hanging over his head, he also just _really_ wanted to beat Undyne.  
  
He sorted through every type of decoration and party planning idea under the sun, trying to piece together something that would best anything Undyne had. He could tell he was driving Alphys crazy with his over-the-top planning, but he had to win. He hadn't told her about the bet, not putting it past her to sabotage him so her feelings could remain a secret.  
  
The day before his party, Mettaton snuck out to Undyne's, trying to see if he could figure out her plans, make sure he had her beat. But as far as he could tell, Undyne hadn't done _anything_. Unless she was waiting to put things out, the only thing in her house was a tree. It wasn't even decorated in a cohesive style, just random ornaments hanging haphazardly. And it looked like she was making all the food herself.  
  
Mettaton smiled. He had this in the _bag_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _WHOS READY FOR SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED FILLER CHAPTERS_   
>  _~~[not that a lot of these havent been filler recently, this is basically the filler arc]~~ _   
>    
>  _this is the first part of a three-part giftmass special. its like a giftmass in july kinda deal, i guess. im pretty hype._   
>    
>  _but on another note:_   
>    
>  _**IMPORTANT: THERE WILL BE NO UPDATE NEXT MONDAY** _   
>    
>  _camp is kinda running sense ragged rn so shes gonna take this week off to rest up and whatnot bc shes just. exhausted. shes super sorry and she hates to do this but shes in no place to be writing right now. posting will most likely resume the week after next, but we'll see. if u can, u should send sense some well wishes, i think she needs them._   
>    
>  _anyway, ill see u guys again whenever!!!_


	40. {Giftmass pt. 2] or, They All Noticed The Lights, Mettaton, But They Were Just Too Nice To Say Anything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Giftmass in July!

Mettaton did not have this in the bag. It was over. He had lost the bet already, and his party hadn't started yet. There was no point to it anymore, might as well just give up now. He was done, finished, _finito_.  
  
“N-No one’s g-gonna notice,” Alphys stuttered, rubbing small circles into Mettaton’s back. Mettaton whimpered.  
  
“It's all _wrong_ ,” Mettaton whined, halfway to tears. “we've got to cancel. That's the only option.” Alphys sighed and pulled on the front of Mettaton’s hoodie until their faces were inches away from each other's.  
  
“I s-swear to you, no one is g-going to have a bad time because the _g-goddamn_ _string lights_ aren't the exact same shade of white as the _f-floor_ ,” Alphys said, eyes wide with pricks of annoyance.  
  
“but—but…”  
  
“N-No b-buts!” Alphys squeaked. “This is going to be the _best_ party ever thrown. You two have b-been f-fretting about it t-too much for it n-not to be.”  
  
Before Mettaton could retort, the lab doors slid open with a familiar _swish_.  
  
“METTA! WE BROUGHT THE CATERING!” Papyrus called from the bottom floor. Alphys let go of his hoodie and wiped the burgeoning tears from Mettaton’s face.  
  
“G-Go host the _shit_ out of this party,” Alphys whispered. Mettaton’s eyes narrowed, then he broke out into a big smile. He stood, readjusting his hoodie and making his way to the down escalator. As he greeted the Grillby family alone, Alphys glanced around her lab. They really had done a good job decorating, the lab was gorgeous.  
  
Lights hung from every wall with garlands and small bulbs. The walls glittered tastefully, and Alphys had to admit Mettaton had been right to choose green, gold and white. The food table had a delicate white lace table cloth with green accents. The pea soup green of the walls was made fairly pretty with the gold and white accents and lights  
  
But the real showstopper was the tree—an enormous thing decorated in white tinsel and golden ornaments. Small, glittering, gold twigs had found their way into the tree and shone delicately, reflecting the low sliver lights draped around the tree. The skirt was gold, with white fur trim, and ran past the tree itself. Mettaton’s, Sans’, and Alphys’ gifts already adorned the base of the tree, wrapping paper matching the set motif: Green for Alphys, White for Sans, and Gold for Mettaton, of course.  
  
The gentle chatter of the Grillby family brought Alphys back to the present, reminding her _why_ she didn't like parties that much. A peal of robotic laughter, joyous and light, set Alphys on edge. She felt her hands begin to shake and she stuffed them in the pockets of her lab coat. She heard her name mentioned and her jaw clenched in response.  
  
She was determined to enjoy herself, but as Ember and Tav rode the escalator up to her, Alphys’ nerves rose with them. Ember’s gentle smile did nothing to comfort her. Alphys offered what she knew to be a shaky smile back and tried to stomp down the anxiety.  
  
She _was_ going to have a good time.  
  
—————  
  
Most everyone arrived within the hour, each clutching a wrapped gift. The pile beneath the tree grew steadily. The catering was a _hit_ , obviously. Everyone loved _Grillby’s_. People laughed and barked, enjoying the company and music. No one had said anything about the color of the lights. Everything was going _perfectly_.  
  
Undyne’s glare when Mettaton brought up that fact to her, in a hushed whisper in the corner, sealed the deal.  
  
“You should just grab alphys now, save us the time,” Mettaton suggested, false sweetness dripping from his tongue. She clenched her fist, causing the plastic cup she was holding to crack and spill. Mettaton giggled as she swiped napkins from the food counter and began to swipe at the soda on her bright—literally _bright_ , it was covered in small lights—shirt. She sneered at him.  
  
“Just you _wait_ ,” Undyne promised. Mettaton rolled his eyes and left to talk to Papyrus.  
  
—————  
  
Sometime later, not long after Tav finished off the last of the food, someone reminded everyone that the gifts hadn't been handed out yet. Lesser dog yipped in excitement as Mettaton smiled, put down his drink, and crossed to the tree. From its hidden place in the corner, Mettaton produced a small, golden box.  
  
“alright Sweethearts,” Mettaton began after someone turned down the music, “when i pull your name, pick whichever gift your little heart desires. We all unwrap together, okay?”  
  
Everyone nodded. The rules of the gift exchange had been detailed in the original invitations. They all settled down, finding places to sit or stand around the tree. The dogs all fought for spots, growling and snapping at each other for enough space to relax comfortably. Mettaton smiled and reached down into the box, swirling the little papers around with his fingers.  
  
“and our first lucky contestant is…” Mettaton pulled a slip. “Tav. congratulations, come claim your prize!” Tav stood, her eyes glittering as she scanned the pile of gifts in front of her. She crossed the floor in silence and pawed her way through the mountain of wrapped packages. Eventually, she emerged with a golden box that Mettaton recognized as the gift he’d provided for the exchange. He winked at her.  
  
“Good choice, if i do say so myself,” Mettaton said. Tav smirked, tossing the box between her hands gently. She sat back down on the floor next to Ember, eyeing her prize hungrily.  
  
Dogaressa was next, picking a suspiciously bone-shaped gift that Pap had brought. The rest of dogsquad let out moans of disappointment. Dogaressa smiled to herself, boxing her gift with her paws and protecting it from Lesser Dog as he leaned his head around to try and snatch it.  
  
Alphys grabbed a small box that smelled faintly of garbage. Undyne grinned as Alphys’ claws curled around her choice. Greater Dog had to be reminded not to take his own gift back, but he ended up with the largest box of the bunch. Ember carefully used the sleeve of her shirt to pull a package wrapped purple towards her.  
  
Mettaton picked a silver box that he’d been eyeing all night, something about the ribbon enticed him. Dogamy snatched a round gift his wife had brought, and at her as he settled back down, nuzzling into her side. Mettaton quickly picked the next name before they could start making out. He unfolded the strip and read the name—  
  
“No fair!” Undyne called, eliciting similar cries from the rest of the group. Mettaton smirked.  
  
“I’m the host, loves,” he said as he turned back to the pile for a second time.  
  
{Sans? Your turn.} The skeleton grunted, scanning the remaining gifts.  
  
[there. that one.] Sans said, taking the right arm and reaching for the smallest gift.  
  
“That doesn’t mean you get _two_.” Tav complained. “Someone’s not going to get one now.”  
  
Mettaton rolled his eyes, “i provided two, hon. Everything’s just fine.” Tav crossed her arms and grumbled, causing Ember to rub her arm comfortingly.  
  
Undyne sneered “Still bull—” Grillby shot her a warning look. “...crap. Bull _crap_.” Mettaton shrugged, giving her a ‘ _what are you going to do?’_ look. Alphys smiled at him sympathetically. She was the only one who knew _why_ they wanted two gifts.  
  
Undyne got to go next, still shooting daggers at Mettaton. She snatched Alphys’ green gift, causing the small dinosaur to blush slightly. Mettaton smirked. Grillby quietly picked out a bottle that smelled of booze through the wrapping paper. Lesser dog stretched his neck to bite down on his choice, not wanting to give up his spot on the floor. Doggo had to be led to the pile by Ember, then the remaining gifts were shuffled around until he picked one. Juni eyed her two choices carefully, before taking the smaller of the two.  
  
Papyrus went last. He’d been watching everyone make their choices eagerly, bouncing in excitement for his turn. Now, he was presented with only one option. Still, he took the last box—Sans’ white gift—with a smile.  
  
“THIS IS THE ONE I WANTED ANYWAY,” he said, settling back down on the floor next to his father’s feet. Mettaton felt Sans freeze inside. He let the skeleton’s joy paint a gentle smile on his face. They watched Papyrus play with the end of the ribbon for a moment. For a moment, both of them pretended that Pap knew, that he’d somehow known and picked his brother’s gift intentionally.  
  
Undyne cleared her throat. “We gonna open these or what?” Brought back to reality, Mettaton nodded and everyone tore into the wrapping in their hands. Gasps and shrieks of delight filled the room. No one looked disappointed with their choices; Dogressa happily munched on the bone she’d unwrapped, Grillby carefully sipped his fireball whiskey before humming contentedly, and Undyne whooped at the new manga in her hands.  
  
As Mettaton absentmindedly turned his new colored cube in his hands—some kind of puzzle, Sans had informed him; one of Pap’s favorites—he looked over the crowd of his friends. Everyone was having such a good time, smiles across their faces (those that had faces) and laughter echoing through the room. Undyne was giggling, talking excitedly with Alphys about the anime the lizard had gotten. Papyrus’ face was stuck between disgust and laughter as he flicked through his new joke book.  
  
Mettaton only barely heard the lab doors open and close, just caught a glimpse of Ember leading her girlfriend outside. He glanced to where the two girls had been sitting, but there was just the abandoned scraps of wrapping paper and the new dice game Ember had gotten.  
  
{Do you think they’re okay?}  
  
[hm?] Sans was examining his new box of tem flakes. It had probably been meant as a joke gift, but Sans was legitimately excited—he’d run out the week before. Without waiting for a response, Mettaton slipped away from the tree and stuck his head out of the lab doors. The two girls were sat down by the ledge of the path, overlooking the lava. Ember had an arm around Tav’s shoulders, the squid girl resting her head on Ember’s shoulder. It almost looked like Tav was on the verge of tears. Mettaton considered going over, but figured it wasn’t any of his business. That didn’t stop his audial processors from picking up a single fragment of what Tav was saying before he ducked back inside.  
  
“...sell it, you know? Get some cash, but this...this is better than I dreamed…”  
  
The doors shut as Mettaton backpedaled inside. That _really_ wasn’t any of his business, damn his curiosity.  
  
\------------  
  
His party lasted longer than he figured, going into the early hours of the morning. Mettaton counted that as a good sign; people were loving his party so much they couldn’t bear to leave. Ember and Tav had re-joined the party hours ago, opened Ember’s gift fully and entertained the dogs by rolling dice and having them fetch. Undyne and Alphys had stuck on some anime--something about a male swimming team—and had roped Juni into watching it with them. Grillby served the adults his fireball whiskey and mixed drinks. Papyrus had thrown the joke book across the room and was now ranting—to no one in particular—about the evil of puns.  
  
Eventually, as tends to happen to all parties, everyone drifted out. It was four in the morning when Undyne finally peeled herself up from the floor and left, a whispered threat about her own party being her last goodbye to Mettaton. And like that, Alphys and Mettaton were alone again.  
  
“Did you have a good time, alphy?” Mettaton said, balling up the scraps of wrapping paper still on the floor. Alphys hesitated, the plastic cups in her hands dropping into the trash can.  
  
“Y-Yeah, actually. I d-did.” Alphys smiled to herself.  
  
“I realized about halfway through that we’d forgotten about the mistletoe.” Mettaton remarked.  
  
“Good.” Was Alphys’ reply. Mettaton snickered.  
  
“that’s what Sans said.”  
  
“Did Sans have a g-good time?”  
  
“...yeah. He says he did anyway.” Mettaton said. He tossed the wadded wrapping paper towards the trash can. He missed, hitting Alphys in the head instead.  
  
“Hey!” she snapped, swiping the paper from where it had gotten stuck behind her spikes and throwing it away.  
  
“S-So uh, d-do you know what was up with Tav?” Alphys asked, a few moments later.  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“After the g-gifts, she seemed k-kinda...off.” Alphys said, waving a hand in the air.  
  
“I dunno, but you noticed too?” Mettaton mused.  
  
“Y-yeah.” Alphys said. “Wh-what did she g-get anyway?”  
  
“Well, she took mine, so…” Mettaton trailed, trying to remember what he’d gifted. “a voucher for all-you-can-eat for you and your family down at the studio.” Alphys spun, jaw dropping.  
  
“Y-You said to k-keep it under 200 G!” she exclaimed.  
  
“And? there’s no way a single family can eat more than 200 G of milkshakes and fries.”  
  
“Tav’s got, like, t-twelve siblings.”  
  
“What?” Mettaton asked, mentally calculating how much 12 hungry mouths, plus Tav and two parents could eat. “shit.”  
  
“‘S-Shit’ is right.” Alphys said, “G-Good luck explaining that to whoever’s in charge of finances down there.”  
  
“Well, i’m in charge of him so,” Mettaton snapped back, causing Alphys to break out into little giggles.  
  
\--------------  
  
“You’re g-going to Undyne’s tomorrow, right?” Alphys asked, curling into her bed at six o’clock in the morning.  
  
“Today, technically,” Mettaton said, “but yeah. we’re going.” He fiddled with his charger. He’d hit almost 3% before he actually found a chance to charge. Dangerously low, especially since he knew he was going to need a full charge. He wanted to be there to watch Undyne and Alphys’ little kiss, not off charging in a corner somewhere.  
  
To say he was confident would be an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _hey guys!!! we're back!!!! and TTCASaB has broken 100k words!!!! how exciting is that :0!!!!!_
> 
> _so it looks like mettaton's pretty set to win this bet, right? i rlly doubt undyne could top that. or afford to top it, really. i bet all those decorations were hellishly expensive._
> 
> _also it just. kills me that sans unironically likes tem flakes. i like jokingly suggested it to sense and they immediately made it canon and its jst. my favorite thing. goddamn_
> 
> _but anyway, ill see yall next monday w the exciting conclusion to the Giftmass Three-Part Special :0_


	41. {Giftmass pt. 3] or, Undyne Calls Sans And The Author Out For Their Cliché Bullshit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton learns _The True Meaning of Giftmass._
> 
> Sadly, there are no ghosts to show him his follies. He never gave them their invitations.

Mettaton showed up to Undyne’s thirty minutes late—late enough for him to be ‘fashonably late,’ but not so late as to make Alphys angry at him for making them miss the party. He opened the door only to be pounced on by Greater Dog, nearly knocking him over and onto the lizard behind him.  
  
“Hey, buddy,” Mettaton said, scratching the dog behind his ears, “how was your night, hm?” Greater Dog yipped twice, and planted a kiss on Mettaton’s cheek.  
  
“Don’t mind him,” Dogamy said from somewhere further in the house.  
  
“(He got into Undyne’s ice-cream stash,)” Dogaressa explained. Mettaton laughed, pushing the hyperactive dog down. Alphys slipped around them and into Undyne’s, dragging the dog’s unfocused attention to her. Mettaton watched as Alphys danced away from the dog, hopping onto one of Undyne’s chairs to avoid getting bowled over.  
  
Free from the pup’s attention, Mettaton sauntered into the main room, finding that he was the last to arrive. The tree by the window was the only _major_ decoration, covered in what looked like a smorgageboard of hand-made ornaments. No theme, no coordination. Just hand-painted stars, flowers, and framed pictures. At the top… _oh dear lord was that a fish in a santa hat?_ Mettaton turned around, unable to look at it. Gentle, smoky laughter—Grillby’s—caught his attention and he turned his eye to the gathering on the floor in front of him.  
  
The Grillby family, plus Tav and Juni, were all playing some card game on the floor. The dogs were all either wrestling each other or wrestling the ice cream away from Lesser Dog. Undyne popped her head up from where she was pulling something out of the oven.  
  
“Oh good. Just in time,” she said, sliding a pan onto the countertop. “Food’s ready.” Papyrus, Ember, and Tav dropped their cards like they had suddenly caught fire and ran for Undyne’s counter. Grillby and Juni shared a sigh as the three teenagers piled spaghetti and lasagna on paper plates.  
  
“It’s hot,” Undyne warned, earning a raised eyebrow from Ember. Undyne laughed and the teenagers grabbed chairs and sat in one corner of the table. Half-broken plastic and metal folding chairs scraped against the floor as everyone filled their plates and found seats. Mettaton found himself in a wobbly green chair that stood on one complete leg and three hastily duct taped legs. The faint smell of garbage wafted from it, revealing its place of origin. He struggled to keep the disgust off his face. _This_ is what Undyne thought she could win on?  
  
“Great, like always, Undyne,” Tav said, raising a fork full of noodles in a quasi-toast. Undyne smiled as Papyrus nodded his agreement, the dogs howled and Juni gave her a small applause.  
  
“My offer still stands,” Grillby said, “name your price.” Undyne shook her head.  
  
“And I still say no. Old family recipe, Grillbz,” she said, shoving a forkful of lasagna in her mouth.  
  
“But you’ll teach my children for free?” He asked, mirth in his voice.  
  
“hey ssworm—” Undyne swallowed her mouthful, “They swore not to tell.”  
  
“ON OUR HONOR AS GUARDSMEN,” Papyrus said, and Ember nodded vigorously.  
  
“You’re not guardsmen yet,” Grillby reminded them, “take pity on your father.”  
  
{Is her cooking really that good?} Mettaton wondered, looking down at Juni’s plate beside him. He hadn’t grabbed one; it was waste of food. Juni caught his gaze and scooted her plate to him  
  
“Wanna bite?” she asked, covering her mouth with one hand. Mettaton shook his head. There was only so much for everyone, and he _couldn_ ’ _t_ actually use any of it.  
  
“You ever had Undyne’s cooking before?” Tav asked, pulling his attention to her.  
  
“No, but it’s fi—” And then there was a plate underneath Mettaton’s nose, being held up to his face by Papyrus. He blinked and jerked backwards, focusing his eyes on the pile of sauce and noodles inches from his face.  
  
“YOU _MUST_ TRY IT,” Papyrus said, no room for argument in his tone.  
  
“i don’t—”  
  
“ _TRY IT_ ,” Papyrus insisted, shaking the plate in his conviction. Ember and Tav looked at him expectantly, eyes glittering. Undyne watched him, twirling spaghetti on her fork, her expression challenging him to deny Papyrus again.  
  
“If he doesn’t want to—” Grillby began, but Mettaton waved him down.  
  
“Is there an extra fork?” he asked, putting Papyrus’ plate down on the table in front of him. A fork was produced from somewhere, and all eyes were on him as he took his first bite.  
  
“Holy sh… shiitake mushrooms,” Mettaton corrected himself at a warning look from Grillby.  
  
[wait wait, lemme taste.]  
  
[…]  
  
[goddamn]  
  
“Whatever Grillby’s offered you for this recipe,” Mettaton said, slowly, “triple it. that’s my offer.” Undyne smirked as the table broke out into cheers.  
  
“No deal,” Undyne said,  
  
“but—”  
  
“You already have an Undyne original composition somewhere, I’m not giving you my recipes too.” Undyne said.  
  
“What?” Juni asked.  
  
“well there was this one time a few months ago...” Mettaton began, launching into the story, sushi funeral and all. Undyne jumped in several times to make “corrections.” The table erupted in laughter as Mettaton and Undyne argued playfully back and forth. Papyrus jumped in when he appeared in the story, arms flailing as he spoke. Mettaton smiled at him, not unfondly. Undyne caught his eye and smirked. Mettaton scowled.  
  
—————  
  
They were gathered around Undyne’s piano now, two hours to midnight. The time had flown by in laughter, howls, dice games and puzzles. Undyne’s hands flew across the keys, Giftmass carols ringing out while everyone sang out of key. Dog howls mixed with tuneless voices and filled the open living room.  
  
It was the most beautiful thing Mettaton had ever heard.  
  
He lent his own voice to the cacophony, the metallic sound creating an odd dissonance against the smooth, smoky sounds coming from Grillby and his daughter. Tav’s voice was surprisingly subdued and sweet, mixing with Pap’s harsh, loud belting. The howling had layers to it too, Dogaressa holding up the soprano while Doggo and Greater dog filled out the bottom range.  
  
No one really knew all the words to everything or even what the songs were talking about sometimes—what the _hell_ was a ‘Yule log’ or a ‘wassailing’ anyway?—but everything just sounded _right_.  
  
People started drifting between the piano and the floor beside the tree, where pillows upon pillows and blankets had been laid out. Mettaton maintained his position against the side of the piano, and it was only the disappearance of Pap’s voice that alerted him to what was happening. Those that had migrated to the floor were nodding off, falling asleep on the mountains of pillows. The dogs had all curled up together, and were snoring in sync.  
  
Soon, it was only Mettaton, Undyne, and a very sleepy Ember up at the piano. When Ember’s eyes drooped closed, Mettaton picked her up and put her on the pillow between her brother and her girlfriend. Behind him, he heard Undyne stop playing and slide the cover down quietly.  
  
“There’s an open outlet next to the tree,” Undyne whispered. Mettaton nodded in thanks, but could see he almost had half a charge left. He would be fine for now. He turned back to her.  
  
“Are you going to bed?” he asked. Undyne shook her head.  
  
“Have to wait for Asgore,” she said, picking up what dishes had been left out. “He should be around in about an hour.”  
  
“i’ll keep you company, if you don't mind?” Mettaton asked. Undyne shrugged.  
  
“If you want.” Then the room descended into silence as Undyne quietly cleaned. Mettaton scanned the tree in earnest for the first time. Every ornament looked hand-made, with lots of them being frames for small pictures. Pictures of everyone: Pap, Ember, Asgore, even Juni and he had made it up onto the tree. Smiling faces looked back at him from between hand-painted fish.  
  
“Hey,” Undyne said, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I'm going outside to wait for Asgore.”  
  
Mettaton nodded and stood from where he'd been sitting in front of the tree. He followed Undyne outside where they stood in silence for a minute.  
  
“When is he supposed to be here?” Mettaton asked.  
  
“One, one-thirty.”  
  
A quick ping to his chronometer tells Mettaton that it’s only just turned to midnight. They had a lot of time, and he said as much to Undyne. She shrugged and sat down so her back was against her house. Mettaton followed, sitting on the opposite side of the door.  
  
“So, i'll admit,” Mettaton began, looking out into the cavern, “that was one great party.”  
  
“Told you,” Undyne teased. “Should have listened to me. I'll pull out the mistletoe in the morning.”  
  
“I didn't say you won, i just said you had a very good showing.” Mettaton said, knowing that, yes, Undyne probably had won. Everyone had enjoyed themselves more than they had at Mettaton’s, even himself.  
  
Not that he'd ever say that, of course.  
  
“Does everyone usually fall asleep on your floor after your Giftmass parties?” he said instead  
  
“Every year. Asgore brings everyone’s gifts here.”  
  
“that’s actually pretty cute.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Undyne pulled her knees up to her chest and started tracing circles into the ground. Mettaton counted the stars he could see, naming them each in his brain.  
  
“I don't understand you,” Undyne said suddenly. “I just… don't get you at all.”  
  
“what do you mean?”  
  
Undyne took a deep breath. “I never know what to expect from you. It's like you've got two or three people trapped in that metal suit, and I never know who I'm going to be talking to.”  
  
{Well, I mean, she’s not _wrong_...} Mettaton smiled at the irony.  
  
“And you're an actor but also the Judge? I still can't figure out how you got Asgore to hire you.”  
  
[lemme talk.]  
  
“Asgore—” Sans cleared his throat as he spoke, “asgore and I go way back.”  
  
“Two years is ‘way back?’”  
  
Sans laughed. “no, a lot longer.”  
  
“So he gave the job to you because you're his friend?”  
  
“...I don't consider asgore a ‘friend.’” Sans said quietly, “he’s great and all, sure, but…”  
  
“But what?” Undyne challenged. Sans was quiet for a minute, choosing his words carefully.  
  
“i've made some mistakes. Really big mistakes. Mistakes that _should_ have gotten me executed.” Sans could feel Undyne’s states boring into him, but he kept his eyes locked on a distant star. “asgore told me that I could make up for… what I'd done by being the Judge.”  
  
“He took mercy on you,” Undyne said. Sans nodded.  
  
“More mercy than i deserve.”  
  
“Yet you don't consider him your friend.”  
  
Sans winced. “Nope, i… owe him too much to call him my friend.”  
  
“What did you even do?” Undyne asked. Sans hesitated.  
  
“Something really bad. i regret all of it,” he said, voice just barely above a murmur.  
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“What.”  
  
“You're seriously doing the ‘deep dark mysterious past’ thing.”  
  
“is it a crime to not want to talk about it?”  
  
“But being _that_ melodramatic about it?”  
  
Sans crooked an eye in his best Mettaton impression. “Me? Melodramatic? _Moi?_ ”  
  
Undyne opened her mouth to speak when Asgore himself stepped into view, pulling a large bag behind him.  
  
—————  
  
When all of Asgore’s gifts had been place under the tree, the king left for Snowdin, a container of Undyne’s lasagna in tow. Mettaton and Undyne watched him go, waving him off with a “Happy Giftmass.”  
  
Undyne fell onto the pillow pile and was asleep in moments. Finally alone, Mettaton sat down and got ready to shut off.  
  
{What _did_ you do?}  
  
[unimportant.]  
  
{Obviously it's not.}  
  
[it was a long time ago and no one even really remembers but me.]  
  
[i just… put my trust in the wrong person.]  
  
——————  
  
Everyone was up by 7, Papyrus’ excited screeching waking the rest of the the party up. They weren't actually going to open gifts here, but Papyrus had gathered his and his family’s and was trying to usher them out the door. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, Ember pulled Tav up by the arm only to be rewarded with a light, half-asleep swatting from her girlfriend. Mettaton got up just before the Grillby family left.  
  
“Wait!” he said, stumbling to his feet and pulling the charger out. “before you go, tell me who’s party was better.”  
  
“What?” Tav groaned from where she swayed on her feet.  
  
“whose party did you like better, mine or Undyne’s?”  
  
“I thought both were fine.” Grillby said. Mettaton shook his head.  
  
“You gotta pick.”  
  
The ended up taking a vote via secret ballot, everyone who could wrote down their vote, and Ember did all of the dog’s votes. Mettaton counted them, Undyne watching over his shoulder.  
  
“I still don't understand why we had to pick,” Juni said. Mettaton hushed her as he counted.  
  
2 for Mettaton.  
  
11 for Undyne.  
  
Mettaton groaned as Undyne threw her fist up in the air.  
  
[you promised me you'd win.]  
  
{Whoops?} But Mettaton hadn't been surprised.  
  
“CAN WE GO NOW?” Papyrus asked, tapping his foot impatiently.  
  
“Yes!” Mettaton said.  
  
“Nope, come here Pap.” Undyne said through a smirk. Pap crossed the room, hands twitching. Undyne put her hands on his shoulders and placed him right before Mettaton “Stand right… _here_.”  
  
“WHAT FOR?” he asked.  
  
[i  s w e a r  t o  g o d]  
  
“Mettasans?” Undyne prompted.  
  
[i f  yo u  d o  t h i s]  
  
Mettaton stood, not a foot away from Papyrus.  
  
[m e t t a t o n]  
  
Taking a deep breath, Mettaton leaned down, feeling everyone’s eyes on him—  
  
[ _m e t t a t o n_ ]  
  
—and planted a quick kiss on top of Pap’s skull.  
  
“There. happy?” he asked, looking back at Undyne, whose smirk had changed into a scowl.  
  
“That wasn't the deal.”  
  
“We never specified what it had to be. we just said ‘kiss.’”  
  
“You little—” Undye said, charging forward towards Mettaton.  
  
“Whoops, gotta run.” Mettaton said and lunged for the door, leaving a very confused Papyrus behind.  
  
“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?” he asked no one in particular. No one really had an answer for him as Undyne chased Mettasans out of her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _raise ur hand if u saw that coming_
> 
> _this was basically exactly like what christmas is like at my house, aside from the carols. and the large group of people. but yeah, thats the end of the Three-Part Giftmass In July special. i hope yall enjoyed it!!!_
> 
> _ill see u guys next monday!!!_


	42. [brothers} or, Grillby Was All Ready For The Shovel Talk, Too.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettasans and Grillby have a Talk™

—five months later—  
  
“Come in,” Grillby said, voice husky with smoke. Sans gingerly opened the door to the office and peeked his head inside.  
  
“You wanted to talk?” Sans asked. Grillby nodded, and motioned to the empty chair.  
  
“Sit, please,” Grillby all but whispered. Sans slid into the dark office and shut the door. He took the seat, finding himself looking at the bartender from across a deep mahogany desk. Grillby himself was the only light in the room, casting shadows in the corners and on the walls. Sans felt small under Grillby’s hard gaze.  
  
“what is this, Grillbz?” Sans asked, keeping his voice as controlled as possible.  
  
“You've been spending quite a bit of time with my children,” Grillby began, folding his hands on the desk. “Papyrus, in particular.”  
  
“uh, yeah? I guess.”  
  
“Ever since Giftmass, either you or Papyrus have made it a point to spend time together frequently. You build snowmen—”  
  
[“ _let me,” Sans said, reaching over to hold the snow arm in the air as Papyrus packed snow into the shoulder to attach it. Quietly, Sans enchanted the snow to float in the air so that when they stood back, the snow defied gravity and stayed in a ‘flexed’ position.  
  
_ “ _THERE!” Papyrus exclaimed, examining his snow-self. “NOW YOU.”  
  
Sans gathered a bunch of snow and pushed it into a single pile, then wrote his name on it in ketchup.  
  
_ “ _done.”  
  
_ “ _OH MY GOD.”_ ]  
  
“It's fun,” Sans interrupted.  
  
“He takes you ice-skating.”  
  
{“ _Are you sure?” Mettaton asked. Papyrus nodded vigorously.  
  
_ “ _THIS TIME I KNOW YOU CAN’T SKATE. I CAN HELP.” Papyrus jumped out onto the ice, confidently pushing himself along the slick surface. Mettaton watched him skate out to the middle and perform a quick figure eight before coming back to the edge. Papyrus stopped expertly on the ice and held out his arms.  
  
_ “ _TAKE MY HANDS.”  
  
Mettaton hesitated before reaching out and grabbing Papyrus’ hands.  
  
_ “ _ONE FOOT AT A TIME,” Papyrus instructed, “CAREFULLY.” Mettaton stepped out into the ice, his foot skipping against the slick floor. Papyrus tightened his grip and stood still until Mettaton was steady, one foot still in the snow.  
  
_ “ _PUSH OFF, I’VE GOT YOU.” Mettaton did as he was asked, gliding slowly out as Papyrus skated backwards with him. Mettaton put his foot on the ice and pushed with his other foot. It must have been at a bad angle, as Mettaton felt himself start to fall sideways. Papyrus, ever ready, steadied them both. “IT HAS TO BE STRONGER THAN THAT. YOU WON’T GO ANYWHERE IF YOU DON’T PUSH.”  
  
Papyrus patiently held Mettaton steady as he re-learned how to ice skate. Eventually, Mettaton found himself holding on to Pap simply to hold on, not actually needing the guiding pull.  
  
_ “ _YOU’VE GOT IT!” Papyrus said, letting Mettaton go after a good push. Mettaton glided away and managed to turn himself around. Papyrus clapped as Mettaton gracefully came back to the skeleton. He misjudged the stop however, and nearly crashed into Papyrus. Papyrus laughed as he righted the both of them, once again holding Mettaton’s hand.  
  
When they stood upright, Mettaton realized Papyus hadn’t let go. Papyrus began to skate away, his hand still holding Mettaton’s. Mettaton would have been content to skate hand-in-hand, but he regretfully dropped his grip._ }  
  
“i wanted to learn, and he taught me.”  
  
“And the cakes?”  
  
{“ _ARE YOU SURE IT DOESN’T NEED PASTA SAUCE?”  
  
_ “ _yes, Pap. one hundred percent sure,” Mettaton teased. Papyrus frowned into the batter he was stirring.  
  
_ “ _THESE ARE FOR UNDYNE, AND SHE_ LOVES _PASTA SAUCE.”  
  
_ “ _But everyone else has to eat them too,” Mettaton said, reaching into the bowl and swiping a finger scoop. He popped it into his mouth. “needs more sugar.”  
  
Papyrus grabbed the sugar bag and poured some into the bowl. As he lifted the bag away, his grip slipped. The bag fell from his hand and bounced against the counter before splitting open and showering Papyrus in sugar. Mettaton laughed as Papyrus coughed.  
  
_ “ _IT’S NOT FUNNY!” He protested, sugar flakes falling from his head as he spoke. It looked like snow, as if Papyrus had made a snow angel on his stomach. Mettaton laughed harder at Pap’s indignant expression.  
  
A cloud of sugar hit him in the face, forcing Mettaton to quickly wipe his optics clear of it. Papyrus grinned at him, another handful of sugar ready. Before he got the chance, Mettaton scooped up a handful of sugar for himself and dumped it directly onto Pap’s head.  
  
_ “ _STOP IT!” Papyrus squeaked. He shifted and a pile fell from the top of his skull.  
  
_ “ _You started it, sugarskull,” Mettaton said, the pet name slipping out without warning. Papyrus blushed orange as Mettaton realized what he’d said. Panicked, Mettaton grabbed some more sugar and launched it into his own face. Some of it made it to it’s intended target, clogging the speaker in his throat and causing him to cough violently.  
  
By the time Mettaton composed himself, Papyrus was scooping batter into cupcake tins, the faintest hints of orange still on his face._ }  
  
“what about them?” Sans challenged. Grillby raised a flaming eyebrow.  
  
[point taken]  
  
“Now,” Grillby said, expression settling back into a neutral sternness, “I do not mind that you spend your time with my son. In fact, I quite appreciate it. He… does not have many friends. I just have one question.”  
  
“Yeah?” Sans asked.  
  
“Do you intend to date him?”  
  
Sans sputtered, jaw dropping. Grillby stared, pinning Sans to his seat.  
  
“no, no I—” Sans stuttered, “absolutely not, I would never— what gave you that idea?”  
  
“Papyrus.” Grillby answered, “he came to me a few days ago, very confused. It seems to me that you’ve been sending him mixed signals.”  
  
“i—”  
  
“He told me that he cannot decide if you want to be his friend or his b—”  
  
“No. no, I don't wan’t—” sans said, at a loss for words. “No.” Sans felt Mettaton sigh and sink further down into their consciousness.  
  
“Then I suggest you make that exceedingly clear,” Grillby said, sounding much more like a command than a request. “He has expressed to me that if you were not going to ask him out soon, he would ask _you_.”  
  
Sans wanted to sink into the floor and disappear forever. Just hearing those words made him feel sick. For the sake of his sanity, Sans stubbornly refused to think about Papyrus asking him for a date. The disgust must have shown on his face as Grillby’s expression darkened.  
  
“If he does, you _will_ let him down gently, yes?” Again, it felt much more like a command than a request.  
  
“Of course, I—” Sans shook his head, “i just don't— there’s a lot you’re missing.” Grillby’s eyebrow crept back up again.  
  
“Care to explain?” Grillby asked. Sans swallowed. He didn't know how Grillby would handle the truth, but what else could he say?  
  
[“ _A good lie is based in truth, Sans.”_ ]  
  
“I'm his brother,” Sans spat out before he could doubt the story forming in his head. Grillby’s other eyebrow shot up to meet the other one before he regained his composure. “let me explain.”  
  
“Please.”  
  
“Do you know how ghosts are born?” Sans asked. Grillby nodded. “and you know I was born a ghost?” Another nod. “well, before Papyrus was born, his parents tried to have another kid, but the kid died real young,” Sans lied.  
  
“And you are the remains of that SOUL and his parents’ grief.” Grillby finished. Sans nodded, grateful Grillby followed his train of thought. Grillby was silent, and Sans prayed Grillby wasn't going to poke at the one hole in his story—namely, how this ‘ghost him’ would have known where he came from. No ghost really knew.  
  
“Well,” Grillby began, “that is… something.”  
  
“Yeah,” Sans agreed.  
  
“Do you intend to tell him?”  
  
“No, I don’t,” Sans said, finally telling the truth. Grillby leaned back in his chair, fingers drumming against the desk.  
  
“Perhaps that's for the best,” Grillby said after a moment. Sans blinked. He hadn't expected that.  
  
“Hm?” he asked.  
  
“Telling him would just dredge up old memories Papyrus doesn't want. He doesn't talk about what happened before I adopted him, and you telling him this might hurt too much.”  
  
Sans cleared his throat. “Grillby? Can I ask… how did you come to adopt him?” Grillby sighed, and leaned forward again.  
  
“It was right after my wife died,” Grillby began.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _WE'RE BAAAAAAAACK_
> 
> _for real tho, for anyone worried, sense just couldnt get a chapter out last week that they were satisfied with, so they pushed the release back a week. theyre super sorry, but they thought yall deserved something better than what they could give u at that time._
> 
> _im sorry too btw for posting so late today, but at least ur still getting the chapter !!!_
> 
> _ANYWAY. PAP BACKSTORY NEXT CHAPTER WHOS EXCITED I AM I AM_
> 
> _papyrus is my good son and im very excited any time hes in a chapter tbh i love him so much_
> 
> _as long as nothing else happens, ill see yall next monday !!_


	43. Family or, Grillby Never Returned The Mattress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heartwarming classic about a fire monster adopting a skeleton.

“Up! Up!” Ember insisted, making grabby hands at her father’s face. Grillby sighed, dancing around his seven-year-old daughter while balancing trays in both hands.  
  
“Not now, Ember, daddy’s busy,” he admonished, leaning away from her to place a tray on a table. “Your orders, gentlemen.” He nodded to the patrons at the table.  
  
“ _Up!_ ” Ember begged. Grillby sighed, put his other tray down and reached down. Ember scrambled into his waiting grasp and happily wrapped her little arms around his neck. Situating her on his hip, Grillby juggled the tray with one hand, practically throwing it at another table.  
  
“You're getting too old for this,” Grillby whispered to his daughter as he made his way back behind the counter. She nuzzled into his shoulder, whining in protest. Grillby sighed again. Ember hadn't asked to be held like this for ages, not since she was five. Then Burnadette had died, and Ember had regressed. Ducking his head to look at her, Grillby pushed open the door to the kitchen.  
  
“Ember, we’ve talked about this,” Grillby warned, “I can't carry you while I'm working. Now I have to change my gloves.” Ember pouted, her flame popping defiantly.  
  
“But I want up,” she protested, “want to work.”  
  
“You can't work if you don't use complete sentences,” Grillby said, setting his daughter down on her stool in the kitchen. Ember frowned.  
  
“I want to help you work,” she said, enunciating every word as only a seven year old can. Grillby nodded, tossing his white gloves on the counter. He reached underneath to grab a set of replacements only to come up empty. Disposable gloves it was, then.  
  
“What would you like to do? Seasoning or dishes?” Grillby offered. Ember grinned.  
  
“Seasoning!” she exclaimed, hopping excitedly in her seat as Grillby pushed the salt and seasoning rack down the counter to her.  
  
“Do you remember what I taught you?”  
  
“Uh-huh!” she said reaching for the salt.  
  
“Gloves,” Grillby reminded her, tossing a pair of the translucent plastic gloves to her. He snapped his on and got to work, filling the next order while Ember hummed excitedly from her spot at the counter.  
  
“First one,” Grillby said, sliding a completed order of fries to Ember. Flaring happily, Ember went to work, carefully sprinkling salt evenly across the fries. Grillby knew the fries would be slightly crispy—Ember still wasn't the best at controlling her flame when she was emotional—and Ember’s ‘help’ would just add a few more minutes to his cook time, but it was worth it to see her smile.  
  
Eventually, Ember managed to work her way through a whole order and Grillby collected it onto a tray. He turned to take it out of the kitchen, balancing it on one shoulder when—  
  
“Wait!” Ember cried, hopping off her stool. Abandoning her half-seasoned burger, Ember threw herself onto Grillby’s legs. “Don't go.” Her words were muffled by his pant leg.  
  
“I have to go take the food out,” Grillby said, placing one hand on her shoulder and gently pushing.  
  
“ _Nooooo..._ ” she whined.  
  
“Ember, please let go,” Grillby said, still trying to dislodge her from his leg. She refused, squeezing tighter. Grillby sighed. “Ember, I will be _right back_. I just have to take this out and I'll come back, okay?”  
  
Ember peeled her face from his leg. “Promise?”  
  
“Promise,” Grillby affirmed. Slowly, Ember let go of his legs and stepped back.  
  
“Right back,” Ember repeated.  
  
“Right back,” Grillby said, pushing past the swinging door and back out into the bar. He was setting down the order when the front door swung open with a bell tinkle. Grillby looked up to welcome his new customers but stopped short.  
  
Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard, dressed in nothing but a tank top and jeans, walked into his bar while holding the hand of a small skeleton boy wrapped in a threadbare jacket and a bright red scarf.  
  
“Grillby!” Undyne called, grin splitting her face, “How’ve you been?” She dragged the boy in, despite how he struggled against her. Undyne stopped in front of Grillby, and the boy took one look at the bartender and hid himself behind the guardswomen.  
  
“Fine,” Grillby said, dragging his gaze back to Undyne, “what can I help you with?”  
  
“I need a favor,” she said, ignoring the boy’s insistent pull on her arm. Without waiting for Grillby’s response, she plowed ahead. “So, I was thinking about people I knew who might be able to keep a child alive for a couple of days and I walked past the lava in hotland and I thought ‘oh my god, that bartender guy!’ Like, you're such a good dad to little Ashley—”  
  
“Ember,” Grillby corrected quietly.  
  
“Ember, Ashley, whatever,” Undyne waved her free hand in the air. “The point is, you can take care of a kid while starting a business and organizing a funeral and—”  
  
“Captain,” Grillby interrupted, “Please, get to the point.”  
  
“Right, right,” Undyne said, “Basically, I need someone to watch this kid while I figure out who he is,” Undyne clapped a hand on the skeleton boy’s shoulder.  
  
“So you thought to ask me,” Grillby said, no hint of question.  
  
“Yep! You're the perfect person!” Undyne said, completely unashamed. Grillby sighed.  
  
“What's his name?” Grillby asked. Undyne glanced at the boy, who was clutching the back of her shirt like a lifeline. She shrugged  
  
“I don't actually know,” she admitted. “He won't tell me.” She looked back up at Grillby. “He won't tell me his name, where he came from, _anything_. He just showed up at my place. All he said was that he was looking for his dad.”  
  
“His dad?”  
  
“Yeah, says his dad up and left and now he's gone out looking for him.” Undyne grinned sheepishly. “So, can you take him in?”  
  
Grillby hesitated. The skeleton was cautiously peering out at him from behind Undyne. Grillby had no idea how old the boy was. He glanced around the bar. Taking in a kid, on top of taking care of Ember and running this place? Maybe if Burnadette were still here, but it was just him now. There was no way he could handle this. He opened his mouth to say no but then he caught sight of the boy.  
  
He was staring, wide-eyed, at Grillby’s hands. The rubber gloves had caged the flames of his hands, creating an odd sight of fires pushing against clear plastic. From the way he was staring, Grillby could tell the boy had never seen a fire elemental before. The kid was mesmerized. Before he could stop himself, Grillby squatted, kneeling down to eye level with the kid. His eyes grew wider as Grillby stuck out his hand.  
  
“Go ahead,” Grillby said, “touch it. I won't burn you.” The boy hesitated, hiding further behind Undyne for a moment before the curiosity won out and a small, skeletal hand extended from the ratty jacket. For the first time, Grillby could see that the boy was shivering, almost violently. The child stuck out a single finger and poked Grillby’s palm, snatching his hand away, still afraid of being hurt.  
  
“See? You're safe,” Grillby said, watching the boy examine his hand for burn marks. Satisfied that there was none, the boy reached out again, this time taking Grillby’s hand as if to shake it.  
  
“YOU’RE WARM,” the boy said, surprisingly loud and forcefully. Grillby blinked. “CAN I HUG YOU?”   
  
Before Grillby could stop him, the kid rushed out from behind Undyne and threw himself into Grillby’s chest. Instinctively, Grillby wrapped his arms around the boy, feeling the shivering start to diminish.  
  
“He likes you,” Undyne said. Grillby looked up at her.  
  
“...Just for a couple of days,” Grillby relented. “Until you find his parents.”   
  
Undyne grinned.  
  
–––––––  
  
Undyne said her goodbyes, promising to return with news in the morning, and Grillby set the boy up in the booth in the corner. He kicked his legs absentmindedly as he looked around the bar in wonder.  
  
“Are you hungry?” Grillby asked. The boy ignored him, concentrating on the jukebox. He asked again, a third and a fourth time before he nudged the boy on the shoulder. The boy started, a few bones clicking together as he jumped.  
  
“Do you want something to eat?” Grillby asked again. The boy nodded vigorously, his full attention now suddenly on Grillby. “I'll be right back then,” he said, turning to go back to the kitchen.   
  
Ember stood in the kitchen doorway, staring at him angrily, looking like she was about to burst into tears. She held the swinging door open, her little fingers burning into the wood.  
  
“You said—” Ember choked back a sob, “you said you'd be _right back_. You _promised_.”  
  
“I'm coming now, sweetheart,” Grillby called, internally berating himself. As he crossed the bar, Ember stepped back from the door to let him into the kitchen. The moment the door swung shut she buried her face into his side.  
  
“Don't _ever_ do that to me again,” she said from his shirt, sounding ever so like her mother.  
  
“I have to leave the kitchen sometime, my little spark.” He disentangled her from his side and knelt down so they were eye level.  
  
“Take me with you then,” she said, flaming teardrops rolling down her cheeks.  
  
“Not if you're crying,” Grillby said. Ember nodded and furiously wiped her eyes. Grillby stood and threw together a basket of fries. By the time he was finished, Ember had dried her eyes, but still looked fairly upset. She latched onto his pant leg and followed him out into the bar proper. As Grillby approached the strange boy in the booth, he had an idea.  
  
“Excuse me,” Grillby said, tapping the boy on the shoulder again and pulling his attention from tracing patterns into the tabletop. “Here's your food,” he said, putting the basket on the table. The boy’s eyes lit up, but he did not reach for it. “And this…” Grillby pushed Ember from his leg and towards the other side of the table, “is Ember.”  
  
Ember took the cue and gave a little ‘hello,’ but tried to duck back behind her father. Grillby put a supporting hand on her back and pushed her forward again. Reluctantly, Ember crawled into the seat opposite the boy.  
  
“HI,” the boy waved, skeletal grin stretching further. “WHAT ARE YOU?” Ember blinked, taken aback at the bluntness of the question.  
  
“That was rude,” she admonished.  
  
“WAS IT?” the boy asked, grin falling.  
  
“Yes,” Ember insisted. The boy’s arms dropped and he shrunk back, looking properly ashamed. Ember’s shoulders drooped, losing the righteous indignation.  
  
“...I'm a fire elemental,” she explained. The boy looked up, the excited spark returning.  
  
“THAT’S SO COOL! I’VE NEVER MET A FIRE EL-ELEMENTARY BEFORE,” the boy said. Ember giggled.  
  
“ _Elemental_ ,” she corrected through giggles.  
  
“IM A SKELETON,” the boy continued, oblivious. Grillby smiled and drifted off, content they children would entertain themselves. He kept an eye on the two the entire night, watching them get along swimmingly. When he closed the bar down, he regretfully interrupted their conversation about their favorite colors.  
  
“Ember, can you take your new friend back to the house and show him around?” Grillby asked.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because he's going to be staying with us for a couple of days,” Grillby explained. The children’s eyes both lit up. Ember hopped from the booth, reached out to take the boy’s hand and pulled him from his seat.  
  
“Let's go Papyrus, I wanna show you my room,” Ember said, dragging the boy off towards the kitchen.  
  
————  
  
A couple of days turned into a couple of weeks, which turned into a couple of months. Grillby turned an old spare room into a makeshift bedroom when he got tired of sleeping on the couch, borrowing a mattress from the hotel down the road.  
  
Papyrus settled into a routine, albeit a strange one. Grillby would often find the boy awake at odd hours—occasionally scaring the bartender when he'd made noise at night—but it seemed like Papyrus didn't need much sleep. Grillby did his best to watch him, staying up late and rising early, but he needed some rest. Two children and a bar was a lot of work, especially Papyrus.  
  
The young skeleton was… odd. He constantly fidgeted, spoke out loud to himself, and often had difficulties communicating or doing basic tasks. It felt like Grillby had to teach him something multiple times before it got through, and he had to constantly keep Papyrus on task when he got distracted.  
  
Ember was an incredible help, Grillby knew. The little girl seemed to do much better with Papyrus than he did. It helped that Papyrus seemed to adore Ember, followed the girl around like a lost puppy. Seeing one without the other was becoming a rarity, something to be concerned about. Now the two of them hopped onto bar stools and waited for Grillby to finish serving a customer before speaking.  
  
“Can we go ice-skating?” Ember asked. Papyrus anxiously drummed his hands on the countertop.  
  
“You went ice-skating yesterday.”  
  
“But we didn't _actually_ ice-skate,” Ember explained, “I had to teach him and by the time we were done we had to come home.”  
  
Grillby eyed the two, already dressed for the weather. “Fine, be back by dinner.”  
  
“Okay!” Ember said, hopping off the stool.  
  
“THANK YOU MR. GRILLBY!” Papyrus called as they ran out the door. Neither noticed that they nearly ran right into someone opening the door on the other side. The children disappeared outside, Grillby watched them run by the window, and the newcomer entered. Undyne approached the bar, clutching a Manila folder in one hand.  
  
“Found him,” she said, throwing the folder onto the countertop.  
  
“Papyrus’ father?” Grillby asked, heart sinking. He berated himself, this was a good thing.  
  
It didn't feel like it.  
  
Undyne shook her head, “I found Papyrus, he's supposed to be in the foster system.” She tapped the folder, right on the Underground Children’s Services emblem. “his father’s dead.”  
  
Grillby raised an eyebrow. “Papyrus said—”  
  
“I know what he said. That's why it took so long to find him in the system. I was looking for children with _missing_ parents, not _dead_ parents.” Undyne explained. “He’s an orphan, Grillby.”  
  
“What happened to his parents?” Grillby asked.  
  
“Mom had an accident over in waterfall, dad couldn't take the pressure raising a kid without his wife and…” Undyne drew a finger across her neck. “I read his note, it does read like a “I'm going on vacation” letter, not an “I'm going to kill myself” letter.”  
  
“Papyrus misunderstood what happened,” Grillby said, drawing the logical conclusion. Undyne nodded.  
  
“Someone has to tell him,” she said. Grillby sighed.  
  
“Let him ice-skate. I'll tell him when he gets back.”  
  
————  
  
For the second time in his life, Grillby had to sit a child down and tell them their parent was dead. It wasn't any easier than the first time. Papyrus didn't cry like Ember had, but he looked devastated all the same.  
  
This time Grillby wasn't allowed to sit and hold him until he fell asleep, wasn't allowed to comfort him like he had Ember. He was only able to watch as Undyne led the little boy–not so little, he was almost five years older than Ember, a discovery that had shocked Grillby–away into the night. Papyrus had a foster family worried about him.  
  
That night Ember slept in the booth where they'd met.  
  
————  
  
The Flame household was quiet again. No more late night burglar scares when Papyrus wanted a glass of water. No more peals of laughter as Ember and Papyrus played in the hallways. Ember was quieter, lonelier. Grillby felt the absence himself. He missed the excited chatter over meals, missed the way Papyrus never seemed to stay quiet.  
  
He found a puzzle cube he'd picked up in the city that he'd given to Papyrus. The skeleton had an affinity for puzzles. His bedroom was still full off half completed puzzles—ones halfway solves and ones halfway built. Grillby knew he should return the mattress. He didn't want to.  
  
————  
  
Ember kept asking if Papyrus was coming to visit, or if they could visit him. It broke Grillby’s heart. Undyne couldn't tell him where the boy was—something about protection laws. She was already bending the rules by giving them updates;  Papyrus was going well in school, had a birthday, still wanted to join the royal guard.  
  
Grillby asked if Papyrus asked about them. Undyne said that he did all the time.  
  
————  
  
It was watching Ember skate alone that broke him. Ice-skating had been their favorite thing to do together. It had taken a lot of convincing on Grillby’s part to get Ember out here, and now it didn't look like she was having much fun. She was trying, sure, but the smile that stretched across her face wasn't completely real.  
  
Grillby dug out his phone from his pocket and dialed up Undyne.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Undyne, how does one adopt a foster kid?”  
  
He could practically hear her grin from the other side of the phone.  
  
————  
  
Undyne rushed the paperwork, thank god, and Papyrus ran through the bar door three weeks after Grillby called. It almost felt like a dream, but Papyrus launched himself into Grillby’s arms. It had only been a few months, but Papyrus had gained an inch or two.  
  
“Hello Papyrus,” Grillby said, tears threatening to spill over. He fought them back.  
  
“UNDYNE SAYS YOU'RE MY DAD NOW,” Papyrus said.  
  
“If you want me to be,” Grillby replied.  
  
“I DO.”  
  
When Ember came running out to greet Papyrus, Grillby excused himself to the kitchen for a moment. He hated crying in public.  
  
That night, long after the bar was closed and Ember had fallen asleep curled up next to her new brother, Papyrus asked Grillby if he could call him ‘dad.’  
  
Grillby accepted, no doubt in his mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _hey yall. this weeks Late Update™ is brought to u by a pretty bad family emergency. its been. something. sorry bout that._
> 
> _see u dudes next. whatever day. probably monday._


	44. [Pieces} or, Alphys, You're A Scientist, Why Don't You Believe In The Multiverse Theory?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finally realizes the obvious.

Sans sat back, Grillby having finished his story. They were silent for a moment, Sans lost in thought, Grillby waiting for Sans’ response. Sans tore his gaze from the desktop and looked up at the flaming bartender.  
  
“Thank you,” he choked out.  
  
“You don’t need to thank me,” Grillby said, “he is my son.”  
  
“thank you,” Sans said again. Grillby opened his mouth, another protest on the way before Sans cut him off. “You don’t… what you’ve done for him means so much to me you can’t understand.” Grillby hesitated, then nodded. Sans stood, trying to still his shaking arms.  
  
“Are you okay?” Grillby asked, watching with concern. Sans nodded, and backed up towards the door.  
  
“so we’re clear, I’m not asking papyrus out and you’re not telling him about… me,” Sans said, fumbling for the doorknob behind him.  
  
“Yes, that appears to be—”  
  
“Good. good,” Sans said, throwing the door open and sliding out before Grillby could say anything else. He teleported out of the Grillby residence a second later—running into Papyrus now might break him. He was running the mental math. Pap was three when their dad died, and he was five years older than Ember so…  
  
Papyrus was alone for nine years before he met Grillby.  
  
How many foster homes had that been? How many sets of parents had passed his little brother around like hand-me-down clothes? Papyrus wasn’t like other people, wasn’t easy to raise. How many people had given up before Grillby had stepped in?  
  
[ _The fifth family in just as many years waved goodbye as Mrs. Goss led them away into the twisting streets of the city. She squeezed his hand comfortingly as Sans glared at the ground._  
  
“ _We’ll find one, don’t worry,” she said. Sans shrugged. Papyrus danced ahead of them, carrying his small bag of possessions with one hand. He was going to turn eight in a few weeks. Eight, how old Sans had been when this whole thing started. He was thirteen now, somehow. Mrs. Goss was still talking, her quiet voice only barely audible over the din of the city._  
  
“ _I’ve got a couple of ideas, Sans. The two of you won’t be waiting for too long this time. Maybe you’ll have a place in time for Pap’s birthday,” she said, glancing down at the sullen skeleton. “What’s up, Sans?”_  
  
“ _nothin’,” Sans muttered. Mrs. Goss sighed._  
  
“ _Sans,” she said, warningly, “talk to me.”_  
  
“ _there’s nothing,” Sans insisted, refusing to look up at her. She squeezed his hand again, little feathers slipping between his bones._  
  
“ _You’re_ skull _king, Sans,” she said, a small smile gracing her face. Sans tried to disguise his grin as a grimace, but he felt the chuckle rumble in his chest. He looked up at her, hesitantly._  
  
“ _why are we moving again?” He asked. Mrs. Goss’s smile slipped away. “they kept amell, and he’s a foster kid.”_  
  
“ _Mr. and Mrs. Heathers found that three kids was too much, and wanted to keep you and Papyrus together,” Mrs. Goss said, voice deceptively light. Sans knew her too well to be fooled._  
  
“ _papyrus was too much,” Sans corrected bitterly. He watched his brother run after a spider that crawled along the ground, chasing it in zigzags across the pavement._  
  
“ _No, Sans. They wanted to keep the both of you—”_  
  
“ _but papyrus was ‘too much of a handful’ again, or is he a ‘damn nuisance’ again?” Sans asked. Mrs. Goss stiffened slightly, then forced herself to relax._  
  
“ _How did you get your hands on your file again?” She asked. Sans hummed, unwilling to answer. Mrs. Goss was quiet for a moment, before speaking again._  
  
“ _You aren’t supposed to see those reports for a reason, you know,” she said._  
  
“ _yeah, well, i did, so…” Sans trailed off. Mrs. Goss sighed._  
  
“ _Don’t take what they said to heart, Sans. Mr. Janop wasn’t prepared to take someone with Papyrus’s difficulties as a single dad and the Dunerompers were assholes anyway,” she said. Sans started, staring up at Mrs. Goss with wide eyes at the curse word. She caught his gaze, smiled and shrugged. “It’s the truth, what are you going to do?”_  
  
“ _mrs. goss!” Sans insisted, glancing at his brother. It seemed like Papyrus hadn’t heard it._  
  
“ _Sorry, Sans,” Mrs. Goss apologized sheepishly, “I’ll watch my language from now on if it bothers you.”_  
  
“ _i don’t give a… a damn,” Sans whispered the word, watching his brother out of the corner of his eye. “but pap doesn’t like those words.” Mrs. Goss breathed a laugh._  
  
“ _Okay Sans,” she relented, squeezing his hand again. They watched Papyrus run and trip over a crack in the sidewalk, stumble but keep his balance, and run ahead. They were nearing the Children’s Services office now. Papyrus knew where he was going, much too well for Sans’ liking._  
  
“ _mrs. goss,” Sans began, carefully tugging on her arm, “when you pick the next family… can you pick somebody that will… understand papyrus?” He looked up at her pleadingly. Mrs. Goss looked down, sighed and knelt down so she was eye-level with him._  
  
“ _Sans, if it will make you feel better…” she hesitated, “I’ve got a couple of families picked out already. If you want, I’ll let you look at their files and help me pick.”_  
  
Sans felt hope flare in his chest. He nodded enthusiastically. If he got the chance, and picked a family really carefully, he was sure he could find a good fit. No more moving around. Sans promised himself he’d get it right, for Pap’s sake and his.  
  
“ _I’m sure you’ll do great,” Mrs. Goss said, reading his mind. She opened her arms and Sans threw his around her neck. He stayed there for a moment, encased in wings and feathers. “Come on, I’m sure Papyrus is already at the office at the pace he moves.”_ ]  
  
Sans could feel Mettaton hovering curiously at the edge of his consciousness, but kept him carefully locked out. This was none of his business. If Papyrus had never told him, Sans wasn’t about to.  
  
\-----------  
  
Grillby watched Mettasans leave with no small amount of trepidation. Something about his story—somehow being Papyrus’ brother—seemed off. It felt right, but _wrong_ at the same time. There hadn’t been anything about a dead brother in any of Papyrus’ paperwork, yet…  
  
Grillby realized he had a headache. He rubbed at his temples cautiously. It could be a coincidence, this headache. A result of the revelation that Papyrus did, _sort of_ , have blood family still around. Mettasans being Papyrus’ ‘brother’ did explain quite a bit if he was honest with himself, but…  
  
His head was pounding harder now. He struggled to maintain his train of thought, the very phrase ‘Papyrus’ brother’ threatening to slip away. _Papyrus’ brother_ , Grillby thought, _a pun-loving robot-slash-ghost that’s also an actor and comedian named Mettasans. Mettasans?_ The name felt wrong, like it didn’t quite seem like it belonged. _Mettasans. Metta… sans… Sans._  
  
Grillby felt like his head was about to split open. _Sans_. Who the hell was that? _Sans_. The name felt so familiar yet… _Sans_. He felt around for a pen and paper, and scrawled the name down quickly. _Sans_ it read. His hand kept writing though, supplying a number all on it’s own.  
  
The paper read simply: Sans, 1,764,400.  
  
_One million, seven-hundred-sixty-four thousand and four hundred gold_ _owed_ , his mind finished. Owed to who? For what? Through his flame-splitting headache, Grillby put the last piece together.  
  
It was a tab. Mettasans’—no, _Sans’_ tab.  
  
Holding his head with one hand, he felt around his desk for his phone. He found it and dialed Undyne’s number without looking. Grillby held the phone to his head carefully, the ringing sending shoots of pain into his head.  
  
“‘Sup, Undyne here.” Undyne said. Grillby winced.  
  
“Undyne, listen carefully.” Grillby explained what Mettasans had told him, the shrieking headache he had around the idea that Papyrus had a brother, the name and the tab.  
  
“Yeah, yeah. I’m feeling the headache too,” Undyne said when Grillby was done. “Thanks for letting me know. I’m telling Alphys about this, okay?”  
  
“Yes, that’s fine,” Grillby said, “just not Papyrus. Don’t tell him.” Undyne agreed and hung up, eager to tell Alphys the new information. Grillby put his phone down, still marinating in pain. The paper— _Sans, 1,764,400_ —stared back up at him. Who the hell was Sans and why did he owe Grillby that much money?  
  
There was a knock on the door. Grillby grunted and Ember opened the door.  
  
“Dad, Tav wants to… Are you okay?” she asked. Grillby nodded, tearing his eyes up from his desk. She looked at him with concern.  
  
“I’m fine, thank you,” he said, and meant it. The headache was diminishing rapidly. “What did you want?”  
  
“Oh, Tav just wanted to know if I could go out to the city for… school supplies.”  
  
“That’s fine, be back by dinner.” Grillby waved her out. She smiled and left with a ‘thanks, dad!’ When she was gone, Grillby looked down at his desk.  
  
_What does ‘Sans, 1,764,400’ mean?_ He asked himself before shoving the loose paper into a drawer. If it was important, he’d remember later.  
  
\---------  
  
“S-Sans?” Alphys asked, her voice three or four octaves higher than normal.  
  
“Yeah, Grillby said that the name was familiar? But not? And his head was like, ready to explode.” Undyne’s voice came from the speaker on the table. Shooting glances around, as if Mettaton or Sans would be there, Alphys scooped up her phone and turned off speaker mode. “And get this—my head _really fucking hurts_. There’s something here, Alphys. Whoever this ‘Sans’ chump is, I bet he’s got some answers.”  
  
“T-To what questions?” Alphys asked.  
  
“Well, why he owes Grillby over a million gold, for one.” Undyne said. “Two, why Grillby doesn’t _remember_ someone who owes him a million gold. Three, what’s up with the headaches? I mean, I feel like my head’s about to split open, I don’t know about you. Four, what Mettasans was like when he was still a ghost. Hey!” Undyne gasped, “Mettasans, _Sans_ , Metta _sans_.”  
  
Alphys fought a groan as Undyne started to rant about the name, asking if Alphys thought there was some connection there. _Yeah, there is_ , Alphys thought as she hummed, not trusting her voice. Sans, one half of her friend’s split SOUL, had somehow slipped up. Almost three years after they’d trusted her, they’d gone and somehow fucked up.  
  
“Alphys? You still there?” Undyne asked.  
  
“Uh, y-yeah. I’m here.”  
  
“I asked if you knew anything about this Sans guy.”  
  
“N-Nope. N-not a thing.” Alphys screwed her eyes shut, biting her lip. Undyne sighed.  
  
“See if you can find a natural time to ask Metta or something. I’ll go searching through official records. Sans has to be somewhere.”  
  
Undyne said her goodbyes and hung up. Alphys stared at the phone in her hand. She considered calling Mettasans themselves, warning them that Undyne was on their trail.  
  
But there was something tickling in the back of her mind, and the familiar headache began to creep up as she considered the question: _How had Grillby known_? _And what was this ‘tab’_ _Sans had_. She frowned. The headache started to pound. What was it that Mettaton had said, those two years ago, about some ‘alternate universe?’ One where Sans was his own person, and Mettaton his own as well? But that was ridiculous, she thought. Just a delusion they had, a fantasy.  
  
Wasn’t it?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _whats Up my dudes, its another chapter of ttcasab!!!_
> 
> _todays chapter is special tho: its the last chapter im gonna be uploading :0!! sense is back from camp, so theyre gonna be taking over again. its been rlly fun talking to u guys and getting to give my own input on chapters!!! ill miss u nerds !!!_
> 
> _sense will see u guys next monday!!!!_
> 
> _~~also. goss for president 2016 tbh~~ _


	45. {Reunion], or Sans Peeked Out Into Consciousness And Saw There Was A Bunch Of Drama Bullshit Going On So He Slipped Right The Fuck Back To Where He Came From And Minded His Own Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Blook Family returns and Mettaton and Napstablook both make a choice

—Six months later—

“And through here is the main studio,” Sairen said, leading the group of gap-mouthed tourists with flashing cameras through the door. Mettaton looked up from his script, draped across his chair like a king on his throne. He flashed a bright smile as a few of the group caught his eye. Sairen waved as she talked, slithering backwards as she led the tour towards him.

“This is where the magic happens,” she was saying, “and here’s the magician himself.” Sairen smiled up at him, fluttering a hand in his direction. Mettaton stood, putting the script down on the chair, and smiled wider. He didn’t typically get a chance to say ‘hi’ to the fans on tours, he was normally filming or in a meeting or some such thing.

“Welcome to mts Studios,”  he said, spreading his arms in welcome. “do I need to introduce myself?” he asked, and the crowd laughed and shook their heads. One snapped a photo, causing a bright flare and disrupting a side of Mettaton’s vision. “i’m glad to see you all here today,” he continued, trying to blink his vision back to normal. “Where are we all from?”

The tour responded with the typical four answers: The City, Hotland, Waterfall and Snowdin. The littlest one in the group--a young mouse creature--rattled off their entire address and Mettaton feigned being impressed as the rest of the tour chuckled. Mettaton started his usual spiel, scanning the tour group.

“Well, as sai said, we do most of the filming here.” Mettaton motioned to the row of cameras ringing the _Cooking with a Killer Robot_ set. “And if sai lets you stick around, you can watch a live filming from behind the cameras.” He looked down at his PA, who pretended to hesitate. “Oh, come on. i’m sure these wonderful people would love to see, yes?” The crowd voiced their approval as Sai and Mettaton did their usual ‘since this group is so great, okay’ bit. It didn’t really mean anything—every group got to watch a filming—but it was fun and made everyone feel special.

“Alright, I’ll set them up somewhere,” Sai ‘relented.’ The tour group cheered. Mettaton high-fived the little mouse.

“Well, as i was saying,” Mettaton continued, “we use the three set spaces you see in front of you for everything. Our crew is very efficient at changing things out and getting things ready on other spaces while one or two is in use. that way we can quickly change scenes or between shows as needed, otherwise we’d never get to go home.”

“And where do _you_ live?” A familiar voice asked from the back. Mettaton stiffened, and his hands curled into fists. He peered over the crowd, scanning the back until his eyes found what he hadn’t wanted to find; a small, almost translucent yellow ghost. He forced his hands to relax.

“Hotland, but let’s save all questions until the end, okay?” Mettaton said, keeping his voice pleasant. Gabby looked—almost glared—at him from where they floated. Mettaton moved on with his speech, and sent the group away with Sai for the show. As they floated away with the tour, Gabby glanced at him one last time. Mettaton kept the smile plastered across his face, not even letting her know he’d recognized them. He flexed his fingers and tried to unclench his jaw.

{They’re allowed to be here, no big deal. Just don’t talk to them.} Mettaton rationalized as he turned back to the script he’d been reading, but he found himself unable to concentrate on the cassarole recipe he was supposed to memorize.

[hm?] Sans asked, barely looking away from his pinball game.

{Gabby’s here, on the tour.} Mettaton said.

[oh.] And like that, Mettaton lost Sans’ attention to the flashing lights of the pinball bumpers. He tried to tune out his own thoughts— _why the hell are they here? What do they want?_ —and commit the recipe to memory. Someone tapped him on the leg, and he braced himself. He looked down, relaxing when he saw it was Juni, not Gabby.

“We’re ready when you are,” she said. Mettaton took a deep breath, rolled his head and stretched his arms out.

“Let’s get this show on the road, then,” Mettaton said. The faster he did this, the faster Gabby would leave.

\---------------

When they finished the episode, the tour group clapped enthusiastically. Mettaton smiled and bowed in their direction. When he looked up, he couldn’t spot Gabby in the group. He hoped that they’d simply turned invisible. Sai gathered up the rest of the group and started to lead them towards the exit. Mettaton waved, scanning for a flash of yellow, but he couldn’t find one.

He hadn’t been mistaken, Gabby _had_ been there, no doubt. He shot a glance around the studio eyes settling on his dressing room.

{Oh fuck.}

He knew, just _knew_ , in that deep sense of just _knowing_ , that Gabby was waiting for him in there. He took a deep breath and considered just not going in there. Just packing up and leaving. Throwing deuces and walking out the door. As he exhaled, Mettaton realized he couldn’t, his charging cord was in his dressing room.

{There goes that plan.}

Resolved to get in and out before they could stop him, Mettaton marched over to his dressing room, threw open the door and scanned the countertop, one hand out to grab it and run. It wasn’t there. His hand closed on open air. He had it this morning, had plugged himself in during lunch.

“Looking for this?” Mettaton stifled a sigh and turned around. Gabby floated in the corner by the door, a familiar black cord in one stubby hand. They weren’t smiling, and Mettaton dropped the plastic smile he’d been fighting to maintain.

“What do you want?” he asked, eyeing the cord in their hand.

“A lot of things, Happy,” they said. Mettaton frowned and steeled himself for a lecture. “Mostly, I’d just like you to come home.”

The words _I’ll be home to visit soon_ perched on Mettaton’s tongue. An easy lie to placate them. He swallowed them down.

“I’m not,” he said instead, Gabby stiffened.

“I figured,” they muttered, shutting their eyes. Mettaton wondered what they were going to start with: ‘you ungrateful child,’ perhaps, ‘we miss you,’ maybe. They opened her mouth to speak, but Mettaton spoke first.

“i don’t want to listen to whatever lecture you’ve got prepared,” he said, “I’m done. give me my cord.” He held his hand out, taking a step in their direction. Gabby opened their eyes in shock and tightened their grip, pulling their arm closer to their body.

“I just th—”

“I said no,” Mettaton interrupted, “i’m not coming home, I’m not listening to whatever bullshit you want to say, we’re done here.” He kept his hand outstretched. Gabby hesitated, drawing back into themself.

“Your family is—”

“My family isn’t _you_.” Mettaton stressed, but Gabby pressed on,

“Your family is falling apart. Don’t you care?” They asked, Mettaton bit down a snort.

“no, in fact, I’m glad. we aren’t a family, never were. You made up all that ‘cousin’ bullshit so you didn’t have to be alone.” Mettaton felt a little guilt curl up in the pit of his stomach at the stricken expression on Gabby’s face, but he didn’t stop. Years of bottled up words were spilling out and he was glad to let them. “find some ghosts that want to be your ‘family,’ okay? I don’t want any part of it.”

“Hapstablook—”

“ _that’s not my name_ ,” Mettaton seethed, “I’m not a ghost anymore.” Gabby’s eyes narrowed.

“Just because you went corporeal doesn’t mean you get to cut us all off. We might not actually be cousins but we are still a _family,_ damn it!” Gabby yelled. Mettaton blinked in surprise. “We’re a family because I say we are.”

“just because _you_ say something doesn’t make it true,” Mettaton snapped. “How many lies did you tell me and blooky so we’d join your ‘family?’ Let’s count:” He began counting on his fingers “one, ghosts—and by extension, the two of us—were worthless beings with nothing but each other to rely on. Two, without you we’d never amount to anything. three, all ghosts form little ‘cousin’ families. Four—”

“It was for your benefit, Happy. You’d have been alone otherwise.”

“i would have prefered being alone.”

“What the _fuck_ do you know about being alone?” Gabby snapped, “I was alone for _centuries_ before you were ever _born_. I was born when the royal children died. How old are _you_? Seven? Eight? What do you know about being alone? _Forgive me_ for wanting someone to care about.”

“You never cared about me or blooky or Maddie. you just wanted us to care about _you_.”

“I never _cared_ about you?!” she shrieked, “How _dare_ you. _How dare **you**_ **.** ” Color rose in her cheeks as she yelled. “I took _care_ of you. Gave you a _home_. Gave you a _job_. I gave you _everything_.”

“So that means i have to put up with lies and manipulation?”

“When have I _ever_ —”

“‘should Blooky be expecting you next thursday?’” Mettaton quoted. Gabby’s jaw worked as if to speak, but they shut it a moment later. “If you have to pull _that_ shit and lie to get anyone to hang around you, you need to re-evaluate your life.”

“You need me,” Gabby said, “You need the rest of us. You’re one of us.”

“no, no I’m not. and it seems like you need me more than I need you. My cord.” Mettaton stretched out his hand again. Hesitantly, Gabby released her grip and it fell into his hand. Mettaton turned away, reaching for the door when they spoke up again.

“You know, when you left we all panicked. We had no idea where you’d gone. We— _I_ was… scared. Logically, nothing terrible could have happened to you, but I…” they trailed off for a moment. “Then Undyne came and told us what you’d done and I knew, I _knew_ you weren’t coming back home. I knew from the moment I _met_ you that one day you’d leave and never come back.”

“then why do you keep trying to get me to come back?” Mettaton asked. Gabby sighed.

“...Napstablook won’t talk to me. Won’t talk to _anyone_. Keeps his house locked up. He’s stopped participating in Thursday dinners.”

“So?” Mettaton asked, stubbornly refusing to look at them.

“I was just hoping that, _maybe_ , he’d talk to you. I’m...I’m worried about him.”

Mettaton’s hand closed around the doorknob. He could feel Gabby’s eyes on his back.

{Damn it.}

\----------

Mettaton stood in front of Naptablook’s door, Gabby floating silently some distance behind him. He raised a fist and knocked quietly. There was no responce from behind the wooden door. He knocked again, more forcefully this time. Still nothing from the one cousin he actually liked. Gabby cleared their throat. Mettaton refused to look, but sighed.

“napstablook?” he called, knocking again. With no answer, he leaned in close to the door and called, much softer this time. “Blooky, it’s me.”

“...M-Metta?” Blooky asked from inside.

“yeah, can you open up?” he asked. Napstablook was quiet for a moment, their hesitation radiating from the other side of the door.

“They’re talking?” Gabby asked, “What did they say?” Mettaton shot a glare behind him, and Gabby backed off, floating a few more feet away.

“I-Is… Is Gabstablook there?” they whispered, Mettaton only barely heard.

“Yeah, yeah they are.” Mettaton answered just as quietly.

“...I don’t want to talk to them,” Blooky sighed. “Don’t make me talk to them.”

“i won’t. I won’t.” Mettaton reassured, “it’s just me. Can i come in?”

“...Do you have to?”

“Of course not,” Mettaton reassured them, “just tell me what’s wrong.”

For a moment, Blooky was silent. Mettaton waited, feeling Gabby’s curious gaze on his back.

“...I miss you.”

“I miss you too, blooky.”

“Why don’t you come visit then?” Napstablook asked. Mettaton winced.

“i get really busy, Blooky. twenty-four hours of programing takes quite a bit of work.”

“...Yeah, okay…” Blooky said. Mettaton sighed and leaned his forehead against the door.

“Do you want an apology for leaving?”

“I just want you to come home.”

“...did Gabby put you up to this?”

“No,” Blooky insisted, “They…”

“they what?”

“...I was talking about you and they said… They said you weren’t coming home again and that I should just forget about you…”

Mettaton’s hand curled into a fist against the door, but Blooky wasn’t done.

“...That you obviously didn’t want to be a part of our family so to forget you were even here.”

“I—” Mettaton swallowed, “i do. I _did_. i wanted—”

What _did_ he want? He looked back at Gabby, who looked back unashamedly, as if they did not see what they had done wrong. Of course they didn’t. In their eyes, they never made a mistake. He had once believed that too, once believed in them.

That was a long time ago.

“i didn’t want to leave you behind.” Mettaton said, settling for what he could manage to put to words.

“...Then why did you?”

“Were you willing to go with me?” Mettaton asked. “are you willing _now_?” Again, a silence descended on them, indecision coming from the other side of the door.

“...What about Gabby and Maddie?”

“What about them?”

“Can they come too?”

“no, Blooky. they can’t.” Mettaton said, no hint of hesitation.

“Why?”

“Because i said so. I decided to leave, they can’t follow.”

“...Then I can’t come with you,” Blooky said, sadly. Mettaton smiled bitterly into the door.

“...i thought you’d say that.”

They were silent again. Mettaton didn’t know what else to say. He felt that Blooky didn’t know either.

“...When do you have to go again?” Blooky asked.

“Whenever you open this door,” Mettaton said, “i told Gabby i wouldn’t leave until you opened the door.”

“What if I never open the door?”

“Then i’ll open the window behind your computer and count that as ‘mission accomplished.’” Mettaton thought he heard a quiet laugh from the other side of the door.

“If I open the door, will you stay for dinner?” Blooky asked.

“If you agree to come meet my friends someday.”

“Deal,” Blooky said. Mettaton stepped back as Blooky unlocked the door and it swung open. Mettaton smiled at them, pretending not to see the little tear tracks on their face. He stepped inside and turned around to shut the door, but caught Gabby’s eye. They looked at him in confusion, wavering between floating forwards and floating away from them.

Mettaton shook his head slightly. Gabby sighed. He shut the door, closing them out one last time. When he turned around, Blooky was already pulling out food from their fridge. They smiled at him.

Maybe he didn’t have to completely abandon his cousin. He glanced at his internal calendar. It was a Tuesday. He could do Tuesday dinner.

“...I’ve got a new mix i’ve been working on…”“I’d

“I’d _love_ to hear it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sense enters wearing a bright purple velvet suit to jazz music*
> 
> So, what'd I miss????
> 
> (That really should read: *Sense enters wearing three-day-old clothes to the sad chanting of camp songs*)
> 
> ANYWAY; I'm back, my friends. I have re-emerged from the woods and into the harsh light of civilization. Boy did I miss good Wifi and AC. But I did have a wonderful time and I already miss camp and all my staff family. I want to go back next year so bad. I have so many good memories from this summer and I don't regret a thing.
> 
> (Okay that's a lie I regret lots of things but let's not talk about those things, let's talk about the time I flipped chairs while dancing to 'I'll make a man out of you' during dinner that one time. That was a good time.)
> 
> I do want to thank everybody for their patience with skipped updates this summer, it really was appreciated. Some weeks just didn't happen. And although I couldn't interact with you, I could watch Garett interact with you guys and I'm so glad you all welcomed him and supported him. I know he's a lil shit, but...
> 
> (No I love him and he's the greatest like, honestly, he's a major reason this fic is half as good as it is and that it's even still going for this long)
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support of TTCASAB (or titscab as my phone's autocorrect lovingly calls it), even through my bullshit and this weird summer.
> 
> So, the future:
> 
> School has already started for me (I know, it sucks), but my schedule for this semester is super easy. Like seriously. If I ever miss a week, I better have a damn good reason because I have _all the free time_. (Did I just jinx myself? Everybody, knock on wood.) My health is dramatically improving, and I'm feeling better than I have in a whole year.
> 
> So yeah, things are looking up for me, and I'm ready to ride this fic for a while yet if you're all willing to stick around with me.
> 
> See you Monday.


	46. {Coffee] or, Mettaton Is, What The Kids Call, 'Relatable.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some changes come to MTS studios. Something Bigger, Better, Bolder.

—Six months later—

“You’re sure this is going to work?” Mettaton asked, knowing full well that it was. Alphys nodded, still gently shaking the syringe in her claw.

“I’m al-almost like, n-ninety-five percent sure,” She said. Mettaton’s eyebrow shot up.

“what’s the other five percent?” he asked.

“The d-dread feeling that this m-might k-kill you.”

“That’s reassuring,” Mettaton drawled. Sans snorted.

[you’ll be fine.]

{I _know_ Sans.}

{I also know it’s going to hurt like hell, so brace yourself.}

“I, uh, I mean, this u-uses most of the s-same principals from your original s-soul transfer, and that went…” Alphys winced, “o-okay.”

“just okay?” Mettaton asked, “Alphys, baby, it worked just fine.”

“Uh, y-yeah, just o-open your SOUL container,” Alphys said quickly. Mettaton did as she asked, looking at the tiny spot that was Sans in the center of his grey spot.

{Awww, look how cute and small you are,} Mettaton teased.

[and you’re almost as big as your ego,] Sans fired back.

“H-How is S-Sans anyway?” Alphys asked, lining up the syringe with a thick part of Mettaton’s SOUL.

“still playing pinball twenty-four-seven.” Mettaton said. “You wanna program some solitaire or something? i think it’s getting a bit out of hand.”

“Yeah, I...I can d-do that. Ready?” she asked. Mettaton nodded, and gripped the tabletop where he was sitting.

The searing hot pain that tore through him as Alphys plunged the syringe into his SOUL was nothing compared to the pain of a dozen unexpected teleports, but it still made him cry out a little. He clamped down on the noise as Alphys started to apologize profusely. The spilling of a foreign SOUL into his own sent waves of fire through his limbs. His already tight grip strengthened, bending Alphys’ table underneath his fingers.

“Th-there! It’s d-done.” Alphys pulled the syringe out and stepped back. Mettaton’s fans whirred at double speed in his ears, trying to calm his distressed systems down. Slowly, he unbent his fingers and flexed them carefully, hearing the machinery in them strain and complain from the abuse. “H-How do you feel?”

“It’s not the worst thing i’ve experienced…” Mettaton trailed off. “Now what?”

“S-see if you… See if it worked,” Alphys stuttered. Mettaton looked around the room before settling on Alphys’ soda bottle on the table next to him. He stuck his arm out and swept it off the table. The plastic bottle bounced against the ground, sending sparkling liquid flying around the upper lab. He cut off Alphys’ protest with a wave of his hand and focused on the new magic inside his SOUL.

He called it up as easily as he remembered. It had been years, but he hadn’t forgotten the feeling of sending a curl of magic into the air around him and pulling it back in just as quickly. The glittering drops of soda flew from the ground and back into the bottle as it leapt and bounced back to an upright position next to Mettaton. He smiled as he handed the re-filled soda bottle back to Alphys.

“that answers that question,” Mettaton said as Alphys took a drink. She nodded, swallowing her mouthful.

“You mastered that faster than I did,” she remarked, “almost like you already… already knew how to do it.” Alphys muttered the last bit, but Mettaton caught it. He also saw the flash of confusion and consideration on Alphys’ face before she spoke again.

“Hey, uh, this might be a… w-weird time to br-bring this up, b-but, uh… you t-told me once that you c-came from some… alternate universe?” Alphys clacked her claws together as she waited for Mettaton’s response.

“Yeah, and?” Mettaton said eventually, not sure where she was going with this.

“Well, I was j-just, uh, I mean, I was wondering… um…”

“alphys, honey, just spit it out.”

“W-Who was… Who was Sans in that… ‘alternate universe.’”

{What do you want me to say?} Mettaton asked. The silence between him and Alphys grew as Sans spun his wheels, looking for something to say. Alphys began to fidget harder as the seconds passed without an answer.

“Maybe you should ask sans sometime,” he settled on, unwilling to wait for Sans to get his shit together.

“Do you not remember?” she asked.

“No, i remember, but Sans is here. ask him yourself next time you see him.” Mettaton deflected. “Why are you asking this after four years?”

“No, uh, no reason. I just—” Alphys was cut off by the lab doors opening and someone calling her name frantically. She rushed over to the ledge of the floor, peering over the railing. “Oh shit,” she muttered before she started running down the escalator. Mettaton put his SOUL back into place, hopped off the table, and looked over the railing.

It was Aaron, the weird body-building seahorse from Waterfall, carrying an unconsious, dust shedding Sai in his arms. Mettaton froze as he watched Alphys lead Aaron to the elevator and disappear.

{No, no I…}

{I didn’t fire her, she was okay, she was happy.}

{What the fuck, no, I… I wasn’t an ass to her this time around.}

[what’s wrong?]

{Sai fell down. _Again_.}

[oh, yeah. that happens.]

{No, you don’t understand. I did everything right. She wasn’t supposed to…}

{She made it to see May. She was going to live, Sans.}

{ _What the fuck happened?_ }

[sometimes you can’t save people.]

{But… but!}

{I wasn’t a dick. I wasn’t horrible to her. I—}

[do you really think someone falls down because their boss is an asshole?]

[i mean, it likely contributes, but, really?]

[like you can fix someone destined to fall down just by being nice to them at work]

[did you really think you could save her?]

{I… yes. Yes I did, Sans. She was—}

[hah. i could have told you it wasn’t going to work.]

{Fuck you Sans. I _tried_.}

[yeah, you did. credit for that, i guess. didn’t change much in the end though, did it?]

{Fuck off, Sans.}

[gladly.]

Mettaton was still standing there when Aaron came back up from the lower labs. He looked up at Mettaton sadly.

“You’re going to need a new PA, buddy.” Aaron performed his signature wink and slithered out the door.

—Two months later—

Mettaton stirred his coffee dejectedly. He still couldn’t figure out how the damn coffee machine worked. There were too many buttons and none of them made a lick of sense. Today’s was much too sweet, yesterday’s had been too bitter, the day before had been downright unpalatable.

“What’s up?” Juni asked, sliding into her seat beside him in the meeting room.

“This tastes like shit,” Mettaton said, staring into the swirling drink.

“Why do you even drink it if you hate it?”

“because I don’t hate it when it’s made _right_.”

“Make it right, then.”

“i don’t know _how!_ ” Mettaton whined, letting his forehead drop onto the counter.

“Learn or shut up. You’re the one who refuses to hire a new PA,” she shot back, taking a swig of her own coffee. Mettaton narrowed his eyes, turning his head to glare at her. Juni caught the glare and put her drink down. “Hey now,” she said, much gentler this time, “we all miss Sai.”

“I don’t want to just… _replace_ her,” Mettaton said.

‘You won’t be _replacing_ Sai. You’re just finding someone to take over her duties.” Juni put a comforting hand on his back. “You need a new assistant. She’d understand.”

“Sure, whatever.” Mettaton sat up, snatching the script Juni had in her hands. “This the new soap?”

“Yeah, _As the World Turns Around Mettaton_.” She said, sighing. Mettaton blinked. _As the World Turns Around Mettaton_. That had been… He glanced at his internal calendar. It was already 201W. _Holy shit it was already_ 201W.

“Mettasans? Earth to Mettasans?” Juni waved a little stubbly arm in front of his face. “You there?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m here.” He blinked back into the present.

“Welcome back, space commander,” she teased. Mettaton pouted, clutching the script to his chest. “Knight Knight just radioed and said someone wants to see you.”

“who?”

“Tav,” she said, flipping through the script absentmindedly. “Wanna tell her to wait until we go through this draft or…?”

“Tell her to come in. Whatever she wants won’t take long.” Mettaton said. In the minute or two it took Tav to make it to the meeting room, he and Juni had already decided that the opener was complete garbage, but the post-title scene was pretty good. There was a knock on the door and Mettaton called for Tav to come in.

Tav shuffled into the meeting room and closed the door behind her quietly. Mettaton eyed her outfit—a badly-fitting, slightly ratty, pinstripe pantsuit that complimented her skin-tone, but made her look like a questionable saleswomen. She clutched a packet of papers in her hands tightly, as if her life depended on it. Tav hesitated by the door, as if working up her courage.

“hey Tav, take a seat.” Mettaton waved her in. Tav wavered in her spot before stiffly taking a seat across the table from him. “what’s up?”

Tav put the papers down on the table and took a deep breath. “Well,” she began, “I was hoping—wondering if you, maybe, had a job opening somewhere.”

“Hm?” Juni asked. Tav worked her jaw.

“I’m looking for a job and Ember said that you were always complaining of a lack of help around the studio—especially since you’re in the middle of switching locations—and I was hoping that you could… find something for me to do.”

“Aren’t you underage?” Juni asked.

“I turned twenty-three yesterday, ma’am,” Tav said. Juni’s eyebrow rose at the honorific.

“And you’re already looking for employment?”

“Yes ma’am, but,” Tav pushed her papers across the table at them, “I have a resume prepared.” Mettaton pulled the resume towards him, skimming it very quickly. _Huh,_ he hadn’t known that Tav was on student government. “And I understand if you don’t have an opening, but if you have anything, _anything_ …” Tav emphasized. She looked back and forth between Metatton and Juni, desperation in her eyes. Juni looked down at the resume, then back up at him.

“Metta?” she asked. Metatton sighed.

“How well can you make a cup of coffee?” he asked.

\------------

Tav’s work ethic surprised Mettaton. She was always there before he showed up in the mornings, and often stayed later. His coffee, after a few tries, had gone back to being delicious and ready for him when he walked in the door. She very quickly settled into a routine, doing everything asked of her with prompt competency and a smile.

“Tav, run this to juni. I made a few changes on page 3,” he’d say.

“Yes, sir,” she’d respond and rush away to do just that, reappearing a moment later at his side.

“call Burgerpants, tell him I can smell his smoke from the studio.”

“Right away sir.”

“there’s a tour at ten, can you take it?”

“Of course sir. I’ll leave your hoodie on your chair, okay?”

Now he watched her diligently fill out a set of paperwork Mettaton hadn’t wanted to do, silently and efficiently tearing through the mindless, boring drivel.

“When you’re done with that, i need you to go pick up some dry-cleaning,” he said. Tav didn’t look up from her work when she replied.

“Okay, sir.”

“It’s at the place across the city from here.”

“I know the place, sir.”

“and I want you to pick up some grillby’s while you’re out.”

“Yes, sir. Usual order?”

“Triple it.”

“Yes, sir.”

Mettaton sighed and put a hand down on the table.

“Tav, you literally don’t have to do _any_ of that. there are people that we pay to do those things.”

“It’s my job to do as you ask, sir.”

“ _Stop calling me ‘sir_ ,’” Mettaton snapped. Tav looked up in shock. “we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“You’re my boss now, sir,” Tav said, wincing slightly as the last word slipped out of her mouth.

“And that changes… _what_?” Mettaton watched as Tav clenched her fists, before forcefully relaxing her hands.

“Everything, doesn’t it?” she asked, looking down and away.

“why would it?”

“You’re my _boss_ ,” she said again, “I just…”

“You just?”

Tav sighed, clenching her eyes shut, “I just want to do a good job. I _need_ this job, okay?”

Mettaton’s eyes widened. He leaned across the table and put a hand on her shoulder.

“hey, hey now,” he murmured, “You’ve been doing an _excellent_ job. you can do that without being all… weird,” he said, waving his other hand in the air. Tav looked up at him questioningly. “Look, i know you. It’s just _killing_ you not saying anything when i’m doing weird shit or being a bit of a dick. I mean, seriously? were you really going to go do a costume run all the way across the city without complaint?”

“Of course,” she said, looking back up at him, “if you asked.”

Mettaton shook his head. “Stop. you need to let me know when I’m telling you to do something stupid.”

“Sir?”

“and _stop_ calling me that. Don’t you think it’s weird?” Tav hesitated.

“A little, yeah,” she admitted. Mettaton smiled.

“Then don’t, okay?” he said, patting her shoulder.

“What do you want me to call you then?”

Mettaton shrugged. “mettasans, Metta, rust-bucket, Tin can, asshole, whatever. Just stop calling me ‘sir.’”

Tav smiled at him, twirling a pen between two of her fingers. “When you say ‘call me out when I’m being stupid,’ do you mean that?”

“yeah, of course. Sai used to do it all the time,” he said, voice tripping over Sai’s name a little. Tav didn’t seem to notice.

“Well, then,” she said, “why do you get coffee when you can’t even drink it for the caffeine?”

Mettaton smiled. “i like the way it tastes, and it helps my image to be seen toting around coffee all the time.”

“Your… image?”

“Yeah, coffee’s… relatable,” Mettaton said, leaning back in his chair, “lots of people drink it. It’s also a ‘flaw’ that’s easy to admit to. Like; ‘see, even _i_ need coffee in the mornings.’ A well-placed flaw is important if you want people to like you.”

“So it’s all calculated, then?” Tav asked. Mettaton let out a little laugh.

“of course. _Everything_ in this place,” Mettaton motioned around him, as if pointing to the entire studio at once, “is calculated. haven’t you noticed yet?” Tav said back and thought a moment.

“How much… What’s all a lie?” she asked. Mettatton eyed her for a minute.

“You can keep a secret or two, yeah?” he asked. Tav nodded slowly. “well, for one...I only call people i don’t like ‘darling.’” Tav’s eyes widened, and Mettaton could almost see the gears turning in her brain.

“Even that one fish dude that comes into Grillby’s all the time?” she asked.

“ _Especially_ him.”

“Why?”

“he insulted Pap once.”

“Holy shit,” she muttered. Mettaton nodded.

“And the bigger secret?” Mettaton leaned over the table. Tav leaned in as well, curiosity ruling her features. “i’m not actually a killing machine.”

“What.” She asked, voice flat in confusion. Mettaton smiled.

“That idea that I was built to kill humans? a complete lie,” he said, watching her face carefully. “I was built because… well, various reasons, but killing humans wasn’t one of them. That’s all for publicity.”

“But… But you…” she said, her eyebrows furrowing.

“yeah, I’ve got all sorts of magic and weaponry, but that’s all mostly for show and self-defense. not meant for killing.”

“No, but… that human. Years ago, the one you killed.” Tav said, drawing back. For a moment, Mettaton wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but then—

“Oh.” His smile faltered. “you mean Garrett.”

“Garrett?” she asked.

“yeah. That was the kid’s name.” Mettaton hesitated, sitting back again. “i... I never hurt him. undyne did it all. I just… we were alone together when he died and people just assumed.”

“And you let them?” Her voice shook slightly.

“What was i supposed to say? I sat there and just let him die in my arms. and it fit the ‘killing machine’ lie well, so…” Mettaton looked down at the floor.

“Who knows?” Tav asked. Mettaton cleared his throat.

“Just you, actually. not even Undyne knows.” Mettaton finished. Tav looked at him, wide-eyed. They sat in silence, Mettaton trying to gage her reaction without looking her in the eye. The paperwork, long forgotten by both of them, caught his eye. He thought about reaching out for it, taking the stack and hiding from her when she spoke up again.

“Is everything you do that faked?” she asked, voice guarded. Mettaton looked up at her again.

“The public stunts are, yeah, but things like… us?” he said, motioning between the two of them, “we’re friends because we are. Nothing fake about that.”

“I’m not… not going to see anything about me in a press release or anything?” Tav asked quietly.

“no, what? Why would…?” Mettaton asked, slightly taken aback.

“You know, ‘Mettasans hires homeless teen because he’s a good guy’ or something _relatable_ like that?” She crossed her arms and looked down at the floor. Mettaton felt his jaw drop, knew his eyes were wide and he was staring at her.

“tav?” he asked, “What do you mean, ‘homeless?’” Tav looked up at him in surprise, eyes scanning his face for sincerity.

“You didn’t—” Tav swallowed. “I figured you’d know. You’d look into me when you gave me the job.”

“No, i… I had no idea.”

[you didn’t figure it out?]

{You knew?}

[well, i knew her family was poor. no idea they were homeless.]

Tav hesitated, drawing her arms in closer to her body. “I’ve… I have twelve siblings and my dad works three jobs. We get more food stamps if I’m legally my own household, so I moved out when I turned twenty-one.”

“where have you been sleeping?”

“Around,” she said, wincing as she processed the possible innuendo. “Not like that, or anything. Mostly the shelter on Fifth avenue. Some couches here and there.”

“Why not stay with ember?” he asked. Tav winced.

“When I told her that I was moving out, we… got into an argument. A really bad one. I haven’t spoken to her in two weeks. We didn’t _explicitly_ break up, but…” Tav trailed.

“She probably worried _sick_ ,” Mettaton said. Tav looked up, glaring at him.

“So? It’s the best option for my family. If she can’t support that, then… That’s that,” she said, jaw clenching. Mettaton searched for a response, yet came up empty. Instead, he said the one thing his brain could settle on:

“i have an extra bedroom,” he said, spitting out the words against her steely glare. “I’ve never really used it, if you want it…” Tav’s expression closed off even more, anger spreading across her face.

“I don’t want your _pity_ ,” she hissed. “You’re already giving me a paycheck, don’t you dare give me _charity_.”

“it’s not charity, it’s… an offer to a friend in need.”

“ _Charity_ ,” she spat, standing up in a huff. “You told me when to let you know when you’re being a dick, well—” She flipped him off and stalked off, reaching for the meeting room door. “I’m gonna go get your goddamned dry cleaning.”

“It doesn’t actually exist,” Mettaton said weakly.

“Then I’ll go find something _else_ to do.” And like that, she flung open the door and was gone.

[well, she’s not calling us ‘sir,’ anymore.]

{Do you have _any_ mode besides ‘sarcastic, flippant asshole?’}

[yes, ‘silent, playing pinball’ mode.]

{Can you do that, please?}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy lookie who's getting close to the end of five years.
> 
> No seriously, I think we have two, maybe three chapters left in this monstrous part. It's like, almost as long as parts 1,2 and 3 put together and I did not intend that. Seriously.
> 
> I also didn't intend the amount of angst and plot there was. I _swear_ I wanted this part to be mostly light and fluffy. I know what's coming next and I wanted a little happiness before I bring the storm.
> 
> Guess that didn't happen. Whoops. I'm only slightly sorry.
> 
> See you Monday


	47. {Endings], or Did Anyone Pick Up On My Obvious Foreshadowing Or Should I Have Shouted It From The Rooftops?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \----------

—Three months later—

“Here’s your schedule for today.” Tav dropped the stack of papers in her hands onto Mettaton’s lap. “And the new scripts, and the contact information for the emergency applications.”

“What?” he asked, flipping back to the last page. It was a front-and-back sheet with names, phone numbers and job recommendations listed. There were actors, tech crew and all sorts of individuals they had listed in case they needed an emergency replacement. “who did we lose?”

“Juni. We need a new director. Pick one and get them in for tomorrow,” she said. “I’m going to tell everyone filming is off for today.”

“Yeah, okay.” Mettaton watched her leave his dressing room, reeling from the news. _Juni was gone_. He had a million questions, but no one to answer them. Tav still wasn’t really talking to him, and she was busy anyways. No one else was going to know anything. He flipped through his contacts, found her number and called. The phone rang and rang, before her voicemail activated. He left a quick message, trying to hide the fear in his voice. He called again, a second later. Again, it went to voicemail.

Mettaton hung up without a second message and stumbled to his feet. He threw open his dressing room door just as the meeting Tav was leading began to break up.

“Tav!” he called. She turned around, arms already cradling paperwork.

“Did you find someone already?” she asked. Mettaton shook his head.

“what do you mean, we need a new director? What happened?”

Tav shrugged. “She called early this morning and said she was resigning. Her official paperwork came in by fax. Who are you thinking about calling?”

“i don’t know!” Mettaton said, grabbing Tav by her shoulders. “Why did she—”

“I don’t know, but it happened. We need to find a new director,” Tav snapped, “and soon. We can’t afford to waste time.” And with that, she snatched the emergency replacements from his hands and reached for her phone.

“wait,” he said “I’m going to go talk to her. see if she’ll change her mind.”

“She sounded pretty sure on the phone,” Tav said, crossing her arms. “She even told me where to find the emergency replacement list.”

“Well, hold off. i’m going to find her first,” Mettaton said. “Find out where she lives.”

Tav hesitated, something flashing in her eyes. “I don’t think—”

“Tav, please?” Mettaton begged. Tav sighed.

“I’ll get her address.”

\---------------

Five minutes and a teleport later Mettaton was standing outside Juni’s door, afraid to knock. He’d called her again, three more times, still with no answer. Steeling himself, Mettaton knocked at the door.

“Give me a moment,” Juni called from inside. Mettaton heard her shuffling around inside, the lock turning, and the door swung open.

“Can I help you— oh,” Juni said. Mettaton felt relief curl in his chest, the anxiety unwinding slightly. “Shouldn’t you be at the studio?” She asked.

“You should be too,” Mettaton said. Juni looked up at him, and sighed.

“No, I resigned. Sorry. Have a good day.” Juni tried to swing the door shut, but Mettaton grabbed the edge before it swung shut.

“ _juni_ ,” he said, pulling the door back open. “Why did you quit?”

“It’s none of your business,” Juni said. “Focus on work. Leave me be, okay?” Juni pulled on the door handle again, but Mettaton wasn’t having it.

“i refuse. Let me in,” Mettaton said, “we need to talk.”

“About what? I’ve resigned and that’s that. Go find yourself another director.”

“Not until you tell me why,” Mettaton said, not backing down from her glare. After a moment, Juni stepped away from the door, muttering something about Tav breaking promises, and Mettaton walked in before she could change her mind.

“Metta, please,” Juni began. Mettaton looked around her apartment, scanning the floor and seats for traces of dust. “I decided I didn’t want to work anymore.”

“without talking to me? You didn’t give me any warning, you just… _left_.” Mettaton sat down on one of Juni’s kitchen chairs. “no heads up, no discussion, no nothing. Something’s up, juni. You don’t just… you don’t just quit.”

“Well, that’s exactly what I did, and I’m sorry. You’re going to have to live with it.” She crossed her arms.

“Tell me what’s wrong. let me fix it,” Mettaton said, the momentary relief all gone now. “Do you want more money? more vacation time? I can get you whatever you want, juni. Just come back.”

“I don’t want any of that. I just want you to leave me alone,” she snapped.

“juni, please, I—”

“I resigned, and I’m not coming back. So please, just get out of my house.” Juni’s voice was tight, hard. Mettaton felt his stomach drop.

“...was it something I did?” he asked. “i’m sorry, for whatever it is.”

“No, Metta, you didn’t do anything,” she said, but her voice was starting to falter. “Don’t blame yourself, okay?”

“Don’t blame myself for what?” he asked. Juni looked away, down at the floor. “blame myself for what, Juni?”

“Please, just go. Forget about me, okay?” Juni said, pointing at the door. She still didn’t look up. Mettaton got off his chair, and knelt down on the floor in front of her. Her eyes were screwed shut, and he reached out, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“please, tell me what’s wrong,” he begged, “don’t— don’t be like Sai. don’t leave me like Sai. not again.”

Juni looked up with wide eyes. “That’s what you think this is? That I’m going to fall down?” Mettaton’s silence must have been answer enough. Her expression melted, softening. “Oh, Mettasans. That’s not it.”

“It’s not?” Mettaton felt himself starting to choke up. Juni shook her head.

“No, my little star. My HP’s in the triple digits. I’m okay,” she said, but it was Mettaton’s turn to shake his head.

“no, no you’re not okay. You’re not okay because it’s august, 201W and I know you’re not okay.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Juni asked, confusion radiating from her. Mettaton took a shaky breath, feeling his tears starting to well up.

“Why are you going to die?” he asked. “if you’re not falling down then why do you die?”

“...How do you know?” she asked, voice small.

“Because it happened last time. because I attended your funeral last time and i don’t want to do that again.”

“You’re not… You’re not making any sense,” she said, wide-eyed. “What do you mean ‘again?’”

Mettaton bowed his head, eyes screwed shut against his tears. “Tell me why you’re dying and i’ll explain. Please.”

Juni hesitated, then sighed. “I’m old, Metta. I’m forty-two years old.”

“that’s not old at all,” Mettaton started to protest.

“For my kind it is. Most of us don’t make it to forty-two,” she explained, “I started working for you at the age my mother _retired_.”

“I...i had no idea,” Mettaton said.

“I never told you.” Juni lifted his chin up. “I didn’t tell you because I knew this is how you’d react.” Mettaton found himself at a loss for words. Juni smiled bittersweetly. “And I knew this day would come. I’m tired, Mettasans. I’m tired and my body aches. I can’t keep working, I’m sorry.”

“But—”

“No buts. I want to spend the last few days of my life at home.”

“few days?” he asked, voice hoarse and quiet. Juni nodded.

“My body’s shutting down. I woke up in a thin layer of dust this morning. I didn’t want to quit, believe me.” She reached out, pulling him into a hug. “Tell me you understand.”

Mettaton returned the hug gingerly, as if squeezing too tight would turn her to powder in his arms. “I… i understand,” he said, leaning into her hair. Up this close, he could see the little particles of dust trapped between the strands.

Juni broke the hug, leaning back and finding eye-contact. “Now, your turn. Explain yourself.”

And just like that, Mettaton let it all spill out. Everything; Sans, the past timeline, everything he’d done and regretted. Trying to fix everything, failing. Watching Sai fall down again. Spending the last six years trying to save Juni too. He broke down into sobs when he described how he’d locked himself in his room after she’d died, believing Juni’s death to be his fault. He talked about Papyrus bursting down his door and dragging him out into the woods. Naming a star after her.

“So, you thought…” Juni trailed off. Her shoulders began to shake, and for a moment, Mettaton thought she was crying, but then the giggles started. “Everything makes more sense now. I always thought it was weird that you seemed to know what we going to do before we did it.”

“Because i already did it,” Mettaton finished. Juni laughed, throwing herself into another hug.

“I want to meet Sans, officially, though.”

“no problem,” Sans said, letting Mettaton drift away.

\---------------

In the end, it was Juni who convinced Tav to take Mettaton’s spare room. The two of them had taken to delivering meals to her, knowing that it was getting harder and harder every hour for Juni to move. They had come over together one day, and while Tav and Juni split lunch, Mettaton went through and cleaned Juni’s apartment as best he could. When he'd come back to the table, Tav was hastily wiping her eyes away.

On the walk back, Tav had asked if Mettaton still had the spare room. Her eyes downcast, the question almost a whisper, Mettaton had nearly missed it.

Tav moved in that night, a meager backpack’s worth of belongings with her.

\------------

In the end, it was Juni who convinced Mettaton to come clean. So, during dinner one night, Mettaton sat across from Tav and told her the last of his secrets. Tav watched as the colors in Mettasans’ SOUL swirled. She shook Sans’ hand, eyes wide.

Juni smiled from her chair, listening to Tav and Sans trade careful insults, growing used to one another. Laughed with Tav when the younger girl put the “boyfriend-but-also-brother” dilemma together.

Mettaton taught Tav how to play “Sans or Mettaton” that night, spending hours going through the last six years together.

\-------------

In the end, it was Mettaton who found her. When he came in with Juni’s breakfast and she didn’t greet him at the door, he knew something was wrong. After a half-hour search revealed a pile of loose dust in her sheets, however, his heart plummeted. She was gone.

He called Tav first, then the emergency contact for Juni’s sister she had given him. Then he sat down on the floor by the remains of his friend and cried.

\---------------

This time, watching Juni’s family scatter her dust on an old photo album, Mettaton found himself letting go.

That night, he took Tav to see Juni’s star.

That night, he pointed Garrett out to her too.

\--------------

Eventually, it was Tav that chose the new director. Mettaton shook his hand and showed him the ropes. If they bought him a new chair and tucked Juni’s away into one of Mettaton’s closets, that was no one’s business but their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair, I wrote Juni into the story with the express intention of killing her off. 
> 
> God, Garrett never forgot that I was going to do it and was dreading this chapter for _months._
> 
> Anyway, part 5 is going to have one more chapter, guys. Excited? I am.
> 
> See you Monday.


	48. {Beginings,] or Oceanus Literally Means 'God Of The Sea' And Olono Means 'Hill' So We Obviously Know Who's The Cooler Parent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The editor had to read the phrase 'writhing mass of tentacles' and not laugh.

—Nine months later—

“Tav, my god, go to bed,” Sans said, leaning against her doorframe.

“Can't,” she said, “studying.” Tav was hunched over a textbook, notebook paper strewn across her desk. Sans looks at his clock.

“it’s one in the morning.”

“And?”

“I want to go to bed.” Sans yawns, electronics popping in his jaw.

“Go to bed, then. You just turn off, don’t you?” Tav flips a page in her notebook, scribbling furiously. Sans stifles a sigh.

“it’s your last final, Tav. chill, you’ve got this.”

“Just because it's the last done doesn’t mean I get to slack,” she shoots back.

“What is it? advanced king pleasing or something?”

“Advanced Government, Policy Creation and Implementation.”

“Yeah, yeah, that.” Sans waves his hand dismissively. “you’ve done the math for this one. You could literally set the test on fire and still get an a.”

“But it would be a low A and I can’t have that.” Her pencil breaks with a _snap_. Tav grumbles and starts searching through the loose papers for a new one.

“Tav, the numbers _add_ up. you’ll be _positively_ fine.”

Tav freezes. “Fuck you,” she growls. Sans chuckles.

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” he says, offering her his hand. She sighs.

“Sans, this is _really_ important to me.”

“i know, Tav. but you need to sleep.”

For a moment, Sans thinks she’s going to refuse, turn back to her work with the same stubborn determination he knew. But she sighs, closes the book and stumbles to the door. There are bags under her eyes; she’s been working hard, Sans knows.

“I want pretzels first,” she says, yawning.

\-------------

When Tav comes home with a grin on her face, Sans knows he was right. She’s positively beaming as she describes the essay portion, she’d finally gotten the chance to write her paper on poverty that she’d been dying to do all year.

“When I get it back, I’m going to save it, rewrite it and make it my first big publication. It was _really_ good, Sans. If I start with that essay, and follow it up with the one on food stamps, Asgore will _have_ to pay attention to me.” Tav is sitting on the countertop as Mettaton is reading through a new script. “He’ll just have too.”

“I’m sure he will,” Mettaton says, smiling.

[hey, her grad party is the weekend after the ceremony, right?]

{Yeah, why?}

[what if we…]

\-------------

They sit in the same section of the hall that they sat in for Papyrus’ graduation. This time, Mettaton had called ahead to let the school know that he was coming and the administration manages to keep it quiet. The graduation starts on time, thankfully.

Tav is sat up on stage, clutching her cue cards in her hands. Ember sits stiffly next to her, but Mettaton sees the way she keeps sneaking glances at her ex-girlfriend. He doesn’t think Tav notices, not with the way she’s beaming, almost jumping out of her seat as they announce her speech. She’s managed to make it to the top of her class academically, and Mettaton can’t help but be proud.

Ember gives her own speech afterward, as she was the top student in magic. When Ember sits back down, Tav grins at her and mouths something. Ember smiles back, weakly.

Afterward, Mettaton watches Tav rush off the stage and throw herself into the arms of a tall squid man. She grins as her younger siblings, various heights and ages, dance around her.

\------------

It’s tradition for the two top students to throw a party together, and it’s not tradition’s fault that this year’s students haven’t spoken in a year. In an attempt to provide neutral ground, the party is held at Undyne’s. Everyone tries their best to ignore the latent tension, but it’s awkward until three of Tav’s brothers latch onto Papyrus and Papyrus giggles as their tentacles tickle his bones. Tav’s other siblings follow and soon, Papyrus is lost underneath a pile of multicolored squid children. Something about the kids having a good time loosens up the atmosphere.

Mettaton meets each of Tav’s siblings and immediately mixes their names up after they all yell them at him in a jumble. They’re all rowdy, with the exception of the littlest girl, and Mettaton can see where Tav has rubbed off on each of them. He spots one of the eldest boys pocket some loose change on Undyne’s counter, but doesn’t call him out. Instead, he quietly lets Tav know, and watches her storm over and berate him. He ends up keeping the money, and Mettaton has a sneaking suspicion the lecture was more about getting caught than the actual act.

“Mr. Mettasans?” Mettaton turns to find that Tav’s father has slunk up behind him. The man is a head shorter than Mettaton, and his blue tentacles are pulled back in a high ponytail. He’s dressed well, but the bags under his eyes betrays him. Mettaton glances down at the mug in his hands and wonders how long the man’s been awake, and how long he will be tonight. Mettaton smiles.

“Oh, don’t do that. mettasans is fine,” he says. Tav’s father nods.

“My name’s Oceanus, sir.” He offers one hand and Mettaton shakes it.

“Good to meet you, Mr. Teuthida. tav’s told me a lot about you,” Mettaton says.

“Please, call me Oceanus,” he says.

“If you promise to call me by my name,” Mettaton says with a wink. “no more of this ‘sir’ business. I already had to break your daughter of that, don’t you start too.”

Oceanus chuckles. It’s a breathy laugh, one that seems easy and loose. “I wanted to thank you.”

“for what?”

“Everything you’ve done for Tav,” Oceanus begins, but Mettaton is already shaking his head.

“It’s my pleasure, don’t worry about it.” Mettaton waves his hand dismissively.

“I don’t think you understand, Mettasans. You gave her a job and a stable place to sleep. Thank you.” Oceanus looks so grateful, so honestly open in front of him, that Mettaton can’t find it in him to dismiss the man’s gratitude again. He’s Tav’s father, after all.

“you’re welcome, Oceanus,” he says. “octavia is one of my closest friends, and one of the best people I know. you did an amazing job with her.”

“You mean she did an amazing job.” Oceanus looks over the wriggling lump of his children. Tav had jumped into the pile in an attempt to rescue Papyrus, but only ended up getting her siblings suckled onto her instead. “She practically raised herself after Olono left. Tav was the mom her siblings never had.”

Tav disappears under the writhing mass of tentacles, laughing as her siblings bury her. Oceanus isn’t making a move to stop it, just looking at the pile in a mixture of love and pride.

“How do you tell them all apart?” Mettaton asks. “their names are all so similar too! Why do they all have ‘o’ names? Why did you do that to yourself?”

Oceanus laughs again. “Why do you think they’re all different colors?”

“what?”

“I told them a long time ago to pick a color and stick to it. Sometimes they’ll switch when they want to get out of something, but they’re normally pretty good at it.” Oceanus notices the boggled expression on Mettaton’s face. “What?”

“You can just change your colors on a whim?”

Oceanus smiles, and suddenly he’s green. Mettaton reels back in shock. Then he’s red and laughing at Mettaton’s expression. Mettaton looks back at the rainbow pile of kids. Tav’s head pops out of the pile.

“tav!” Mettaton calls, and motions to her father, “You didn’t tell me you had _superpowers_.” Tav looks confused for a moment, but breaks out into laughter and a moment later, her usual purple hue is replaced with a bright orange. Suddenly the entire pile is shifting colors, an ever-changing rainbow under Mettaton’s dumbstruck gaze. “that’s so _cool_ ,” Mettaton whispers in awe. Suddenly, looking at Tav’s face, Mettaton remembers something extremely important. He glances at his clock, grateful he remembered with time to spare.

“Oceanus, can you do me a favor?” he asks. Oceanus nods. “okay, pull Tav from the pile and distract her for like, ten minutes.”

“What’s going on?” Oceanus asks.

“i’ve got an… important guest that I invited. i have to go greet him, and I’ll bring him up to meet tav, but she can’t see who it is. It’s a surprise.”

“Who is it?”

Mettaton winks, “didn’t I say it was a surprise?” Mettaton slinks off through the crowd, almost tripping over one of the Teuthida children, and makes it to Undyne’s front door. He plants himself beside the door and waits. He watches Oceanus patiently part his children and pull Tav into a standing position. He pulls her off to the side, her back to Mettaton. Mettaton flashes Oceanus a smile just as there’s a knock on the door.

\------------

It’s almost fifteen minutes before Mettaton taps on Tav’s shoulder.

“Tav, someone wants to meet you,” he says. Tav spins, her jaw dropping as she takes in the imposing figure before her. Oceanus isn’t much better, his eyes are wide like saucers. Mettaton smiles.

“king Asgore, this is Octavia teuthida,” Mettaton says, “Tav, asgore.”

“Good to meet you, Ms. Teuthida,” Asgore says, his voice a good-natured deep rumble. He holds out a furry paw and Tav rushes to take it.

“Uh, um,” Tav winces, “Good evening, sir,” she says.

Mettaton’s grin gets wider as Asgore says, “Mettasans has told me you’re this year’s top student, and you’ve worked very hard for it.’

Tav blushes. “One of them, sir. Ember is the other. She’s just over there.”

Asgore nods. “I’ll have to meet her as well.” Asgore lets his hand drop and Tav stands there awkwardly, lost for words for the first time Mettaton’s ever seen.

“Tav’s going to college in the city next semester,” Mettaton prompts. Asgore hums.

“Do you know what you’re going to study?” he asks. Tav nods.

“Governmental policy,” she says. Asgore smiles.

“Really?”

“she wants to focus on economical-social policy, though, don’t you?” Mettaton says.

“Yes, that’s the plan,” Tav says, looking at him with a questioning expression.

“That’s commendable. Not many people do that. It’s all about magical and scientific regulation these days,” Asgore says, with a sigh.

“Thank you, sir,” Tav says. Mettaton, seeing she still needs a little prodding, puts one hand on the King’s shoulder.

“Tav’s already got some very interesting ideas about how to fix our wage gap,” he says. Tav’s eyes widen with a little shake of her head that Mettaton ignores. Asgore’s eyebrow rises, looking back down at the new graduate. Tav swallows. Mettaton nods encouragingly at her.

“Well, um, you know how there’s that whole subset of the population whose income is based _entirely_ on the Core?” Asgore nods and Tav continues, launching to the same speech Mettaton’s heard a thousand times in his kitchen. Mettaton smiles fondly, watching Tav come into her own and getting worked up as she speaks. With a glance as Oceanus, he slips off into the crowd.

As he mingles, Mettaton keeps one eye on Tav and Asgore. The two have planted themselves into a corner, and it looks like Asgore is _actually_ listening to what Tav has to say. Oceanus smiles across the room at him.

{You were right, Sans. Great idea.}

[we did a good thing.]

{Our job’s not done yet, though.}

[oh?]

\-----------

It’s almost ten o’clock before Tav finally slides up to him with a yawn. “I’m ready to go,” she says. Mettaton raises an eyebrow.

“Most everyone’s still here,” he says. Asgore is long gone and Oceanus has disappeared with some of his youngest children to put them to bed.

“I’m exhausted, Metta,” she says. Mettaton sighs.

“alright, I’ll run you home. feeling up to a jump?” he asks. Tav nods. “Meet me outside. i’ll be there in a minute, okay?”

Tav nods again and starts saying her goodbyes. She collects her gifts and walks outside, the door sliding shut behind her. Mettaton stretches his neck, feeling the metal stretch and slide against itself. He spots Ember from across the room, talking to a school friend, a cup of soda clutched in one hand. Mettaton slides over, watching Ember’s friend’s jaw drop as he approaches.

“‘Sup ember?” he asks. Ember smiles.

“Nothing much, how about you?” She asks. Her friend is looking dumbfounded, glancing between them in shock. Mettaton smiles at him.

“You told me you knew him, but…” he trails off, and Ember laughs.

“Don’t feel bad, _no one_ believed me.”

“So, i don’t want to take you away from your friend here, but—” Mettaton pulls an envelope from the pocket of his hoodie. Ember’s eyes light up, and she reaches for it. Mettaton pulls it back with a tut. “Outside. there’s another part of your gift out there.”

Ember shoves her cup into her friend’s hand and offers her arm to him. “Let's go, then,” she says, grinning. Mettaton rolls his eyes, but leads her to the front door willingly. When it slides open, he can see Tav standing there, waiting for him. Ember looks up at him in confusion, but he’s got one hand on her back and he pushes her outside with Tav.

“Good luck!” he calls as the door slides shut. He gets one glance at Tav’s horrified expression before the door closes and he leans against it

[that was a dick move.]

{They’ve got to figure their shit out sometime.}

Mettaton ignores the frantic texts Tav sends him, watching the dogs wrestle about with one of Tav’s older siblings.

\------------

An hour later, and Mettaton’s starting to get worried. Tav hasn’t sent him another text and he can’t hear them arguing anymore. Mettaton stands and opens the door. Cautiously, he pokes his head outside. He smiles, seeing the two young women in an embrace. He goes back inside, letting the door shut again. Whatever they’ve worked out, Mettaton knows it's going to be okay.

{There, now our job’s done.}

[you’re still a dick.]

Mettaton laughs aloud, earning a confused look from Undyne. He doesn’t care, until she turns back to Alphys and he hears her whisper furiously. He doesn’t catch everything she says, but he swears he hears the name ‘Sans.’ _Probably just missed the rest of my name_ , he rationalizes, but he doesn’t like the look she’s giving him.

Mettaton walks across her living room and throws himself into the throng high school students and takes countless pictures and gives autographs until he forgets about it.

—A month later—

Sans has been acting odd for the past week. He’s been silent, inactive, which is normal, except he hasn’t been playing pinball. Mettaton realizes this, sitting on Alphys’ couch, watching anime with her and Undyne as Tav and Ember fill out college forms. He realizes this when Tav asks Ember what the date is, and Ember tells her that it’s June 24th, 201X.

{Sans?}

[what?] Sans snaps.

{How’s your pinball game going?}

[fine. now leave me alone.]

Mettaton does the mental version of throwing his hands up and walking away, turning his attention back to the show. Whatever Sans’ deal is, it’s likely not his problem. He’s deep into the episode when Alphys’ phone rings. Mettaton groans as she jumps, pauses it and pulls out her phone. She hesitates, draws a deep breath.

“H-Hello?” she asks. She listens for a moment. “R-Right now? I-It’s no problem, s-sir… Uh, he’s r-right here, actually, do you, um, want to t-talk to him?” Alphys looks over at Mettaton. “...S-She’s here too. Y-Yeah, we’ll all b-be d-down.” Alphys hangs up the phone. She’s shaking slightly, sweat breaking out onto her forehead.

“What’s up?” Mettaton asks. Alphys comes around the couch.

“A-Asgore just c-called. He wants, uh, he wants the three of us in his throne r-room, like, five m-minutes ago.”

Immediately, Undyne snaps to attention. Sans suddenly wakes up, pushing Mettaton out of control before Mettaton gets the chance to respond. He holds his hands out.

“let’s go then,” Sans says, voice tight. Undyne eyes his outstretched hand warily. Sans takes a deep breath. “Tav, ember, we have to go. you can stay here, don’t worry.” Sans lurches forward, grabbing Undyne and Alphys by the arms before they can protest. A second later, he’s pulled them off their feet, he takes a step back and they’re all just outside Asgore’s throne room.

“Oh _shit_ I forgot about that,” Undyne says, bent over at the waist. Mettaton feels pang of sympathy as she groans and straightens up stiffly.

“Wh-what...what the _hell_ j-just happened?” Alphys asks. Mettaton winced. Undyne looks down at the lizard.

“Did you not know he could do that?” Undyne asked.

“N-No.” Alphys looks up at Sans in confusion.

“Whoops, will explain later,” Sans says, leading the way into the throne room. He’s tense, his eyes flicking around the room in fear, looking for something, Mettaton doesn’t know what. The group bursts into the throne room, Undyne jumping ahead, a spear starting to shimmer into existence in her hand.

Asgore is kneeling on the ground, and for a moment, Mettaton thinks he’s nursing a wound or something. But Asgore looks up as they enter, a giant grin across his face. He sits up onto his knees.

“What’s wrong, sir?” Undyne asks, stalking across the room to him. He glances down at the flowers at his knees and holds up a hand. Undyne stops on a dime. Drumming her fingers along the spear.

“It’s alright, they’re friends,” Asgore says to the ground. Mettaton looks down, looking for a mouse or a similarly small monster. But there’s nothing but flowers, swaying slightly in the breeze from the holes in the roof. The petals create little waves, and one flower is pulled up, the stem straightening in the wind. The head of the flower turns, and Alphys gasps.

The flower has a face.

It’s looking up at them with wide, scared eyes. Then it _whimpers_ , the smallest of sounds escaping its lips. Asgore leans down to it, murmuring condolences as one would a scared child.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, I promise,” Asgore is saying. The flower leans back into Asgore’s beard. Asgore chuckles quietly as a leaf tangles itself into his golden beard.

“sir, what is this?” Sans asks, his voice hard. Asgore looks up again.

“Forgive me, where are my manners,” he says, “Sans, Alphys, Undyne, this is my son, Asriel.”

Part 5 Complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME TO PART SIX MOTHERFUCKERS.
> 
> Yeah, no that's it for Part 5. I hope you appreciated how laid-back and happy the last part was. The flower shit has arrived.
> 
> So, some things I want to say:
> 
> 1) I just wanted to thank you all for all the support and wonderful comments I receive every week. I love reading every comment and I treasure each and every one. I love seeing the same usernames over and over again, don't think I don't notice! If any of you ever want to talk to me, just find me on Tumblr. Same username and profile picture. Hit me up whenever. I'd love to talk to you guys.
> 
> 2) I've started writing another fic in the Hamilton fandom if anyone's interested. *Shameless self-promotion jingle*
> 
> 3) So, like, i just love you guys, okay? I hope you all have a good labor day (if you're in the US. If not, I hope you're having a good day regardless).
> 
> Not sure what else to put here, no words can express the deep gratitude I feel towards you all.
> 
> (Why the fuck did I get so sappy all of a sudden?)
> 
> Anyway, we've got four parts still to go. Buckle your seatbelts.
> 
> See you Monday.


	49. [1, pt1}, or The Chapter That Taught The Author That Asriel/Flowey Is Going To Be Really Hard To Write For.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 6: The Resetter

“Excuse me, what?” Undyne was the first to break the long, confused silence.

“Dad, who are these people?” The flower— _Asriel_ —said, curling his leaf further into Asgore’s beard.

“Some of my friends, son, don’t worry.” Asgore raised a paw and pointed at Undyne. “That’s Undyne, and there’s Saaaaa—I mean, Mettasans.” Asgore visibly winces. “And that’s Alphys.”

Asriel stiffened and leaned in close to his father’s face. “That’s _her_ ,” he whispered, “that’s the one I told you about.” Asgore nodded, eyes traveling up to the small lizard who was doing her best to hide behind Mettaton.

“S-Sir, I c-can explain!” She squeaked out, “I d-didn’t— that is t-to say— I n-never—”

“Alphys, please.” Asgore held up a large paw. “We’ll discuss your role in this later.”

“Um, uh, okay,” she said, voice small.

“For now, we celebrate!” he said, grin breaking out across his face. “The prince is back. He is safe.”

“Asgore, I’m sorry, have you lost your mind?” Undyne asked. “Your son is _dead_ , sir.”

Asriel’s eyes widened, and the flower spun his head around to look at his father. “ _Dead_?” he croaked out. Asgore sighed.

“Thank you Undyne, I was going to break that news a little more gently,” Asgore said. He patted the flower on the top most petal.

“No, I’m not dead, Dad!” Asriel protested. “Where’s Mom? Where’s _Chara_?”

Asgore’s face crumpled. “Azzy…”

“Where are they, Dad?” Asriel asked, his voice small. Asgore bowed his head. Asriel’s leaf uncurled from his beard. Sans eyed the king with sympathy. He cleared his throat.

“If i may?” he asked, taking a step forward. Asriel spun around. “Prince asriel, yes?” The flower nodded. Sans steeled himself. “How much do you remember?”

“We—me and Chara—we were on the surface and… and… they attacked so I… I was on my way back. I can’t remember making it back,” Asriel said. Sans knelt down, squatting before the flower. He looked up as Asgore, earning a little nod.

“your highness, you did make it back, but…” Sans struggled to find the words. “You didn't _make it_ , if you understand… and their highness Chara was already long dead.” Asriel’s eyes were as big as planets, but Sans kept going. “the Queen disappeared, no one knows where she is.”

“...Dad?” Asriel sounded hollow, like he wasn’t sure how to speak anymore. “Dad, he's lying. Tell him to stop lying.”

“My son,” King Asgore said, “I cannot.”

Asriel looked up at his father, and Mettaton was grateful he couldn't see the expression on his face. There's a whispered conversation that Sans tuned out. It wasn't his place. He waited, letting the two royalty talk while he turned over the situation in his head.

[is this what happened last time? is this even real? is that even the prince?]

{Did this not happen?}

[i don't know. if it did, I wasn't privy to it.]

Sans glanced back at Alphys, who was whispering to Undyne, fear written across her face.

[wonder what the hell she did.]

“Sans?” Asgore was talking to him again. Sans turned around, smiling as best he could.

“yes, Sir?”

“I need to speak to Alphys and Undyne about something, and I’d like to ask you a favor.”

“of course Sir.”

“Asriel is…” Asgore leaned over his son and whispered to Sans, “He's having difficulties with… suddenly being a flower.”

“okay?”

“And I was thinking, considering your situation…”

 _“Oh,”_ Sans nodded, “you think that because… the new body thing.”

Asgore nodded back. “If you're comfortable talking about it.”

“Of course, sir,” Sans continued to nod, gritting his teeth. Asgore smiled and leaned back. Asriel looked between the two of them, confusion written across his face. Sans looked down and held out his hand.

“Hello, my name is sans,” he said. Then he stuck the other hand out to the flower. “And this is mettaton.”

“What?” said both Asriel and Undyne, simultaneously. Sans hid the wince. He'd almost forgotten she was there. He kept up the smile and wiggled his fingers.

“The long story short,” he said, “is that there are two people inside my head, but we didn't used to be this way. i used to be a skeleton, but now I'm a robot.”

“I… I don't understand,” Asriel said. Sans sighed and sat down, cross-legged. Squatting was too much work.

“You want to explain this?” Undyne said. Sans looked at her from over his shoulder.

“i'll talk to you later, Undyne. his Majesty wanted to speak with you,” he said, adding one more thing to his list of things to explain to people. He turned back to the flower. Asriel was scanning him up and down, disbelief plastered across his face. As Asgore lead Alphys and Undyne to a corner of the throne room, Sans reached up and pulled out his SOUL.

Today was going to be a long day.

—————

In the end, it was decided that the best course of action was to keep silent. Not to go about telling the entire underground that Alphys had found the secret to resurrection and the prince was back. They had no idea if Asriel’s… situation was temporary. Better to not say anything and have the entire underground lose him again. When Alphys brought up the possibility, Asgore’s face had crumpled in a way Sans never wanted to see again.

Asriel had been acting… odd. Or at least, that’s what Asgore had said. Sans had no idea, he’d been born _centuries_ after the royal children had died. But however Asriel was acting, he figured it seemed natural—the kid had died and woken up as a flower. Sans had tried his best to assuage the kid—he couldn’t compare suddenly becoming a flower to the acquisition of a _jaw_ , but he’d tried. That was more than he could say about a _lot_ of things in his life.

Now he was sitting on Alphys’ couch, next to the lizard as Undyne paced back and forth. The very _concept_ that a dead monster could be revived through DETERMINATION was causing his head to spin. The SOUL chemistry wasn’t lining up in his head. Hell, the _biology_ wasn’t making sense. To say nothing of the physics of _time_. How long had Asriel’s dust been sitting on that flower? Was this—Asriel’s awakening—something that _always_ happened? Was it a new event that Sans not being around had unintentionally caused? If it wasn’t, how had Sans not known about the king’s dead child suddenly coming back to life? Thousands of resets, and that had never come up?

“Alright,” Undyne said, pulling Sans’ attention to her, “explain this to me again. You’re a skeleton?”

“Yes.”

“Who got fused with a ghost-robot?”

“mhm.”

“In an alternate timeline?”

“Yeah.”

“And now you’re stuck together in the same body?”

“that’s about it.”

“ _No_ ,” Undyne shrieked, “That’s not ‘ _about it!_ ”

“What are you missing here? it sounds like to me, you’re all... _carped_ up.” Sans smiled. Undyne glared. “...Carped up. like ‘caught up,’ but you’re a fish, so…”

“I understood,” Undyne said, through gritted teeth.

“okay, just checking,” Sans said, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a box of Temmie flakes and popped them open, taking a handful and throwing them into his mouth. Undyne glowered.

“Now is _not_ the time for _puns_ , or to eat _construction paper like you’re a damn paper shredder!_ ” Undyne smacked the box out of his hands. Sans frowned as the little flakes flew into the air and rained down like confetti.

“hey, now those cost some major _paper_.”

“ _We use gold coins you fuck_.” Undyne snapped. “How long has it _been_? Seven fucking _years_? You never thought that you should _tell me_ about this!?” Undyne gestured in his direction.

“Did you need to know?” Sans asked.

“ _Yes!_ ” Undyne threw her hands up in the air. “ _You’re the damn Judge!_ We _work_ together! I should know that the person deciding my _guardsmen_ is a fucking lunatic.”

“i’m not crazy. I’m telling you the truth here.” Sans said, eyes narrowing. Undyne made a noise that almost sounded like laughter, but wasn’t quite.

“No, I know _that_.” Undyne snarled, “But that doesn't _excuse_ you.”

“from what?”

Undyne’s eye widened. “You _knew_! You knew about _everything_ was was happening the last seven years, right? That’s what you’re saying, yeah? That you knew what was going to happen before it did?”

“More or less, yes.”

“Well, then. Let’s count how many things you _should_ have told me about, if you were a _reasonable living being_. One: the _goddamned_ human. You didn’t think that you should tell me about a human? In fact, the more I think about it, you _lead_ me and _two children_ right into it’s path. _Two_ :” she said, cutting Sans’ reply off. “This Asriel business. Couldn’t have hurt to just pop in and say ‘hey, the king’s going to get his son back as a flower, don’t say anything stupid, yeah?’ Three: Could have helped me with _crime solving_. Saved me _days of my life_ by just _telling me_ who robbed a _bank_ now and then, yeah? Four: If you had told me, I wouldn’t have _wasted_ _so much time_ trying to figure out why you were so goddamn weird. Could have actually been _helping people_ instead of trying to find out who the hell Sans is.”

“one:” Mettaton surged forward, taking Sans by surprise. He hadn’t noticed the robot’s growing rage, but now it was out in full force. “ _His_ name was _garrett_. And we ‘led’ you there so you could _kill_ him, yeah? we _took_ you there so he wouldn’t get the _chance_ to kill _anyone_. We saved _seventeen_ lives, including _papyrus_.”

“Papyrus?” Undyne asked, taken aback, but Mettaton was on a roll now.

“Two: neither of us know what this Asriel thing is about! this didn’t happen _last time_ , so _forgive us_. Three: we don’t remember that shit! Too busy, you know, trying to help people and adjust to _suddenly being two people_ and sharing a headspace with _someone we hate_. Four: if you had kept your nose out of our business and stuck to _solving_ those bank robberies you’re so worried about, you wouldn’t _need_ our help. So you know what? shut up and sit down. These last seven years have been _hell_ for us.” Mettaton was standing now, shouting into her face. “i won’t even _go into_ having to _watch people die_ for the _second time_ and not being able to do _shit_. So _shut up_ about wasting _days_. we lost _seven years_ of our _lives_.”

Mettaton was shaking in rage. Undyne looked at him in shock. The silence stretched on, twisting around them. The lab doors swished open.

“We’re gonna… go,” Tav said. “I’ll see you at the apartment.”

“B-Bye.” Alphys offered weakly. Mettaton didn’t look as the doors closed, determined not to be the one to break eye-contact. Eventually Undyne swallowed.

“I want to talk to the other one, what’s his name? Metta…”

“ _Mettaton_ , and _i’m right here._ ” Mettaton threw his left hand in the air. “Sans is a little shit, but he’d never _yell_.”

“Well, then, I’d like to talk to Sans.”

“ _fuck off_ , you’re talking to mee—” Mettaton cut off in static as Sans threw him out. For the first time in years, Sans found himself having to hold Mettaton back from the body as he took back control. Sans ran his hand through his hair, pulling the loose bangs away from his face.

“Alright, he needs a little _time-out_ , don’t you think?” Sans asked. “but he is right. Everything’s over and done with anyway, no point arguing about it now.” Sans plopped back down on the couch under Undyne’s glare. He pulled his secondary, emergency box of Tem Flakes from his other pocket.

This is not how he had wanted this conversation to go, but fuck it. He had thinking to do. Asriel posed too many questions.

“U-Undyne, I th-think what S-Sans m-means—”

“I’m mad at you too, Alphys,” Undyne snapped. Alphys shrunk into her couch. “I asked you, _asked you directly_ , if you knew who Sans was. If you knew _anything_. How many times have you lied to me? How long have you _known_?”

“S-Since the D-Daycare Incident,” Alphys stuttered out. “B-But I d-didn’t….uh, I d-didn’t b-believe them. N-Not fully. Not at f-first.”

“And that makes it _better_?” Undyne asked. Alphys curled into herself. Mettaton was raring to go, yell at Undyne again. But Sans held him back.

[do we really know he’s ‘Asriel?’]

{Who gives a _shit_?}

[no, but, what if this thing is lying? how do we know?]

{Don’t know, don’t care.}

“You know what?” Undyne asked, looking between Sans and Alphys in their self-imposed silences. “I’m going to go. Come find me when you’re ready to apologize and figure this ‘Asriel’ thing out.” Undyne picked up her jacket from the couch and stomped away. Alphys watched her go, tears starting to form in the lizard’s eyes.

“she’s just off to suplex some boulders. She’ll calm down,” Sans said, draining the last of his box. “so, tell us about this ‘DETERMINATION’ thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Time to write the SOULless, emotionless, murder flower. I got this."
> 
> *Promptly gives Asriel emotions, realizes what they've done, and rewrites this chapter three times.*
> 
> *Still isn't sure how it turned out.*
> 
> *Still manages to be early.*
> 
> See you Monday


	50. [river} or, Sans Gets Slapped Multiple Times In Multiple Senses Of The Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton doesn't understand what just happened and he doesn't really want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Tags updated: Body Horror

Undyne was not at home, much to Sans’ chagrin. He wanted to get this ‘apology’ over with and figure out what was happening with Asriel. He poked his head around, looking for her in the immediate area, but he had no luck. He sighed, knowing that he couldn't just teleport around and hope for the best. That was too much work anyway.

Which is how he found himself riding up and down the river in the ferry, looking for signs of the guardswoman. The Riverperson hummed gently to themself, pushing the boat along the banks of Waterfall. Sans scanned the shoreline, lazily resting against the side of the boat.

“have you seen Undyne?” he asked Aaron as they passed by. The seahorse shook his head and continued to flex to his reflection in the water. Sans huffed, setting his head against his hand as Riverperson guided them into an empty part of Waterfall.

{We could just call her.} Mettaton suggested.

[yeah, and risk you yelling at her again? no thanks.]

“Tra la la,” the Riverperson sang, pulling Sans’ attention to them. “The little flower has returned. So it begins.”

Sans bolted upright, looking wide-eyed at the Riverperson. Obliviously, they resumed their humming and kept pushing the ferry along.

{What?}

“excuse me?” Sans asked. “What did you just say?”

But the Riverperson didn’t respond. Sans steeled himself and scooted forward.

“how do you know about Asriel?” he asked. Yet the Riverperson continued to hum, happily ignoring Sans. “ _what_ do you know about Asriel? hey, I’m talking to you!” Sans stood and clambered over the seat in front of him. The boat rocked dangerously, and Sans shot a hand out to steady himself on the side of it. He was reminded of the rushing water beneath him and the electronic nature of his being. He took a breath to steady himself.

{It’s okay, just get their attention. We won’t fall in.}

“i _know_ you can hear me,” Sans called to the impassable ferry operator. “I asked you a question.”

The Riverperson continued to hum contentedly as Sans climbed over seats towards them. The boat swayed under his weight, threatening to tip them both over the edge.

{Okay, maybe a little bit more careful. We’re waterproof, but not if a capsizing boat dings us up or something.}

“look, I’m fed up with your mysterious bullshit. answer me!” Sans called, getting ever closer to the Riverperson. The blue cloak barely rippled in the breeze of movement, and the cowl stayed tantalizingly up. “Who the hell are you and how do you know so much?” Sans reached out a hand and caught the back of the hood. He pulled it down, revealing the person inside.

Sans couldn’t stifle the gasp that escaped from him. Half of the Riverperson’s head was solid, but the other half phased in and out of visibility, reminiscent of glitches that occurred in Sans’ vision occasionally. White-gray spikes flitted in and out of reality as the Riverperson turned to look at them. A lizard-like face—half real, half melted and flickering—peered at him, and Sans found himself looking at his nightmares.

He stumbled backwards, Mettaton screaming in his head, hand still gripped around the fabric of the cloak. It fell away from the Riverperson, seemingly phasing through parts of the grey body that danced in the air. A portion of the creature’s left arm hung, impossibly, three inches away from the rest of the arm. Spikes from the long tail glitched in and out of view, dancing around the Riverperson’s body in random patterns.

Sans tripped over several of the seats in his attempt to backpedal away from them. His eyes were locked with theirs despite Sans’ overwhelming urge to look away, to run, to teleport out of there, but his feet just kept traveling backwards as the Riverperson turned fully around. The mangled, distorted hand extended towards him, in an odd beckoning motion.

“m-Markaia?” Sans stuttered out. The Riverperson’s face lit up in a grotesque, fanged smile. She stepped forward, following Sans down the boat.

“Sans,” she said, the malformed skin around her mouth stretching in impossible ways. “Good to see you.”

“no, no,” Sans said, the words falling out without command. “You’re not real. you can’t be here.”

“We are real, Sans. All of us,” Markaia said, the edges of what looked to be a lab coat fluttering around her as she walked. “We’re waiting for _you_ ,” she hissed, her teeth bared and fangs extended.

Sans hit the back wall of the boat and tripped, falling backwards over the edge and into the water. He hit it with a loud splash and sunk quickly. Water rushed around him as the boat above him disappeared. The murky depths enveloped him, his body sinking just as fast as his mind was racing.

{Sans, _swim_!} Mettaton commanded, but Sans wasn’t having any of it. His mind was in freefall, struggling to comprehend what he had just seen. Markaia’s destroyed face haunted his mind, the hideous smile twisting until Sans could think of nothing else.

Suddenly, there was a pull on his shoulders, and Sans was being lifted through the water. Someone pulled him up, the water getting lighter and lighter around him until his head broke the surface. His instinct to breathe kicked in, but his vents were still underwater and he sputtered, his body working to push all the water out before damage could be done. The pull on his shoulders continued, and he was pushed onto the shore.

“What the _hell_?” Undyne sputtered, pulling her body onto the ground next to Sans as he pumped water out of his body. “What do you think you’re fucking _doing_?”

“I-i” Sans stuttered, sitting up. The water that had collected on his chest cascaded off as Sans looked around wildly, but Markaia and her boat where nowhere to be seen. “Where is she?”

“Who are you _talking_ about?” Undye asked, pushing herself to her knees and wringing water out of her ponytail.

“mar—the Riverperson.” Sans stood, peering down the river on both sides, trying to find a glimpse of the boat. Undyne frowned, water dripping from her hair onto her wrists.

“Did you fall off the ferry?” she asked.

“yes! I…” Sans trailed off. Markaia was gone. The river was still, no tell-tale ripples that might suggest she had been there.

“What, decided to go for a swim?” Undyne asked bitterly, bunching up her shirt in one hand and squeezing water from it.

“i was trying to—” _get away_ , Sans finished in his head, but didn’t speak aloud. He turned back to Undyne, who was scowling. Sans fishes around in his brain, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. Undyne’s scowl fades, her face falling in disappointment.

“Nevermind. You’re just going to lie to me again, aren’t you?”

The question caught Sans off guard, his mind still reeling from— _holy shit it couldn’t have been_ —Markaia. “Undyne,” Sans began, but Undyne shakes her head and turns away.

“I said nevermind. I’m going home.” Undyne stomped away, boots squelching as she walked.

“wait, Undyne,” Sans called, but Undyne ignored him. Sans called after her again, and her shoulders hunched as she continued to walk away. Sans tried one last time, calling her name insistently.

“ _What?_ ” She whirled, eye blazing. “ _What do you want_?” Undyne shouted, fists clenched. “Are you ready to apologize, or…?”

“i’m not going to apologize—” Before Sans could finish, Undyne spun and walked away. Sans took a step and teleported so he stood in front of her. She staggered back to avoid running into his, eye narrowing.

“You said you can’t do that without consequences,” Undyne accused. Sans did his best not to wince.

“...well…”

Undyne’s eye flickered with anger, and she made to push past him. Sans stuck out a hand and put his body in her way again.

“There are consequences, but only for the person _not_ doing the teleporting, and— _and—”_ Sans had to move to block Undyne again. She ducked and dodged, looking for an opening. “—not for only one or two of them.”

“Oh, okay. Sure. That makes it better,” Undyne said through clenched teeth.

“undyne, listen.”

“Why should I? Everything that you say is a lie!” Undyne screeched.

“Not _everything_.”

Undyne stopped in her tracks, one eyebrow cocked. “Name one thing that you’ve told me in the past seven years that isn’t a somehow a lie or a secret you’ve kept from me.”

Sans opened his mouth to say _i never lied about being the judge,_ but that had been a secret at one point, hadn’t it? His jaw fell open as he tried to think of something to say. Undyne’s expression darkened by the second. He settled on, “i really do like Pap’s cooking.”

“Is that really the best you can come up with?”

“...and I think you’re a good pianist?”

Undyne’s expression became unreadable, and she slipped around Sans’ side without a word. Sans watched her go, watched her back tense and her fists clench so tight her knuckles paled. Sans’ mind raced with things to say, trying to find an excuse, a lie, _anything_ to placate her. When the idea popped into his head, Sans winced, but he knew it would work. He teleported again, landing right in front of her. Sans put his hands on her shoulders to stop her, but she did not look up.

“Would you…” Sans swallowed the doubt and the fear, “would you like to hit me a couple of times?”

Undyne didn’t respond, but Sans felt her muscles tense beneath his hands and suddenly he was reeling from a slap. His cheek stung, and his hand came up to cup it instinctively. He didn’t get a chance to recover before Undyne landed a kick to his knee, and he fell to one knee. His leg cried out in pain—thank you synthetic nerves—but he kept silent. Undyne needed this, he thought. He braced himself for another impact, but it never came. Sans looked up cautiously, slowly. Undyne stood above him, hand curled around a shimmering spear. Her arm reeled back, and Sans flinched, preparing himself. Something in Undyne’s eye flashed, and the magic in her hand dispersed. She slowly lowered her hand back to her side. The flickering blackness around them—the start of a FIGHT—disappeared as Undyne hung her head, eye screwed shut.

“Undyne?” Sans asked. She help up a hand and he fell silent. Undyne let out a deep breath.

“...I can’t,” she said. “I can’t do this.”

“i under—”

“ _I thought you were my friend!_ ” Undyne snapped. Sans leaned back. Undyne’s arms shook from how hard she was trying to keep them still by her sides. “I thought… I… there was a time I wanted to beat the shit out of you, I really did. Now, I… I can’t do it.” Undyne paused, still not looking up at him. “I can’t hurt a _friend_ and I thought _you_ were my friend. Apparently, I was wrong.”

“You weren’t,” Sans muttered. Undyne’s head snapped up and she leveled a glare at him.

“Oh yeah?” Undyne asked. “If we were friends, why not… Why not tell me?”

Undyne waited, eye still blazing, but Sans cannot read her emotion anymore. He lowered himself to a sitting position, trying to find the words. The silence stretched on, neither party moving. The only sound was the water flowing nearby, gently tumbling over rocks. The gems in the wall shone a freckled pattern on Undyne’s face, the eyepatch turning blue and purple. Sans found himself lost in the colors for a moment. His brain was fried; he felt like his thoughts were moving through molasses. He could not gather up the energy to even think up a lie, so what came pouring out of his mouth was the truth.

“i couldn’t,” Sans said. Undyne opened her mouth to protest, but Sans runs over her, “ _I_ , _sans_ , couldn’t do it. I… i was so glad not to be— ...I had a life before mettaton ever did. When we came into this world, much of what i used to be was gone. mettaton, however, was in a position to get everything he had back. I… i had nothing. And i didn’t want it back. I… wanted to be gone. i let Mettaton do what he wanted, generally. it… it’s so amazing, taking a backseat and just watching the world go by without me.

“I… i did so many things I regretted, and this world is one where I never… _was_. Everyone is so much happier, it’s kind of depressing, actually. i could have let go, dissapeared, no one the wiser. Mettaton could have just walked around, pretending i wasn’t here. God knows i pretended I wasn’t here. i… just played pinball. Made a few snarky comments. if people knew, people would… well, they’d expect me to do more. But i’m happy doing nothing. They’d start asking questions, questions i don’t want to answer. So i didn’t say anything, didn’t let Mettaton say anything.”

“You just… gave up?” Undyne asked, anger long faded from her face. Sans chuckled hollowly.

“i gave up long ago, sweetheart. Long before… this,” Sans gestured to his body. The silence returned, Undyne struggling for words this time.

“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you just disappear inside that metal shell of yours?” she asked, voice harsh, like she has a cough.

Sans thought a moment, yet found he needn't think at all. The answer was too easy. “there are two things that kept me tethered, I guess. there’s something I’m waiting for, and someone i can’t… I can’t leave behind.”

“Who?” Undyne’s voice was hard, grating. Sans shook his head.

“let me keep that secret. Just that one.” Sans kept his face neutral, hoping she couldn’t see the name _Papyrus_ written across his expression. Undyne hesitated, then nodded slowly.

“Then what are you waiting for?” she asked. Sans hesitated, dropping his gaze.

“you wouldn’t believe me,” he said. Undyne finally crossed the distance and sat down, grabbing Sans’ hand tightly.

“Try me,” she said, with all the confidence she had in her.

“I’m waiting for time to reset,” Sans said, spitting the words out before he can regret this. Undyne’s eyebrows shot up. Sans sighed and told her everything. Told her everything he can about the resets and how they work. When he spoke about watching people die, over and over again, her face hardens.

“And there’s someone behind it, someone changing time?” she asked. Sans noded. “Well, then. We’re just going to have to find him.”

“how?” Sans asked. “I’ve tried.” Undyne’s face scrunched up, and she got lost in thought for a moment.

“I don’t know. But if it happens, come find me.”

“You won't remember—”

“I know. But tell me again. Tell me everything you’ve told me today, keep telling me until we find him.” Undyne squeezed the hand she had been holding. “We’ll do it, you two and me.”

Sans had the thought that he might get used to telling people the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _We're baaaaaack._
> 
>  
> 
> Seriously, though, sorry about last week. Neither Garrett nor I were up to getting a good chapter out. It would have been bad, unbeta'd and written in a flu-like condition. Don't worry, we're both okay now! I can't speak for Garrett, but I've been in a better condition the past two weeks than I have been in over a year. If you've been around, you might remember me talking about being sick or having procedures done. Well, the long story short is that I was suffering from extreme chronic stomach pain and malnutrition. I couldn't eat without pain. We thought I had Crohns' or Ulcerative Colitis for ages. I had tons of things done and wasted a lot of money and mental health dealing with the fact I might be suffering forever.
> 
> Turns out I had a mild case of food poisoning that turned into a long-term infection that nobody caught.
> 
> I had food poisoning for a _year._
> 
> It took a few days of antibiotics and I'm cured. I can't believe it myself. The antibiotics kicked my ass for a few days and would have ruined last week's chapter, but boy howdy am I happy.
> 
> So things are great my side of the world. Sans isn't doing so hot with the whole "Markaia" thing but I'm great so more suffering for him.
> 
> See you Monday


	51. {1. pt 2] or, A Brief Break From Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans and Mettaton finally start finding peace.

After that day sat by the river, things started to change. Little things, at first. Undyne stopped looking at them with pure distrust. Asgore called Sans more often for advice, trying to find ways to help his son. Alphys started talking to them more about what she’s doing down in the lab, showed them the giant DT extractor she somehow managed to fix.

Then came the bigger things. Sans and Mettaton were forced to tell Ember the truth; she had overheard their argument with Undyne in the lab, after all. Tav held her hand as Ember watched the colors in their SOUL swirl around each other. She readily accepted the alternate timeline as truth, surprisingly. She said she had always wondered why they had always been so good at predicting things. When she asked who they used to be, they hesitate. Sans dropped the bomb about being Pap’s brother and Ember went silent. Mettaton told her about dating Papyrus and Ember stood suddenly, walking away from the kitchen in Mettasans’ apartment and staring out the window. There was a tense moment of silence, then:

“You have to tell him.”

Mettaton and Sans both argued the point, but Ember was adamant. They argued for _days_ over texts, phone calls, and in person. They found a compromise, something temporary until they could figure out a third opinion.

They told Grillby.

If Ember had been quiet during her confession, Grillby was stone silent. There was nothing but the sound of flames and Sans’ voice as he told the truth. They were alone in his office, Ember waiting just outside the door. Grillby never said a word, letting Sans fill the office with near-rambling. He felt like he was forced to fill the silence until, finally, Sans had nothing more to say. The end of his last sentence died on his lips and they stared at each other.

Then Grillby moved, leaning down to a drawer in his desk and pulling out a piece of paper. Wordlessly, he slid the paper across the desk and Sans picked it up. _Sans 1,764,400_ it read. Sans chuckled.

“Yeah,” he said, “that sounds just about right. I can pay that now, thanks to metta,” Sans offered. “So, uh, how’d you remember?”

“It just came to me. I had no idea what it meant,” Grillby admitted.

Oddly enough, Grillby ended up agreeing with this daughter. There was more to it then dredging up old memories, he had said. When they turned to Undyne and Alphys, looking for support, they found none. With every major voice in their lives urging them on, Mettaton and Sans invited Papyrus out, just the three of them. When they picked him up from Grillby’s, Ember was standing there.

“I swear to god, if you come back and he doesn’t know, I’m telling him myself,” Ember threatened.

So Mettaton and Sans walked in silence, listening to Papyrus ramble about working full-time at the bar and his continued training with Undyne. He talked about his sentry duties and showed them the now-fully functioning death trap at the bridge. He pointed out the flail he installed, on the right side, and reminded them how they suggested it. Mettaton smiled, fingers trailing over the chain, lost in thought. Papyrus didn’t notice and just kept talking.

Mettaton was reminded of a day, seven years ago. The first day they met, or so Papyrus thought. The entire walk, they were quiet, working up the courage to start the conversation. The first few words, the admission “I’ve been lying to you about everything,” wasn’t getting easier. Once those are out the way, it became a lot easier to speak, but it’s _starting_ that was the hardest part.

Halfway to the purple door, Mettaton grabbed Papyrus by the arm and dragged him into the woods. Papyrus followed willingly, asking where they were going in the same happy, oblivious tone. They marched forward, stubbornly, until they reached the clearing.

 _Their_ clearing.

Mettaton halted at the treeline, memories flashing before their eyes. Papyrus must have seen something on his face because he finally got  the message that this is _serious_ and stopped talking. There was a beat of silence, the two of them just standing there.

“WHAT IS WRONG?” Papyrus asked. Mettaton took a shuddering breath and walked out to the middle of the clearing. He turned around and looked at Papyrus. The skeleton’s eyes were wide with concern, but he didn’t follow them out of the trees.

“there’s a couple of things you don’t know about me, Papyrus,” Mettaton began. To his surprise, Papyrus nodded.

“I KNOW,” Papyrus said.

“what?”

“YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING SOMETHING SINCE THE DAY WE MET,” Papyrus said it like a fact, like something he’s known the entire time. “I HAVE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO TELL ME.”

“How did you…?” Mettaton trailed. Papyrus smiled and stepped out from the trees.

“PEOPLE THINK THAT I AM STUPID OR SLOW. I KNOW THEY DO. THEY THINK THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.”

“there’s nothing wrong with you, Pap,” Mettaton protested. Papyrus shook his head.

“MAYBE THERE IS, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. I CAN TELL WHEN PEOPLE FEEL BAD. I WAS NOT ALWAYS GOOD AT KNOWING WHEN PEOPLE FEEL BAD. IN FACT, I WAS OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE AT IT. I HAD TO PRACTICE, LIKE I HAVE TO PRACTICE TO GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD. BUT I BECAME VERY GOOD AT IT WHILE STAYING IN SOME OF THE HOMES I WAS IN WHEN I WAS LITTLE. VERY GOOD. BEING GOOD AT IT WAS SOMETIMES HOW I KNEW TO STAY AWAY FROM A MOM OR DAD WHEN THEY WERE ANGRY.”

“pap…”

“SO I AM VERY GOOD AT IT. AND THAT IS HOW I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL BAD WHEN YOU ARE AROUND ME. YOU FELT BAD THE FIRST TIME WE MET. THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD BEFORE WE KNEW EACH OTHER, SO THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE. YOU ALWAYS FEEL SORT OF BAD AROUND ME, BUT IT IS A SAD-BAD, NOT A MAD-BAD. I HAVE JUST BEEN WAITING UNTIL YOU TOLD ME WHY. SO I COULD HELP YOU _NOT_ FEEL BAD.”

“....Papyrus…” Mettaton breathed, already starting to feel the tears welling up.

“SO, WHAT IS IT?”

This time, the words flowed easily. Unlike his family members, Papyrus was animated; emotions flashed across his face, and he constantly interrupted with questions. Mettaton struggled to explain the science, and Papyrus struggled just as hard to understand it. But he was captivated by the way their SOUL swirled with color. Mettaton didn’t get through explaining that they were from an alternate timeline before Papyrus was asking who they were, what they did.

“...MY BOYFRIEND?” Papyrus asked. Mettaton nodded, a bitter smile on his face. Hearing Papyrus call him his boyfriend after so many years struck a chord in him, but it was sadder than the thrill he felt in the last timeline. “SO YOU _DO_ LIKE ME,” Papyrus affirmed. He smiled back. “YOU COULD HAVE—” but Mettaton was already shaking his head.

“No, pap. There’s something else.”

From the look on Papyrus’ face, Mettaton could tell he has a hard time digesting the idea that he had a brother, let alone standing in front of him now. He gave Sans control and Sans awkwardly coughed, then said:

“‘sup bro.”

“BRO?” Papyrus hesitated, hand slightly outstretched into the space between them. Sans nodded, and Papyrus launched himself across the clearing, throwing his arms around them. “I HAVE A BROTHER, I HAVE A BROTHER!!” He kept repeating, hugging Sans as hard as he could. Sans smiled and completed the hug.

They stood there for what seemed like forever.

\------------

Asriel started making appearances, here and there. He could travel underground, and would pop up occasionally. Both Sans and Mettaton were friendly to him, taking time to stop and talk whenever the Prince wanted. He really was a kind boy, friendly and open, and although Sans was put off by the very fact he existed, Asriel became a welcome part of everyone’s lives. The longer he stayed around, the more relaxed Sans became.

There was no way this kind, gentle soul was the Resetter.

\------------

Mettaton was standing just outside Tav and Ember’s campus, holding Tav’s forgotten lunch in one hand when it happened.

“Well, hello there,” Oceanus said, from just over Mettaton’s shoulder. Mettaton turned and smiled. Oceanus was dressed in a work uniform, tentacles pulled back in his signature ponytail.

“Oceanus! how are you?” Mettaton asked.

“Just fine, you?”

“I’m doing… really well.” And Mettaton meant it. It’s been almost two months since Asriel appeared. Two months since he and Sans had started telling the truth. They were contemplating telling _everyone_ now, since Mettaton was a huge star and all. It was exhausting, trying to remember that not everyone knew and keeping up the lie when it had become so much easier now that their friends knew.

“That’s good,” Oceanus said and fell silent. They stood in an awkward silence for a long minute.

“what brings you out here?” Mettaton asked.

“I was hoping to run into Tav. I was in the area, and I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Well, you’re in luck. she should be getting out of class soon.” Mettaton shook the brown paper bag he was holding. “Tav forgot her lunch.”

“I see that,” Oceanus said, chuckling. He quieted, and the silence resumed. Mettaton fidgeted, shifting his weight and scanning the open quad around them. Oceanus stuck his hands in his pockets and tapped his foot. Out of the corner of his eye, Mettaton caught Oceanus sneaking glances at him.

“...can I help you?” he asked. Oceanus started, almost as if he was startled that Mettaton had noticed.

“Oh, I, uh,” Oceanus paused, looking away. “I was just... I wanted to ask how Tav is doing.”

“She’s doing well. studying hard.” Mettaton eyed the man, watching as he shuffled in place slightly.

“Good, that’s uh, good.” Oceanus glanced back up and him and away again. “Thanks, again, for letting her stay with you.”

“It really is no big deal,” Mettaton said, smiling. He put a hand on Oceanus’ shoulder, and he finally made eye contact.

“I’m a father, I worry,” he said.

“you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“I’m sure.” Oceanus’ shoulders relaxed under Mettaton’s hand. “It’s just…” Oceanus trailed.

“Hm?”

Oceanus hesitated, gaze trailing to the right. “She doesn’t call or text that often. I have no idea what she’s up to anymore.”

Mettaton thought for a moment, then searched through his pockets. He found a pen, but no paper. Frowning, he looked back at Oceanus. “can I see your hand?”

Oceanus looked up at him quickly, confusion written plainly across his face. He offered Mettaton his left hand and Mettaton took it. Carefully, Mettaton wrote his phone number across the back of Oceanus’ hand.

“There,” he said, putting the pen back in his pocket. “my number, in case you want to check up on Tav.” Mettaton looked back up. There was a slight blush across Oceanus’ face, or so Mettaton thought. His eyes were as wide as plates, looking down at their conjoined hands. Quickly, Mettaton dropped his grip, snatching his hand away. Oceanus’ expression was unreadable, and Mettaton looked away. He pretended not to notice Oceanus’ obvious discomfort, feeling guilty over the fact he had put Tav’s father in such a position.

“call or text anytime,” he said quickly. He heard Sans’ laughter echoing in his head, unsure of the cause.

“Uh, thanks,” Oceanus stuttered. Mettaton considered apologizing, but from the way Oceanus shifted away, he figured the man just wanted to forget it. He saw Oceanus glance at his watch. “I gotta go. Work.” Oceanus, looking almost like he wants to say something else, turned and speed-walked away. From the corner of his eye, Mettaton watched him go. If Mettaton hadn’t known better, he would have said that Oceanus was staring at the back of his left hand. He winced, berating himself for not apologizing. He obviously crossed a line.

Sans was almost crying with laughter now.

{What’s wrong with you?}

[nothing,] he gasps.

[nothing at all mettaton.]

{...okay man. Whatever you say.}

Mettaton rubbed the hand that had been holding Oceanus’. His hand felt oddly cold now. When Tav emerged from a building, Mettaton stuck his hand in his pocket.

\------------

“What was the other timeline like?” Asriel asked one day.

“almost exactly like this one,” Sans replied, without hesitation.

“But you were a skeleton.”

“Yep.”

Asriel paused, leaves crossed. “So I was reborn last time too?”

Sans paused for a moment, thinking. “...probably. There’s nothing in alphys’ research that couldn’t have happened last time.”

“But you don’t know.”

“nope, sorry.” Sans stopped, putting down the handful of Tem Flakes that were halfway to his mouth. “Why?”

“I was just wondering…” Asriel trailed. He shook his head. “It’s nothing. I’m probably just overthinking things.”

“you okay?”

“...yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

Sans cocked an eyebrow but lets it go. If the Prince wanted to tell him he would. Whatever it i—

“What’s it like to love people?”

Sans choked on the paper in his mouth. “What?” he asked, little squares flying out of his mouth.

“What does it feel like?” Asriel pushed. Sans blinked, but the look on Asriel’s face was completely serious. Sans’ eyebrows furrowed.

“i...Are you serious?” Sans asked, immediately regretting it as Asriel’s face fell. “i mean, do you have a crush on someone or something?”

“No,” Asriel pouted, “I’m just curious.” Sans grinned.

“You do,” he said, sitting up and leaning closer to the flower prince. “you’ve _blossomed_ feelings for someone.”

“Ew, no!” Asriel protested.

“Don’t deny it. there’s no _stigma_ attached to having a crush.”

“Sans!”

“Who is it? where does your crush _stem_ from?”

“Augh!” Asriel cried, petals sticking straight out from his head. “Your puns are the worst!”

“Aw, come on. they’ve got _style_.”

“You’re so lucky dad taught me about flowers. Otherwise, I wouldn’t understand them.”

“don’t you mean, under _stem_ them?”

Asriel groaned again, and Sans chuckled. “Why don’t you ask metta? He’s fallen head-over-heels for someone too.”

{Have not.} Mettaton said from where he was texting Oceanus in the back of their mind.

[whatever, buddy.]

{You’re one to talk. You go out to that giant door every week.}

[that’s different.]

{Uh huh. Sure.}

“I don’t have a crush on anyone, I’m asking seriously,” Asriel protested. “What does love feel like?”

“you really want an _anther_ , don’t you?”

Asriel scowled, nose scrunched up. “Fine, if you’re not going to take this seriously, then I’ll find someone else to talk to.” With that, the Prince disappeared back into the ground.

\--------------

While Sans was talking with the Prince, Mettaton was holding a very important conversation. He’d been trying to find a way to bring this up to Oceanus for the past month. They had been talking, off and on when neither of them were working.

**< I’m announcing something important soon. i thought I’d tell you first.**

**> Oh?**

**< can I call you?**

Oceanus was silent for a moment, Mettaton holding his breath the entire time.

 **> I’m about to go into work**.

**< oh.**

There’s another silence, Mettaton trying to word his ‘I’m two people’ confession over written word when Oceanus texts back first.

**> We could meet up soon, though. Coffee?**

If Mettaton feels a little thrill, it’s cut off by Sans’ assertion he’s got a crush on someone. He quickly and efficiently refutes Sans, knowing that he, indeed, does not have a crush on anyone—that _Sans_ is the one head-over-heels for Mystery Woman—he returns to his message. Looking at the half-formed explanation, Mettaton deletes it for a simpler one.

 **< Yeah, i’d love to**. **Tomorrow?**

\--------------

“Has anyone seen Asriel recently?” Asgore asked, sticking his head into Alphys’ lab. Sans shook his head.

“N-no, sorry. Why?” Alphys asked, looking up from the scraps of something she was building on her desk.

“Golly, I just can’t seem to find him today,” Asgore said.

“I’m sure he’s fine, sir,” Sans said. Asgore nodded.

“I’m sure.”

\-------------

“ _Mettaton I swear to god!_ ” Tav shouted, throwing open the apartment door. Mettaton started, nearly dropping the script in his hands. It was two weeks after meeting Oceanus for coffee and spilling the truth. “What the _fuck_? What are you _thinking_?”

“I don’t know, what are we talking about?” Mettaton asked, wide-eyed.

“Why the hell are you dating my _father_?”

“...i’m sorry, what?”

Tav hit Mettaton on the shoulder, anger and surprise in her eyes. “You are dating my father and didn’t _tell_ me?”

“I did no such thing!” Mettaton protested.

“Really, because I don’t remember you saying anything about going for dinner with him!”

“it’s not a date, Tav. we’re just friends.”

Tav stepped back, anger falling from her face and shoulders relaxing. “Really?”

“Yes, tav, really.” Mettaton dropped the script on the table. “We are going to dinner as friends.”

“You ought to tell _him_ that, then,” she said, crossing her arms.

“why?”

“Because he just asked me what kind of _flowers_ you would like the best.”

“He did?” Mettaton asked, his stomach turning a little.

“Yes, he did. He seems to be under the impression that it is a date.”

“I…” Mettaton trailed. Oceanus thought tonight was a date. He thought they were going on a _date_. Mettaton felt a small smile across his face, for reasons he didn’t quite understand.

“Metta?” Tav asked, waving her hand in front of his face. Mettaton blinked. She was looking at him with concern. “You okay?”

“yeah. Yeah, i’m good,” Mettaton said. The more he turned the word ‘date’ over in his head, the more he liked the idea. “I’m going to go get ready for dinner.”

\--------------

“This place is nice,” Oceanus said, looking around the restaurant.

“I’m glad. took a while to design,” Mettaton said. Of course he brought Oceanus to _his_ restaurant. The hotel had just opened, the restaurant the main attraction. That, and Burgerpants’ fast-food just across the way.

“You designed this?” Oceanus asked. Mettaton nodded.

“It’s my place, after all.” Mettaton fingered the flower—a small lily Oceanus had given him—that he had threaded through his hair. Oceanus smiled and looked down at the menu. Mettaton watched him read, tracing the way his tentacles wrap around each other in the same ponytail he always wears.

{This...is nice.} Mettaton thought.

[hm?]

{Maybe… Maybe it’s time to move on.}

{I mean, we’re telling the world about us tomorrow.}

{And Oceanus is a good guy.}

[after seven goddamned years?]

{Yes Sans. After seven years.}

{Maybe you should move on too.}

[me?]

[move on from what?]

{This ‘Resetter’ thing.}

{Maybe it’s not going to happen.}

Just as the thought crossed Mettaton’s mind, he became aware of a slight pressure on his chest. No, on his SOUL. He frowned, humming in curiousity. Oceanus looked up.

“Are you okay?”

“yeah, I…” His face contorted as the pressure grew. It felt like a fist was closing over his SOUL, the squeezing tightening quickly.

{What the hell?}

[you were saying about it not happening?] Sans asked, voice hard and bitter.

{What’s—}

Mettaton didn’t get through his thought before the fist around his SOUL closed completely and burst it. The last thing he saw was Oceanus looking at him with concern before the world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Evil laughter booms in the background*
> 
> You didn't think it would last, did you?
> 
> I _might_ have traumatized Garrett with this one. And by 'might' I mean I definitely did you should see our text log. It's just him screaming.
> 
> (Also Oceanus wasn't supposed to play this part he just happened to because he ended up having hella chemistry with Metta in the last Shenanigans chapter. I ship it.)
> 
> See you Monday


	52. {2], or Sassy Sarcastic Sans Returns And Manages To Loose His Shit Over A Flower.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let it begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Tags updated: Suicide (on screen)

**(2)**

Mettaton jerked awake on Alphys’ couch. Reality slammed back into place and Mettaton was disoriented. Not quite sure what had happened, he blinked and looked around. Alphys and Undyne were sitting beside him, eyes glued on the tv screen in front of them. Undyne was hollering something about _Shounen Magic_ while Alphys clutched a pillow to her chest.

Tav yelled at Undyne to keep it down, and received a sharp rebuke about the importance of history in return. Mettaton breathed, seemingly unable to find his bearings despite being planted on the couch.

“Are you o-okay, Metta?” Alphys asked.

[do you remember what just happened?]

{We… We were with Oceanus.}

[oh, so you do remember.]

[great.]

[welcome back to june 24th, 201X.]

“What?” Mettaton said aloud.

“I-I asked if you were okay.”

[check the calendar, buddy.] Sans pulled up their internal calendar, and Mettaton stared at ‘Today’s Date’ incredulously.

“M… Metta?” Alphys tugged on Mettaton’s arm. He snapped his head to look at her.

“what day is it?” he asked. Alphys’ brow furrowed.

“June 24th, I think?” she said.

“Are… Are you sure?” Mettaton asked, surging forward and grabbing Alphys by the shoulders.

“Uh, no. I-It might be th-the 25th.” Alphys looked concerned, eyes wide like saucers. “Are you okay?”

“What’s up with you?” Undyne asked, leaning forward to peer at him around Alphys. Mettaton let go of the lizard and leaned back.

{That’s not possible.}

[…hate to break it to you, but you already time-traveled before so…]

{What?}

[when we got fused? that was time travel.]

{No, no, no, no. You said that was ‘Universe Hopping.’}

[which is a form of time travel.]

{ _What_?}

[do you really want me to get into the physics of time and space?]

“Mettasans, a-are you alright?” Alphys asked. Mettaton looked up at her. Undyne was staring suspiciously at him, but Alphys merely looked concerned.

“i... I need to think,” he said, pushing himself off the couch. He began to pace, mind whirring to try and comprehend what Sans was telling him. Undyne and Alphys were watching him, but Mettaton paid them no mind.

{Time travel.}

[yep.]

[that, mettaton, was your first reset.]

{What.}

[i’ve _told_ you before. someone out there can control time and likes to dump us all back on june 24th, 201X at random intervals.]

[now help me think. between the last universe and this one, what stayed the same?]

[if we find commonalities, we might be able—]

[shit.]

The squeezing sensation was back, growing slower than last time, but still steady. Mettaton winced, hand flying to his chest. It didn’t _hurt_ , but it still wasn’t pleasant and he stumbled as it quickly jumped in pressure.

“Metta?” Alphys stood from the couch and ran over to his side. Mettaton gasped, grabbing onto Alphys’ shoulder.

{Does it always feel like this?}

[get used to it, buddy.]

\--------------

**(3)**

Mettaton jerked awake on Alphys’ couch for a second time. Undyne was yelling about _Shounen Magic_ again.

[okay, start listing things.]

But the pressure was back again, this time jumping from nothing to the peak in seconds.

\-------------

**(4)**

“ _Shounen Magic_ obviously has the better Samurai!” Undyne screeched.

{Undyne’s still yelling about anime.}

[not helpful.]

[bigger things like—]

\--------------

**(6)**

{Does this guy ever let up?}

{Is this what the resets are? Repeating the same few minutes over and over again?}

[i don’t know whether to tell you if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that it’s typically not.]

[five months is the longest it’s ever gone without a reset.]

{I’d appre—}

\--------------

**(9)**

“ _History is important, you little snot!_ ” Undyne yelled, for the ninth time. Tav laughed as Mettaton leaned his head back and shut his eyes. He waited, listening to Undyne ramble about giant swords for almost twenty minutes before sitting back up.

{You think it’s done?}

[no.]

[if you mean resetting every two minutes, probably, yeah.]

[but in general, no.]

Mettaton groaned. Alphys glanced at him, but didn’t say anything.

[let’s think about this.]

[that was eight resets in a row, very quickly.]

[why would the resetter do that?]

[it serves little to no purpose.]

{Maybe he’s practicing?}

[why would he need to practice, though?]

[he did it in the last universe.]

[and that’s another thing.]

[why wait seven years and then return to the regular june date?]

[why not play around earlier?]

Sans paused, and Mettaton could hear his thoughts swirling around their head.

{Maybe he doesn’t remember the last universe?}

{Maybe he has to relearn his powers?}

[that’s a possibility.]

[unless he _knows_ we’d think that, and he’s just fucking with us.]

{…}

{…that is borderline paranoid, Sans.}

{Why would he—}

Mettaton was cut off by the sound of Alphys’ phone ringing. She picked it up and stuttered a hello. Undyne paused the show.

“R-Right now? I-It’s no problem, s-sir… Uh, he’s r-right here, actually. Do you, um, want to t-talk to him?” Alphys looked over at Mettaton. “...S-She’s here too. Y-Yeah, we’ll all b-be d-down.” Alphys hangs up the phone. She was shaking slightly, sweat breaking out onto her forehead.

“What’s up?” Mettaton asked. Alphys came around the couch.

“A-Asgore just c-called. He wants, uh, he wants the three of us in his throne r-room, like, f-five minutes ago.”

Immediately, Undyne snapped to attention. Mettaton blinked as Sans makes a noncommittal noise.

[just take them to the throne room and ‘meet’ asriel.]

[i swear i’m going to figure this out.]

Mettaton held his hands out. “Let’s go then,” he said, feeling odd about the whole thing until he realizes he’s experiencing deja vu, except he _knew_ he did this before. Undyne eyed his hands warily, and Mettaton rolled his eyes.

“come on, Undyne,” he said, waving his left hand. It’s was supposed to be comforting, a reminder to Undyne who he is and that she trusts him now—but she didn’t trust him, did she? Not if he really _was_ in the past. Alphys looked at him, wide-eyed. She glanced at Undyne, trying to see if the fish-woman understood the gesture. But of course Undyne didn’t understand. One of her eyebrows shot up in confusion.

“Is that supposed to mean something?” She asked. Mettaton winced, and grabbed for her arm.

“let’s just go,” he said, quickly grabbing Undyne and Alphys and pulling them off their feet. He took a step back and just like that they were all just outside Asgore’s throne room.

“Oh _shit,_ I forgot about that,” Undyne said, bent over at the waist. Mettaton felt pang of sympathy as she groaned and straightened up stiffly.

“Wh-What… What the _h-hell_ just happened?” Alphys asked. Mettaton winced again. Undyne looked down at the lizard.

“Did you not know he could do that?” Undyne asked.

“N-No.” Alphys looked up at Mettaton, questions in her eyes. Mettaton smiled, and quickly spun around.

“Hey, let’s go see what asgore wants!” He speed-walked into the throne room without looking back. Despite how well _that_ conversation had gone last time (read: not well at all), Mettaton just wanted to get through this again.

He led the group into the throne room to find Asgore knelt down on the ground. He looked up at them as they entered, though this time, instead of the huge grin, it was a look of concern.

“What’s wrong, sir?” Undyne asked, stalking across the room to him. He glanced down at the flowers at his knees and held up a hand. Undyne stopped on a dime, drumming her fingers along the spear. Asgore opened his mouth to speak, but the little flower that was Asriel whipped around on his stem.

“Undyne, Alphys, Mettaton, Sans,” he said, names pouring out of his mouth quickly. Mettaton started, blinking in shock. He felt Sans sit up and take notice, his focus immediately going to the prince’s desperate expression.

“Sir, what is this?” This time, it was Undyne asking. Asgore went to talk again, but fell silent with a look of confusion.

“One of you,” Asriel started, “tell me you remember what just happened.”

“Huh?’ Mettaton asked, brows drawing together.

“The— I— time! It was November! Then, I—”

“Who are you again?” Undyne asked, looking at the flower with the utmost suspicion.

“Asriel!” the Prince exclaimed, “We met! Last time! Today, the last time!” Asriel looked between them all pleadingly. “Tell me one of you know what I’m talking about.”

There was a silence. Undyne was looking at him in pure confusion, eye wide and slightly twitching. Alphys peered around from where she’d been hiding behind Mettaton. Asriel finally looked Mettaton in the eye.

“Please. You two have to remember. Of anyone, you two should remember!” he exclaimed. “Mettaton, please! Sans!”

Mettaton’s jaw dropped. Asriel _remembered_. He knew about the resets. He went to answer him, to console the young flower, when Sans interrupted.

[n o.]

[don’t tell him we know.]

{He looks so scared, Sans.}

[see if you can find out what he knows, first.]

{But we should—}

[mettaton.]

Mettaton swallowed. All eyes were on him now, waiting for what he would say.

“how… How do you know about us?” he asked quietly, praying his terrible improv skills won’t fail him now. Asriel’s eyed widen, his head drawing back.

“You don’t… You _told_ me about it. _All_ of it! The alternate timeline, _everything_!”

Undyne’s gaze was flicking back and forth between Mettaton and Asriel, now. “Would someone like to explain to me what you two are talking about?”

“we would like an explanation too,” Mettaton said, forcing a look of confusion and suspicion onto his face. Asriel stuttered, his eyes searching Mettaton’s face.

“I... I think I pulled us back through time,” he muttered, looking down at the ground.

[no.]

“I…”

“What do you mean, young thing?” Asgore asked, reaching out to Asriel gently. His paw brushed the back of Asriel’s petals. Asriel whipped around and looked at his father’s paw.

“Dad…”

[it can’t be.]

Asriel slowly turned back around, expression unreadable. He stared into the distance, like he was turning a particularly tricky puzzle over in his head.

“None of you remember, do you?” he asked.

“R-Remember what?” Alphys asked.

[there’s no way. not him.]

Asriel fell silent, petals drooping. “…one last test…” he murmured, just loud enough for Mettaton to hear. Before anyone can ask Asriel what he meant, the flower summoned little magical pellets into the air around him. They looked like little seeds that spun like pinwheels around Asriel’s head. Asgore recoiled and Undyne lunged forward. Mettaton followed a second after, reaching for the little prince.

No one got there in time to stop the seeds from ripping into Asriel’s face and stem.

\--------------

**(10)**

“ _Shounen Magic_ obviously has the better Samurai!” Undyne screeched.

Mettaton shot up from the couch like a rocket. He stumbled forward a few steps, looking around frantically, before realizing that Asriel wasn’t in front of him anymore, that he was back in the lab and three steps away from flying into Alphys’ tv.

“M-Metta?” Alphys asked. Mettaton spun around to find both women on the couch looking at him in concern.

“We gotta go to the castle. _now_ ,” Mettaton said, throwing his hands out to them.

“What? Why?” Undyne asked, looking at him suspiciously. Mettaton was starting to get real tired of Undyne not trusting him anymore. Mettaton started to reach out for them again when Sans breaks in.

[no, wait.]

{What do you mean _wait_?}

[if we rush to the castle, and asriel’s there, he’ll realize we were lying.]

[we have to play it cool,]

[wait for asgore to call.]

{The kid _killed himself_ in front of us.}

[and he’s obviously okay if the timeline reset.]

{You don’t _know_ that!}

“Mettasans?” Undyne asked. Mettaton realized he had frozen leaning out towards them, and had been staring at Undyne silently. He dropped his hands and pulled back.

“I—”

“A-Are you okay?” Alphys interrupted. Mettaton hesitated.

“i’m thinking. We—”

Mettaton was cut off by the sound of Alphys’ phone ringing. She picked it up and stuttered a hello, looking concernedly at Mettaton every few seconds. The same thirty-second conversation with Asgore played out again, exactly as it had the last two times. When Alphys hung up the phone, she was silent for a moment.

“A-Asgore want us at the castle, uh, right now.” she said, quietly, almost as if she didn’t quite believe it. She looked up at Mettaton with eyes the size of planets. Undyne looked similarly shocked.

“uh, how much can I pay you not to say anything about this?” Mettaton asked. “about the whole ‘seeing the future’ thing.”

“More money than you possibly have,” Undyne said. “How the _hell_ did you know that?”

“...Judge powers?” Mettaton offered. Undyne frowned. She opened her mouth to speak, but Mettaton lunged forward and pulled her and Alphys off the couch and into the castle before she could get out a single syllable.

“Oh _shit,_ I forgot about that,” Undyne said, bent over at the waist. Mettaton rolled his eyes and turned on one heel. In the throne room, Asriel was already looking at them, expectantly.

“See!” he said, his petals rippling. “I reset time!”

[holy shit.]

{Holy shit.}

[that was…]

[it’s been a _flower this  w h o l e  t i m e ?_ ]

“What?” Undyne asked, pushing past Mettaton. “Who are you?”

Immediately, Asriel’s face fell. “You really don't remember, do you?”

“remember what?” Mettaton eked out, focus torn between Asriel and the veritable temper tantrum Sans was throwing in their head.

[the goddamned _prince_ comes back from the dead and gets _time powers_?]

[and he chooses to _ruin people’s lives?]_

[little asriel goes around _murdering_ people?]

[ _h e ’ s  a  f u c k i n g  f l o w e r ._ ]

{Sans, calm down.}

[‘calm down?’]

[ ‘ c a l m  d o w n ? ’ ]

[holy shit, do _not_ tell me to calm down.]

[i don't believe this.]

[there’s no way.]

{Sans, please. We should talk to him. Figure this out.}

[no!]

[no.]

[if he knows, who knows what he'd do with that information.]

{Sans. Do you really think Asriel would do _anything_ horrible?}

[…i have no idea.]

[all bets are off.]

Mettaton was so wrapped up in his conversation with Sans he didn't even notice Asriel preparing to end his life a second time. One minute, he was standing in the throne room—

\-----------------

**(12)**

—and the next, he was back on the couch.

This time, there was no call from Asgore. Asriel didn't appear until one day, two weeks after, when he popped up beside Mettaton as he walked to work one morning.

“Howdy!”

“well, hello there, As— little fella!” Mettaton said. “what can I do for you?”

“Oh, nothing,” Asriel said. “…just maybe an autograph?”

“Oh, of course!” Mettaton exclaimed. He dug around in his pockets for a pen and paper. “and who is this to?”

“A—” Asriel coughed, obviously faking it. “...Flowey,” he spat out, as if he couldn't think of anything else to say. Mettaton managed to keep the incredulity off his face. _Real good job naming yourself, Asriel._

Mettaton hummed to himself and filled out a basic autograph and handed it to the Prince. As Asriel’s leaf closed around the paper, the flower hesitated. For a split second, Mettaton thought he had somehow given himself away.

“Can…” Asriel trailed, looking down at the paper in his hand. Mettaton cocked an eyebrow. “Can I ask you something?”

“of course, little Flowey,” he said, and meant it.

“If you had the power… If you could know what was going to happen in advance, what would you do with that knowledge?”

“that’s an oddly specific question,” Mettaton remarked. Suddenly, it made sense why Asriel would ask _him,_ of all people. Asriel _knew_ about the alternate timeline. “What brings this up?”

“…It’s just a hypothetical question. Forget I said anything,” Asriel said. He looked down at the ground and Mettaton could see him prepare to go underground.

“wait,” he said. Asriel looked up. Mettaton breathed, hesitating before he took the leap. “I would think… one should use that knowledge to help people, no? keep them from making mistakes or… getting hurt.”

“…even if you can't love them?” Asriel asked, voice a whisper.

“What does loving them have anything to do with it?” Mettaton asked, genuinely confused. “shouldn't you want to help as many people as possible?”

“I should, shouldn't I?” Asriel said. Something about the way he said it struck Mettaton, like Asriel wasn't talking about actually helping people, but _wanting_ to help.

“I would hope someone with that kind of knowledge would do good things with it.”

Asriel was silent for a moment. Mettaton prayed that what he was saying was getting through. He didn't think the young prince needed this kind of advice, but Sans was on edge. Eventually, Asriel nodded.

“Okay. I— Thank you.” Asriel disappeared into the ground before Mettaton could say anything else. Mettaton straightened, still looking at the spot Asriel had vanished.

{There, Sans. Feel better?}

[yes.]

[no.]

[maybe.]

[i don't know.]

{What is this, multiple choice?}

[shut up.]

[i just hope your message got through.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how tired I am, I accidentally posted this chapter on the wrong fic. I didn't notice for almost 40 minutes and I'm dying laughing at myself and cringing.
> 
> ....I'm going to bed now.
> 
> See you Monday


	53. {13], or We Almost Named Her Sharondrake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the placeholder until we came up with a better name.

**(13)**

The next reset came and went without a hint of the flower prince. Mettaton and Sans lived for three months, looking for Asriel without making it _look_ like they were looking for him. It was a delicate balance, scanning the ground out of the corners of their vision all the while going about their normal business. They never once caught a glimpse of him, but they never shook the feeling that he was watching.

\---------------

**(14)**

This time it was only a week. They got to see the beginning of July for the fourth time before they felt the tell-tale pressure on their SOULs.

\--------------

**(28)**

{ _Shounen Magic_ obviously has the better samurai.}

“ _Shounen Magic_ obviously has the better samurai!”

{Shut up, nerd. Some people are trying to do important things up here.}

“Shut up nerd. Some people are trying to do important things up here!”

{ _History is important, you little snot._ }

“ _History is important, you little snot!_ ”

{Tav and Ember giggle…}

Quiet laughter from the two college students traveled from the upstairs.

{…Undyne gets ready to go fight them…}

Undyne huffed and stood, drawing a breath to tell up again.

{…And then Inuyasha does the thing…}

Alphys gasped and tugged on Undyne’s sleeve. “Look!” The lizard insisted, pointing at the tv screen.

{…and Undyne changes her mind.}

“ _I change my mind!_ ” Undyne yelled, throwing herself back down on the couch. The rest of the episode played out just like it always did. Mettaton faked interest, but he was starting to lose patience.

“Oh my _g-god,_ ” Alphys said as the credits played. “We h-have to watch the next one.”

“Play it, play it, play it,” Undyne chanted, bouncing in her seat excitedly.

“Metta?’ Alphys asked. “Up for another one?”

{No, Alphys. I don’t want to watch anime.}

{We did that _yesterday_.}

{And the day before that.}

{And the _day before that_.}

{You don’t remember it, but I do.}

{I can quote this shit in my _sleep_.}

{I mean, come on!}

{ _Oh no,_ Kagome was abducted by some weird fucking demon _tree!!_ }

{How will Inuyasha _ever_ save her????}

{With his Giant _Fucking_ Sword, of course.}

{ _Fuck!_ }

“of course, Alphys!” he said, feigning enthusiasm. Undyne cheered, Alphys set up the next episode, and Mettaton settled into his seat. As the opening credits played, Mettaton was struck with a thought:

{I wonder how mad Alphys and Undyne would be if I just started spouting spoilers.}

[oh come on.]

[what if it’s different this time?]

[inuyasha could lose, you don’t know.]

{…}

{ _It’s_ }

{ _Motherfucking_ }

{ _RECORDED._ }

{It’s not gonna change!}

{It’s never gonna change!}

Sans broke out into laughter, and Mettaton had to work to keep the pout off his face.

[get fucking used to it, buddy.]

Mettaton stifled a groan. Then, suddenly, there was a little knocking sound. Mettaton thought he had imagined it, but then it came again. He picked his head up and looked around, focus narrowing on Alphys’ front door. He muttered something about ‘being right back’ and walked to the door. It slid open and he looked around curiously, not finding anyone in sight. He sighed, and made to turn around—

“Howdy!”

Mettaton looked down, the surprise on his face almost entirely real for once. It had been over ten resets since he’d seen the little guy. Sans estimated that they had already run through about a year’s worth of time.

“Well, hello there,” Mettaton said, smiling. He crouched down to look at the prince. “what can I do for you?”

“Is Alphys there?”

“can I ask who’s looking for her?”

“My name is Flowey, Flowey the flower!”

Mettaton smiled, turned around and internally rolled his eyes.

{I can’t believe he’s sticking with that name.}

[i think it’s pretty genius.]

{Of course _you_ would.}

“alphys, there’s a flower at the door for you.”

“A what!?” Alphys squeaked, quickly rushing past Mettaton and to the door. There was a hushed conversation; Mettaton did his best not to listen. Alphys’ rising volume made that nearly impossible.

“No! I… uh… I can’t!” Alphys protested. Undyne picked her head up and looked in their direction.

“Is he giving you problems, Alphys?” she asked, peering suspiciously at Asriel from the couch.

“It’s f-fine! D-D-Don’t worry about it.”

“Dr. Alphys, please,” Flowey said, gently tugging on her sleeve with a petal. Alphys hesitated, visibly shaking.

“…I’m s-sorry. I c-can’t.”

“Doctor!”

“N-No. A-And d-don’t bring it up again!” she exclaimed, stepping away and closing the door. She was practically hyperventilating as she staggered back from the door.

“Alphys?” Mettaton asked, “are you okay?”

“I—”

\--------------

**(43)**

It took Asriel fourteen tries to successfully convince Alphys to lead Mettaton and Undyne into the lower labs. Fourteen _frustrating, mind-bogglingly boring_ resets. At long last, however, Asriel was collected into a pot and carried down into the labs with the group. Mettaton held the pot carefully, trying not to accidentally crush it, and Alphys held a plastic bag full of popato chisps. She gripped it tightly, squeezing it harder every moment they spent in the elevator. Alphys kept her gaze fixated on the metal doors in front of her.

“Alphy, what's going on?” Undyne asked. Alphys flinched, but didn't answer. Undyne looked up at Mettaton, concern and confusion written across her face. Mettaton shrugged, just as lost.

Finally the metal doors slid open to the darkened laboratory. Alphys stood stock still, staring into the inky blackness.

“It's okay, Alphys,” Asriel said, “we’re all here.”

Alphys swallowed, nodded stiffly, and stepped from the elevator like she was stepping up to an executioner’s block. Undyne followed behind, Mettaton taking up the rear. Alphys slowly led them through several rooms and a few hallways until they reached the wide-open space of the largest room. However, instead of being empty like Mettaton remembered, it was full of _beds_ , placed in even columns and rows. Each one had the same bedspread, same frame and headboard, and all of them were empty.

“What is this?” Undyne asked. Alphys bit her lip, held out the bag of chisps, opened the top and gently shook it. The sound of rustling echoed around the open space, continuing long after Alphys’ hands had stilled. For a moment, there was silence.

Then…

A skittering. A skittering that was somehow sticky. Like a little mouse running was across a melted popsicle. Then a sound like splattering, then something that was almost— _but not quite_ —a dog bark. It echoed, creating a cacophony of barks and Mettaton realized that there were _multiple_ barks in one. The sound of it all sent his audial processors ringing. He glanced around the empty space, searching for the sources of the sounds…

There, emerging from a shadowed hallway…

{Holy fuck.}

To call the white, amorphous blob in front of them a monster would be doing the whole monster race a discredit. This… _thing_ was more like a creature from the horror stories that occasionally fell from the human world. It moved on six legs in lurches, its ghastly body shambling along the floor in _very_ quick bursts. It ran directly at Alphys, and Mettaton staggered back from it, startled. Its rounded feet scrabbled for purchase against the tile as it launched itself at the little lizard.

In an instant, Undyne was between the beast and Alphys, holding a spear out. The creature paid Undyne no mind, willingly skewering itself. In a flash, the spear was yanked from Undyne’s hand and absorbed by the creature. Shocked, Undyne pushed Alphys back into a retreat, following Mettaton’s footsteps.

“W-Wait, Undyne!” Alphys squeaked, jogging backwards to avoid getting trampled. She ducked out from behind the guardswoman and ran out into the empty room. “Over here, boy, o-over here!” She called, shaking the chisps. The creature whirled and threw its’ body at Alphys.

“Alphy!” Undyne called, lunging after the beast. But Alphys held her ground, bag of chisps held out at arm’s length. The creature engulfed the end of Alphys’ arm in one smooth motion. There was a very distinct _crunch_.

The creature drew back again. Mettaton gasped. The bag was gone, but Alphys was otherwise unharmed. The crunching noise continued as the creature slid backwards and lowered its body to the ground. It hummed to itself, vibrating contentedly.

“Alphys?” Mettaton managed to stutter. “what is… _that_?” He pointed at the beast, hand shaking.

“That is… Medium Dog,” Alphys said. Undyne looked at the lizard wide eyed as she continued, “And Caninus… and Doggest… and Pupper… and Bork… Oh, and Felinnie!” There was a quiet ‘mew’ from the creature. “I… uh… always forget about Felinnie.”

“All of those people are _dead_ , Alphys,” Undyne said in an awestruck whisper. Alphys winced.

“N-Not exactly…” Alphys trailed, her attention caught by a slow scratching noise from the same hallway the ‘dogs’ had come from. From the darkness came what _looked_ like Snowdrake, but was… wrong. Half of the poor thing’s body was melting, attempting to resolidify, then melting away again. It limped along on one good leg, slowly pulling itself into the room.

“Oh, n-no,” Alphys muttered as the new arrival pulled itself to her. “I-I’m s-sorry. You’re too l-late.” The creature let out a keening noise, and Alphys made a shushing noise. “I’ll g-get you some, since you c-crawled all this way. I’m p-proud of you, Haildrake.”

“Haildrake?” Mettaton asked. “snowdrake’s mom?”

Haildrake opened her chipped, spotted beak. “Sn…” She struggled, the melting appendage not quite able to form the sounds. “Sn… ow… y…”

“Oh my god,” Mettaton breathed. “what happened to her?”

[determination,] Sans said flippantly.

{How are you not freaking out about this?}

[seen it, done it, been here before.]

“Alphys?” Undyne asked. Alphys sighed. She watched Haildrake limp up to the combined dogs and cat. Haildrake made a series of unintelligible noises at the pile, and the pile replied in vibrations and secretions. Eventually, the pleading bird won out, and a single chisp slid out of the dog pile. Haildrake happily scooped it up and it disappeared down her beak.

“I w-was t-trying to do g-good,” Alphys began, “I was t-trying to h-help people—”

Alphys didn’t get another word out before another creature emerged from another hallway. This one slithered along on a tail, a singular arm curled into its stomach. It’s head was reminiscent of a Moldbygg, but its gelatin petals were turned into a grotesque fanged mouth.  It slid into the room, likely looking for any food it could find. It clicked and hummed to itself. Horrified, Mettaton watched it from eyes on the top of its head, and scan the room. It made eye-contact with Mettaton, and it stopped in its tracks.

Frozen still, Mettaton gaped as the creature turned and made its slow, slithering way to him. Its arm reached out, the melted hand making grabbing motions at him. He shrunk away, afraid of what might happen if the dripping white mass made contact with his plating. As he recoiled, however, the creature let out a whine.

“ _No…_ ” it whispered, “ _come here_.”

Mettaton watched it with wide eyes, unsure of where to look. The arm was still reaching for him, in what seemed like an offered hug. The tail flicked back and forth on the tile, the lines of melted scales still almost visible and Mettaton was reminded of—

He gasped.

“...Sai?” He asked, hesitantly. Sai hummed happily, her large mouth turning up into a painful smile. “sai? Sai!” Mettaton exclaimed. He dropped Asriel and fell to his knees. He reached out for Sai’s arm willingly—

“N-No!” Alphys cried! “D-Don’t touch her.”

Mettaton immediately snatched his hand away. Sai made a pitiful noise, one that shattered Mettaton’s heart.

“i’m so sorry, Sai,” he muttered, “i’m sorry.”

Sai keened. “ _Welcome to my special hell_ ,” she whispered, shrinking away from Mettaton.

“I-I’m surprised she remembered you,” Alphys murmured. “They don’t usually remember.”

Mettaton snapped his head up. “…What did you do to her, alphys? _What did you do?!_ ”

“I…” Alphys trailed. “I tried to help.”

\-------------

Mettaton held Asriel as they watched the Amalgamates return to their families. They watched people rejoice in being reunited. Haildrake found her son and her husband quickly, joyful noises escaping her beak. The dogs met with the rest of their pack. Sai—and the Moldbygg and Aaron fused with her—found their families and friends again. Though the creatures weren’t quite themselves, not quite _right_ , everyone seemed happy. Mettaton smiled as Sai hummed with her sister again.

“You did a good thing,” Mettaton said, leaning his head beside the flower in his hands. Asirel hummed, but he didn’t sound happy. Mettaton’s smile fell. “something the matter?”

“…I…” Asriel hesitated, “I’m not sure.”

“Everyone’s happy. everyone’s healthy and safe. What’s to be upset about?” he asked.

Asriel sighed. “You’re right, this is nice, but…”

“but what?”

“…I’m not feeling anything.” Asriel admitted. “I should be happy, watching this. But I’m just… numb.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mettaton offered, a chill settling into his heart. Maybe that was Sans. Asriel hesitated.

“Maybe I just… didn’t do it right?” he muttered, almost to himself. Before Mettaton could say anything, Asriel twisted to look at him. “Put me back in the ground.” Mettaton did as Asriel asked, quickly and efficiently replanting the flower back into the dirt. Asriel said a quick thanks and prepared to go underground.

“wait,” Mettaton said. Asriel looked up at him. “If you ever need anything, i’m here, yeah?” Sans stiffened.

[that might have been too far.]

But Asriel seemed unfazed. He just smiled up and said, “Thanks for the offer,” and vanished. Mettaton stared at the spot he had disappeared until the reset came, unsettled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are just fine. Promise.
> 
> (Shout out to Garrett, he wrote Mettaton's 'complaining about anime' rant. I love it and it's my favorite.)
> 
> Also! Garrett has taken it upon himself to make up playlists for this fic, one centered on Sans and one centered on Mettaton. I'm helping out slightly, and we're still compiling songs. But it's happening I promise.
> 
> Speaking of things I promised: does anyone remember when I promised a huge early chapter mega-dump when Garrett got around to editing the early stuff? I said it was going to happen almost a year ago ( _this fic is almost a year old what the fuck_ ) and it's just about here! I'll let you know when it's a thing.
> 
> See you Monday!


	54. [mistake} or, Look Me In The Eyes And Tell Me He Didn't Have This Coming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans does a very kind and not problematic thing. No bad consequences ensue.

**(51)**

This time, as he watched the amalgamates rejoin their families, Asriel looked frustrated. He glared at nothing in particular, petals crossed.

“are you okay?” Mettaton asked. Asriel rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Really? because you seem pretty angry.”

“Angry? Why would I be angry?” Asriel snapped, whirling his head around. “I’m not angry! I’m _bursting with joy!_ ” Asriel grinned and tried to laugh, though Mettaton could tell it was empty. “I did a good thing! I’ve been _doing_ good things! I’m happy!”

Asriel fell silent, baring his teeth in a smile. Mettaton looked at him in disbelief. “…You can talk to me, you know?”

“Yes! I know! You keep _saying_ that!” Asriel exclaimed. “Over and over and _over_ again. Nothing’s changing. Nothing’s working. You told me it would be good to help people but it’s not _working!_ ”

Mettaton blinked, taken aback at Asriel’s sudden outburst. The flower breathed in strained hisses, dragging the air across his bared teeth. Mettaton opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. Asriel scrunched his eyes shut and shook his head.

“Just put me back in the ground,” he said, bitterly. “I’m going to try something else.”

\------------

**(52)**

Asriel didn’t show up to Alphys’ door this time. In fact, he vanished again. They lived for three months, waiting to see what Asriel’s ‘something else’ is.

\-------------

**(57)**

They didn’t find out for nearly another two years. Mettaton had long since given up looking for Asriel when Undyne came strutting into his apartment with a big grin on her face.

“Good news, buddy,” she said, leaning against the counter top.

“you learned how to pick locks?” Mettaton joked. “Because i _know_ I locked my front door.”

“Your door was locked?” Undyne looked back at the front door. She was silent for a moment, then whipped her head back around. “Well—” she clapped her hands together “—it’s not like you can’t afford to fix it.”

Mettaton stifled a sigh. “why did you break my door down?”

“I didn’t know it was locked—”

“What do you need?”

“Oh, oh!” Undyne broke out into a huge grin. “Well, I have a new candidate for the royal guard.”

“You do?” Mettaton asked, raising an eyebrow. This was certainly new. Asriel must have done something. Belatedly, he realized how sad and paranoid that sounded. _Something’s different, Asriel is behind it_.

[it's not paranoia if it’s true.]

“Yeah,” Undyne said. Sans sighed and slipped into control. This was his business. “I’ve only been working with him for, like, a month, but I really think he’s Guard material. He’s really strong and smart. Just a tiny little thing, but it’s a rare day when I can hit him.” Undyne had this huge grin across her face, hands flailing as she spoke. “He’s got the heart for it and I’m thinking he could be, like, some sort of _special agent_. Like, who the fuck suspects a flower? He could be the best secret agent ever!”

“covert operations, huh?” Sans asked, heart sinking. _A flower_. He faked a grin, keeping up the cheerful attitude he really didn’t have. “Sounds great.”

“Uh huh!” Undyne nodded her head enthusiastically. “I want him Judged.”

“give me a time and day, I’ll be there,” Sans said.

\-------------

Sans really _did_ _not_ want to go out there. He was content to stay hidden behind this golden pillar. Asriel sat in the middle of the hall, waiting. Sans could hear him gently toss attack pellets against the ground. He hit the ground in rhythms, pounding out little ditties. Somehow, he’d managed to find a way to create pitches, and was currently playing a shoddy rendition of the first _Mew Mew Kissy Cutie_ opening theme.

[nerd.]

{Don’t you think he’s waited long enough?}

{He’s gotten pretty good at that song.}

[nah. i wanna see if he figures out the little piano riff.]

{ _Sans._ }

[fine, fine.]

Sans teleported to just behind Asriel, somehow managing to keep his landing silent despite being made of metal. He watched as Asriel summoned pellet after pellet, each a different size, and sent it spinning into the ground. As the musical phrase drew to a close, Sans coughed.

“Hello there, little _bud_ ,” he said. Asriel whipped around, obviously surprised to see them here. “whatcha doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing!” Asriel said.

“I’m here to judge someone, and—” Sans glanced around the hall “—you seem to be the only one here.” He tilted his head, as if he was looking at the small prince for the first time. “Undyne did say you were a small thing…”

“ _You’re_ my trial?” Asriel asked, dumbfounded. Sans chuckled.

“i suppose you could call me that…” he trailed off. He pulled on his magic, the yellow film sliding over his vision.

AT………

DF………

HP………

……………

[nothing?]

{Huh?}

AT………

DF………  
HP………

……………

[there’s nothing.]

[nothing.]

[no stats, no bio.]

[not even a _name_.]

[there's nothing for me to read.]

Sans knelt down, as if peering closer would reveal some sort of hidden trick. He pushed his head as close to Asriel as he dared, scanning the little flower up and down. Asriel recoiled from him, leaning back and scowling.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked.

“…Your soul…” Sans murmured, checking and rechecking only to continue to find nothing.

“Is something wrong with it?” Asriel asked, suddenly panicked. Sans met his wide, fearful eyes.

“are you doing something to hide it from me?” Sans asked. “That's pretty impressive if you are, but i'm going to have to ask you to stop it.”

“I'm not doing anything!” Asriel said.

“Don't lie to me kid.”

“I'm not! I'm not lying or doing anything!”

“ _kid,”_ Sans warned, still not finding Asriel’s SOUL. “Unless you mean to tell me you're soulless, which is impossible, you should start telling me the truth.”

“ _I_ _am telling the truth_!” Asriel slammed a set of pellets into the ground. Sans lurched back as they hit the floor with a _thud_. Asriel glared at him in anger and desperation, almost as if he was on the edge of a tantrum. Sans stared back from his place on the floor. For a moment, both parties simply stared at one another, both hoping for an explanation.

“I have a soul. I can’t just _not_ have one,” Asriel said. “That’s impossible.”

“you’re telling me.”

Asriel’s brows furrowed, his petals stuck out straight in the air. Sans watched, waiting for the boy’s next move.

“I’ll be back,” Asriel said. Sans opened his mouth to say something but Asriel drove a pellet into his stem in what looked like a _very_ practiced movement.

\-------------

**(60)**

“Sans, I know you’re here!” Asriel called. Sans started, and stepped out from behind a pillar.

“well, that’s an interesting thing to say,” Sans remarked, head tilted. “How—”

“I can time travel and you two told me all about yourselves and your alternate universe a long time ago,” Asriel said, looking Sans dead in the eyes. Sans cocked an eyebrow.

“cutting straight to the point, are we? That’s a bit of news, kid.”

“How else would I know? We’ve never met in this timeline.” Asriel flexed his petals. “You need to listen to me.”

“i’m certainly listening, don’t get me wrong.” Sans sat down in front of the flower. “You’ve got my attention.”

“Can something live without a SOUL?” Asriel asked insistently.

“…no, that shouldn’t be possible.”

“I am. I’m alive without a SOUL.”

Sans sent another Check in Asriel’s direction, once again finding nothing. “That would explain why—”

“You can’t read anything, yes!” Asriel crossed his petals. “We’ve been over this. _Last time_. This is my third judgement, and you didn’t believe me last time.”

“can you blame me? I’m still trying to figure out how you found out about me and Mettaton,” Sans lied.

“I told you, _time travel!_ ” Asriel screeched. “You told me, directly.”

“uh huh,” Sans said. “Okay. why don’t you do me a favor? Turn around and tell undyne this story.”

“Why?”

“So she understands why i rejected her prodigy spy-flower.” Sans stood. “Sorry kid. the guard isn’t for you. Hope you find something else to do.”

“No!” Asriel threw pellets into the ground. “You said that last reset. Listen to me, I don’t have a SOUL and I can’t figure out how or why. I’m freaking out here, Sans. We… We used to be friends: You, Mettaton, and I. Help me, please.”

“i’m not someone who can help you, son. There are some good doctors out there—”

“I don’t need a doctor, I’m not lying or crazy, I just need _you two_!” Asriel looked at Sans with nothing but desperation in his eyes. Sans eyed the Prince, weighing his options.

{We need to tell him.}

{He needs to know we remember.}

[no.]

{Sans!}

[i said no.]

{Look at him! He’s losing it!}

[what is it about the word ‘no’ that you don’t understand.]

“look, son,” Sans said, “I understand why you think we might be able to help. but here’s the thing: we can’t. We have no clue how we ended up like this, but what happened to us really _did_. you need professional help, okay?”

“But… But…” Asriel’s petals drooped. “You can’t see anything when you look at my SOUL, right? Because I don’t have one! You have to believe me,” Asriel pleaded.

{Sans, please.}

“…Go home kid. find a good doctor.”

And with that, Sans left. In the second before he teleported out of the judgement hall, he heard Asriel scream in frustration.

\------------

**(61)**

“…go home kid. Find a good doctor.”

Sans turned his back on the prince for a third time. Asriel refused to get the message. He just kept trying. He heard the flower growl behind him as he readied his magic for a teleport. He raised his foot to jump—

_Plink_.

Something struck him in the back. Sans started, the magic dissipating in his shock.

_Plink plink plink plinkplinkplinkplink._

Sans spun, eye blazing. Asriel glared at him, another set of pellets ready to fire that him.

“No,” Asriel said, “You’re going to listen to me. I’m not going to re-live the same month just to talk to you about this _again_.”

“put the magic down, kid,” Sans warned.

“Or what? You’ll attack me?” Asriel asked. “Fine. Go ahead. I’ll fight back, I’ve been training with Undyne for a few years.” Sans’ thoughts ground to a halt. Asriel had been… _training_? “Just hear me out, okay? You two relived seven years of your lives, don’t make me go through the same month for the _fifth time_. Just _listen_ to me.”

“Listen to _me_ , alright? you are _not_ my problem,” Sans said, each syllable punctuated harshly. “I can’t help you. whatever’s happening to you, whatever your problem is, you gotta figure out. In the meantime, you’re not getting into the guard, you’re not going to change my mind, and you’re not going to do anything. You _can’t_ do anything.” Sans stopped, fans whirring audibly. “You can’t do anything,” he repeated a bit softer, “you’re just a dumb little flower. Harmless.”

Asriel looked stricken by Sans’ words, petals drooping. “Sans…”

{Holy shit, Sans.}

“Sans, please…” Asriel swallowed. “You… You don’t understand! I don’t… I want to help people! Like you told me to! I’ve been trying, over and over again. You told me to do good and I’d feel good but I… It’s not working. I don’t… I can’t… I can’t _feel_ anything, Sans. I’m just… empty, okay? _I’m empty!_ ” Asriel shouted. “I’m _empty_ and I can’t help people by being _nice_ so I’m trying to help people by joining the guard, but I can’t do that if you won't _let_ me! What am I supposed to do, Sans? Tell me! I’m a SOULless, empty _flower_ and you won’t let me do the _one thing_ I think I can help with. What am I supposed to _do?_ ” Asriel bit back what was surely another biting remark and took a deep breath. “…Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” he said quietly. Sans paused, thoughts racing through his head.

“…i’m not your therapist. I can’t help you. Just… leave.” Sans waited for Asriel to disappear or to reset, but Asriel was frozen still. The flower just sat there, staring back at them.

“I can’t believe you,” Asriel said. “I… I _don’t_ believe you. This isn’t who you are, Sans.”

“you don’t know me.”

“We… We were friends.”

“I don’t know what you think, but we were _never_ friends,” Sans said, meaning every word. Asriel looked back at them, wide-eyed. His mouth worked, but no words came out.

{What the fuck Sans?}

{What the absolute _fuck_?}

{Let me talk to him, you shitstain.}

{How could you say something like that, you asshole!?}

Sans blocked out the rest of Mettaton’s ranting. He turned around, took a step, and landed in his apartment. It was there, standing in the empty kitchen, that the weight of what he’d done finally hit him. The image of Asriel’s pleading face stuck in his head as Sans replayed what he’d said over in his mind.

[holy fuck.]

Sans teleported back into the judgement hall, but it was too late. Asriel was gone. In his place was a divot in the floor. A few magic pellets shimmered out of existence at the bottom of the dent.

[what did i do?]

\-------------

To say they went looking for Asriel would be an understatement. To say they nearly tore up half of the underground looking for him would be closer to the truth. Sans had called up Undyne in a panic, begging to have her help look for the flower prince.

“undyne, please, I really messed up. we have to find him before he… before he hurts someone.”

“Flowey would never—” Undyne started, but Sans cut her off.

“ _Undyne_.”

“Fine, okay. I’ll get the guard on it.”

Sans ended up being part of the group searching Snowdin, and he tore through the forest. He needed to find Asriel, needed to apologize. He needed to explain himself before Asriel did something stupid.

He needed to tell Asriel that he and Mettaton remembered.

Mettaton ran through the trees, kicking up thick clouds snow in his wake. He did all the actual movement while Sans turned what they were going to say over in his head. He had to get it right. If Asriel really had been the resetter from the other timeline, if he had really hurt and killed so many people so many times, then Sans needed to stop it. Stop it before it began.

{Sans!} Mettaton skidded to a stop.

{Did you hear that?}

Sans snapped to attention, listening intently. At first, there was silence. Then—

“ _Fuck them!_ ” someone shouted, followed by the sound of a heavy _thud_. Mettaton took off in the direction of the sound. The yelling got louder, and Sans could tell it was definitely Asriel.

“ _I don’t need them!_ _What do_ they _know anyway? FUCK!_ ” There was another crash and Mettaton found it in him to run just a little faster. Asriel continued to scream obscenities, and there were more heavy thuds. They kept moving, following the noise. Then, just as Asriel’s screaming reached its zenith, it stopped. For a second, there was nothing but the sound of Mettaton’s footsteps, then—

“ _Who the fuck are you?!_ ” Asriel exclaimed. Fear washed over the both of them as they ran. They had to be getting close, because they could almost hear the other person’s reply.  As Mettaton cleared a set of trees, he could see a felled log in just ahead of them. “Well _get the hell out of here!_ ” Asriel hissed, and Mettaton finally spotted the little flower on the other side of the log.

Asriel stood in the center of a clearing that was only a clearing because multiple trees had been knocked over around him. The little flower looked as if he was ready to burst from anger, glaring off to the right at—

Oh god.

_Jerry_.

Mettaton stopped, and crouched behind the log closest to him. If Jerry spotted him… Mettaton didn’t want to consider that hell. The little _beast_ waddled out into the clearing without a care in the world.

“You’re in my way, bro,” Jerry said, moving straight for Asriel.

“ _Find another way around, jerk!_ ” Asriel exclaimed.

“Nope, don’t think so.” Jerry kept walking, eyes trained on the phone in his hands. Asriel held his ground, glaring at the the ugly, potato-like creature. Asriel glared, as if the sheer force of his gaze would vaporize the incoming monster. Jerry didn’t even notice when he was all the way up to Asriel, and just kept moving. It was too late for Asriel to move, and Jerry—without a second thought—stepped on the yellow flower.

Mettaton’s jaw dropped. Asriel let out a muffled scream from beneath Jerry’s foot, but Jerry just kept on trucking. He stepped off Asriel’s face, and the prince sprung straight up.

“ _Are you fucking kidding me!?_ ” Asriel screeched. “ _You just STEPPED on me!_ ”

“Sorry, not sorry, bro,” Jerry remarked. “Watch where you’re growing next time.”

“ _Watch where I’m GROWING?_ ” Asriel shrieked in disbelief. Sans almost didn’t notice the little pellets that snapped into existence around Asriel’s head. “ _You asshole!_ ” Asriel let his attack fly, multiple rounds firing off quickly at Jerry’s back.

In an instant, Jerry was gone. Nothing but loose dust that was quickly mixing with the snow.

Mettaton gaped at the spot Jerry had just been. He looked back a Asriel to find the same expression of shock on the flower. Just as Mettaton went to stand up, Asriel’s expression shifted. It turned thoughtful, brows furrowing. Then Asriel _smiled_. Fear pierced Sans as Asriel let out a little laugh, just a quiet little huff. “Huh,” Asriel said, before giggling. The flower looked at the rapidly dispersing pile of dust and grinned.

[holy fuck.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back!!!!
> 
> I have to say, two weeks off made a huge difference. I feel a lot better about my writing now. Thanks for understanding everyone! I'm excited about launching to the next phase of the story.
> 
> See you Monday.


	55. [consequences} or, Every YA Novel Since The Hunger Games: Undyne Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, folks, to the Undyne administration.

**(62)**

The reset came quickly, and Mettaton found himself back on Alphys’ couch, still shell-shocked. Feeling as if he was in a dream, Mettaton stood from the couch.

“M-Metta?” Alphys asked.

“I gotta go,” Mettaton mumbled, before teleporting. He found himself deep in Snowdin forest, back where he had just been in the last reset. The trees still stood, no pile of Jerry dust blanketed the snow. It was peaceful; there was nothing here that reflected what had just happened a month in the future a few minutes ago.

Boy, that was a sentence Mettaton had never thought he’d say.

A gentle wind kicked up a burst of loose snow, and it swirled in front of Mettaton’s eyes. It was almost pretty.

{What did you do, Sans?}

\------------

**(68)**

Jerry died six more times. Mettaton watched from behind a building as Jerry was lost to the snow again.

{You know, I’m more upset about that fact that Asriel is killing people than Jerry dying.}

[…]

[i mean i can’t help but agree?]

[maybe if it’s just jerry, this will be okay.]

\------------

**(76...?)**

It wasn’t just Jerry.

It wasn’t _just_ Jerry.

Oh _god,_ it wasn’t just Jerry.

“You just sat there and _watched_?” Undyne shrieked. Sans nodded. “You watched someone kill _five people_ and you did _nothing?!_ ”

“That does sound worse when you say it out loud.”

“ _Why didn’t you do anything??_ ”

“…i’m hoping he’ll _grow_ out of it.”

“ _What do you mean grow ou—_ ”

\-----------

**(83… or is it 84?)**

Undyne called Sans in a panic, demanding he get down to the castle immediately. When he got there, Undyne had blocked off the throne room and had posted guards all around. She was the only one standing in the field of yellow flowers when Sans arrived.

“What’s wrong?” Sans asked, with the sinking feeling that he knew _exactly_ what was wrong. Undyne, her eye shining with barely-contained tears, pointed to the ground at her feet.

The crown was still intact, but that was the only thing left of the King besides his dust.

{Asriel…}

{What did you do?}

“What do we do?” Undyne breathed.

“who knows about this?”

“Just the two of us,” Undyne said. She refused to look at the ground, eyes glued to the wall above Sans’ head. Sans could see she was trying her best not to look upset, but her crossed arms were less of a stance and more of her attempt to hold herself.

“I’m sorry,” he said, quietly. Undyne glared at him, jaw clenched. “i know he was… almost like your father.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I’m fine. We have a problem to deal with.”

“any ideas?”

Undyne sighed. “No, not yet. But we’re going to have to stand together from now on. You and I.”

“Of course.”

\-----------

**(84 or 85)**

Undyne was Queen of the Underground for all of three days before the reset came. For a moment, Mettaton and Sans were both glad. Watching the entire Underground scream and mourn for Asgore had hurt.

So when Asriel did it again, and let Undyne rule for _four_ _months_ , it was even worse.

It was like the entirety of Monster-kind couldn’t get over it. For days, all you could hear when you walked the streets of the city was a continuous stream of sorrowful, heartbroken wailing. Hundreds upon hundreds of ghosts were born in the first two weeks alone. Someone made a monument to the fallen king and stuck it in the center of the city. Mettaton hosted a tribute to Asgore on live television.

But the worst part was the anger.

Queen Undyne swore vengeance, promising the entire population that she would hunt down the disgusting creature that ended their King’s life. At first, everyone was content to cheer the guardsmen on as they investigated. Volunteers pitched in, offering their services where they could. Undyne even created a special post, The Grand Inquisitor, to be in charge of the hunt.

“It only makes sense,” she had said, “that someone already used to judging others would run the show!” She grinned down at Sans from her throne, hope and excitement shining in her one good eye.

“Yes, my lady.”

\-------------

The longer it went on, however, and no answers arose,the jumpier people became. People began to stop Sans in the street, demanding to know when justice would be served. Witch hunts began springing up all across the Underground—poor, defenseless monsters would be accused and hunted down. Sans lost count of how many piles of innocent dust he’d had to clean up. Every time Sans had to tell people that the latest ‘traitor’ had been innocent, it just got worse.

People spat at him as he walked by, hurled insults, and jeered. Hardly a day went by at MTS studios without some form of vandalism. Nobody wanted to stay on staff. Not that Mettaton ever had time to film anymore, between searching for Asriel and cleaning up the collateral damage. But every shattered window and graffiti mark broke Mettaton’s heart. Eventually, he stopped going to the studio altogether. Instead, he spent his days at Grillby’s.

That is, until people figured out that the bartender and his family really _did_ support The Grand Inquisitor, even after months of failure. Grillby tried to tell him that it was alright, that he didn’t mind a few shattered windows and the occasional beating. He could handle himself. But when Mettasans walked into the bar to find his old friend half-doused in snow and the floor soaked in destroyed booze, he knew it was over. He silently helped Grillby back into his house, cleaned the place up as best he could, and left. They cut off all communication with Papyrus; neither of them wanted to risk it. Ember and Tav too. The girls stayed on campus now, hiding Tav in Ember’s dorm.

But the worst thing, the _absolute_ _worst thing_ , was Sans’ weekly reports. Every Thursday, he stood in front of Undyne and just said the same things, over and over again:

“No, i’m sorry. There’s no new leads.”

And

“your majesty, there were three lynchings this _week_.”

And

“Please, undyne, you need to stop riling up the people.”

And

“ _stop promising justice I can’t deliver!_ ”

And

“I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have yelled. Forgive me.”

And, sometimes,

“alphys misses you.”

That last one pissed Undyne off more than anything. Sans only said it when he was at his wit’s end.

He said it nearly every week.

\------------

The people just kept getting worse. Sans stopped showing his face in public; it was far too dangerous. He’d moved out of their apartment and now spent his days locked away in Undyne’s palace. They each carved out their portions of the building: Undyne had the throne room and King’s quarters. Sans had the Judgement hall and the surrounding area. They barely talked anymore.

But Undyne kept summoning him for his weekly reports.

“Well, no civilians were lynched this week,” Sans began. Undyne stopped pacing and grinned.

“That’s grea—”

“they killed a guardsman, though.”

Undyne reeled back, shocked. “What?”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that 01 stopped coming to work.”

“I… I’ve been busy.”

“doing _what?_ ”

“Things.”

“Undyne, tha—”

“I’ve been doing very important things, alright!”

“i’m sure you have, but—”

“No buts. Anything else to report?”

“…No.”

“Dismissed.” Undyne flicked her hand at him. Sans bowed stiffly, biting down a sigh, and left the throne room. He found his way back to the judgment hall, where he sat against a pillar. From there, he could look out a window and over the city.

01’s helmet dangled off the top of the Asgore statue, swaying gently in the wind.

\-----------

Things exploded a couple of days after the four month anniversary of Asgore’s death. Sans found himself standing in Undyne’s throne room, alone. From there, he couldn’t hear the protests or any of the screaming audible from his normal place in the judgment hall.

“It’s not Thursday, Metta. What are you doing here?” Undyne asked.

“What do you mean, ‘what am i doing here?’”

“What’s happened?”

Sans’ brows furrow. “Have you not looked outside? recently? In the last few days?”

“I’ve been—”

“busy. Yeah, sure.”

Undyne sneered at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, undyne. I’m the only one left and the people are breaking down the castle gates.”

“…‘the only one left?’”

“yes, _the only one left_. All of the other guards are either dead or part of the riot.”

“Riot?”

“the riot that’s been going on for _three days now_. You really don’t know? have you even left this goddamned throne room at _all?_ ”

Undyne snarled, clenching the arms of her throne. “There’s been a riot going on for three days and you didn’t _stop it?_ ”

“I tried, undyne. But it was me against the _entire fucking city._ and now it’s just a matter of time before they knock down our doors and—” Sans made a flailing motion with his hand. He didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“They wouldn’t dare. I’m their _Queen_!”

“Not anymore, you’re not. it’s over, Undyne. we’re finished.”

“I-I don’t believe it.”

“You don’t _believe_ it? what is there to ‘believe?’ What proof do you need? do you want me to drag you to a window so you can see it?” Sans glared at her. She opened her mouth to speak, but shut it harshly.

“So what do we do?” Undyne asked through clenched teeth. Sans shrugged.

“I swore to defend the crown a long time ago. i have to fight. What you do is up to you.”

“Well, if you were in my position, what would you do?” Undyne asked. Sans hesitated, then let out a breath.

"well, if I were you, i would have thrown in the towel by now."

“ _What_?”

“Surrender, let them do what they want.”

“They’ll kill me.”

“and?” Sans shrugged. “It’s not like we have much to live for. everyone else is dead.”

Undyne inhaled sharply. Sans doesn’t move his gaze. They both remember the Flame family funeral. They both remember the rushed ceremony for Tav not two weeks later. They hadn’t even managed one for Alphys.

“It’s just us,” Sans said, “and i wouldn’t fight.”

Undyne dropped her head, and Sans thought he’d won. That she was finally listening to him after all this time.

“This is your fault,” she muttered.

“My fault?”

“Yes,” she snapped, head coming up sharply. “If you had just found Asgore’s killer—”

“i’m sorry, I’m not the one who kept promising things i couldn’t deliver.”

“You should have done your job—”

“I _tried_ , but you kept whipping everyone up—”

Undyne snarled. “I wanted _justice_ —”

“so did I but you kept making it harder—”

“You never tried!”

“ _I tried!_ ” Sans yelled.

“Bullshit.”

“oh, at least _I_ didn’t lock myself away for four months to ‘grieve.’”

“I was _busy!_ ”

“ _doing what?_ What were you doing, undyne? You’ve _never_ told me!”

“It doesn’t matter now!” Undyne bellowed. “You fucked up and it’s all over and it _doesn’t matter now_.”

“don’t you _dare_ blame me,” Sans snapped. “I worked my ass off for _four months_. i was looking for Asriel for the _entire time_.”

“Wait—”

“i couldn’t find him! I have no idea where he is and i can’t find him to apologize.”

“You knew who did it?” Undyne asked, her voice hollow. Sans started. He hadn’t noticed what he had let slip.

“…so what if I did? it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t find him.”

“You _knew!_ ” Undyne shrieked. “You _knew_ and you _didn’t say anything!_ ”

“ _you_ _wouldn’t have believed me!_ ” Sans said. “No one would have.”

“This _is_ your fault.”

“ _i know it’s my fault!_ ” Sans yelled. “I _know_ i fucked up. If i had never said those things, if I had stepped in, if i had told him the truth, _none of this would have happened_!”

“…What are you talking about?” Undyne asked. Sans shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. i’m going to go face the hoard.”

Sans spun on one heel and marched out of the throne room. He couldn’t help the guilt that weighed on him, despite telling himself that soon, Asriel would reset.

What the hell kind of world would that be, though?

\------------

When the first protesters reached the judgment hall, Sans had to stifle his gasp. Asriel, seated comfortably on the back of a Vegetoid, led the charge. When he saw Sans standing in the golden hall, he raised a single leaf and the hoard stopped.

“This is interesting, isn’t it?” Asriel drawled. “Who knew _this_ is how it would all turn out.”

“I’m sorry, do i know you?” Sans asked. Asriel laughed.

“No, I suppose _you_ don’t,” Asriel said, shaking his head. “If only you knew.”

“Knew what?”

Asriel laughed again, a cold sound that echoed through the hall. The people behind him shifted, chomping at the bit. “It really doesn’t matter. You wouldn’t remember.” Sans clenched his jaw, drawing up what magic he had. He had nothing left in this timeline. He would go down fighting. He could feel Mettaton steel himself as well.

{Sans?}

{Do you know what it feels like to die?}

[yes.]

{…Does it hurt?}

[no.]

{Thank God.}

“Are you really going to stand against us?” someone yelled from the crowd.

“i swore to defend the throne.”

“The throne is _bullshit_!” someone else yelled, drawing cheers from the others. Asriel smiled, contentedly.

“We both know how this ends, don’t we? You lose, Undyne falls, and I win. I don’t even really need to stick around and see it,” he remarked. “These people,” Asriel motioned to the crowd behind him, “want to see you fall so badly. It’s a foregone conclusion.”

Sans wanted to ask Asriel if the people knew _he_ killed their king. But that would raise too many questions. So he bit down on the words and readied himself.

“How cruel would it be of me to not let them have it,” Asriel said flippantly. The dog pacing the ground next to him looked up at Asriel in confusion just as the flower severed his own stem.

\------------

**(90. Probably.)**

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if something… happened to Asgore?” Tav asked one day. They were standing in their apartment kitchen, making dinner for that evening. Mettaton nearly dropped the knife in his hands.

“Why? you planning something?” he teased, not looking up at her. He kept his eyes glued to the countertop.

“No! No, of course not!” Tav said, quickly. “It’s just… according to my textbook, we’ve never had a king rule without an heir for this long before.”

“…Are you sure that's all it is?” Mettaton forced himself to resume his work. He tried to focus on the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board.

“Of course. It's just a thought experiment.” Tav pauses. “So what do you think would happen?”

Mettaton hummed, carefully slicing the onion on the counter. The knife shook as he cut. “I have no idea. can you turn the oven on, dear?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not plan for this chapter to come out after the American election.
> 
> It hits a little close to home.
> 
> Stay strong. I don't know about all of you, but I have decided to fight. Keep my head up, keep on doing my thing and not give in. I've been coming out to more people since the election as my own way to fight. I will not be silenced. So, to put it out on the internet forever:
> 
> I am aromantic, asexual and have a queerplatonic attraction to women/feminine individuals. I am also non-binary and use Ze/Zir/Zim pronouns. I will not shy away from who I am because some bigot is now in charge. Stand together. Stand strong. Even if you don't believe in LGBT rights, gender/racial equality or support any minority groups, you have something to fight for. Protect the media and your right to free speech. Protect the democratic process.
> 
> But mostly, stay happy. Do not let this destroy you. The greatest victory you can score against the people who will soon be in charge of America is to stay true to yourself and stay happy. Fight for your rights with a smile.
> 
> If we all work for it, we will live. We will prosper. We will thrive.
> 
> See You Monday


	56. [repercussions} or, We're Finally Approaching Terminal Velocity, Folks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans does the one thing he should have done from the start but WHOOPS.

**(115… ish.)**

Something was off.

Mettaton woke up on the couch after only five hours of the previous reset. It was getting to the point that he hardly paid any attention to the _actual_ lengths of each run, but five hours was strange. Five hours was far too short to be normal.

\-----------------

**(130, give or take a few.)**

This was getting ridiculous. Five hours. That's all Asriel was letting it go for. Five hours, give or take a few minutes. Five hours was barely enough time to go kill Jerry, let alone do anything of value. What the hell was Asriel doing that only lasted _five hours?_

When Undyne said her goodbyes and left the lab, Mettaton made his excuses and followed. Not following _Undyne_ particularly, but just wandering through the Underground. The curiosity was killing him.

He walked the city streets, trying to think up what Asriel could possibly doing. They hadn't seen him around since the Queen Undyne Reset, but that was usual. He did something, then disappeared to plan for a while.

The clock had ticked down to four remaining hours when Mettaton left the city. He slowly meandered through the less populated parts of Hotland and into Waterfall. He walked right on past the Riverperson and their boat—Sans wanted nothing to do with that, and Mettaton couldn't help but agree.

{Maybe he's trying some sort of time-based puzzle and can't get it right.}

[what puzzle operates on a five hour loop?]

{I don't hear you contributing ideas.}

[…]

[maybe he keeps missing something at that five hour mark.]

[maybe a show or something.]

[i don't know.]

[does it matter?] Sans sounded tired, sad—listless, even.

{Yes, Sans. It does matter.}

[really though?]

{Really.}

{I would thi—}

The sound of something crashing to the ground caught Mettaton’s attention. He snapped his head to the right in the direction it came from.

{I think I found him.}

[great.] Sans didn’t sound enthused.

Mettaton turned and followed the path to his right. As he travelled down the cave corridor, he realized where he was. He turned a corner and there it was: Undyne’s place. Except about half of Undyne’s house was gone now, crushed underneath a large boulder. Undyne stood in the center of her yard, breathing heavily and head on a swivel. Her eye was alight as it jumped around the clearing, searching for something. There was silence, save for her breathing and the occasional crunch of rocks under her foot.

Just as Mettaton went to call out to her, the boulder on her house broke apart. It exploded outwards and threw debris everywhere. Mettaton dove behind a cave wall as Undyne threw her arms up over her head and dropped into a crouch. She was not in any armour and, for a second, Mettaton was afraid she’d been injured. But when he poked his head back out, Undyne was throwing herself, spears held high, at the spot the boulder had sat.

At the spot Asriel was now sitting.

Mettaton could feel the FIGHT universe start to close in around the two of them and froze. He didn’t want to accidentally get sucked into it. Just as the FIGHT settled and solidified, Asriel disappeared into the ground and the separate universe winked out of existence. Undyne hit the ground, driving the spear into the dirt with a frustrated cry.

“ _Damn it!_ ” she screamed.

“Missed me?” Asriel taunted, emerging from the ground behind her. Undyne didn’t turn around, didn’t give any sign she was attacking before a spear shot out of the ground and imbedded itself into Asriel’s face.

\-------------

**(Somewhere around** **140)**

Asriel was getting frustrated.

It seemed that no matter what he did, Undyne always had the upper hand. Though they didn’t watch every round, Mettaton and Sans could tell he wasn’t getting anywhere because the resets hadn’t extended past six hours or so.

But now, actually watching the two of them go at it, Asriel was starting to loose the finesse and grace he used to have. Gone was the elegant, perfect fighter and in his place was a young child getting sick and tired of losing.

“ _Just die already!_ ” Asriel screeched, throwing a barrage of pellets at Undyne. He moved before the FIGHT universe could solidify, meaning Undyne could dodge. Asriel had long since learned his lesson about getting caught in an actual FIGHT. Getting bogged down in the rules got him killed faster than anything else. It gave him an advantage, in a way. Undyne wasn’t used to fighting like this, free and able to move. She was accustomed to the rules.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t adaptable.

Despite the flower’s best efforts, Undyne kicked his ass over and over and over again. Mettaton remembered that Undyne had once claimed Asriel would never hurt a fly, and snorted at the irony.

Asriel landed a single hit, nicking Undyne’s arm with a pellet.

Undyne drove a spear through his face again.

\-------------

**(Assuming last time was 140, then it’s 141.)**

Asriel stared at Undyne’s house, waiting for the woman to emerge. Ambushing her tended to let him get a few blows in. But instead of preparing an attack, Asriel just stood there. Mettaton watched from his normal perch, just behind a cave wall.

When Undyne finally emerged, Asriel threw his petals into the air.

“You win!” he said. Undyne stopped short, blinking in confusion from her front door. “You _fucking_ win. I can’t beat you. Not yet anyway.”

“…what?” she asked.

“I’ll be back for you eventually, don’t you worry Undyne,” Asriel said. “I think I just need some more practice first.” With that, Asriel disappeared again. Undyne stood nearly frozen and wide-eyed, slowly looking around her yard.

“What the fuck?” she muttered, echoing Mettaton’s thoughts.

\-------------

**(Best guess? 173)**

They were used to Asriel vanishing for dozens of resets at a time. It was normal, meaning Mettaton and Sans just went through the drudgery of repeating the same things over and over again. So to have Asriel not do anything for at least thirty resets was not unheard of. But this time was different.

Asriel _hadn’t_ disappeared.

Instead of being gone, Asriel followed Mettaton and Sans around for _months_. Asriel never said anything, but Mettaton kept catching glances of him just watching them. He was everywhere, just in the corner of Mettaton’s vision. They could feel him watching from every corner or shadow they passed.

Mettaton had tried to approach him, but Asriel quickly vanished underground before they could talk. It was frustrating, knowing Asriel was _right there_ , but wouldn’t talk to them.

{If he’d just stick around, I’d tell him we remember.} Mettaton remarked as Asriel ducked back underground.

[good luck with that.]

\------------

**(174, final answer.)**

Mettaton was taking back to his apartment the first day of a new reset when it happened.

“Howdy there!”

Mettaton spun, breaking out into a smile when he saw Asriel standing behind them. The boy was smiling too, clutching a piece of paper and a pen in one of his leaves. Before Mettaton could speak, the flower prince said:

“Sorry for bothering you, but could I get an autograph?”

Mettaton blinked. “of course,” he said, plan forming in his head. He crossed the short distance, knelt down and took the offered pen and paper. Using his knee as a table, Mettaton quickly scrawled: _We remember, Asriel. Give us a chance to explain._ He smiled, and looked up to hand the paper back just in time to see the little attack pellets flying at his face.

Immediately, Sans took over, jumping up and away from Asriel. He managed to get himself off the ground and teleported a good few feet away. His fists clenched around Mettaton’s confession, Sans steeled himself.

[this is what he was following us for.]

Asirel sneered, his plan having failed and launched another volley of attacks. Even as Sans felt the FIGHT universe arise, he side-stepped and launched his own attack. It connected, the broad side of a bone severing Asriel’s stem.

\---------------

**(Somewhere over 200)**

{Who knew fighting for your life could get boring?}

Sans dove out of the way of an attack and fired a cannon at Asriel, knowing the flower was just going to dodge back underground. Between the two of them, they were doing an _amazing_ job of not actually getting sucked into a FIGHT.

{We’re not even fighting for our lives. He does…What? One, two damage per hit?}

Sans teleported, landing just out of range of a widespread hail of bullets. The usual crowd had gathered by this point, and it was a matter of minutes before Undyne arrived on the scene. _That_ usually ended a round.

{We’ve got more than enough HP. He could sit here and batter us and get nowhere.}

One of Asriel’s bullets slipped through a crack in Sans’ shield that he had erected to protect the bystanders. Mettaton threw out his own magic, pulling time backwards a few moments so Sans could patch up the hole without messing up his groove.

[we have been dropping, though.]

{Because he does manage to hit us occasionally.}

[no, like. in general. we’ve lost fifty points since the last time i checked.]

{Really? I didn’t notice.}

Asriel tried a tactic that had landed him more than a few blows last round. Sans sighed, knowing he was going to have to let himself get hit. It was odd, knowing he could take a few bullets—feel the searing-hot pain as they tore through his circuitry and wiring—and not die. It had been a long while since Sans could take _any_ injury.

This time, while Asriel was gloating over his ‘new’ attack, Sans pushed a bone up from the ground that split Asriel’s stem from bottom to top.

\-------------

**(210, I don’t know. Who really knows anymore. It’s probably a lot higher.)**

{Are you fucking serious?}

They had thought Asriel had given up. He hadn’t shown up just outside their apartment like usual. In fact, almost a whole day had passed. Mettaton had just declared _that_ shitshow over when a he felt the tell-tale ripping sensation of pellets tearing through the metal of his arm.

They were outside his studio now. Maybe Asriel thought he just needed more time without Undyne interrupting. Maybe he just wanted a change of venue. Whatever it was, Sans took over and whirled around to find Asriel launching another round. Sans jumped out of they way, calling up his magic.

\-------------

**(200 and some, I don’t care anymore.)**

A blaster shot hit the ground where Asriel had been, blackening the earth. The reset didn’t come, however, and Sans started searching the ground for where the flower would reappear. There was silence, everything growing still as Sans—and the bystanding crowd—waited for Asriel. It stretched on, heartbeats passing in the tense stillness.

Then came the sound of dirt shifting and the earth ripping apart. Sans dove to the right, narrowly avoiding an attack from behind that would have taken off his head. People gasped around him as he spun, ready to level off another attack. Asriel was a step ahead of him, however, as Sans was forced to teleport away from a hail of pellets.

“Goddamnit!” Asriel shrieked as the attack sailed harmlessly past Sans’ head. “Stay _still_ , would you?”

“Mmmm, no thanks,” Sans said, mentally counting the teleports he still had before Mettaton started complaining.

“Just _die_ already!” Asriel yelled.

“I’ll pass.” Sans summoned a ring of blasters that Asriel quickly dodged out of, reappearing a few feet ahead of Sans.

“Why? _Why are you doing this?_ ” Asriel asked. Sans tensed himself to dodge, but Asriel didn’t summon another round of pellets. “Why are you fighting this _hard?_ ”

“why wouldn’t I?” Sans replied, taking the moment to let Mettaton rest. Maybe if he stalled, he could get another teleport built up.

“Because I _know_ you! I know you two hate being alive just as much as I do so _why won’t you let me kill you?_ ” Asriel asked, his petals flaring up. Sans blinked, taken aback at the sudden outburst. But Asriel wasn’t done. “You _sacks of shit,_ I _know_ you want to die. You want this all to end, so _why don’t you let me end it for you_? You hate yourselves, but you _refuse to die_!” Asriel _screamed_ , a half-formed attack slamming right into the ground. “C’mon you fucking abomination, _die already!_ ”

If Sans didn’t know better, he would have said that Asriel _exploded_ into pellets. There was no place for Sans to go besides inside the attack. He backed up and teleported so that the pellets were behind him now, flying outwards. The barrier of bones around the two of them caught every bullet, each one plinking off the wall and dissolving into thin air. Sans looked down at the flower at his feet.

Asriel’s petals and leaves drooped. “God fucking damn it, I can’t even win against the self-destructive angst duo,” he muttered. “Can’t even do that right.”

Before Sans could say anything, Asriel took his own life again.

\----------

**(Fuck it. Doesn’t matter.)**

Sans took control the moment they woke up on the couch. He stood without a word and Mettaton felt him prepare to teleport.

{What are you doing?}

[putting an end to this.]

Sans took a step and landed in the throne room. He immediately fell to a crouch and pushed his face down into the flowers where he knew Asriel was. He found himself inches from the prince’s face and spoke.

“i’m getting real sick and tired of your shit, Asriel,” he said, grinning. Asriel recoiled violently, bending almost all the way back. His eyes were blown wide and he gaped at Sans.

“What—” he breathed.

“stop tryna kill us, okay? In fact, stop trying to kill anyone. thanks.” Sans leaned back to give the flower some space. Asriel blinked, jaw working for a moment. Sans waited for him to gather his thoughts, sliding his hands into his pockets. Eventually Asriel’s expression darkened into a smirk.

“I _knew_ you two remembered,” he said. Sans scoffed.

“Yeah, sure you did.”

“I did!”

“mhm,” Sans hummed. Asriel’s smirk dropped, and he glared at Sans.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you _lie_ to me?” he asked, almost spitting the words out. Sans shrugged.

“Reasons.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“that’s all you’re getting,” Sans said, and stood. He eyed the flower at his feet. Asriel glared up at him, anger and betrayal in his eyes. Sans sighed. “Look, son, i have my reasons. Mettaton has his,” he lied, “and… i was wrong to say those things in the judgement hall. You know, when—”

“You called me crazy and _refused_ to let me help everyone?” Asriel asked. “After you specifically _told_ me to help people.”

“yeah,” Sans said. “Sorry ‘bout that. i was scared, okay. I said some things i regret, and I’m sorry.”

{Wow.}

{This little murderous shit gets more of an apology than I’ve ever gotten from you.}

[shut up mettaton.]

[this might be my last chance to change this. i’m hoping he listens.]

But Asriel’s expression was already shifting. The face-splitting grin returns and the flower starts to laugh. The high-pitched cackles echo around the throne room, and it almost looks like Asriel is in tears from hysterics.

“That’s cute,” he says. “But fuck you. You should have told me you _remembered_ my resets. You should have helped me. You should have let me in the guard. But that’s all in the past now. It might not have technically happened, but it did. You and I, we remember it. All of it. You fuckers, you _knew_ I was _suffering_ and you didn’t do _shit!_ ” Asriel is almost shouting now, laughter long forgotten. “It’s too late now, your apologies mean _nothing_. I finally found something that makes me happy.”

“you can’t really be happy hurting people,” Sans said.

“Well, you’re right. Maybe ‘happy’ wasn’t the right word. I can’t _feel_ happy. But I sure can feel the adrenaline rush that comes from ripping through flesh and watching dust fall through the air. And that—” he laughs again “—is the closest I’m going to get. I’ll take it.”

“Asriel—”

“My name isn’t Asriel,” he interrupts. “Asriel was a weak fool. I’m Flowey now.”

“asriel, please.”

“My name is _Flowey!_ ” he shrieks. Sans glances around for Asgore, but the king is nowhere in sight. Flowey is shaking from his outburst, and glaring at Sans. “Fuck you, Sans. You too Mettaton. Both of you. You’re gonna pay for abandoning me.”

“As— flowey!” Mettaton breaks into control. “Can’t we talk about this?”

“I think we’ve done enough talking, don’t you think?” Flowey smirks. “See you next timeline.” With that, Flowey severs his stem with a single pellet.

\--------------

**(Fuck it plus 1)**

They wake up on the couch, like normal. Simultaneously, they think:

{That is why we should have told him at the beginning.}

[we never should have told him,]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up folks.
> 
> On another note, Garrett and I (but mostly Garrett) assembled two playlists for this monster of a fic.
> 
> [Sans](http://8tracks.com/dubstepticons/bitterness-or-one-too-cool-asshole-drowns-his-problems-in-music-side-a) has one as well as [Mettaton](http://8tracks.com/dubstepticons/desolation-or-one-too-cool-asshole-drowns-his-problems-in-music-side-b). All of these songs all come from both our brains and are definitly both related to how they deal with the upcoming shit.
> 
> And believe me.
> 
> It's gonna be some shit.
> 
> See you Monday


	57. {Fuck] or, The Chapter That Broke The Editor, But It Was His Idea So He Did This To Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: Tags Updated: Major Character Death
> 
> Blame Garrett, not me.
> 
> Disregard the fact I do all the writing and could have vetoed the idea.

**(Fuck it plus 2)**

They weren’t expecting anything when Papyrus called and invited them over to make cakes for Ember’s birthday. It’s one of the few things each reset that they look forward to, so they accepted without hesitation. On the chosen day, they arrived at Grillby’s with a load of icing in their arms.

“METTA!” Papyrus called, sticking his head out from the kitchen. “YOU’RE EARLY!” The bar was nearly empty, it being the time of day before lunch rush that business was the slowest.

“that’s not a problem, is it?” Mettaton asked.

“OF COURSE NOT! I JUST HAVEN’T FINISHED PREPARING EVERYTHING YET.”

“That’s fine. i can help.” Mettaton walked back into the kitchen, smiling. He had decided that this time, he was going to try and get that vanilla-chocolate marble cake to turn out right. It never seemed to work the way he wanted it to.

“COULD YOU GRAB THE WHISKS FROM THE SHELF?” Papyrus asked. Mettaton replied in the affirmative and made his way back toward the utensil shelves. He crouched down to grab the whisk, and as his fingers closed around them—

“Howdy there!”

Mettaton froze. Slowly, he turned his head to find Flowey, in a pot, sitting on the countertop behind him. Flowey grinned at him and waved a leaf invitingly.

“…papyrus?” Mettaton called. “Who is this?”

Papyrus looked over from where he was by the oven. “OH! THAT’S FLOWEY! HE’S MY VERY SPECIAL NEW FRIEND!”

“new friend…” Mettaton repeated.

“YEP!” Papyrus said, oblivious. “HE WANTS TO HELP US WITH THE CAKES!”

“Does he now?” Mettaton asked.

“Mhm!” Flowey said, looking directly at Mettaton. Though he was smiling, there was a coldness to his gaze.

{What is he doing here?}

[…i don’t like this.]

{Well, neither do I Sans, but that doesn’t answer my question.}

“WELL, DON’T JUST STAND THERE! GRAB THE WHISKS AND BRING FLOWEY OVER TO THE TABLE!”

Carefully, like the dirt Flowey was planted in was explosive, Mettaton lifted the pot and carried him to the counter Papyrus was using.

“i wanted to tell you,” Mettaton whispered.

“Shut up,” Flowey whispered back. Mettaton’s fans whirred, and he had to force his systems to calm down.

“NOW—” Papyrus brought over a mixing bowl and the dry ingredients. “—METTASANS, GRAB THE OIL.” Mettaton did as he was asked, and when he turned back around Flowey winked at him and motioned towards Papyrus. He glanced up to find one of Flowey’s pellets spinning in the air just behind Papyrus’ head. He stiffened, Sans surging forward to take control, but Mettaton denied him.

{Stay calm. He wants a reaction.}

That didn’t stop his hands from shaking as he placed the bottle on the table for Papyrus. Flowey smiled at him, eyes flicking back and forth from Mettaton to Papyrus.

“Well, isn’t this great!” Flowey said, “Three amigos, baking together.”

“IT IS GREAT!” Papyrus exclaimed, oblivious to the increasing number of attack pellets behind his head and neck. Mettaton watched them multiply from the corner of his eye, finding it harder and harder not to react. Not to give Flowey what he wanted.

One of the pellets lined up with the juncture between skull and neck and Mettaton broke.

“Hey, pap?” Mettaton grabbed onto Papyrus’ arm and pulled him away from the flower that was now smirking at him. “I can’t find your unsalted butter.” The pellets disappeared as Papyrus turned his head to look at the metal door of the fridge,

“IT SHOULD BE IN THE FRIDGE,” Papyrus said.

“could you go take a look for me?” Mettaton pushed Papyrus as hard as he dared in the direction of the walk-in-fridge. The skeleton strode away, leaving Mettaton alone with Flowey. He turned around, and glared at the little creature.

“What?” Flowey asked, voice dripping with false innocence.

“If you hurt him, you _will_ regret it,” Mettaton hissed leaning down to match Flowey’s eye level.

“ _If?_ ” Flowey’s grin turned downright malicious. “Whadda mean, _if?_ ”

Mettaton opened his mouth to reply, but Papyrus chose that moment to come back around the corner. “FOUND IT!” He exclaimed. “IT WAS AT THE FRONT OF THE FIRST SHELF ON THE RIGHT.”

“oh, really? You know what that fridge does to my optics,” Mettaton smiled. “fogs my vision right up.”

“STILL, IT WAS _VERY_ VISIBLE.” Papyrus unwrapped the stick and grabbed a knife. With a practiced eye, he cut how much he needed and went to go dump it into the dry mix.

“Wait!” Flowey said. “It’s easier to mix it in if you cut it up into chips first.”

“REALLY?” Papyrus looked at the stick of butter in his hand. “I-I MEAN, OF COURSE IT IS! I WAS JUST TESTING YOU.” He grinned down at the flower, and lowered the butter back onto the counter.

“I can do it, if you’d like,” Flowey offered, holding out a leaf.

“WOULD YOU?” Papyrus placed the butter knife in Flowey’s outstretched leaf. In a fraction of a second, Flowey swung it down, looking as if he had dropped it, and sliced cleanly through Papyrus’ finger. Both the knife and Papyrus’ pinky hit the countertop at the same time.

“Oops!” Flowey said, looking suitably embarrassed and concerned. Quickly, Mettaton stepped forward, still fighting Sans’ influence down, and snatched the knife from the counter.

“Pap, are you okay?” Mettaton reached for his friend’s hand but Papyrus just smiled.

“ABSOLUTELY POSIVTUTELY.” He picked up his own finger and smoothly reattached it. “THE PERKS OF BEING A SKELETON!”

Mettaton let out a breath, and once Papyrus’ back was turned to grab a new knife, he glared daggers at Flowey. The flower _giggled_ , causing one or two of Mettaton’s processors to lock up in fear.

“As long as everyone’s okay, it doesn’t matter, does it?” Flowey asked. Fighting down Sans’ bitter response, Mettaton smiled back.

“of course,” he said.

[can’t we just force him to reset?]

{No, Sans. Doing that means he wins.}

{We have to stick this out.}

[he always wins in the end.]

[he’s the one that can control time.]

{Shush.}

The rest of the afternoon proceeded in the same fashion, Flowey getting dangerously close to hurting Papyrus and Mettaton breaking at the last second and pulling the skeleton away. Once, Mettaton even reached out and swatted a pellet away from Papyrus’ neck. Flowey had smiled as Mettaton lost a single point of HP. Mettaton glanced at his stats, only to see that he was now down a total of thirteen HP, even without the hit.

At some length, the cakes were in the oven and the contained fire magic did it’s thing. Papyrus reached back in to grab them, bent over the industrial oven and his head practically inside it. Flowey coughed, and when Mettaton looked over, made a little _pushing_ motion with his leaves. Mettaton quickly stepped between Papyrus and the flower. Despite the distance between them, Mettaton was _sure_ Flowey could find some way to send Papyrus crashing into the flames.

“SEE! THEY LOOK _AMAZING_!” Papyrus exclaimed, extracting himself from the oven. In his hands, he held the first of the cakes. He smiled up at Mettaton, obviously proud of the golden-brown confection he’d made. As always, Pap’s smile absolutely _melted_ Mettaton on the spot, and he smiled back.

And then Papyrus was gone.

The cake pan fell to the floor with a crash as loose particles of dust got caught in the air. Most of it fell to the floor, scattering across the kitchen tile and even onto his shoes. Flowey _cackled_ behind them and—before Mettaton or Sans could process what had happened or do anything about it—everything went black.

\-------------

**(Holy shit)**

“ _Papyrus_!” Mettaton shot off the couch like a rocket, completely forgetting where he was before his knees hit the lab floor. Anime was playing on the tv in front of him, innocently going through the same scenes as always.

“Metta?” Alphys was suddenly at his side, one hand on his shoulder. “Metta are you okay?”

Mettaton gulped air, his internal fans moving at lightspeed. He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he realized he was shaking. Whether it was him or all his mechanical systems trying to process the complete and total change, he couldn’t tell.

“where is he? Tell me he’s safe,” Mettaton grabbed onto Alphys’ lab coat.

“I’m s-sure he is,” Alphys said. “D-Do you—”

“call him. Get him here. i… I need to see him.”

Alphys nodded, drew back just enough to look at Undyne. Mettaton could feel her gaze on his back, suspicious and guarded. But still, he heard her pull out her phone and dial.

Mettaton didn’t know how long he sat there, on Alphys’ floor. At some point, both Ember and Tav came down. It was silent. They were all watching him as he carefully held back tears and did his best not to think about it, not to replay it over and over in his mind.

Then the door opened, and Papyrus came rushing in. Mettaton didn’t quite believe it until he was holding Papyrus in his arms and Papyrus was _okay_ and _not dead_ and _didn’t even know who Flowey was_ anymore.

\----------

Later on, Mettaton spent hours cleaning his shoes. He couldn’t explain why, but he never felt like they would ever be clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I do think that was possibly the shortest chapter I've written for this thing but o-fucking-well.
> 
> See you Monday


	58. [snap}, or Mettaton Discovers The Joys Of Nihilism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nietzsche would be proud

**()**

Flowey came for Tav next. Her death was much faster. It happened in the apartment kitchen. One second she’s there and the next she’s gone. Mettaton was broken up, sobbing on the tile because Flowey didn’t reset immediately this time.

Sans, however, was unfazed.

In fact, he felt almost _at peace_ with the world staring at the pile that was once Tav. It almost felt _right_. Like how it should be. It’s not _right_ , not by a long shot. Nothing about this was right, but it didn’t feel wrong.

[familiar.]

{What?}

[that’s the word i’m looking for.]

[ _familiar_.]

\------------

**()**

Alphys went next. It was quick, just like the others. Flowey let time run, let Undyne come back to the lab and find them there. Sans watched disinterestedly as Undyne questioned Mettaton. She was angry, demanding answers from Mettaton he didn’t know how to give.

Alphys dying was less familiar and more… comforting. Alphys’ death had been a common occurrence before. To have it happen again was just another reset. Just another go around.

{How can you say that?}

\-----------

**()**

[wanna bet who’s dying this time?]

{That’s a _horrific_ thought!}

[yeah but wanna bet?]

{Holy shit, absolutely not.}

It was Tav again.

\----------

**()**

For some reason, Flowey kept alternating between Tav and Alphys. He hadn’t touched Papyrus for a while.

This reset, Flowey perched himself on Alphys’ shoulder and pretended to help her. Pretended to be her friend. Whispered things into her ear that no one else heard. When Alphys shut herself away in her lab, Flowey was the doorkeeper, letting no one in.

Flowey didn’t even have to kill Alphys directly this time. She did it for him.

\---------

**()**

[wanna bet?]

{What would we even bet _over_?}

{What would the winner get?}

[i dunno. bragging rights?]

{I’m not making this a bet.}

It was Ember, surprisingly. The girl was doused in snow outside her father’s restaurant.

\----------

**()**

{Well this is ironic.}

Flowey had decided to off Tav again, but let time run for a couple of days. Turns out, when you’re the only person around when someone dies unexpectedly and you can’t give a good explanation other than “time travelling murder flowers,” people _tend_ to draw some conclusions. Conclusions that left Mettaton under arrest while Undyne finished her investigation.

Prison wasn’t great, Sans had to admit. Not that it was really a _prison,_ per se. Monsterkind hadn’t needed a real prison for a long while. Instead, there were just a few cells in the palace basement. Down here, it was just Mettaton, Sans, and the seven coffins in the next room.

[it’s your fault we’re here.]

{Oh sure.}

[if you hadn’t tried to tell the truth—]

{What was I supposed to say?}

[shoulda made something up. you _are_ an actor, right?]

[couldn’t even summon up some tears this time around, could you?]

{I’ve cried over Tav too many times.}

{It’s odd.}

{I’ve just started assuming that she’s going to die.}

{It happens more often than Alphys.}

{It’s like a little pleasant surprise when Tav manages to live.}

{…that sounds absolutely awful, doesn’t it?}

{…}

{What’s our HP at?}

[we’re down almost a fourth of it.]

\-----------

**()**

The thing about dying in Snowdin is that it’s very hard to sift dust from the snow. Most of the time, you just have to grab a handful of powder and hope you got some of your loved one’s remains. That is, unless, you are a fire elemental. Fire elementals, when doused, become sludge. It’s very easy to see that against the pristine snow.

Hell, you can even see the green from Ember in contrast to her father’s orange tint.

Papyrus, of course, was lost to the snow. The scarf was still there, but otherwise, he was gone.

For the first time in a while, Flowey stuck around the crime scene. He looked up at Mettaton and just smiled, grinning with nothing but malice in his eyes.

“Been awhile since that idiot skeleton got what he deserves, hasn’t it?” Flowey asked. Sans sighed and waited for Mettaton to speak. He didn’t even want to look. He just curled up and found his game of pinball. Hopefully the sound effects would drown out whatever crying or yelling Mettaton was about to do. But Mettaton did neither of those things.

Mettaton smiled back at Flowey. He let out a little breathy chuckle. Sans looked up from his game.

[metta?]

The chuckle continued, growing louder and louder. Mettaton’s shoulder shook as he laughed. Sans couldn’t believe the rush of relief and joy that ran through the other being in his head. Mettaton laughed, peals of light giggles and guffaws echoing down the street.

[mettaton are you okay?]

“Of course i’m okay!” Mettaton said aloud. Flowey’s smirk had long since fallen, and now eyed the two of them suspiciously. “Why wouldn’t i be okay? Everything’s just _peachy!_ ” Mettaton gasped for breath, unable to control the waves of laughter that tore through him.

“Um…” Flowey trailed.

“no, really! I’m fantastic! i just realized that _nothing matters!_ ” Mettaton threw his hands up into the air, a gleeful grin split across his face. “Nothing matters, sans! Why be upset when literally everything is pointless?! so _what_ if people are dead? So what!? doesn’t fucking matter, does it! This little flower shit is just going to reset back in time and everyone’s alive again so why get all bent-out-of-shape? why waste the damn energy and time grieving over people that aren’t going to be dead for very long?”

[mettaton you’re scaring me.]

“It’s fine, sans. It’s _all_ great. if nothing matters, nothing can go wrong! Nothing hurts! _everything is okay_.”

People that had dove into buildings to hide when Flowey had attacked the Grillby family slowly started poking their heads out to watch and listen. Flowey himself was just sitting there, awkwardly, almost like he was trying to find something to say.

“Nothing we do matters,” Mettaton kept rambling. “i bet we could die and we’d just wake up again! Not even _that_ matters!” Mettaton gasped. “let’s test it!”

“What?” Flowey asked.

[mettaton what the fu—]

Mettaton teleported in a single step back to Hotland and promptly, with very little hutzpah or showmanship, backflipped off a cliff.

\----------

**()**

{You lied to me, Sans.}

[ w h a t  t h e  f u c k ,  m e t t a t o n ? ]

{You said dying doesn’t hurt.}

{That really fucking hurt.}

{Also it was very weird.}

[ w e  d i e d . ]

[ y o u  j u m p e d  o f f  a  c l i f f  i n t o  l a v a . ]

{Yeah but…}

{Dying feels _weird_.}

{I _died_.}

[ i  n o t i c e d . ]

{Huh.}

{Told you it didn’t matter!}

Mettaton grinned, content with himself, and settled back into the couch. Everything felt odd, Mettaton’s strange happiness acting like a blanket over Sans’ own thoughts. It was like being back when they first woke up together, their thoughts working on two different wavelengths again. Mettaton was just off in his own little headspace and Sans was left shocked. Concerned, Sans checked their stats.

They had dropped twenty HP in a single reset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops Mettaton's McFreakin lost it.
> 
> Cheer for unhealthy coping methods part 1. Yay! *Confetti*
> 
> See you Monday


End file.
